Why You Need to Move on If He’s Not Making You Happy

black-men-versus-black-women

Sometimes we settle for things or people that we know don’t make us happy. We go through the motions and hope things change or we become comfortable in our “situation”. We know we’re unhappy but we fail to leave. Fortunately, the guys over at ThoughtCatalog tell us why we shouldn’t settle and how to move on:

Why do we do it? We meet someone, we are semi-interested, we exchange info. We go out a couple times. We’re still very “meh” about the whole thing. Yeah, he’s alright, we think. And he does everything right. He calls and texts (but not too much), he does sweet things to let you know he’s into you, he makes and keeps future dates, he opens up. So you let down your guard, you open up, too. And you admit to yourself that you like him. Maybe this time is different?

And then it happens. His calls and texts get shorter and more sporadic. You feel like you’re the one always initiating. And thus begins The Doubt Game. You question everything. Is he not texting as much because he’s more comfortable with me and doesn’t feel the need to, or has he lost interest? Should I call him, or should I wait for him to call me? I’ll wait. That will show me that he’s into me. But it’s been a two days. Maybe he’s doing the same thing, waiting for me to call him. Should I call? Oh god. I’ve gone insane.

You date. It’s been a few months. But it’s not the same. He’s more comfortable with you, yes, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. He’s cancelled or postponed plans a few times because of A, B, C reason. They are all legitimate and understandable reasons. Work. A friend needs him to do something.

He’s just not feeling good. You understand. You accommodate. Because you are understanding and accommodating. You really don’t mind. Isn’t that what a good girlfriend does? Be supportive? Laid back?

No pressure here! Whatever, it’s cool!

But how much is too much? That’s the question.

Read the rest here:

From Our Partners

  • http://whatyouallow.com/ Wildflower

    Ok this is like Deja Vu. Definitely been here before. Never again!
    My recent post Closet Freak The Betrayal

  • SMilez_920

    Been there done that. Glad it’s over. I think the main reason ppl stay in situations like this is

    1)Convenience- You may hate it but it’s easy and available to obtain.

    2)Comfortable/familiar- Not the positive comfortable you feel when you’re with someone you can open up to. But the comfortable that keeps you in bad situations to long because

    3)Loneliness- Some people rather be miserable/ok than happy and alone.

    4)Some women want the situation more than they want the person- People chasing love and tittles. They just want to be with somebody. They’ve already built an image/idea of what this guy should or is suppose to be, and now that its not panning out instead of jumping ship , they hold on to the dream. This is one example of how some women don’t handle rejection well.

    5)Self doubt.

  • 12 Point Buck

    Its interesting how its implied that the guy is to blame for the girl's unhappiness in their relationship. HE's not texting anymore, HE's not initiating, HE's cancelling plans, HE's not living up to her self-generated idea/image of him. So the girl is the innocent victim who just wants to be a supportive girlfriend.

    What about the flip side of the coin– maybe her unhappiness is tied to HIS unhappiness. And she's not really the "perfect girlfriend" she thinks she is. And he's just tolerating her for similar reasons that she's tolerating him. In fact, his reasons for staying might be just as strong as hers. "I don't really like her like that, but the sex is alright and she can hook a steak up, so i'll ride till we run out of gas."

    Just because a guy isnt expressing his unhappiness explicitly doesnt mean he's 100% satisfied with his chick. I think if one person isnt satisfied, then chances are the other person isnt satisfied either.

    That being said, there's nothing wrong with settling in the short term. The sun set(tles) every day. Rain settles on flower petals, silt settles on the ocean floor. Settling is just resting for a while before moving again– and if you settle for the long term you're doing it wrong anyway.

    • kindasweetish

      I'm pretty sure she was writing from her perspective and chose not to address the other perspective well, because that's just not her experience. Every post doesn't need to cover all perspectives.

  • http://mssexydanielle.blogspot.com/ Danielle

    I so needed to read that! Thanks for posting…
    My recent post Straight from a "Dark Girl's" Mouth

  • RandomRN88

    I never understood why people stayed in relationships they weren't happy in. Once I stop being happy with a dude, I tell him, if he doesn't want to change, I leave. That simple.

  • Jay Dee

    I thought this was single black male.

    • Adonis

      @Jay Dee

      This is Bidness homie, and business is good. You gon’ have to wait until my blog drop, however Google Tariq Nasheed, and I think you’ll find what you are looking for.

      For the most part, if you are catering to the SingleBlackMale audience, you will starve as a blogger. Women run this sh*t, regardless of race.

      • Jay Dee

        Wait didn't you make a video b?

  • NigaQueen

    @RandomRN88

    You don't understand because you're not those women. Many factors come into play that may cloud a women's perspective not allowing them to easily and simply handle the situation the way you may. Hence why we have so many cases of physical and emotional abuse. There are many women that may be considered "strong" by their friends and family yet find themselves in a situation like the article described. People are different. Circumstances are different. People may exit stage left at different times. Why judge? You never know when you may find yourself in a situation like that.

  • NigaQueen

    @ 12 Point Buck

    I actually don't think this article was implying that her unhappiness was the guy's fault. We are each responsible for our own happiness, however in a true, mature relationship we are also responsible for the happiness of our partner… to a certain degree.

    She actually said that the calls and texts became shorter and more sporadic. Not that they stopped. She was initiating more etc. Not that the guy wasn't initiating at all. Sometimes we need to read and pay close attention to words. the type of language used, makes a world of difference in understanding each other. IF all communication from the guy totally ceased, i would think she woudl eventually get it. However that doesn't sound like it was the case in this article. He was obviously still stringing her along, so he in fact could have and should have just said directly that he was no longer interested instead of playing the sporadic communication game with her. No?

  • Bree

    I cosign on some points in this article and understand the authors points. However even though u shouldn't try to force "square pegs into round holes" the reality is no relationship is perfect and happy and sunshiny all the time. You will have differences and disagree and people "fall off." It happens. Most impnt thing is definitely that the love and respect between the 2 people remain the same and don't change. Because the love between 2 people in a serious relationship and especially married should be unconditonal.

  • http://www.opinionatedmale.com cortonio

    If a person, whether it's a man or woman isn't being accommodating to your needs just bounce. You don't need to run yourself ragged trying to make someone else happy. Chances are you'll make someone else happy or find that one who will make you happy
    My recent post Dear Hip Hop, We Hardly Knew Ye