Why Do Women End Most Relationships Before Men?

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divorce

Last week, I wrote about the fact that black men and women take longer than every other race to get married. What I didn’t touch on in that post is according to a Census Report from 2011, blacks also have the highest divorce rate (see table below). There isn’t a census study on divorce initiations by sex (that I’m aware of) but according to Divorce-Lawyer-Source.com, women initiate the majority of divorces. Based on this site’s figures, divorces initiated by women ranged from 66 percent to “a whopping 90 percent” among college-educated couples.

Percent of Divorce by Race

Looking into these figures all started when I came across an article titled, 6 Married Mistakes Women Make that Lead to Divorce. Their top three reasons included:

1. You talk to friends about the rotten thing you think your husband did to you. Research suggests that friends are often more upset when they think their bestie is being mistreated than when they’re experiencing the same mistreatment themselves. Besides, most of us don’t really understand how our conditioning and wiring as women differs from our husbands’ conditioning and wiring as men. That’s why conversations about men with female friends often lead to husband-bashing that helps nobody. The solution is to limit talking about your marital problems to just two people: For example, a trusted friend along with a coach or therapist.

2. You think that talking about these problems with your husband is the answer. All too often, women think that talking to our husbands is the way to make them see how their behavior affects us. If the behavior doesn’t change when we first bring it up, we want to talk more, longer, or louder because we think maybe they didn’t get it the first time. One of the biggest pet peeves for men is that feeling of being nagged or badgered, especially if they don’t know what the problem really is. Also, the rules of polite, kind, nice conversation that women try to follow often come off as indirect, manipulative and mysterious to men. Women often conclude that their husbands don’t care because they haven’t changed after a particular conversation. The solution: learn communication skills designed specifically to talk with men and spend more time doing fun activities.

3. You believe that your happiness depends on your husband changing. Research has shown that happiness does increase when your husband changes for the better, but that change originates with you. Paradoxically, the women who focused on becoming the person they want to be, rather than on how to get their husband to change, were happier down the road. The solution: focus on being the best you.

Click here to read 3 – 6.

Most of us have been lead to believe, correctly or incorrectly, that most women want to be married, so I was surprised to find out that women initiate most divorces. I don’t think women randomly end their marriages, so I also looked into the leading cause of divorce. There was no definitive answer but various websites generally agreed on at least three main causes: finances, cheating, and lack of communication or mis-communication.

In my humble opinion, we’ve more than addressed the topic of cheating on SingleBlackMale and contrary to popular belief, more and more studies suggest women cheat just as much as men anyway. Further, unless you’re with someone who lives outside of their means or you’ve married someone who doesn’t make enough money to provide a lifestyle you’re accustom  - which is your own fault – financial difficulties are generally outside of our control. Today, I’d like to focus on the “lack of communication or mis-communication.”

Ironically, the top three reasons noted above all have to do with communication. It’s rare that I’ve met a man (or woman) that didn’t want to make their significant other happy, but somewhere along the way they can’t seem to communicate that simple goal to one another. Somehow they both become convinced that the person they love is hell bent on making their life miserable. However, according to the stats, women are more miserable than men, because they’re the ones initiating the divorces. Before you suggest that this is the consequence of women becoming more financially and educationally independent, you should know that even in 1975, “approximately 72 percent of the divorces in the U.S. were filed by women.”

I’m not sure if men are doing something wrong that they can (or should) improve or if the ideals women have for their vision of relationships, marriage, and husbands is set too high for the average man to realistically achieve. This leads to today’s obvious set of questions…

Why are women more likely to initiate the end of most relationships/marriages? Stated another way, why don’t more men end relationships or initiate divorces?

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From Our Partners

  • Chocolate Vent

    I think there's some legal benefit to filing first. Or maybe the judge is more lenient to the one who is asking to leave. Not sure…..Or maybe it starts the child support process faster.

    Just hypothesizing…
    My recent post Single Mother’s Should NOT Be Celebrated on Father’s Day

  • Kimmy

    I think that women tend to initiate divorce more often than men because women are encouraged to settle more than men in their choosing of a life partner.
    This may mean that women enter into the marriage less satisfied and thus are more prone to be affected by rifts within the relationship that do not affect their partner to the same degree. As y’all have already pointed out on this website before, married women are less satisfied with their sex lives than married men.
    I think that when men choose a life partner, they are encouraged to get as close as possible to their perfect match/ideal woman whereas women are encouraged to see the bigger picture, don’t sweat the “small” stuff, so it only makes sense that the level of discontent may be lower for men. We can also look at this from a financial standpoint since it has become such a popular issue within modern marriages, when children are involved, the woman tends to become the caretaker of the children and recipient of child support and other financial entitlements in marital separation. Hence the common adage among men that it is simply “cheaper to keep her”.

  • 12 Point Buck

    *raises hand*

    I think "women's loyalty" is more conditional than "men's loyalty".

    Lemme 'splain– I posit two phrases that address this phenomenon of women initiating divorces: Hypergamy and Briffault's Law.

    Simply put, if a woman is prone to hypergamy then she will be on the lookout for the opportunity to be in a better relationship (however she defines "better"). She may think to herself "oh, my dude is a balding accountant who makes the same amount as me, but I think I can do BETTER than that. I deserve that neurosurgeon with a full head of hair and a house in the Hamptons." Her loyalty is tied to her husbands relative value, and when that value drops relative to her perceived options, her loyalty is also affected. Unless she has a strong moral code, she'll rationalize attempting to jump to the bigger boat.

    Briffault's Law is also related to this– observed in many animal species, including higher-level primates, it basically says that if a female (woman in our case) is no longer benefiting from being with a male, she'll want nothing more to do with him. So if she's married to an accomplished guy who is renowned in his field and she benefits from his high social standing… and suddenly he loses all that, then her attraction will plummet and she'll be less likely to stick around. He can't work that thang like he used to? He lets himself go? He doesn't do things for her anymore? All make her more likely to bounce.

    I'd bet a value size waffle fry that one or both of these behaviors plays a part in the majority of divorces initiated by women.

    • Kimmy

      Yall make women sound so vain. Geez.lol The type of women yall described should have never been seen as marriage material in the first place but maybe she was a "trophy wife" to begin with? I'm just joking by the way.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        Men marry for who you are, women marry for who you could be

        • Bree

          True that Trist!

        • FlyyLibrarian

          Most women don't marry "potential" anymore. You better come ready made.

        • Mona

          Damn right!

      • The CPT

        Women are vain. *shrug*

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    Men are the hunters, we pursue exactly what we want, women simply allow themselves to be chosen. The woman i choose to marry will be everything i ever wanted. Why? Because why would I pursue otherwise. Women, who are seldom the pursuer options are limited to that whom courts them. As time passes and she feels he isnt living up to the expectation, she will bail (with half).

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    its cheapa ta keep ha boi *Martin as Otis voice*

  • Adonis

    Women end relationship because there is an incentive to do so. Not rocket science. No hokus pokus. Nothing magical.

    And the main incentive is financial.

    Take away the financial incentive. Make divorce law more balanced & equal.

    The divorce rate will plummet. It will be cheaper to keep him.

    —-

    1. You talk to friends about the rotten thing you think your husband did to you.

    Wisdom. Consider doing a post highlighting this phenomenon.

    You rarely hear women express to other people when the men in their lives are handling this business as lovers & parents, and are quick to tell the world when men eff up.

    Same thing, when women talk of the past as if, most men were abusive patriarchs.

    And it comes back to, when men are good, it is what they are supposed to do, and deserves no praise, no fanfare, no celebration.

    And then, when men are not at their best, negroes ain’t ish.

    Good day

    • Smilez_920

      I kind of agree with you Adonis ( at least the second part). I think some women talk about the negative as a way to vent. It kind of goes back to playing the victim in some cases . I think theirs a certain level of emotional maturity you need to be a wife. In this case emotional maturity would be keeping your business to yourself and not trying to get sympathy from everyone willing to listen. If you need to vent that bad, you an your partner need to go to a professional , a pastor or be adults and try to be civil and have a open honest , and non hostile conversation .

  • Southerngyrl_

    In a study I read, it maintained that women are more likely to monitor the relationship more closely and attempt to discuss any issues. They also become aware of problems sooner. I tend to agree with this train of thought as to the real reasons why women initiate divorce more. The study also said that men were more likely to cite communication problems or that they had no idea what caused the divorce.

    • Smilez_920

      I agree. I think some women monitor every little thing and hold it to build a case. Their partner does something they don’t like and instead of presenting to him before it becomes a major issue they keep monitoring, and let everything build up and explode. Then men go “well she never told me (communicate) Idk what the problem is”. Basically taking little mole hills and turning them into mountains over time.

      • Southerngyrl_

        Actually, I think the article meant that women are more attuned to the problems and cracks developing in a relationship than men are. I also think these are actually presented to the husbands. I think men can coast along for a while thinking things are okay, while sometimes women feel that some action needs to be taken. Often times it is the woman who suggests counseling or some other type of help, but men may not be open to the suggestion.

        • http://www.greaterunderstanding.net Anthony Brian Logan

          That's because to the man, things are ok. They are satisfied. The women aren't. Hence them being the ones that start the divorce more than the men.

      • Lyn

        Actually I don't think this is the case. I have monitored and since I can't have issues on my heart I would bring up the issues right away. My ex kept getting mad because I was bringing up the same issues but that is because they kept happening. Relationship ends. The end.

        Maybe the women you have dealt with have held the issues in case they become bigger and when they do, then that is when they address them. Your tone seems to be that of a man that is ALREADY on edge waiting for something to pop off.

  • Smilez_920

    1) all the reasons why she left ha to do with the husband not doing his part. I think some men don’t realize that a marriage is work, the work doesn’t stop after the reception. In how many of this situations where the woman is upset or disappointed does the man go ” hey let’s go to counseling , or lets calm down and find a away to talk about this in a healthy manner “vs ” your nagging, your crazy” or shutting down. Marriage isn’t used as a survival tactic like before. Women making their own money, so back in the day when your grandmother was aggravated with Pa-pa she had no choice but to work it out as much as possible, especially if they had kids , your not leaving the hand the helps feed you, because he shuts down emotionally sometimes.

    2) now to give the men some credit. Some women believe that communication is ” them talking and their man listening “. I know I might get some thumbs down from the ladies . But how many of you actually listen to your man,( no not other outside male relationship experts how tell you what all men want) but actually listen to him. Also when your communicating how many of you actually all to your partner and not at your partner .

  • Bree

    This right here is the answer according to most of the divorced men that I talk to – "the ideals women have for their vision of relationships, marriage, and husbands is set too high for the average man to realistically achieve."
    One thing I've learned about men is when they give their heart to a woman they give it completely and totally. Men I honestly think have the ability to love unconditionally and everlasting once they do make the choice to love. Women even though they don't verbalize it, in their minds put more conditions on love than men. From what many men tell me many times they deal with women who are spoiled in some ways and want their way. When they do not get their way the leave to go find the happiness they desire elsewhere.

    • oh ok…

      "From what many men tell me many times they deal with women who are spoiled in some ways and want their way."
      Yup…and these women need to get a job and a life. It shouldn't be a man's job to spoil you. Let's be real you should be able to take care of yourself FIRST.

      • uNk

        " It shouldn't be a man's job to spoil you. Let's be real you should be able to take care of yourself FIRST. "

        *nods head gently*

  • Bree

    Another root of the problem is women tend to choose men who they want to build up and make better and turn them into projects. They choose men for the wrong reasons and end up making bad choices in men and choosing men they aren't compatible with. A man will choose and marry a woman because he loves her and is in love with her and usually its at the point that he is more than ready, willing and able to be a husband and father. So of course he will give it all he's got and want to make it last forever.

    • Lyn

      Guilty.

      • http://www.greaterunderstanding.net Anthony Brian Logan

        I respect your honesty.

    • Peter Parker

      So why is that though Bree? Sometimes as a professional black male you meet so many woman that have been burnt or appears to like to deal with dudes with baggage…It is really mind blowing….It's almost like you are being punished for wanting to be successful and not accumulating alot of baggage.

      • Bree

        Peter some women are just freakin idiots! lol. Real talk.
        Some get caught up in this perpetual cycle of chasing after their "ideal man." However, that man may look good, talk a good game, may even make six figures, but he's not good for that woman and he doesn't want what she wants. Some women are products of their environments and the apples don't fall far from the trees.
        If a woman doesn't have enough, or any, good examples of what a really good man is supposed to be she's kinda screwed and her picker will be waaaaay off more than likely.

  • Bree

    Whereas women, tend to choose "Mr. Right Now" so they're not lonely and they choose whatever man proposes to them just to be able to say "I's married now." The title of being a wife is extremely important to women and for many single women its a Life Goal. I think society is partly at fault for those divorce statistics because of the undue pressure unmarried women face and the stigma they have to deal with when they are single. This pressure can sometimes very strongly influence a woman to just marry the first man that asks her for the sake of being married to eliminate that pressure from society, family and friends.
    I think if more women got married to the right man, for the right reasons, and really truly learned what it means to really love a man right and be a great wife to a man and became less selfish there would be less divorces initiated by women.

    • X's Dad

      @Bree, well put and I totally agree.

    • oh ok…

      Great comments Bree!!! Cosign x1000%
      Let me add:
      Women just need to be honest w/ themselves in finding a mate.
      Do you want stability, a friend/partner (communication), lover (platonic), or instability, booty call (doesn't talk), lover (sex)?
      These are the first things that should be thought of when looking for a man.
      Of course having a job comes into play like, "Can both of your incomes work together?" Does he have a legit career, not just a job.
      I have a couple of friends/&cousins that don't understand this, and still end up having great (empty) party times, but come home alone mentally.

  • Bree

    One last observation as to why more women are initiating divorces is this.
    Now more than ever, when a woman is unhappy and unfulfilled in her marriage, abused, neglected, and/or cheated on she is more likely to walk away and reclaim her freedom and happiness.
    Charge that to the Womens Liberation Movement. I believe thats when those stats really spiked.
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't that movement start in the late 1960's and early 1970's?
    Prior to this more women stayed with their husbands, even if they were not happy. One reason for this was because they needed the man to support her and their children. She couldn't make it by herself so in a way she had no choice. She had to stay or she would be homeless and destitute.
    But again with laws changing to favor women and assist women who were single mothers and programs designed for single mothers like welfare, and women beginning to make just as much and sometimes more money than men and as women gained financial freedom they were able to more quickly and easily walk away from an unhappy marriage.

    • Southerngyrl_

      Okay now. Lets not get facts twisted. Welfare in the US, in its original form, was created during the Great Depression to alleviate poverty. It was not created specifically for single mothers.

      • Bree

        true Southerngyrl. Welfare was created for women who lost their husbands in wars or their husbands were severely wounded and could not work. The point is though with government programs to assist them women don't need men for financial stability.
        As of right now many people misuse the welfare system. I know of women who are on welfare and have pretty nice apartments and drive nice cars because they are getting money from the government and are pretty cool being single because they are living life just fine on their own.
        Plus the way the government favors women regarding divorce does not help men. If a woman knows she can get half a mans money and his business in a divorce then she is more likely to seek a divorce. In most divorces men lose, so it's not benefical to them to seek a divorce.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    I am divorced…and I filed those papers first. I bounced.

    I think Tristan hit it right on the head. Men marry who you are and women marry who you could be. So, when you don't become who she in mind, there's really nothing left for her to hold on to.

    Now, personally, I have a lot of other elements to my marriage/divorce story. But, my biggest flaw in dating was that right there…settling for men with the potential to be what I need instead of WAITING for the man who IS who I need. Like, I just turned 32 on Saturday…and I JUST got this revelation at the end of April 2013…THIS YEAR! LOL, smh. Better late than never.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      I had a WONDERFUL conversation with my former first lady (old pastor's ex-wife). And she said something that literally transformed my thinking about marriage. Now, it has a spiritual spin to it…so feel free to STOP READING AND MOVE ALONG…but you should be able to get the principle from her statement and remove the spiritual factor if you need to.

      • WIM

        Sooo, are you gonna leave us hanging or share what she said? ….just sayin.

        • oh ok…

          HAHA! exactly :)

        • cynicaloptmst81

          LOL! I was having technical difficults. She said that too many couples get married cause they're in love and really like each other. They know in theory that there will be peaks and valley's with that (how much you like/love each other…if at all), but they don't know how HARD those moment actually are. Instead, couple's should only marry if, along with love/like, they discover a divine purpose for their union…a goal…and it can't be forced. The divine purpose has to discover you…reveal itself to you…you can't just make one up. It has to be something that is bigger than you as individuals, bigger than any children you may have, and bigger than ANY problem you may face. That way, when storms come, you will be tied and completely committed to the purpose of your marriage more than your fleeting feelings. Without divine purpose, when issues become too much…or when you have nothing left emotionally, its fairly easy to leave because there's nothing to keep you there. She gave Bill and Hillary as a wordly example of a couple with divine purpose who have not allowed ANYTHING to destroy their union. Blew.my.mind.

        • WIM

          You warned about the spirtual spin – and that's ok, IJS – but this line rings true for me, and I would think anyone.

          That way, when storms come, you will be tied and completely committed to the purpose of your marriage more than your fleeting feelings.

          Actually, my folks whom have been married 31 years this year, said something along this line just recently when I was asking them for advice on a related topic.

        • 12 Point Buck

          Dont the classic marriage vows cover this?

          "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, etc"

          I guess most people are just saying the words without meaning them.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Like anything, you don't know HOW you'll react to something till it happens. All of that is easy to commit to when you're relationship is in the honeymoon phase…still your bff, still in love, etc.

          I've never heard any vow address the PURPOSE of a marriage. I've heard, in Christian marriage ceremonies, that its a mirroring of Christ's love for the church…to present that level of love and devotion in the world. But, you know us Christians…all falling short and stuff, lol. But, do we really even commit to THAT purpose? Do all your decisions line up with the goal to mirror Christ's love (if you're Christian)? You need a plan going into your marriage…a real one. What's your goal? What are you going to accomplish? To love each other forever? If that's it, you may have a problem…cause that may or may not happen. You know how feelings and wants change. So, you need a deeper reason.

        • krystllyght

          Thanks for sharing CO!

        • cynicaloptmst81

          No prob! I was so glad she told me because it gives me a whole new perspective of what I should keep an eye out for as I date. What is our common ground as it relates to our goals/vision for our future and what can be accomplished by our union? Why did life bring us together? It's the reason shared values are sooo important.

          If I don't get answers to those questions, no need to take dude too seriously.

        • Bree

          Cyn U Betta Preach on it lady……*wavin church fan*
          Somebody went to chuch yesterday and got a good word…..*smile* lol

        • slimmycakez

          "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." (Matthew 19:6)

          Amen my sistah!! Haha but I agree wholeheartedly with that sentiment. I also feel it's imperative to have pre-marriage counseling if you are indeed in the faith to make sure it's truly God's Will for you to be married, and not your own fleshly desire — because if God really and truly joins you together, you can be sure that He's going to keep the both of you regardless of how big and strong the storms are.

        • Bree

          Cyn your pastors ex was on point with that. I wholeheartedly agree with all that.
          Like in the movie "not easily broken" when the pastor wrapped the cord around them during the wedding ceremony. Two cords represented the husband and wife and the third represented God. Without him those cords will surely break apart.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Yeah, the God cord is a must. But, it has to be specific…a specific purpose that's unique to your marriage that you believe God put you together for (or whatever the equivalent to your belief or non-belief is). Like in the Bill & Hill example, their purpose was to have an impact on the country…working toward and supporting their presidencies.

          From there, EVERY decision must connect to that purpose…or at minimum, not detract from it.

        • Bree

          Yeah them and the President & First Lady.
          Oh and Happy B-lated B-day Cyn, hope u had a good time and partied like a RockStar! :)

    • Smilez_920

      You’re always on point Cyn. I think it would be easier for women to “wait” if they didn’t feel pressure from society or “pressure” themselves to be married by a certain age.

      I think some women date looking for what they want (potential) instead of what they need. We hear this conversation all the time, I think some women confuse it with people telling them to just settle, when I think it’s really telling women to look at your needs because those are what’s important. When your needs are fulfilled your wants tend to disappear.

  • Peter Parker

    Very interesting article. I never knew this because I don't know anyone in my circle of friends who are divorced. It's funny because my boy came through the pad last night and he has been married for about 5 years. On the news, they showed couples at a local DC church and talked about how long they been married and their secret formulas for staying married for 20, 30, 40+ years. Man my boy said, "look there is no special formula to marriage. just make sure you marry the right person for you. bascially marry your friend. someone you can hangout with, don't mind seeing when you come home from work, and the two of you just are compatible." After hearing this and just talking to most of my boys who are married, friendship is the key to a successful marriage. This was definitely a good post since it shed light on an area that I knew nothing about.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      "After hearing this and just talking to most of my boys who are married, friendship is the key to a successful marriage."

      I've been having this conversation for the last week on and off, lol. JUST got off the phone with my cuz who said the exact same thing. "Marry your best friend".

      • Bree

        "Marry your best friend". True that. Cause "Friends R Forever" *smile*
        I'll go even further and say marry your bff.

  • http://whatyouallow.com/ Wildflower

    Men tend to settle in relationships in my opinion whereas women tend to want perfection. I think some relationships and marriages could have survived if both parties were truly open to making things better.
    My recent post Are Men Quicker To Move On?

    • http://www.greaterunderstanding.net Anthony Brian Logan

      We don't settle, yall settle. If we take it to the next step of marriage or even serious relationship, we truly love the woman.

  • Mix

    it's simple women in most cases, are the first to demand commitment and the first to break it. Nobody expects women to honor their commitments to men, most act like Christ when it time to marry and turn to oprah when it comes to divorce, Of course they are exceptions not all women are this way, but it is a good number of them. One last point, its about power and she wants option top leave first if she chooses.

    • http://www.greaterunderstanding.net Anthony Brian Logan

      +1

      • hitmanhart

        appreciate that bruh

  • WIM

    Just want to point out that Figure 5 (although it's not the easiest chart to read by any means) shows the most difficult part of marriage is the first 1 – 10 years, as 20% of divorces occur during this time frame – using the "all women" line. Whereas, from 10 – 50 years, there's barely a 10% change in the rate of divorce.

    So based on the stats, if you can make it 10 years, you can probably make it 50 years.

    Good luck with that.

    • Bree

      I was just discussing that with a friend on sat.
      I told him I never knew so many divorced people til I moved to MD.
      Crazy thing is many are under 30 or in their early or mid 30's and weren't married more than 5 yrs, and now divorced….smdh..I just don't know bout the DMV.

  • bellatrice1

    Could it have anything to do with wanting to be the first to end things so you're not left "holding the bag?" While this is sort of a childish sentiment, I think it happens more often than we think.

    Both could be feeling that the marriage is not working, but only one takes the initiative to file. I know a guy who often boasted or made it a point to make it clear that he divorced his wife and not the other way around. Maybe in order to feel validated. 'She still wanted me, but I didn't want her' type thing. Idk just specualtiing…

    I also agree with the other possibility that men marry their ideal woman, so they are generally satisfied with their choice, unless she completely changes and goes bat****crazy, whereas women often settle.
    My recent post Shame

  • Uncle Ray

    Why don't men initiate divorce more than females. Mainly financial, as a married man for more than a minute. I have yet to know a married man of 5 to 10 years plus, who has not done the math in their head (rent, child support, alimony) on how to survive a divorce. Regardless of income the man is more likely to take the bigger hit money wise. Also NOT ME, but why initiate divorce when there is a lot of thirsty people out there who care less about your vows.

  • uNk

    If most women tend to marry because of what a man has potential to be, maybe that could explain why black men are taking longer to propose then other races (taken from one of the sites earlier posts). Like Wildflower said above, most women want perfection in a husband/boyfriend/ect. Now if we assume that most black women approach relationships this way, and If you take into consideration that black men knew this, it could explain why most black men believe it is better to achieve personal goals first, before proposing. If we marry before this, it would just end in divorce anyway because we aren't meeting husband criteria. Just a reasonable deduction.

  • http://www.greaterunderstanding.net Anthony Brian Logan

    a woman's commitment to a man is more incentive based than a man's commitment to a woman. and women also stay in relationships for what they hope will happen in the future. if the incentives or perceived possibilities of incentives eventually wane, dissipate or do not come into fruition … then you have an incentive for the woman to leave the situation. this is fueled by today's society that drills into the woman's brain that she doesn't need a man. she can have a baby and leave him six months later if they have some arguments and get sponsored by the gov't to do so. she's not thinking about the long term consequences of her action because that's not really in her nature to do so. back in the day it wasn't like this but now … it is what it is.
    My recent post AN OPEN LETTER TO TYLER PERRY

  • RandomRN88

    I think it's because women feel rushed to get married, like if a woman takes too long looking for the man she wants people say she's "picky" or there's something wrong with her past a certain age so a lot of women settle with the man that proposes to them even though he's not all what she wants and she thinks that she can fix him and make him better. Sometimes that works and she does make him better, then he starts cheating…so she divorces him. Sometimes it doesn't work and she's stuck with a man that is only kind of what she wanted and his flaws annoy her more and more each day. She tries to work through them but it's hard to change the person you are, so he doesn't change, she leaves. *sigh*

    Also a lot of women after a few years of marriage realize it's not what they wanted, at all. Women aren't really given a choice on whether they want to get married or not everyone just assumes that every woman wants to get married and that every woman should want to get married and if you don't, there's something wrong with you. So they get married and when they do, they realize it's not what they want….so they leave.

  • Dontgetcrazyyy

    From my experience,
    If a man liked you enough to marry/cuff you, unless you cheat/ hurt their ego, they really intend on stayin with you. If their unsatisfied with some aspect of you or want something you can't provide, its more beneficial to just look elsewhere to satisfy that need whilst trying to keep you around. Men I know tend to collect women rather than replace women.

  • Lovely

    The 90% of women who initiate the end of relationships/marriages is not giving the whole story behind the "filing" of the divorce or ending of the relationship. For example: If the husband really wanted to keep his marriage together, than the divorce would not take place.

    My reasoning for the higher percentage is because:

    a) men don't know how to end things (the relationship)
    b) don't have the guts to say I'm unhappy with you too…or
    c) all of the above.

    They will make it out to be your decision when really…that's what he wanted to. That's one of the reasons he never tried to work on the marriage, or fight for the marriage, or try and do whatever it takes to keep his wife.

    Men are the head of the household, when you don't take charge of it or…(and don't get mad at me my sista's) "control" over your house…your house will crumble. The women file for the divorce because in the end, things were never going to change. People know how to work hard for a Degree in school, or for a promotion at work……."Why can't you put that same effort in your relationship?"

    Why? Because you stop caring.

    I want to shift some of those numbers over to the men, and say about 50% of black men initiate the end of the relationship…they just filed it in their heads.

    • Ashleymarcia

      I have to cosign the last part of your statement… about men filing divorce mentally. This is so true because they tend to compartmentalize all aspects of their life, whereas women just don't.

  • http://purposedrivenambition.com Naomi Brock

    Yes, women have the choice of trying to mold a man into what they want him to be or patiently waiting for the right man to come along. I recently blogged about a similar topic regarding my last relationship.
    http://www.purposedrivenambition.com/2013/06/the-pain-of-change.html

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  • Terrence

    Because women get 1/2 and men get the shaft!

  • Terrence

    As one of my childhood friends' drunken Grandmother from the projects used to always say…and I quote "you gotta put something into something to get something outta something"

  • Jayten

    Because of hypergamy