Eight Signs of an Impending Breakup

black-couple-in-bed-upset

There’s nothing worse than the feeling you get on the way home when you know it’s time to break up with your significant other. Many men see it this way, (1) I’m going to try and make her break up with me; that way she doesn’t tell everyone I’m grimy or bad in bed, or (2) I “sweartaGOD” if she says one thing to me, she’s getting kicked out the house. But really, sometimes you just come to a point in your relationship where you realize that the relationship has run its course. In my opinion all breakups fall into eight categories.

“I really love you, but we’re not right for each other…”

Sometimes you have the realization that two people just aren’t right for each other. I find that a lot of power couples run into this breakup scenario. It isn’t easy for two Type-A people to be together, and sometimes the statistics aren’t enough to keep you together. Go back and listen to Babyface – Our Feelings, (I’m dating myself, I know.).

“We’re going in two opposite directions…”

If I hear about one more professional woman who is dating a DJ, I think I’ll scream. However, sometimes careers are just not compatible. He may work too much and she works freelance so she can pick her schedule. Sometimes the distance becomes too overwhelming. He’s lives in LA and she lives in NY. It’s hard enough to make a relationship work in the same city, two can be impossible.

“I just want to be single…”

I once came to a point in my life when I just wanted to be single again. I wasn’t dating a bad girl, but I felt like being attached to someone was just not for me. I felt bad because when you are being relied and depended on; you should want those things instead of having to force yourself to want them. You start feeling like hanging out with your girlfriend is a chore, chances are you just want to fly solo.

“Sometimes you come to a point in life, where you have no choice but to part ways…”

There are these things called life changing experiences that almost always end in a breakup. For example, an engagement, after the engagement is broken most couples have to call it quits altogether. The emotional baggage of someone calling off a wedding is just too much to continue.

“All we do is fight…”

You ever felt like all you did with your significant other was fight and argue. When you start to feel like everyday there will be a fight, you know that you are just losing the energy to keep coming back for more, it’s time to call it quits.

“I left like a thief in the night…”

No one wants to know that they caused someone to feel like they couldn’t even have a conversation about leaving them, they just had to go. And it’s hard on the other side too, as you have to plan your escape without being noticed.

“Please lose my number…”

I was dating this chick one time and it got to the point where I was convinced that she was completely crazed and possessed. You know how a guy says, “I don’t take off my shirt because I have a nice body, I do it because it’s the only move I have left.” Her motto was, “I don’t cry because my feelings are hurt, I do it because it’s the only move I have left.” I deleted her number and gmail contact, we haven’t spoken or seen each other since.

“No really, all we do is fight…”

I heard a crazy story a few years ago where a chick seen her boyfriend’s text messages and flipped out. His response? He proceeded to beat her like cake batter. Wait… Well, in that case, it’s time that you throw the #deuces, no pun intended. There’s no reason why a man or woman should have to catch a jab to the face because they want to watch football, instead of Say Yes To The Dress.

I’d like to make an amendment here to this one to include causing harm to one another. If you are dealing with a dude and he gives you Chlamydia, and you go get tested and treated… and then he gives you Chlamydia AGAIN… throw him the peace signs. I wish people would stop believing when their sexual partner says, “You’re the only one I do this with.”

That’s how I see breakups. I’m making light of a serious situation, I know. And if you are going through a breakup right now, I wish you the best. Moreover, if you know you need to break up, I pray for you wisdom and courage.

What do you guys think some of the signs of an impending breakup are? Is there any way to salvage it? What’s your particular style: disappearing acts or shutting down in the relationship?

- Dr. J

From Our Partners

  • Telley

    This is because once the goods been got, there's no more goods to work for, unless your married

  • http://whatyouallow.com/ Wildflower

    I think my last relationship fell in between sign 2 and 3. When you have invested so much time in a relationship and it starts to unravel, its so hard to let go. People have the perception that relationships break up because of infidelity. But truth be told, this isn't always the case.

    My ex and I decided to break up because I was looking for something long term (marriage) and he wasn't done sowing his wild oats. I could respect him enough to let him go and vice versa. Sometimes things like this are the best. I would have been upset with him for proposing to me knowing that he still wanted to sample the buffet. We are friends to this day and I know that he will do anything for me. But we were going in two different directions.

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    • uNk

      agreed, timing can make or break a relationship. Those can be the worst types too because technically nobody has done anything wrong. Makes it that much more difficult to let go when everything else besides that is going good.

      • http://whatyouallow.com/ Wildflower

        Your right. It was extremely hard, but looking back I don't regret it. Everything happened as it should.
        My recent post Are Groupies Really Winning?

  • Larry

    Signs of an impending breakup? A lot of indifference in conversations. Mentally they have already removed themselves from the relationship and are just going through the motions.

    Are there ways to salvage it? Sure…assuming it's salvagable. But one has to ask themselves would it be worth it.

    My particular style: Just an open and honest conversation (assuming this is a serious committed relationship). If it's just the beginning stages and you're on a 2nd or 3rd date it just really depends. Any style would probably do without requiring justification, although it'd be courteous to give some.

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  • Jay Dee

    My ex tried to be slick and break up with me on a Friday like it was a job.

    I made her cry so much for that shit lol, straight point and laugh style. Good times, good times

  • Bree

    My style is to put it in a song. Make a CD of songs like its so hard to say goodbye, and Changing Faces GHETTOUT, and Ray Charles – Hit The Road Jack!. lol ha ha…j/k. Gotta have jokes on Fri *smile*
    I'm fortunate enough to be a great communicator and know how to relay messages very well to people.
    So I just say it. I do say it directly, truthfully, and bluntly, but in my nice quiet voice and in a nice tactful way.
    I only get mean if I have to and I haven't had to get mean since I broke up with 2 boyfriends my senior year in highschool….long story. lol.
    I personally believe in the honest and direct approach. Only cowards run away and hide and pull disappearing acts.
    Signs of a breakup are typically when there is no communication whatsoever. When your getting the silent treatment. When the person no longer wants to be in your presence and they all of a sudden have a million other better, more pressing things to do than be around you. Those are sure-fire signs that "The end is near."

    • LuLuThunda1

      You forgot my personal favorite Teddy P's "I Don't Love You Anymore".

  • Bree

    Question for the group – Men & Women because both sexes do this, (men I think more than women though).
    Why would u just disappear with no explanation? Do you not realize this person will still call you, send you messages, emails, texts, and try to get to you through every social media outlet available? Do you not realize they will come to your job, your home, your mama's house, your sisters house, your friends house? People Do Not like to be ignored. That is thee most insulting and worst thing you can do to a person. Ignoring people causes them to do crazy stuff out of desperation to get your attention. A woman at my job had her tires slashed last year here at the job. It can get serious for men and women.
    Why is it so difficult for people to just end it face to face with the person and do it quickly and try to have the least amount of drama as possible. Do it like snatching off a bandage really fast. Just end it.

    • uNk

      You're right a disappearing act up front is def a coward move. The alternative to that though is when up front you do have that honest heart to heart, but the significant other doesnt accept your decision. Then the confusion happens. One person thinks they are being ignored, and start the crazy syndrome, and the other person is like "whoa there, i just broke up with you." The talks can only go so far before…poof…they gone lol

      • Bree

        Welp, if you have been honest and told the person straight up to their face that its over and they need to move on, and they still don't get it, you've done your part. From there, if they start stalking or come with some drama you take a day off work go to the court house and get a court order saying they gotta stay 15 or however many feet away from you and you start the ball rolling to get your gun license and get you some heat. Real Talk!

  • Bree

    Or do it over the phone if your that scared of the person and call near the police station…lol. Whatever you gotta do.
    But honestly just dippin out like a thief in the night with no explanation whatsoever and putting people on block/ignore with no explanation is not a good look and can cause u to get your wig split in extreme situations.

    • Just Peachy!

      Guilty as charged for #6 and truthfully it is a punk way to go out. Sometimes depending on who your dealing with that is the best option. In my case I did not want to add to the arguments on what we were going to split, did not want to hear the pleas to stay, i just wanted a peaceful exit for myself and our children. I was not running from communication as I knew he would call and I would talk to him about it then. Needless to say it was a tearful conversation on his part which he admitted that he understood why I left. There was no never any physical violence between us, so there was no fear on my part of any aftermath. It had run its course and one person cannot salvage a relationship.

      II don't advocate this but sometime you have to do whats best for you and not just be respectful of the other person, especially when you were on the bad receiving end of the deal.

  • Smilez_920

    1)When you stop putting in effort, is the biggest one for me. I never want to feel like being with you or you being with me is a burden.
    2)Feel like being single. I think you could be involved with someone, and while they’re a “great person” there’s nothing special that’s driving you to make the full commitment. At the same time it’s not that you’re necessarily not committing to the person because you want to mess with other people.

    The last guy I dated was great, but we were both in different places/spaces in our lives. He wasn’t ready for the next step; we talked about it and mutually decided to part ways. We’re still friends.

    Break up style: I do my best to be open and honest because I would want the same thing in return. But I understand that everybody isn’t like that. So if I’m in the early stages of “getting to know” someone and they “vanish” I just charge it to the game and continue to do me.

  • Bree

    And that dude in the pic got some spare tires and needs to work out and play more ball…ijs.
    SBM the ladies like eye candy too…..*smile*

  • uNk

    Arguments all the time, and when you start finding everything else important then your significant other. Its only a matter of time before that one small argument happens, and somebody goes off about how the past year has been pure f*ckery lol

    My issue is that im quick to get fed up. Ive always had that mentality of "Man ill be alright tho." My pride has been my worst enemy in my past relationships.

  • Poetic Justice

    Signs it's time to break up- If it's fairly new, many of these signs are signs for me as well. I look for #1-3 & 5-8 before I'm willing to make it a serious relationship. If it is a serious relationship, I can see #4 being a sign… also seeing repeated patterns of selfishness or if I feel myself acting uncharacteristic.

    • Poetic Justice

      For example, I wanted to end a serious relationship because I was deeply hurt by my partner's indescretions. We talked honestly about it and I committed to try and salvage the relationship but realized I was becoming a paranoid and insecure woman. I was uncomfortable with the person I was becoming and it wasnt fair to him to keep feeling criminalized. So it had to end…. not necessarily because of the infidelity but because of the uncharacteristic woman I was becoming in response.

    • stac

      i have acted out of character as well…you just feel so ashamed like who is this ratchet, insecure woman…thats not me. but if you stay, that is who you will be. so its best to leave.

  • Poetic Justice

    I am a transparent person, as I've continually learned the value of being honest and straightforward. I feel it is generally appreciated by men but every now and then people want to believe what they want regardless of how honest you are. I once had to "break up" with a guy three different times. It was a friendship turned attraction but in the end, we just weren't romatically compatible… better as friends. FIRST ATTEMPT: I let him down gently in a nice and honest conversation…I guess it was too gentle because he was still trying to plan dates after. SECOND ATTEMPT: I acted with detachment towards him (we were friends with mutual friends)… curt greetings, no hugs… limited to zero interaction… He begins to profess is affections every chance he can. THIRD ATTEMPT: Vanishing Act, no replies to text, no returned phone calls/vm…. I felt bad to ignore but hey, what was I supposed to do at that point..?!!!

    • GilrSixx

      Laughing Out Loud.. Well Damn!!!! but people like that who are slow to catch on or get a clue sometimes you have to just VANISH..

  • Peter Parker

    Good post. So much of what you listed has to do with that same denominator of timing. I feel timing plays such a huge role when someone is ready to break up or whatever the case maybe. Man, I can personally relate to 1, 2, and 3.

  • GirlSixx

    Actually, well for me anyways "All we do Is Fight" not necessarily could be a sign of an impending breakup because I am the complete opposite when I start getting quiet and start letting stuff slide that normally I would have called you out on before — that's a sign that I have begun to check out mentally and emotionally on the relationship.

    • Bree

      GirlSixx I feel you on that. Sometimes when it gets to the point that you don't even care enough to argue/fight with the person then your done. It's a wrap.

    • BlueSteele

      Agreed! When it seems that I could give two sh!ts about what's going on with you, we're likely done for with minimal chance at salvaging things.

  • http://www.opinionatedmale.com cortonio

    this is why i preach about people jumping into relationships quick, if you get to really know the person or in some cases you were friends first chances are your relationship will be more stable and last longer. And you might not have to go through the aforementioned things on the list. Also, there are things you must nip in the bud from jump. If your girl tries to check you nip it. If she is the jealous type nip it, stuff like that. But at the same time there are things you just can't fix, like if she was a serial dater who just like being with different guys, or she is the club type who can't stay in the house, or if there is a long distance between you two. Only tough thing is, breaking up with someone you still are in love with.

  • http://www.opinionatedmale.com cortonio

    And you should never get into a situation where you have to actually throw blows with your woman..that to me is THE WORST. You'll always come out the loser. If you hit her you're screwed, if she boxes you up and because she can actually beat you up you're really screwed.
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    • BlueSteele

      That goes the other way too. If you get to the point where you lack the respect to exercise restraint, and haul off hitting your man, just leave. That's just too much!

  • http://www.OpinionatedMale.com Mr SoBo

    Breaking up is truly hard to do. There really is no easy way. Also, personality types really do play a role in the break up route a person chooses. Not only of the breakup'er, but the break-up'ee as well.
    If the person on the receiving end of the break up is likely to overreact or potentially cause harm to themselves as a result, it may very likely influence which course of action you take if any at all.

    Personally, I like the way my car looks the way it is, so I will choose the route that doesn't result in me having to get a new paint job, or new windows.

    Mr. SoBo
    OpinionatedMale.com

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  • http://www.opinionatedmale.com cortonio

    preach…you don't want her making your life a living hell, just because she is miserable
    My recent post Tell Me He Didn’t Just Do That!…Unspoken Rules Men Should Follow

  • TheGirl

    Wow….I like how you have "all we do is fight" on there twice. I think alot of couples don't realize that fighting *isn't normal. And not how you show love….these particular folks, need to learn how to operate/communicate in a healthier way. I'm still learning and blogging about this myself….
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  • JzzyBrain

    When the sex is no longer good and you are just bored and irritated with everything that person says or do! For example, when yall first started dating the sex was AMAZING but close to the end, you were wishing he would finish already.