Nobody Cares: Men Get Rejected All The Time

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rejected woman

Women far and wide hate having to approach men. Whether it’s a fear of rejection or some trite quotation stating how “women don’t find men, men find women,” most women are content with leaving the “hunting” to the men. Every once in a while though, a woman will find herself in a predicament where she is interested enough, compelled even, to approach a man she’s interested in. She’ll gather up all of her courage, take a couple of shots, and walk on over. Small talk will ensue, smiles will be exchanged, and just when it seems like everything is going right she’ll ask for his number and find her advances rebuffed. Said woman will die from embarrassment and swear she will never make a concerted effort to approach a man again then eventually die from loneliness…

OK. That was extreme.

But after talking with women who’ve been turned down by men, they always make it seem as if being rejected is the worst thing in the world. When I politely remind them of the hundreds of men they’ve likely rejected in the previous week, I always get the same explanation. “Guys are used to being rejected, so it’s nothing to them. When a woman gets rejected, it’s a much bigger deal.” If you find yourself to be one of these women who want to go for men they want but have trouble dealing with rejection, here are 4 tips you can use to prep for potential failed attempts.

1. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DIE.

No doubt when you woke up this morning you likely walked by hundreds of men on the way to your respective destination. Every single one of those men have been rejected by a woman at some point in their dating life. As you can see, they’re still living, breathing and functioning in the world. Ladies, a man rebuffing your advances is not going to kill you. Hell, it’ll likely build some character. I’m sure you’ve gone through life and been rejected in other situations, right? Frame rejection by men in that same category. Yes, it hurts, but someone telling you “no” isn’t going to kill you.

2. APPROACHING MEN IS LIKE SEX…KINDA.

I’m shooting in the dark here, but…read more at 4 Tips About Rejection Women Can Learn From Men.

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  • http://whatyouallow.com/ Wildflower

    Wow what a coincidence.. I've been rejected before and I want to say it was because the guy had a girlfriend. I've never even approach a guy and we were friends for years but I swear that made me want him even more.
    My recent post Addicted

  • cynicaloptmst81

    Eh, LOL! Still not buying this…

    I'm very aware that this sounds all kinds of ridiculous, but I still haven't healed from the scars I gained when I approached someone at the ripe old age of 8, lol. It was embarrassing…hurt my poor feelings cause kids are cruel as HELL…and I will NEVER do that again!

    I will put myself in a man's way. I will smile at him. I may even find some excuse to say something indirect to him. But, I will NOT ask him for a daggon thing…his time, attention, interest…none of that. I'll crack the door open, yes. But, he's gonna have to walk through it himself.

    #NeverAgain LMBO!

    • hollyw

      LMBO #DEAD!

      • Smilez-920

        "I will put myself in a man's way. I will smile at him. I may even find some excuse to say something indirect to him. But, I will NOT ask him for a daggon thing…his time, attention, interest…none of that. I'll crack the door open, yes. But, he's gonna have to walk through it himself. " <—– 100%

        In a similar situation now… I tired something new and cracked/opened the door and I hate the draft feeling that comes with it. I prefer to keep it closed/unlocked until he knocks, and then I'll check through the peep whole and see if I want to let him in.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          I can endure the draft, lol. Mainly cause I know I'm not the most approachable person in the world. My aura gives off a "leave me alone…I don't need you" vibe. As a matter of fact, I was in the mall Saturday, caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I was practically scowling! LMBO! For know reason at all! I wasn't mad…I was thinking about what I was trying to find and staying on schedule but that was all, smh. I had to force my face to be pleasant. I used my friend's trick and started singing a song to myself in my head, lol.

          So yeah, having said that, I can help the brothas out by cracking the door open, lol.

        • hollyw

          Ha @ "scowling"! Guys used to come up to me aaall thee time in school to ask, "Why you so mad??" and I hated it! I soon realized that my thinking face looked a lot like an anger face. I still do it, unconsciously lol, but when I'm at a place where I want to look approachable to guys, I make it a point to keep my back straight, head up, and smile to myself lol smh…

    • Furious Styles

      "I will put myself in a man's way. I will smile at him. I may even find some excuse to say something indirect to him. But, I will NOT ask him for a daggon thing…his time, attention, interest…none of that. I'll crack the door open, yes"

      How good are those men in picking up your signals?

      • cynicaloptmst81

        I may be single cause I haven't met the man I need…but its not due to a lack of options, lol.

        So, I'd say they're picking them up fine. *shrugs*

  • WellEnuff

    Some guys are like that too, But they become socially awkward outcasts who end up paying for it, frequenting strip clubs (meaning they go 4x a week), or settling for a woman who is well out of his league but she didn't mind approaching him. Women don't have that burden.

  • paynewell

    We are most often taught that if a man wants you, he will pursue you. So why should we pursue? I'm not going to like every man i approached I was rejected and that brings me to a total of 3 guys. LOL That rejection is 10 times harder for women I think because we are doing something that is completely out of our normal nature.
    My recent post Children are our future part 2

  • Furious Styles

    "That rejection is 10 times harder for women I think because we are doing something that is completely out of our normal nature."
    Nature again. If we restricetd our behavior to what was natural, we wouldn't be writing this or using the internet or driving cars or cooking food.
    It's pros and cons for approaching and not approaching. If the current status quo (not approaching and waiting to be "found") works for a particular woman and she's getting the loving she wants, then don't fix it because it's not broke. I'd say more if not for the word limit.

    • payne well

      Okay, but at what point should we chase or not chase? Even in other articles it states if a guy wants you he will make it known. How can we know when to do it and when not to do it? I feel like there are conflicting signals in man and women interaction. (Surprise, Surprise!) lol
      My recent post Children are our future part 2

      • Furious Styles

        "Okay, but at what point should we chase or not chase? Even in other articles it states if a guy wants you he will make it known. How can we know when to do it and when not to do it?"
        1) How about nobody chase? . It implies something is running away from you. Just talk to the damn person of interest and feel them out. They'll move or not move.

        • Furious Styles

          2) "If a guy wants you he will make it known". Which guy? I know generalizations happen in these convos, but nobody has dated all men or all women.

        • Furious Styles

          Pros of striking up a convo (without a sign from God that this is your soulmate)
          You are more likely to get the kind of man you are attracted to versus just waiting for whatever fate hands you. You recruit the talent you want rather than working with whatever randoms walk on the team because they are the only ones who showed up for tryouts. (Let's face it, plenty of wack-asses, non-committal, multiple babymamma dudes and other miscreants have good approach game).
          You'll have more control over your love life. It will be less about waiting for that singular dude who you've invested in to "act right" versus picking who meets your criteria. You'll have more power to walk away if/when things go left.
          You will meet more people and broaden your social circle whether or not romance comes from it.
          You will go to events not looking to be entertained because you have more control over whether or not you have a good time.

        • Furious Styles

          Cons:
          SOME men will think you're more interested than you actually are.
          SOME men will assume that the idea of women going for what they want=their manhood being taken.
          It's uncomfortable and strange. Women have been socialized to not make ANYBODY uncomfortable and be passive.
          SOME men will flake and not show up or indicate more interest than they actually have. But guess what, men deal with this all the time from women. And the world doesn't blow up.

  • SMilez_920

    1)Like someone said up top. We (women) are taught that if a man wants you he will pursue you. A woman approaching a man or even putting herself out there a little can make her feel like she looks desperate. It also goes along with the “don’t be too available” theory. If I have to approach you first, I’m already too available.
    2)For the most part a man can grow on a woman; women tend not to grow on men.
    3)Women do face rejection. We face just as much if not more rejection than men. Maybe w don’t experience in the initial approach phase of the situation. But we experience it. I mean the movie “He’s just not that into you” is all about women and rejection.

    • payne well

      I think women face rejection at a later point of the relationship and men face it more so in the beginning when trying to start one. We have to warm up to a man and once we deem him worthy of a relationship then we tend to give him our hearts. However, men at that point will come to terms with the fact that this isnt what they wanted and then flake out because you did something to turn them off. (like maybe he doesn't like the way you say the word "sweat" or something like that) then we get rejected at that point. Men usually face their rejection at the beginning of trying to court ladies, because we have a certain idea of what we want from a man or how he should approach us.
      My recent post Children are our future part 2

    • greenvolgirl

      "We (women) are taught that if a man wants you he will pursue you."

      This is it for me. I have approached men before and don't have an issue with rejection. The problem is that the men I dated that I had to approach were so passive in the relationship and our interactions. Dates had to be initiated by me and planned by me. I have no problem doing this sometimes but it was all the time to where I ended up feeling like the "man" in the relationship. Because of that I no longer pursue men. I may strike up a conversation, smile, wink, touch (all the usual flirting) but he has take the next step. If he's interested enough he'll ask for my number.

      • http://twitter.com/jtSolBroSupreme @jtSolBroSupreme

        GreenGirl, I applaud you for taking the initiative. I can also say that after you have done it once for a dude, that is more than enough. If he doesn't respond to that, time to keep it moving.

        As for your conversation, smile, wink, touch, etc….trust me, for me, thats plenty right there. ;-)

  • Furious Styles

    At the end of the day, just do what works.

  • http://twitter.com/mpj2k4 @mpj2k4

    From what I've seen in my dating black women are probably the worse and most stubborn at approaching men. They will long hold on to the notion that men should ALWAYS approach the woman even though dating has changed since the old days. Honestly I get approached more by women from other races than black women and typically women that don't really get bothered by rejection usually don't have problems with approaching men.

    The problem is that a woman signs don't always work, I've had women smile, kinda flirt, stare at me but end up having a boyfriend and might be out with the girls or the boyfriend was at that bar or club but not really with them. They thought I was attractive or just playful flirting not a real sign of interest. I think in that case it might ruin it for women whose signs might get ignored. Trying to pick up a woman's signs is bad enough but trying to decipher if its just checking me out or interest is too much work. We are both adults, if your interested just approach me.

    • http://twitter.com/jtSolBroSupreme @jtSolBroSupreme

      But those are the exact signs I will pick up on from a woman I see that I find appealing. If it turns out she was just flirting and really isn't interested…not a big deal, I can keep it moving. I think more often than not, you'll find women who do flirt, wink [not crazylike but subtle] are generally interested…I'd say at least 7-out-of-10 are.

  • Adonis

    This is the main reason why I have NO SYMPATHY when it comes to the dating woes of American women.

    They don’t make it a point to do work to get what they want, so they can later blame men for their lack of success.

    Carry on.

  • langwichartz

    I'm so amused. I'm hearing a lot of justifying and rationalizing from the ladies. It's funny how women can be so progressive in every other aspect of their lives today except when it comes to men and relationships. Rejection is rejection whether you're a man or a woman, no one likes it, but we all must learn that it's not the end of the world. People get all on social media and proclaim how if you want something in life, you must go for it, the same rings true in love and relationships. There is such a thing as TOO old-fashioned. Too many women want to be 21st century when its convenient, and expect men of the old days. You can't have it both ways, step out there and take a chance, we do everyday.

    • http://twitter.com/jtSolBroSupreme @jtSolBroSupreme

      Got that right! ;-)

  • http://lifebetweenthesheets.blogspot.ca/ MorganBTWS

    I think this whole "women can't/shouldn't ask men out" stems from 2 things: 1) Insecurity and
    2) women who failed to read the signs correctly before approaching, & subsequently got rejected.

    Whenever I've liked a guy & approached him, I've been successful in getting the attention/number/date I was after, though whether or not they were worth the effort in the end is debatable. I think the key is analyzing the subject first; it's all about the signs.

    Is he looking around the room, as if scanning for potential prospects as well? (single) Or is he actually watching the game and talking to his buddy at the bar? (probably taken) Does he look like a model (Y/N)? Do you fall into the same category? If its a match, then likely you're good (sad, but true). Does he look like a f*cking mess – tired, distraught, oddly quiet? If so, then its likely he's not there to pick up a girl, but rather has been brought out by his friend to get over whatever it is he's going through.

    9 times out of 10, if you're reading properly, you'll know whether or not to go over to him – and if you are on the money, you'll likely be successful.

    You just need to calm down for a second first & observe.

    My recent post The Furture of Foreplay? ….

  • http://twitter.com/mpj2k4 @mpj2k4

    I just hate the whole "gamey" part of it all where I have to pay attention to signs for me to make my move. I think thats high school stuff in my opinion. Like I said earlier when you have women that tease and flirt, make eye contact etc, but do it just for fun or they have man but think your really attractive more often than not I will assume you just think I'm nice looking and I will keep it moving. My friends tell me I missed out on alot of opportunities but I've been burned too much in the past. We are adults if your interested you can come speak to me and vice versa.

    • http://lifebetweenthesheets.blogspot.ca/ MorganBTWS

      But is it "gamey"? I think its just natural observation. Just like if you were on the metro & you saw a cute girl on the phone in what seems like an intense conversation. Are you really going to go up to her & interrupt just to try to talk to her? Not likely. Signs have told you otherwise – this probably isn't the time for that.

      Also, usually when you're looking to meet people & pick-up, you're already "watching" whats going on around you pretty intently anyway, so reading the signs isn't a whole lot more effort at that point. Especially if its the difference between getting that number & total embarrassment.

      My recent post Crazy Twitter Love …

  • Beruda

    I was out with some friends one time and decided to buy a drink for a man. He came over and thanked me but he was married. I did look really hard to see if there was a ring but I said what the hell, lol. He was very flattered actually. I was disappointed but not in any major way and just chalked it up to nothing ventured nothing gained. When I was younger I used to get depressed about being rejected but it's just one person. So one man is not interested in you, so what. It means nothing beyond that. Rejection does not mean there's something wrong with you, besides the more you speak to ppl the less intimidating it becomes.

  • Rockbottom

    I think its always on us(the men) to ask a woman out. I am a guy who goes after what he wants(just the way I was raise). Honestly a woman approaching me is going to make me be very cautious with her because its just so out the ordinary. Maybe she is going be to needy,too controlling or something like that.
    I strongly believe that if a man wants a woman, he will go after her if not then he really didn't want her. Plain and simple. Even with all that being said though, I believe if a woman really is interested in the guy then she should go for it. She could get the ball rolling and let him take it from there. If he can't take it from there then you probably don't need him.

  • R D

    When I live down south, women were so much more receptive to me approaching them. Here in NYC, the women have their guards up and their "don't mess with me faces" it's kind of tough knowing when to approach.
    I'm not desperate or thirsty, so unless I see a sign (smile with eye contact) I'm not approaching. Especially if she is with her friends.

  • Willy

    I've never approached a woman I am really scared of rejection..All that woman i have dated have approached me..and All the women who have approached me were white or hispanic..
    I wish black women had the balls to approach more men

  • Willy

    I think we need to adopt an attitude of – if you do not try then already lose, You snooze you lose..
    So women and men who are single ..who do not approach the opposite sex can not really be angry if they are single because ..In life you go for what you want…and if you dont go for it..someone else will…
    Same thing with a job..You have to fill out applications submit resumes..the harder you work the greater your reward..So my question to single people who do not approach anyone…Do you think you have the right to be angry if you do not take action…If you don't vote should you be angry at your political system..if you dont hunt for a job..should you be angry if you dont have one…
    Hmmmm??? Just a thought

  • AbsolutelyTrue

    another very good reason why many of us Good Men can't meet a Decent Normal Woman Anymore.