I am 30 years old, and I’m not married, nor do I have any offspring of my own. I know this can be shocking to you, but it’s really okay. I am not unstable, or emotionally challenged. As far as I know, my eggs are in order, and when I am ready to procreate with the right person, I will be able to do so. I bring this up to make a point. It is really rude and equally annoying to get caught up in conversations with third party individuals and other randoms who feel the need to question my tax filing status and potential dependents.
The other night I ran into an old classmate from high school. As we were chatting it up, I asked her what she had been up to, and her response was that she is married now and has two kids. She returned the question, and I responded very candidly that I am not married, and I do not have any kids, but I have been working on my career, writing and traveling. Then it happened. She asked me what I was waiting for. Pardon?
I didn’t realize that I was waiting for anything. In my mind, I just figured that when a man and babies was supposed to happen for me, it would. I mean, I could be wrong. Maybe I’m behind the curve and didn’t know. What’s really funny, but not, is that I get asked this question all. the. time. Nobody is really asking me if I got promoted, or if I’ve contributed to mankind. I have goals. I have dreams. Ask me about those things. I, instead, get asked why I’m not married with kids. It’s irritating. Since when did being married with kids define if I was successful or not? To be honest, I think people ask the question to be nosey. Do you really want an explanation? I could come up with one if I needed to. Let’s say I was crazy. Would you really want me to go into details about just how crazy I can be? Probably not.
At one point when I was younger, I thought that by the time I reached 25, I would be married with kids (which I am going to shorten to MWK). Knowing what I know now, I couldn’t imagine being MWK at such a young age. There are times when I get asked the MWK question often enough that I start to ask myself what’s wrong with me? Then I take a look at where I am in my life and where I want to be and I am reminded that it’s just not my time yet.
I should come up with a list of clever responses for all the nosey people who keep asking me what’s my deal. Here are a few that I’ve come up with so far:
Hey Keita, why aren’t you married yet?
- I was married and divorced at 21, and I’d rather be more selective next time.
- After doing the math, I am aware that there are an odd number of men to women, and I’m the one that lucked out.
- I have a husband and kids. I just haven’t met them yet.
- I’m saving my eggs for KimYe.
- I was using you as a role model, and I’ll pass.
Even though I am 30, I don’t ever want to find myself in a “might as well” situation just so I can be MWK. A “might as well” situation is when you’ve been with someone for so many years, and you two have been through so much together, that you “might as well” just get married. Sure, I have my moments when I want the Cosby life, but I also want to be MWK under the best circumstances possible. Before I take any steps toward marriage, I want to be sure it’s right. Marriage is supposed to be exciting. I wouldn’t want to get married as a last result. I have met enough “might as well” couples that are only married because someone was ride or die and stuck it out through all the BS, but they don’t truly seem happy.
I might as well take being asked why I’m not MWK with a grain of salt and not let it bother me. With so much media influence, and these newfound relationship experts, I am not surprised people are so concerned with everyone else’s status. Even if you have that itch and want to get married as soon as possible, never make light of your other attributes. It may not be your time for marriage or kids, but that doesn’t mean it’s not your time to shine somewhere else.
Keita Wheats is a St. Louis native and an alumna of Saint Louis University. She has been writing for leisure since college, but has only stepped into the blogosphere in the last couple of years. She can be described asadventurous with a dash of sass, and her sharp tongue keeps readers intrigued. She has recently been published on Ebony Magazine Online, and continues to write for other blog sites as well as her own.
Twitter: @keitathejedi | Website: www.keitawheats.com