Home Featured 10 Ways To Work On Your Marriage Before You’re Married

10 Ways To Work On Your Marriage Before You’re Married

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The matchmaker and life coach, Paul Carrick Brunson tells you how to work on marriage, before you get the ring or the woman in 10 steps.

The best time to work on your marriage is before you’re married. If you are single, here are 10 things you can do now to prepare for strong matrimony.

1) Stop Falling in Love with Potential
Having a healthy relationship with your partner means loving them for who stands before you today, not the hope of who they will be tomorrow. Falling in love with potential is a mistake.

2) Love Yourself More
I’m not talking about looking in the mirror and saying, “I look good.” Loving yourself is about respecting what you put in your mind, your body and your spirit. The more you love yourself, the more emotionally healthy people you will attract.

3) Get Some Identity Capital
I learned this from an amazing Ted Talk by clinical psychologist Meg Jay. She articulates “Identify Capital” as something that adds value to who you are. It could an internship, getting your start-up launched, going for the trek around the world or any initiative that builds character will later be desired.



4) Work on Vulnerability
The bottom line is you can’t love without first being vulnerable. Putting yourself in positions of vulnerability in other areas of your life will help build this “muscle.”

5) Be Intentional
Approach your love life as intentionally as you do with your work. Choose who and what you want in a relationship rather than just making it work with whoever chooses you.

[Read the next 5 steps here]

TheSUNK TheSUNK is the Weekly Contributor for SingleBlackMale.org TheSUNK.com or "the Sh!t U Need 2 Know" is a NSFW blog based on the explicit discussion of sex, relationships, and social commentary. It’s "Where Your Bedroom Voice is Welcomed…" TheSUNK is a native of Chicago and a current Howard University student.

Comment(6)

  1. 2) Love Yourself More
    I’m not talking about looking in the mirror and saying, “I look good.” Loving yourself is about respecting what you put in your mind, your body and your spirit. The more you love yourself, the more emotionally healthy people you will attract.

    Cannot be said enough

    3) Get Some Identity Capital
    I learned this from an amazing Ted Talk by clinical psychologist Meg Jay. She articulates “Identify Capital” as something that adds value to who you are. It could an internship, getting your start-up launched, going for the trek around the world or any initiative that builds character will later be desired.

    So many people need to do this. Too many people with low identity capital think they deserve people with high identity capital. This is pretty much in a nutshell: what do you have going for yourself other than the basics that you're supposed to have anyway?
    My recent post Daddy’s Girls: The 5 types of Fatherless Women

  2. #3 is the truth…
    Both myself and my guy are trying to get ourselves together career wise so this is a definite.
    You gotta also find the right person that believes in whatever "capital" you choose to go into.

  3. I agree wholeheartedly with all of these. One thing that was left out is Getting Your Mind Right for a lifetime commitment. That is the biggest thing right there. You could find the perfect person for you. However, if your not a person who is commitment minded or if your perfect person is not commitment minded your doomed to fail. Being able to commit for a very very long time takes a certain type of mentality, and maturity level. If you or the person your with is not there the relationship will fail due to "irreconcilable differences."
    Another thing that should be added is learning how to Effectively Problem Solve. If you and/or your partner is not good at problem solving, when you experience trials and tribulations in your marriage, and you will, the problems will get the best of you and contribute to the demise of your relationship.
    I've learned a lot about having staying power in relationships and marriages because I come from a family of relationships and marriages that last a lifetime.

  4. The 2 biggest things that always sustain every marriage are being totally and completely committed to the commitment you made. Even when you don't feel like being committed to the person your with, when your committed to your vows and the commitment you made to each other you don't let anything or anyone come between you. I know a woman who is in her late 50's. She has an identical twin sister. Her sister is going through a divorce and about to lose her home. She told her sister that under no circumstances can she live with her and her husband. She loves her twin but she said she will not let anything or anyone ever come between her and her husband. Prime example of being committed to your commitment and vows.

  5. Very good points. I totally believe in giving it everything you got prior to marriage.. especially if you two realize you want to spend the rest of your life together. I had to learn a looong time ago to stop looking at someone for who I wanted them to be.. once I realized I couldn't change that person or he didn't want to be changed, It made it easier to X them out before things got serious.
    My recent post Will He Commit If You Let Him Hit?

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