Why the Miami Heat Deserve Your Shade

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The Miami Heat are really becoming unlikeable.

We are almost at the point where we have to accept that the Miami Heat will meet the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA Finals (which start on June 6th by the way). Since we basically know this year’s Finals match up, we should start cozying up to this reality.

If you’re new to my posts, you should know that I’m a Detroit Pistons fan. Blame my Dad. As such, I have no dog in this fight. I started watching the Eastern Conference Finals hoping for good, competitive games. During the first three games, though, I have become increasingly annoyed with the Heat. Here’s why:

Dwyane Wade is a horrible person –

Let’s face facts: Dwyane Wade is quietly one of the dirtiest players in the league. As one of a few dozen NBA Finals MVPs, he’s earned a bit of protection from criticism since his 2006 championship run. Behind this cloak of invincibility, Wade has committed some of the most egregious sins against public perception that you can imagine.

Kick a guy in the crotch? Check.

Break a guy’s nose in the All-Start game? Yup.

Dislocate an elbow with a dirty play (check the replay at :45)? Fa sho.

When you look at his past, it’s impossible not to realize that Dwyane Wade is kind of a d*ck. In Game 2 of this year’s series against Indiana, Wade hit DeShawn Stevenson with a fly-by forearm to the neck. Where did that come from?

I make fun of Knicks fans a lot, but how was this different than the elbow JR Smith threw at Jason Terry? That led to a 1-game suspension and Smith was never the same against the Pacers. Somehow Wade escaped with only a flagrant foul. One of the main reasons it’s hard to root for Miami is because Wade is such a douche. It’s not enough that he’s one of the best players on the court, he goes above and beyond by cheap-shotting guys and flopping like this:

I mean, come on!

Shane Battier is the most annoying guy in pick up ball–

In the same vein as Wade, this guy Battier has spent the better part of the first three games against Indiana on the ground.

I wrote about this a while ago, and Battier definitely falls in the category of John Q. Hustle, which is a shame because he used to be a skilled basketball player. Now, he’s the guy who has convinced himself that taking charges, setting picks, and flopping can replace actual basketball talent. Obviously, it can’t. And now I have to sit on my couch and watch Battier try to get in the way of every Pacer who enters the lane.

At one point, Battier was considered a great perimeter defender. Now? His best skill is standing as still as possible in someone’s way. How the mighty have fallen.

By the way, he kneed another man in the junk on purpose. Unforgivable.

Chris Bosh’s Face –

I know the internet has pretty much taken this and run with it. So I won’t go into too much detail. I’ll just leave this right here…

Yikes.

There are some cool stories to root for on the Heat. Chris Anderson is a recovering addict who has seemingly put his life back together. LeBron James is playing the game on a level no one else can match. And Erik Spoelstra is a former Video Coordinator who worked his way up from “essentially-unpaid-nobody” to the team’s head coach.

The problem is, the more the Heat takes the floor, the more these less-cheer-worthy stories grab my attention. I’m not even anti-Heat, and I’m ready for Indiana to move to the Finals.

What about you? Have you picked up on any of these annoying aspects of the Heat? Would you rather see Indiana or Miami play the Spurs for the title?

Let me know down in the comments!

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  • MaggK

    LMAO! im so done with you… Chris Bosh's face… LOLLLLLLLLLL Oh wow i'm in tears!!

    The annoying aspects of this team:
    - Dwayne Wade, u said it all… I simply can't stand him!!!
    - The fans… They are stupid!!!

    • Joe Sargent

      The fans get a ton of flack. Most of it is deserved. They are annoyinig in a different way than Knicks or Laker fans. They just seem so frontrunner-y. At least you hear the other team's fans even when they are struggling.

      • MaggK

        Exactly. It's like they go hide somewhere everytime they are struggling… Just like tonight, my fb timeline is silent!
        GO PACERS!!!

    • Dr. J

      Miami really has the worst fans in the NBA.

      1) The people in Miami do not care about basketball, but just about being seen.
      2) They don't have the decency to show up in the first half.
      2b) Which is why most of them have no clue that Udonis Haslem is actually in their starting lineup.
      3) The people not from Miami who cheer for them are actually Lebron fans moonlighting as basketball fans. They couldn't tell you the starting five from the 06 championship, if they can do that, ask them to tell you the starting lineup from the Conf Finals against the Knicks. They can't do it.
      3b) 50% of them have the audacity to tell you that they are Lebron fans like admitting that you are highly problematic is going to legitimize it.
      4) The fans in the last 3 years (who came with Lebron) typically only cheer for winners. They've never known a time when the team has not been the best team in the league. Yet, they whine like Lebron when they lose. They are also convinced they don't lead normal lives.

    • Dr. J

      5) They like to think that Spoelstra is an upper echelon coach in this league. Much like we thought of Doc Rivers before we realized that the real upper echelon coach was Thib.
      5b) Spoelstra and Rivers also have another thing in coming they think it's cool to walk halfway onto the court during the game.
      6) While not being basketball fans, they love to tell you what your team should be doing.
      6b) The answer is never, "Sign three of the Top 10 players in the NBA." It's always something that neglects that fact.
      7) They think the world is against them. 75% of all basketball fans actually like Lebron and want to see him do good for himself as long as it's not at the expense of the team. I call these Many Men fans. "Many men, many many many many men, wish death pon me." – 50 Cent. We just don't know who these men are.
      7b) The Lakers are the most hated team in professional basketball and it's not even close. We have two of the most unliked players. We've pretty much beaten every team at one point in their team's history (except the freaking Pistons). Nobody wants them to prosper. Heat fans think they have it rough. They should consider the fact that it's been this way for LA since 1979.

      I really can go on forever. I'm not even close to hating, just spitting facts.

      • Kahlil

        Great points all of em lol. But I do disagree with the Doc rivers reference. I think he's pretty damn good . He's dealing with an aging squad and a whack bench. But I saw great things from Rivers even when he started in Orlando.

      • MaggK

        LOOOL!!! i love this list!!!

  • Stanley

    Meanwhile I'm about to go on a third basketball championship parade in less than a decade. How about that?
    That's what count to me!

    • Joe Sargent

      LOL, that certainly is the trump card. They should win, but they make it hard for the neutral fan to get behind them.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    Reasons I’m rooting against Miami

    Wade is a dirty player.

    I want see Ray Allen fail.

    The Heat shade on twitter will be epic.

    Honestly, i’m starting to like the Spurs

    The future of the NBA center position depends on it

    If LeBron gets two MVPs, two rings and a gold medal in a calendar year, yeen gonna tell his jockriders nothing anymore

    I want them to get Mario Chalmers the eff up outta there so he can go to another team and light them up when they play

    • Joe Sargent

      My fiance said Chalmers was cute the other day. So eff him too! Should have definitely been on the list…albeit for a much different reason than you brought him up.

  • Rayne

    Go Heat!

  • Ron Reeves

    lol funny but all true … the only reasons to "watch" the Heat … LeBron is a great player. Juwan Howard's cheerleader role … sad, he's the only Fab Five guy getting titles. "Birdman, Birdman" – Shaq. Has Has — Haslem — got heart.

    poor Mike Miller and James Jones …

    More reasons to dislike the Heat

    the fact tha Rashard Lewis … will get a title .. for doing what??

    and Mario Chalmers thinking that he's actually good. Though Lebron sooo soo often gives him the "get this n*gga off the court" look.

    • Joe Sargent

      Yeah the fact that they treat Chalmers like Meg from Family Guy is really weird to me. Not sure what that accomplishes. I guess he's a crazy masochist who gets motivated by that stuff. Seems really counterproductive to me tho.

  • http://twitter.com/A_Wynn8 @A_Wynn8

    Go Heat…this will be Bron's greatest ring ever. …why???

    1. Few players lose to a team in the finals and then later in their career comeback and beat that same team and coach. (give or take the bench)

    2. He will have end all thoughts of Timmy D getting a fifth ring

    3. Tony P is playing at his peak.

    4. This could send both Coach P and Timmy D into retirement

  • Kris

    Oh Joe, how you have fallen yourself…. How dare you even mention the Detroit Pit-stops? I mean really. 1st of all, allow me to talk to all the haters that have a problem with Heat fans. You know who you are! Your hate is welcomed even if it is class 5 douchebaggery. Yes I'm calling you douche-bags! I for one have been a Heat fan from day one when they had players like Seikaly, Sparrow, and Grant Long. They sucked hard for almost 20 years before a title so your theories are Hoover. NAY!! They are Dyson!!! 4 chamber technology! LMFAO

    • Kris

      2nd of all, its funny how when the rest of the NBA utilize dirty plays its called "Crafty Veteran Moves" but when the Heat do the same thing its "Cheating". As if they're should be victims and still win. Lord forbid if they play clean and lose while the other team is doing stuff like David West did here – http://youtu.be/ur4eGXg93Rw or Kirk Hinrich does here http://youtu.be/mFbk01GD8Jg. Then all the haters come out like roaches when the lights go out. I shake my Dikembe Mutombo finger and give you a furled brow while I say "Tisk Tisk Tisk". Heat fans, I'll see you in the finals. Let's Go Heat! SMH… LOL You're all a bunch of angry fishermen (and women) and nobody likes angry fishermen (and women).

      • Joe Sargent

        I watched the Hinrich play live in a bar with no audio. Didn't give it a second look. Seemed to me like it was an 'intentional foul' that went wrong bc he misjudged LeBron's strength. Those fouls happen all the time when teams don't want to give up lay ups. Looked 100x worse than it was in my opinion.

        The West play is worse, but definitely much less ridiculous than the Wade forearm, or crotch kick, or this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMLnOTewYGg. I mean, WTF?!?!

        I don't think I'm being biased here. Wade seems to have a history in this arena. No one foul makes you a cheapshot artist. DWade has a rolodex of them though.

  • h.h.h.

    i don't have a dog in this either, but i've low-key noticed Battier's purpose is to flop and draw fouls, and to me that makes him more annoying than Wade

    but a Piston fan? talking about cheap shots? #PotMeetKettle or nah?

    personally considering how the Grizzlies, Bulls, Pacers, Knicks have played, i think it's an increasingly more physical playoffs (or maybe the playoffs are just more physical in general) and everyone's trying to take advance of that.

    while i wouldn't be mad at the Heat winning a chip (if they beat the Pacers), i hope Duncan gets that 5th ring, Shoutout to the Boring folks of the world

    • Joe Sargent

      LOL, fair point on the Bad Boys/cheap shot thing. Only thing I'll say in my defense is that was a different era. That was more the norm back then, and – if I'm not mistaken – half that stuff ended up in a normal foul. Today those would have been flagrants though. Tho if I'm being honest, Rip was a horrible flopper too.

      Damn, I'm a fraud, lol. If only I had grown up a Warriros fan.

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    I just want to see the Heat lose because the bandwagon fans and Lebron stans are getting too bigheaded because they won ONE title.

    Call me a hater. I'll be that.

    • Tracey

      That's TWO tiles sir. LBJ may have one title, but the HEAT has TWO! (Coming from a Miami Heat pro-LBJ fan).

  • Adonis

    He threatens Jordan’s legacy. I am root for him to get only 3 rings for his career. So he can eat a *static* this year.

    Take away the rings, he is a better player than Jordan.

    Not sure about leadership. But we’ll see!

  • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

    I just don’t think it’s right what happened with the decision and the way Miami’s current team was formed. Therefore, I cheer against them. I don’t like lebron because does some suspect things as a person and player. Like walking off the court after a loss like its never his fault, flipping and lying about it, cooning at award shows and on YouTube, and the decision. After that I knew he was saying he couldn’t amount to nothing on his own.

    He also ain’t score 81.

  • http://www.opinionatedmale.com cortonio

    The stuff that gets me is this,You cannot watch a Miami heat game without knowing there will be some bullshyt happening. LBJ will drive to the hole and there will ALWAYS be a whistle. He initiates contact 3/4 of the time. So we know you can't play D on him. Sad thing is, he's very talented. Wade, on top of being dirty complains for every call or non call…EVERYTIME, I watched a game vs the Celtics last year, Avery Bradley clearly & cleanly blocked him and he was whining for a whistle. It's ridiculous and makes him unlikeable. Bosh, Chalmers, and Battier almost deserve the Vlade Divac award for flopping. I used to be a Battier fan but I've lost respect for his game. The sad thing is, Stern will always make sure Miami is successful and the same will continue after he's gone next year because LBJ is the cash cow for the league, and Miami is a large market. Call me conspiracy theorist if you all want but it is what it is.
    My recent post Plain And Simple…I Fcuked Up

  • http://www.opinionatedmale.com cortonio

    Am I the only one that thinks Andersen should've been tossed last night, or since his name isn't mohammed and hansborough didn't get 4 shades darker, wear a headband w/ a receding hair line, and play for Miami. i understand….
    My recent post Lord Of The Rings: Phil Jackson A Legend Or Lucky S.O.B.?

  • Bee

    Thanks for the shade and see you in the finals………………………………………..again!

    • Joe Sargent

      Lol, noted. At least I picked Miami to win in this week's post. I don't want no trouble!

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