5 Things Men Should Eventually Accept about Women and Relationships

A few weeks ago I logged in to moderate comments when I came across one from a user named “Taylor” on a former post, Rise of the Lazy Man. We didn’t mean to censor Taylor’s comment but since he used more flagged words than a little bit, the system automatically held his comment for moderation. You can read Taylor’s (slightly edited, mostly safe for work) comment below.

Dear Taylor

I hate to admit it, but I saw a little bit of myself in Taylor. I think most young men have varying degrees of Taylor in them. No offense to Taylor, but he’s the type of man most of us try to overcome as we grow older. He’s also the guy that mothers and fathers warn their daughters about. Hopefully, over time, Taylor will grow into a well-rounded, fully functional, positively contributing member of society. Although I don’t know Taylor from any other stranger on the Internet – and he has no reason to listen to me – I still decided to share a couple thoughts with him (and men like him) that I wished someone shared with me  when I was a 21-year-old young man with a mindset like Taylor.

Youth is Wasted on the Young

Youth is fleeting Taylor. You won’t be 20-something forever, and when you look back on your life you’ll be surprised how quickly it went. This might be difficult to process at 21, a time when you literally have your entire life ahead of you. But, when’s the last time you sat around daydreaming about when you were 11? It seems like forever ago doesn’t it? The same can easily happen at 31 if you’re not careful when you’re 21. Be sure what you’re doing now is something you’ll look back on with pride in 10 or 20 years. Are you taking advantage of your time or are you wasting your time? I can’t answer that question for you. It’s something you have to figure out for yourself, but I imagine there’s something better you could be doing with your time than engaging in random hook-ups with women you seem to have a moderate amount of real interest in.

The Road to Hell…

…is paved with good intentions. Let me be clear Taylor, I’m not judging you. For a period in my life, I was you. However, I would be remiss not to point out that the best laid plans can be easily derailed. You say you’re in college and you plan on going on to graduate school. That’s admirable, and I sincerely hope that works out for you. I just hope you’re protecting yourself, physically and emotionally. The thing about random hook-ups is they can lead to permanent consequences, and not just the obvious ones like kids and STDs. Some of the not so obvious consequences are the emotional and mental impacts. After a lifetime of random hook-ups and unemotional trysts with women in your youth, it might be difficult for you ever to see women as more than random hook-ups and objects to be conquered. This will do a disservice to you and any healthy relationship you might hope to foster in the future. If you’ve only ever seen women as objects to fulfill your sexual needs, it’ll prove increasingly more difficult for you to ever accept  that the woman that will eventually become your wife can bring more to your life than temporary, physical pleasure. In actuality, a (good) woman can bring a lot to your life. More than I could ever hope to describe in a 1,000 word post, but she can only do so if you allow yourself to fully embrace all the benefits that a woman and a healthy relationship can provide you.

You Are Who You Date

Taylor, you seem to be frustrated with the fact that it’s difficult for you to completely trust women when already committed women willingly sleep with you and, “This along with my history of dating women who are cheating, needy w*****s has kind of ruined the idea of a relationship for me at this time.” Based on this sentence, I have a few comments: 1) sorry, but that’s your fault. No one is forcing you to sleep with committed women just like no one is forcing these committed women to sleep with you; 2) similar to the saying, “you are what you eat,” you are whom you date or whom you choose to date is a reflection of who you are or what you feel you deserve; and 3) admittedly, when you’re young you can blame the dating pool for providing you crappy options. Maybe it is the dating pool’s fault, but eventually, you grow older and you can’t take an “ignorance is bliss” or “I didn’t know any better” approach to life. Eventually, you have to own the consequences of your own decisions. Stated bluntly, if you continue to date <redacted>, then maybe you just like <redacted>, believe you can’t do better than <redacted>, or <redacted> are the only type of women you can be successful with due to their own personal shortcomings.

I don’t know you, but based on your comment, it seems like you purposefully target the smaller sub-section of committed women and [morally questionable women] to justify your own jaded views on women as a whole. Basically, the type of women you pursue creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, which allows you to feel fine about projecting your misguided views on all women. I’m by no means saying that all women are good, because they are not. Yet, I also cannot say all women are bad, because most women are not bad, and if you keep attracting or being attracted to bad women, eventually you need to take a look in the mirror and take a personal assessment of why that is.

If it’s difficult for you to figure how you should act in a given situation, I have a little rule of thumb. I ask myself, “How would I want my son or daughter to handle this situation?” Taylor, would your future son be proud of the 21-year old man you are today? Would you be proud if your future 21-year old daughter brought home a man like you? If you can’t proudly answer those questions in the affirmative, then it might indicate that you need to change into the type of man you want your son to grow up to be and you would want your daughter to date. Although you might not care, the women you’re dating right now are someone’s daughter, sister, niece, and eventually they might be someone’s mother or wife. Towards the end of your comment, you say you’d like to get married and have kids some day, but I would seriously advise you to aspire for more in a woman and from life than to find a “regular sex buddy.”

Check here for page 2 and the final tips for Taylor and other young men.

Pages: 1 2

From Our Partners

  • thesunk

    Great post. Wisdom really dropped a lot of OG game to "Taylor". Might be one of my fav posts.

    I'm a 22 yo, so I can see his plight; it's definitely that "young boy" *Meek Mill voice* mentality. Even though I still like the pursuit and conquests that come with my age, I also understand the value in securing a stable life in the future to fulfill the needs/wants of a woman(wife) I desire and the future ability to protect/serve my family once it begins…

    I also understand the urgency and severity of actions that I take now that can shape my future. This is a ramble, but I'm just trying to show that all 21/22 yo's aren't exactly like Taylor. Some of us actually aspire to be more and to do more.
    My recent post The Fellatio Diaries: Women Like to Give Oral Entry XIV

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      i aint realize you were that young…but yeah Taylor sounds like the dude who aint get play until college, act like you been somewhere before

  • Adonis

    Between this post & Brother Tunde,

    Tunde’s post was more “ridiculous” . So, you are not going to get that much shade. Let’s go.

    Streetz you need to sityoazzdown with the “Twin Bed Twitter” phrase.

    (However if you trademark it & make money off of it, I pop my collar to that.)

    ————————————–

    If a man has to be rich (250K+), have over 100 women on his PlayerFax, so a dude can get his point across, so be it. Challenge accepted.

    But the truth is the truth regardless of who is saying it.

    —————————————

    Keep in mind, it has only been about 5 years where we have really called women out on their BS. It wasn’t always a very hip thing to do. (Black) male bashing was always hip as long as I been alive.

    ————————————-

    1. Are women “grown children” or are we supposed to see them as accountable, responsible human beings?

    (I am not trolling, and I expect an answer since I have been commenting.)

    I have tried treating them like the latter, and I got burned. YMMV.

    2. Why when a man is sizing up the landscape, and see the BS for what it is, like

    “cheating women”,

    “never married single mothers”,

    “women who have killed chivalry & now are complaining about it”,

    “mentally ill darkskin women”, #DarkGirls

    “egalitarian/patriarchal contradictions”.

    And to write it off like these women are in a minority is playing Russian Roulette with hollow tips.

    Enough women are on this BS to cause grave concern!

    Society for men today is TUNA SANDWICH, except the tuna is really feces and blood.

    If you are a Black male, add urine to the mix!

    But you have cats like WisdomIsMisery, Tunde, Streetz & Most (cause I expect poor analyses from women, although I loved Maxine) saying

    “Oh, the sh*t sandwich is not really that bad, you should eat it anyway, it is nutritious too!!!”

    So, I don’t have a problem with Taylor,

    I don’t have a problem with wisdom’s response to Taylor, because he knows better, and still responded

    I don’t have a problem with the “Twin Bed Twitter” accusation, because as men we have to EARN AN OPINION, which I am mostly okay with.

    The problem comes is when you do everything you are asked as a man.

    You get your money,

    You forsake all h*es, &

    wife up that one special woman,

    You are a positive influence in your community (like Tunde, much respect)

    And you STILL GET BURNED.

    And you see the Taylor’s of the world get more respect & more p*ssy & grow prosperous in the process.

    So, Taylor is basically asking, which most young men are asking.

    Why would I aspire to be great & a man of high integrity, if I am already getting everything I want, being the “scumbag” that I am, now?

    And if I aspire to be great, my chances are getting burned is way higher than if I choose to be a scumbag.

    Good day gentlemen.

    P.S. And chill out. I still like ya. But we ain’t gonna see eye to eye on everything.

    • Adonis

      Free my greatness!!!!

    • slimmycakez

      After reading your rude, degrading, women-bashing comments from post to post over time, I grew a great dislike for you…and that's hard for me to admit, because I try to see the good in everyone. I truly do. But now, I get it. I'm sorry Adonis, I'm really sorry that you've been hurt so badly by women in your past. Yes, us women are not perfect. We have flaws. We can sometimes do pretty messed up things to guys and get away with it unscathed. But not all women are like this, or if we are/were, we definitely end up learning from our mistakes eventually.

      You continuing to live your life with this grudge on your shoulder will not ever prove fruitful in your life. It probably spills over from your romantic life, into your work life and other areas where you have to deal with women. You will never experience true happiness with a woman while you maintain this anger, because you'll never give a good woman a chance to show you that there are some good ones out there. I'm almost certain you expect every woman you come into contact with to fail/fall short in some way, shape, or form, and that only allows a self-fulfilling prophecy to take place.

      I honestly believe the deep-rooted anger you have towards women (and towards any other situation in your life) can only be resolved if you take it up with God. Seriously. Only light can fight out that darkness you have dwelling inside of you. There's no articles on SBM or any other website, book, or person that can help you overcome those issues. You need God-given love to fight out all that hatred within you.

      So Adonis, you can (and probably will) continue on in your hurt, and have it spew over into your comments and your way of thinking. You can totally dismiss me, cuss me out, shut me down, and go on about your day. I just want to let you know that I now love you with the love of the Lord, even in the state that you're in now. I truly do. You can say whatever you want to me, hurtful or not, and I'll still love you. I see and feel your pain, and that is what truly hurts me. I don't want you to have to continue living with that. From the bottom and most sincerest part of my heart, I pray that you will get convicted enough one day to just confront your issues head on so you won't have to live with it in your heart any longer. And I pray that once you do do that, you'll meet a woman with a pure heart, who will allow you to be great, support you in every thing that you do, and just love you with the most sincerest and tenderest love. God bless you, Adonis and if you ever need anything, I'm here for you! :)

      • Lovely

        You go girl!!! Well said.

        Ditto

      • Adonis

        @Slimmycakes

        1. Good women in this country, are very highly sought after. If I don’t get to them, it is not the end of the world. The problem is that there are so-called god-fearing “good women” claiming to have “pure hearts” in my way, while I am looking for these genuinely good (white) women.

        2. I grew up in the church, choir AND all. So, go figure.

        It is good to know I have fans. I was getting worried that y’all didn’t love me. :-)

        I am here for you too baby. D**k hard & everything!!!

        • Ceceduvall

          Don't focus on the negatives so much. So what if there are frauds in the midst? Everyone shows their true colors, we just have to believe them. My female friends and I have had a collective shit storm of bad relationships but we never became bitter (not saying you are). Or focused on the negatives. Just got up and moved on. Drop the misogyny and any other defenses you have up. People will only use and abuse you as much as you allow them. Life is just too short to focus on the bad apples.

        • Adonis

          @Ceceduvall

          I am sure you were trying to say something. Thanks anyway

  • http://twitter.com/DoctaPOPS @DoctaPOPS

    Great piece, honesty being the best policy is my mantra. It ain't ever that serious where you need to lie I have an expression I call "trust your offense." you gotta believe in your system.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    A few years removed from 21 i cant say i ever was Taylor, he’s doing windmills on a 6 ft hoop. I was probably at that mindset more at 18-19, when I was happy to be a side ninja, cougar chow, fwb etc it got old real quick when i realized I had much more to offer than a nut. Smashing chicks with low self worth is so easy a caveman can do it, if its on like that, find a woman who matches your grind.

    • Kimmy

      why is it that if a woman just wants a fwb that she must be suffering from low self-esteem? Why is morality so tied into our views of women' s sexuality?

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        i said low self esteem quoting him, i was implying no such thing.

        • Kimmy

          yeah i was replying to what the article was saying too & it was a general question not directed at you. my bad. lol

  • payne well

    Good insight to drop on this young man. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do it. It appears he just see women as objects to conquer and not really equals or someone that can offer great companionship. I think we all been hurt at one point of time and ultimately misconstrues our opinions about the opposite sex, which sounds like something that happened to him. We can hope he takes this advice and try to make himself better, but we all know if someone isn't receptive to the advice given, they will not be open to it.
    My recent post Practice what you preach!

  • http://up4discussion.org/ up4dsn

    Wow! You shared some undeniable gems with him Wis.

    I feel one of the most difficult things for young men to do is understand WHY they are doing the things they are doing. Oftentimes they are simply acting without thinking. Or if they are thinking, they're not thinking critically or considering the consequences of their actions. I know this doesn't just apply to the 'young', but in my experience I've met young people who like to use 'acting over thinking' as an excuse for their actions…and especially their missteps.

    Personally, I believe if a person steps back and thoroughly examines their situation they can enlighten themselves and begin to change their trajectory so their aiming at the right targets. At the end of the day it boils down to the mindset of the person in question. Are they stuck in their ways and refusing to listen to people who've been in similar situations? Or are they open-minded and ready to consider the possibility that they can make some improvements to their way of life? Once you know who you're dealing with, then you'll know if they truly want to or are ready to change.
    My recent post Words of Encouragement: Proper Mindset (Part 2)

  • Peter Parker

    Good post WIM. I think you hit on some good points to Taylor. I think every man at some point in their lives "play the field" and just have a little fun with the opposite sex. I think one of the key points mentioned was the fact to never lie to women. When I learned this key ingredient, man ole man!! lol On a real note though, as a professional black male myself, I would highly suggest not to do anything to derail your goals and focus. One thing about chasing "P****" is that it can derail your focus. Always focus on reaching your goals and everything else will fall in place. I have too many homeboys who ran the streets at your age and now 10 years later have to drive a 8 year old camry or can't really do the things they would like because of child support and etc…..Stay focus bro.

  • http://twitter.com/PrimaryThoughts @PrimaryThoughts

    Great post – Wisdom. Glad I took the time to read through…

    • WIM

      As am I. Thanks!

  • Dr. J

    Wis fell off.

    • WIM

      Lmao.

      I keep trying to tell you brother, coaching > playing.

      • Dr. J

        I feel like in a perfect world this would be a great message for the young kid, and you know what… it actually is a great message. Here's my thing about Taylor, if he can do what he's doing and it's working for him and he's reaching his goals, all the power to him. The other thing is that odl Wis wouldn't disagree that Taylor can do all that he said and in the end he'll be just fine. That's what it is for a lot of men out there. I think you addressing the should you do it.

        I give Taylor a pass because for every dude out here who's just trying to get in a girl's panties, it's a girl out here trying to get in a man's pockets.

        Fair exchange is certainly no robbery.

        • WIM

          That's fair. I actually said as much below to another commenter. I said so in the post, too. Taylor doesn't have to change. That's not the point. Arguably, no man ever has to change but ideally every man should want to change, because – and this is my opinion – making that progression in being a man makes you a better man overall.

          It's like the difference between taking on the responsibility of a Supervisor, a respectable position, but it's not a Director or CEO. These are all respectable positions, and in theory you could stop at each plateau and live a reputable life. However, we all know the top position is CEO, which is why so few ascend to that level. In fact, some don't even want that responsibility, ever. Still, I'm advocating for Taylor, if he wants (and when he wants) to strive for the best position rather than settling for a position he is most comfortable with simply because, in this case, it has less responsibility and it's easier to do.

          You know I respect the game, J. That don't mean the game aint flawed. Even when I was doing dirt I knew I was rolling in filth. If the Taylors of the world are cool with that; I'm cool with it too. I just think, eventually, you have to clean yourself off. I also believe the seeds of that transition can be planted in the mind of a 21-year old man, even if it doesn't bare fruit until that man grows up.

          Women are a different topic, IMO. I would simply advise them to avoid the Taylors of the world.

        • Dr. J

          The new generation is very well understanding of the concept of a supervisor and a CEO, but they choose life over career accomplishments. I work with the new generation and a lot of them park it after a couple promotions once they financially satisfied and never want to grow any further because it would take away from their ability to live life. Semi-unrelated but related. It's people out there right now who have it in their mind that they don't ever want to put in hard work, they're rather just be lazy, have fun, and enjoy things as they come. That's cool in my book.

        • WIM

          True. Again, if someone is happy with their station in life, isn't breaking the law, and generally isn't hurting any one else, I say more power to them. The difference between the type of men you're describing and "Taylor," is that Taylor said right within his very comment that he eventually wanted a wife and kids (although he referred to his future wife as a "regular sex buddy," which I think is part of the problem).

          For this type of man, I think the transition should begin, however slow it may be, sooner than later. If a man is trying to win a race, I'm going to offer him the best strategy for finishing that race. The guy you're describing seems to not even be interested in running the race, let alone finishing, to which I would tell him to kindly step to the side and not get in the way of the rest of the pack.

  • Char

    This is a "young" guy thing? Definitely know several 30 year olds with this mentality…some of whom are even married…

    Still though, how's this different than the "why settle down if you have your pick of the litter when you're successful" mentality often found in late 20's and up dudes?

    • WIM

      Honestly? That's why I didn't advocate for Taylor to change before he's ready. I dont think any man should change before he's ready. It sounds like the men you're describing followed the script because "that's what they're supposed to do" and then they feel trapped and project their feelings/insecurities on to women – who are sometimes their wives – because they made the choice to leave "the game" before they were ready. I understand the appeal of the game and I recognize it takes a lot to leave it, especially if you're not sure what you'll be gaining once you do leave. If anything, I'd advise men to leave on their own time, on their own doing – just be honest with the women they deal with along the way.

  • http://singleblackmale.org MR 2 cents ($0.02)

    Wisdom u hit young @Taylor with some good jewels,props for putting it out there for the young lad to soak it up. But in Taylor's defense how many of us honestly listened to advice from older people and really took it to heart??…not many I would assume. At his age he'll probably listen outta respect,but still move around his own way…which he should because we all do! The only thing I kinda have to disagree with wis on is the "most women are not bad" line…idk about that one sir. It's a lot of women who are bad,many in different ways..but still bad. That's why its hard for lots of men to find their potential wife. U gotta dig thru lots a dirt before u find a diamond LOL!! Good luck to young Taylor on his journeys in life. 3 lines sum up his situation perfectly

    "Experience is the best teacher". "U live and u learn" and when he looks back on his choices in life he"ll understand these words better because "hindsight is 20/20"

    "Just my thoughts"

    My recent post 5 Things Men Should Eventually Accept about Women and Relationships

    • WIM

      You're right. I don't realistically have high hopes that Taylor, or any 21-year old man, would take what I have to say to heart today, but that doesn't mean it didn't need to be said for the minority of 21-year old men who will listen or a couple 31-year old men who still think they're 21-years old in their own minds.

      I've always been big on reading, long before the "blogosphere" blew up and I recall quite a few posts/articles/etc that I read in my youth that didn't make sense at the time, but as I matured, those messages those older cats tried to teach me in my youth started to make a lot more sense and they became increasingly applicable to my own life with age. I'm grateful those men (and some women) at least attempted to speak wisdom to me, even if their message originally landed on deaf ears. Unfortunately, as you said, "experience is the best teacher," however, I'm reminded of another, perhaps more poignant quote as well:

      "The wise man learns from someone else’s mistakes, the smart man learns from his own, and the stupid one never learns."

    • Peter Parker

      Those three lines really provided the basis of what the journey of life will bring to anyone.

    • Adonis

      @Mr. 0.02

      We see eye on things.

      One of things that grate me with the Mosts’ & the Streetz & The Tunde, is that they give women too much country. And not enough criticism.

      It goes back to my question.

      If a woman is a child, then she gets no responsibility, but no blame or credit either.

      If a woman is accountible. Blame & credit, where necessary.

      But

      “Women want the POWER of MEN, the PRIVILEGE of Women & the responsiblility of NEITHER.” – B. Dizzle

      That is why I give feminists that work!!!

  • Dontgetcrazyyy

    "Women should be able to recognize what type of man Taylor is and if he is not the type of man they want, they should leave him alone. If I have a daughter, I hope I am able to educate her enough, provide her with the necessary life-tools, and give her the self-esteem needed to avoid men like Taylor."

    Post Pt. 2? Or has something like this already been done?

    I'm in college, so I'm sure there's a lot of this mentality floating around. When you hear them amongst friends, it's clear who thinks like this and who doesn't (most do, but guys also say and do different things that they don't really feel around other guys. *Shrugs*. Maybe it's the age). However, it's not as easy to diagnose when men are in pursue mode.

    • WIM

      Re: Post Pt. 2

      If folks are interested, sure. I wasn't thinking about that. I've given some thought on how to "prepare" my (future) daughter for men or my (future) son for women. I touched on this in the post, but on a podcast I did before with @Up4Dsn it was asked whether, "you would let your daughter date a man like the younger version of yourself?" I honestly struggled with this question for a long time, because in my youth I was the best (or worst) of both worlds. I generally knew how to treat women, but I didn't treat all women the way I knew how to treat them. I basically chose which women I was going to respect, and which women I was not – generally based on if they let me or not.

      Anyway, I'll expand on that in full another day. Thanks for the comment.

  • uNk

    Great post bro, honestly I see alot of how I used to be in Taylor's statements. Its crazy because this is the person I tried to hide when i was like 19-20, trying to put on the good guy front. It sucks because at that age (I mean im only 23) its like 80% of the people in your world act like this, so you have no one to take advice from except the older folks you dont want to listen to.The result is you becoming a product of your environment. I agree that he does not need to change himself as a person at all. I hope im not contradicting myself but maybe a change in things around him,(Friends, social events, women he associates with) and he will eventually mold into a better man on his own accord.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    "Women should be able to recognize what type of man Taylor is and if he is not the type of man they want, they should leave him alone."

    "I’m telling you not to lie, because you don’t have to and women have the right to know what type of men they’re dealing with upfront. If your game, looks, charm or other is as appealing as many of you seem to believe, then you should never have to lie to a woman to get her to sleep with you, be with your, or entertain your company, ever."

    *in my Sam L. Jackson voice* $shhheeeit negro, that's all you had to say! LOL! Everything else was just icing on the cake…

  • Calicker

    This stuck out to me for some reason

    "…That’s why I can understand why you, and men like you, would prefer to take the easier route while you focus on other goals with more clear-cut plans and objectives".

    Alot of cats I know, including myself, have been in the same predicament. Attempting to balance tangible life goals with what seems like intangible sex/relationship standards can be a very diffcult feat to juggle especially if your ignorant or naive to the facts. Most times it goes by unnoticed and other times it becomes evident through maturity and experiences. One has to make relationship building a tangible goal in life, otherwise, it will go to the wayside like in this case with Taylor. Its all a learning process.

    Blog: http://www.theurbanbeaux.blogspot.com

  • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

    Bitter jaded womanizing T will grow up to be bitter jaded “why doesn’t any woman want me for what’s inside” T. It always cracks me up when a man that has spent a decade on superficial relationships gets mad when women only want him for superficial things when he gets older. If you spent your life riding a tricycle you don’t suddenly know how to drive a stick shift just cause you’re “ready now”. I understand that people don’t see the point of Wis warning the kid, but you don’t just wake up knowing how to love and be in a healthy relationship with someone. Since he mentioned he wanted marriage, it would be nice to warn him that going from living in your moms basement to owning a three-family might come with some growing pains if he doesn’t transition properly.

    • Jay Dee

      I replaced "T" with "Maris", "Womanizing" with "Man-hater", and so on…..

      Good game sweetheart, unfortunately you fail to realize the game you dumb hoes are using came from the same womanizer prototype you so adamantly hate lol. That bitch nigga who wrote "She's just now that into You" just flipped "He" to "She".

      But it's whatever you dumb bitch, it's all population control at the end of it so keep downing ssri's and whatever hormonal bullshit you need to keep your bi polar streak in check.

      Much love from the 313.

      • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

        BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
        You finished,boo?

        • Jay Dee

          I'm not a ghost.

          But you seem upset.

          Maybe switch to Johnsons tear-free formula to quit crying about it and move on.

      • The Dark Knight

        ^^^ Pay him no mind Maris. This N*GGA Jay Dee is a couple of years away from having a sore @$$hole via his homeboy "T" (for Tyrone) because obviously, no self-respecting female would ever tolerate a p*ssy like this man here. Had to go hood on the cockroaches that make real black men like me look bad

    • Jay Dee

      Oh and I run a faster 1/4 than you so now what.

  • DeKeLa

    Good post, but too preachy IMO.

    Dude is young, focusing on himself and will grow , like everyone one of us on here. He will have his good days, bad days and life lessons.

    It's up for him to decide what he wants from his life and make the choices to reach his goal.

    I (mostly) agree on the "never lie" part, but if he is dealing with OPP, then does it really matter?

    Keep going strong Taylor, and write a check to SBM, ya rich basterd

  • 12 Point Buck

    Fornicate with promiscuous women, acquire currency, develop assets. And if you really want to get married, marry a young beautiful chick when you're 40.

    This will be my advice to my future young sirs.

    By then, we should have male contraceptives, so no risk of getting caught up. The future looks great for us, gentlemen.

    • Dontgetcrazyyy

      Um… okay.

      What would your advice be to future young ma'ams? Like to a future daughter, or sister figure? Just curious…

      • 12 Point Buck

        An excellent question actually. My advice would be:

        Don't be a promiscuous woman, acquire currency, develop assets. And if you really want to get married, do it when you're still young and pretty.

        OR

        Take advantage of your youth and beauty and marry some decently rich guy, divorce him, and collect the alimony. Then do whatever you want.

        • Dontgetcrazyyy

          "And if you really want to get married, do it when you're still young and pretty."
          "And if you really want to get married, marry a young beautiful chick when you're 40."

          Why would some young, pretty woman want to marry a 40+ year old man, aside from assets? And if she's acquired her own currency and developed her own assets what would be the purpose?

          I'm not saying this to argue. I think something like this was said in the comments section "What’s in it for Me: Black Men Avoid Marriage Longer than Every Other Race" posted a few weeks ago and I'm genuinely interested in the logic behind this perspective.

        • h.h.h.

          a) if you divorce, you lose half the assets you acquired during the marriage. so if you acquire your wealth before you get married, apparently it won't get touched. (i think that's the logic)

          b) gender wars turn more than a few men off and instead of helping to heal, they take advantage of the pain, or become apathetic to an ally's struggle.

        • 12 Point Buck

          I hear this claim very often– "why would a chick with her own money want to marry an old rich dude?"

          The answer is that she probably wouldnt, unless she wants to combine assets and build an empire together.

          But if you're an old rich dude, you'd do well to marry a pretty poor chick who has to depend on you anyway. So she has no incentive to leave or mess around on her husband (assuming that prenup is solid) because if she did, then she'd be back in the poor house.

          The benefit for guys is that they get a beautiful young nubile chick. The benefit for the chick is that her life could be paid for and all she has to do is sit back and enjoy. win-win

        • Dontgetcrazyyy

          "But if you're an old rich dude, you'd do well to marry a pretty poor chick who has to depend on you anyway."

          Okay. This makes more sense. This scenario is more about controlling someone/ having the upperhand. I think most people are looking for something a bit more substantial than money for chex, chex for money. But I guess if two grown people are okay with someone only wanting them as a goods/service then that's fine.

          Thanks for replying.

    • Bgirl

      LMAO! So many men swear they are gonna play around, get rich, and get a hot and beautiful young woman when they are in their 40s and live happily ever after. Let's be real. The overwhelming majority of men are not going to be rich or fine enough to pull young, beautiful women who have a plethora of options. And even if you do, you better hope she doesn't take everything you have or be banging some tight bodied 25-year old and spending up all your money, while you are sitting at home thinking you got her on lock. .

      • 12 Point Buck

        The majority of black men arent highly educated or have successful professional careers, but that shouldn't stop us from aspiring to get there. If our potential was determined by the limits of the majority, we would all be stagnating in mediocrity.

        This is a path that is achievable, low risk, and empowering. And it should be worth considering if you think you can do it.

      • Dontgetcrazyyy

        Ikr. I think that whole idea is a little unrealistic. Considering women are outearning men now and that trend seems to be continuing. It's gonna take more than a good career and/or 6-figures to convince some young, cute girl to be your permanent slampiece when your old and saggy, especially if she's got any character and/or a good future of her own ahead of her.

        • 12 Point Buck

          You may have a point. Certainly some subset of chicks dont want to be with an old dude. And thats fine.

          But the whole "you'll be old with wrinkly balls and no chicks will want you because your peen wont work" argument just doesn't reflect reality– all the old rich men I see who embrace that strategy are married to some straight up bangers.

          Dudes, there will be a plethora of pretty young chicks all over the world who will jump at the chance to juggle your rich old wrinkly balls. Don't fall for these scare tactics! lol

        • Dontgetcrazyyy

          "Dudes, there will be a plethora of pretty young chicks all over the world who will jump at the chance to juggle your rich old wrinkly balls. Don't fall for these scare tactics! "

          I'm not denying this fact!
          But don't be disappointed and woman-bash if you discover these women seem to lack character.

          This was said "You are who you date". If you lead with your money, you will get women who like you for your money. You won't be the only guy with money and if she gets her own steady supply via a child support check or someone richer, finer, or younger you may be tossed.

          I'm 19 and every 30+ guy I meet leads with career and money in some attempt to attract me. Its only so attractive…

        • Dontgetcrazyyy

          *to me. Had to specify.

          I just don't feel a need to be somebody's nubile sex slave in exchange for financial security when I feel I'll be able to provide my own financial security in the future. *shrugs*

        • 12 Point Buck

          "If you lead with your money, you will get women who like you for your money. "

          I'm glad you mentioned this. It is certainly true more often than not. For guys that are reading our tangent this far down, leading with money is not ideal in all circumstances.

          You don't want to be the guy who just won the lottery and is trying to impress women with money– thats tryhard and lame. Instead you want to be the rich fat cat who has old money but doesn't put it out there like that (i.e. money aint a thang, aint got no worries, etc). In fact, unless she's your wife, a chick should have no idea how much money you have.

          The concept of knowing your audience is just as important for journalists and comedians as it is for men and women building attraction. The last 19 year old I pulled into my world was enamored by the carefree cavalier attitude. Displays of wealth work better on older women who are attracted to stability and the ability to provide because they want a family. Chicks 18-24 are doing their "sexual liberation" thing, so they often respond better to new and fun experiences. You don't have to fly her to Turks and Caicos– you can just give her some drugs and take her to a nice party or concert.

          I should write a guest post on this. lol

          I feel like singeblackmale has become trying-to-be-in-a-relationship-blackmale. Where are the posts with insights and strategies for staying single and WINNING?

        • Dontgetcrazyyy

          "Chicks 18-24 are doing their "sexual liberation" thing…"

          I'm not. Neither are my friends. Maybe it'll work on some of my associates. But those aren't the young women you'd want to marry at 40, imo. If I were to date someone older, which I'm not opposed to, part of his appeal would be his relative maturity hopefully. Not some guy trying to rekindle his youthly fire with drugs, parties, and young girls.

          But whatevs. Looking forward to that guest post.

        • WIM

          I feel like singeblackmale has become trying-to-be-in-a-relationship-blackmale. Where are the posts with insights and strategies for staying single and WINNING?

          We will keep a look out for that guest post, but we've heard such lofty claims before and our inbox remained empty. However, I'll draft up my thoughts on how a man can remain single and still win into his 40s, 50s, and really until death, if he's willing to make a few minor adjustments every 5 – 10 years.

  • 12 Point Buck

    Thats another thing– smashing chicks just for the sake of doing it can either be boring and pointless, or it can be fun and exciting. If you're just going after the girls with low self esteem, then yea, you aint doing nothing to brag about.

    So instead go for the chicks who have higher standards and high self esteem, so you can get a challenge and a sense of accomplishment. Maybe try to smash a model or celebrity, or a chick who's only had like 2 partners ever and she's looking for a husband, or a chick that prides herself on being able to detect BS dudes.

    Fellas, if you find the game is no longer fulfilling to you, hit Pause, go down to Options, and change the difficulty setting from "Easy" to "Pro"

    • Smilez_920

      So basically lie to women. Yup , I swear some men really lack integrity . Why is it so hard to be nice and take other ppl into consideration. Hurt ppl hurt ppl I guess.

      • 12 Point Buck

        Not at all– my advice wasn't to lie, but to seek out a challenge. I think you can do all the things I mentioned above without lying or misrepresenting yourself.

        Just because a chick is looking for a husband or claims to not do one night stands with players doesn't mean she can't be legitimately seduced without being lied to. It happens every day.

  • h.h.h.

    i see hurt and pain from the males in the comments.

    my advice to the fellas, and to "T"…

    there's more to life than f**king.

    when you find that, you come a bit closer to not being a male, and closer to being a man.

    as numerous examples have shown, a males #1 downfall, 9 times outta ten…is sex.

    so keep following your base instincts. i hope it works out for you.

    • 12 Point Buck

      "there's more to life than f**king."

      On the contrary, without f**king, there would be no life. Its the only way to propagate your genes, and is as important to our collective survival as eating and sleeping.

      • h.h.h.

        you haven't disproved my point. that there is MORE to life than that.

        if that's your concern, get your nut on cuz.

        i don't breed, i'm building a legacy.

  • http://sbm Your game is lame

    No matter who you are, male or female… Your sins will find you out. If you think your running game then the joke is really on you. At the end of the day STDs discriminate against no one and you will be the only one to have to give an account for your actions. You have to pay to play. Everything you do is a choice and all the responsibilities that comes from your choices are yours as well.

  • Jay Dee

    It's sad really. Everyone suffers from game but no one wants to be real about its affects on both parties male and female.

    You wanna stop deceit

    You wanna have an honest relationship

    You need to call out bullshit.

    "T" is a by-product of the bitch nigga "Opp" mindset meant to fuck up society more than it needs to be.

    Furthermore, creating a culture where simp ass creep negros are actually VALUED because "They exude Confidence" and "Ain't cuffin" makes "Trust" a laughable concept at best.

    Fuck ignorance.
    Fuck false societal norms
    Fuck the simp/bitch nigga mindset.

    • http://smb Results don’ t change just the players

      Exactly Jay Dee… My point exactly. Folks need to stop lying to each other. And individuals need to stop believing in a lie. There is nothing normal with that mindset thinking playing mind games is ok and that it’s the other persons fault for not catching on to it. It’s not ok to think that someone speaking something positive to a person should be treated as wasted time because they’re going to do what they want to do anyway. Anything positive being said is a seed sewn. Whether the person being spoken to receive it as such or not is truly up to them but it takes the burden off the conscience of the one who should have said something because the opportunity presented itself. The problem is no one has a moral compass anymore and make excuses for their behavior by blaming others. Be your own man or woman. If you want to be an ass then admit your an ass just take responsibility for it. The fact is an will remain, you and you only will have to deal with your own personal choices. That’s grown man/ grown woman talk. 21 isn’t too young to understand especially if your or here practicing in the mirror before you run out the house tricking.

  • RandomRN88

    God I hope I don't have any daughters. Men are just terrible.

    • Jay Dee

      With infertility rates the way the are I don't think that's gonna be a problem chief.

  • Uit

    I gotta say that this is the most disheartening post I have read in a long time. Stuff like this really makes me feel like I was born in the wrong time. Maybe I read and watched too many movies and books about high adventure and fantasy where love conquers all cuz I really do feel like I'm last person that believes in love, that power comes with responsibility, nothing worth having will be easily gained and such…I'm mostly disappointed with the love point since everything else holds true. I was looking forward to being in love (the kind that makes you lay in bed with the person you love even though the ship is sinking) but the more I read about the way guys think, the shit women do and how dishonest everyone is these days…I feel like that love is becoming something that only exists in fiction.

  • Charmy

    I don't know if what I'm about to say has already been pointed out but here goes:

    It's a small world. Tyler may think that his actions are done in secrecy but they way WOMEN work…we alll know who the male whores are. It just gets through the grapevine. And the more women he sleeps with the more likely these women will cross paths and it will show just the type of guy he is whether he realizes it or not.

    When this happens, the only type of woman that will ever want to attempt at a serious relationship with him is a woman that plans on using him for his money or a woman who is also a player herself that can "relate" to the lifestyle he has chosen.

    I've seen this happen way too many times…

    -Charmy