“She Smashed The Homie”
This issue has been a long standing cornerstone of the “G-Code” long before Ray J made this a contemporary phrase. There are many ways to look at this and since this is my first time connecting with you all, I’ll take my time to do so.
Men have all sorts of unspoken rules that they govern themselves by as it pertains to women. I usually hate to speak in such a general sense, but this piece may end up being just that. A majority of men pass judgment. That’s a fact. I don’t consider myself too judgmental, but I’m in the minority. The bottom line is that many men don’t challenge themselves to go against the beliefs taught to them. This brings me to the issue of a woman being sexually involved with a guy and then afterwards having a deeper interest in someone in his crew.
There’s a reason so many women proverbially say “I don’t have many girlfriends, I hang with mostly guys.” Our loyalty plays into our relationships with women. It just so happens that many women have periods of irresponsibility where they admittedly mess with people they aren’t really feeling – by the way that makes not one bit of sense to me. But further down the line, they might end up feeling another guy that coincidentally the previous dude is cool with. She may begin to catch feelings for the new dude but that new dude may not want to take it to another level because of her history.
Is this fair? I guess it depends on who you ask. It technically isn’t right, but that doesn’t matter when dealing with the majority of how men think. I think there comes a time where women have to be more cognizant of the residual effects of dealing with most men. Maybe you only want to sleep with guys who you’re genuinely feeling. If you don’t do that then you run the risk of wanting another guy in the group, but it’ll be too late. He may know you slept with his friend and now to him you’re highest potential will never be above a casual relationship. For the record, most women won’t sleep with men who slept or dated their friends, so it’s not like this “standard” is unique to men.
I have been accused on many occasions of being too liberal with my views on women. I’ve been told that I look past a lot. The truth is that I know I am a bit liberal. I studied psychology and I just believe in looking at people holistically. I believe people can change and reinvent themselves. Although everyone might be able to understand that most people aren’t willing to go against the philosophies they grew up with.
I understand that there are always exception to the rule. For instance, I think it’s a rough situation as a guy if you find out someone you’re dealing with dated someone you were cool with after the fact. Once feelings are involved it compromises everything. You as a man now have a choice to make: You’re either going to accept someone’s past or you’re not. At the end of the day, you have to be able to stand on your own ideas and beliefs.
For the women: You have to be responsible. Women have a tendency to give a harder time for the guys they really like and an easier time for guys who they don’t take as seriously. That is ass backwards to me, but who am I? Women should give attention to men who are worthy of it. Give attention to men of your standards and forget all that settling nonsense. Settling is how you end up feeling multiple people in a crew instead of figuring out which one you really like.
In the end, women get offended because they might have high hopes for a relationship and can’t understand why a guy may not feel the same. Well Biggie said it first and now I will; “if you don’t know now you know.”
For the men: If you’re digging someone and you know they dealt with someone in your crew, I say to do you. It’s not that simple to find someone that genuinely makes you feel happy. Contrary to popular belief, there isn’t huge abundance of women who will knock the socks off your feet. These ladies are out there but if you already have one, rock with her as long as she’s handling her business.
Guys seek a lot of male validation from their peers. Sometimes you have to not seek it. You won’t always make the popular decisions, but it’s your life to live and your lessons to learn. In the grand scheme of things, happiness is what is paramount. This was written for the fellas who might be toggling with this same issue with someone they’re feeling. I only aim to open some eyes, and hopefully some minds.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is the newest guest writer on the staff at SBM. His bio: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS