Questions Men Should Stop Asking Women

frustrated black woman

Men, you all have an interesting way of asking questions. Although I know your intentions are good, they do get overlooked from time to time. I think that deep down in your manly hearts, you mean well, but sometimes ’tis better to wonder than to ask. You know when you’ve asked a woman a question, and just as you finish you realize you should have kept the question to yourself? Yep. Those questions.  The questions that don’t get you answers, rather they get you the look of death.

Let’s be honest, if it has to do with the way women look, you probably shouldn’t ask. Just don’t. Save yourself the trouble. It’s not worth it, I promise. I think many of the questions you have about women are rhetorical anyway. When you ask questions like, “Why do you spend so much money on your hair?” for example, you know you really don’t want to know why. This is just a passive aggressive way to say, “You really don’t need to be spending so much money on your hair, put something on this light bill.”  We don’t ask you why you continue to brush your hair when it doesn’t need brushing, do we? Let us live.

Although the communication between men and women is an ongoing struggle, there are small steps that each of us can take to close this gap. For the purpose of today’s efforts, I’ll address the men, and offer a list of questions that you should make an effort to stay away from:

1.  Why do you wear make-up?                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Translation: I like you better with less make-up. I like natural beauty.

Women wear make-up because it’s fun. We can totally create a brand new face for any occasion, and it always enhances the way we look. It creates a more polished look, and shows there was some effort put into our look for the day. Lashes are in, pouty lips are in, and eyebrows definitely give us an opportunity to show our personality. The thicker they are the better!

2.  When is the last time you worked out?

Translation: You should hit the gym.

Pardon? You know this question is just begging for an altercation. Now unless you already know this girl is a beast in the gym, or her IG has transformation pictures on every single post, you should avoid this question at all costs. If it’s your girl, and you think she could use a few work outs, there is nothing wrong with a little encouragement. I say find a way to include her in your own trips to the gym. As a couple you could even start your own get fit challenge.

3.  Quit looking so mean, why don’t you smile?

Translation: You look nice and I think I want to get at you, but I can’t think of anything else to say.

Ah yes. The age old failed ice breaker question for the stranger on the street. I’ll keep this simple. If you want to say something to a woman, just say, “Hello, how are you?” Leave it at that. If the conversation is meant to keep going, believe me it will. By you insinuating that a woman looks “mean” is already an insult. Aside from that, you have no clue what is going on in her life. She could have just gotten some horrible news, or maybe she’s not having a good day. This question is rude, and it’s insulting, so stop asking, ‘kay?

4.   Why are you acting so emotional?

Translation: This is too much. Man up.

Women are emotional creatures. You know this. Find a way to handle our emotions because we will likely never choose logic over emotion. We’re just not wired that way. Handle with care, and tap into your softer side. It’s for your own good.

5.  Why do you wear weave?

Translation: I don’t like your weave. It itches. Where are your edges? I don’t want it on my chest. It smells. What does your real hear look like? I don’t know who you really are. I prefer a natural look. Take it out!

Ok, this is tricky. I totally get men’s issues with weave. However, to us, weave is an accessory. Similar to make-up, it’s another way to express our individuality and change up our look. Some women choose to wear weave for an eternity. Some women only wear weave for certain occasions. I know some men address this in the very beginning of getting-to-know a woman. Some men are usually upfront about their weave preference, and I don’t see anything wrong with that.  All I’m saying is, if you don’t like it, address that in the beginning. Don’t wait until 6 months in and start complaining about that Brazilian investment.

These are just some of the questions that I find annoying as a woman. I know there are more. There have to be. I also know that 9 times out of 10, if a man asks any of these questions to a woman, the outcome could be brutal. Why even go there?

Ladies, how do you feel about my list? Any other questions that get under your skin? 

For more of Keita and her tactful opinion check her out on twitter @keitathejedi or at www.keitawheats.com.

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  • Chris

    Surprised the body count question wasn't on here lol

  • Candace

    I'm not heavily into weaves but guys act like this is the end all be all. I've heard soo many reasons why they dont want us to wear weaves.. the funniest being, "oh they stank."

    • Adonis

      @candance

      Being free to do what you want, meaning you have to deal with the criticism of being free.

      But I co-sign black men on this.

      If you wear a weave. I think you hate yourself & do not treat yourself well.

      And that means I am not going to be treated well.

  • Terry

    If these are questions men shouldn't ask, then this explains clearly why it's easier for men to lie and for women to believe them

    • Jasmine

      Huh?

  • Lovely

    I didn't realize that many men were hung up on weave? or maybe it's just how you do it.

    I wear a half wig and love it! I don't have a problem with telling ANYONE (man or woman) that what you see is not ALL mine. I don't offer the information, but if someone was to ask I tell the truth. What I say to any man that I'm close to is, I wear it because it's convenient.

    How I got started was I had planned a birthday party for a girlfriend of mines, it rained that day and my "own" hair was a mess! Had the perfect outfit, shoes and accessories, but my hair was shot down. I was talking to a friend who told me to try a half wig, nice quick fix. So I did…and been hooked every since.

    Why?

    1. Never have to worry about the rain.

    2.Humidity does not ruin the hair style, no frizzes. ( I have friends who will not go outside if it rains)

    3. Spend less time in the mirror getting ready for work, play, church..etc.)

    3. Not ruined after a work-out.

    4. Can have S E X… anytime, anywhere, in any position…and NEVER have to worry about my hair. (like some women, if they went to the beauty shop that day, you may as well forget about getting any for 2 weeks!:-).

    5. I can take it out every night, and wash it every week.

    6. When I look at my best, I'm in a better mood. (trust me, a bad hair day can ruin your day).

    So I don't care if a man doesn't like my half wig. All that matters to me is how I feel about myself. If a man want to be hung up on something that superficial that's on him….." I am not my hair". Get to know me, and you will see my character is 100% genuine.

  • Lovely

    I didn't realize that many men were hung up on weave?

    I wear a half wig and love it! I don't have a problem with telling ANYONE (man or woman) that what you see is not ALL mine. I don't offer the information, but if someone was to ask I tell the truth. What I say to any man that I'm close to is, I wear it because it's convenient.

    How I got started was I had planned a birthday party for a girlfriend of mines, it rained that day and my "own" hair was a mess! Had the perfect outfit, shoes and accessories, but my hair was shot down. I was talking to a friend who told me to try a half wig, nice quick fix. So I did…and been hooked every since.

    Why?

    1. Never have to worry about the rain.

    2.Humidity does not ruin the hair style, no frizzes. ( I have friends who will not go outside if it rains)

    3. Spend less time in the mirror getting ready for work, play, church..etc.)

    3. Not ruined after a work-out.

    4. Can have S E X… anytime, anywhere, in any position…and NEVER have to worry about my hair. (like some women, if they went to the beauty shop that day, you may as well forget about getting any for 2 weeks!:-).

    5. I can take it out every night, and wash it every week.

    6. When I look at my best, I'm in a better mood. (trust me, a bad hair day can ruin your day).

    So I don't care if a man doesn't like my half wig. All that matters to me is how I feel about myself. If a man want to be hung up on something that superficial that's on him….." I am not my hair". Get to know me, and you will see my character is 100% genuine.

  • The CPT

    Or…simply qualify the women you invest that type of energy with and make sure they don't have any of these issues. So in short she should be:

    1. Naturally pretty (read: good, clear skin)
    2. In shape or concerned about her appearance
    3. Pleasant
    4. Emotionally stable (see #3)
    5. Comfortable wearing her own hair

    Good luck in the hunt but hopefully you'll avoid the scratched records posed by the questions listed.

  • Smilez_920

    Hmm I can see how these questions could rub a woman the wrong way. Especially since some men already have the answer made up in their mind. Number 3 is really the only one that is a complete problem. Instead of asking me “why are you so emotional” ask me “hey what’s wrong is their anything I can do to help’? Now if a woman is being completely irrational that’s a different story.

    On the other hand the explanation for why this is something men shouldn’t ask, isn’t really making women look any better. A mature adult woman knows how to express her feelings in a healthy way. Don’t act a fool and then blame it on being born “a woman” and “were wired” that way isn’t going to work in your favor. On the other hand there are some men who simple think any time a woman states an opinion, feeling or issue not in his favor she’s being “emotional” .

    Now for the other questions:

    Questions 1& 5: Fake hair and make up have been around before most of us were a twinkle in our parent’s eye. IDK, why all of a sudden it has become such an issue for men. I feel like older men did one of two things.

    1) If they didn’t like your wig and make up they didn’t approach you (or only dealt with you under covers)
    2) Accepted it

    I think all the emphasis on having a man’s opinion (especially the relationship advice men) has made this issue bigger than what it should be. Now this doesn’t exclude bad weaves. I’m going to focus on weaves because I see more bad weaves than make up. A lot of women have good weaves, but A LOT of women also have horrible weaves. Please be aware of your hair.

    Question 2: Agreed. If the gym isn’t the topic of conversation. Why bring it up. If you think your girl has gain a few “not so cute pounds” encourage her to work out with you. Again encourage not shame or push. If you aren’t in the gym, or keep in shape, you have no say so.

    Question 3: Fellas stop asking women your just meeting or don’t know to smile. If you’re that charming or polite she would smile in your presence without being asked. Now if you know her and you all are flirting that’s different.

  • http://www.ashiasims.com Ashia

    Let’s throw two more in there.

    1. Why don’t you have kids?

    Obviously this is for those women who are childless and it shouldn’t be asked. This question is both insensitive and can be incendiary especially when it comes at the very beginning of the conversation. Consider that the woman you’re talking to may not be able to bear children and it could be a sensitive subject for her. Unless you two are discussing children and it’s a mutual conversation, don’t ask this. Let her volunteer the information. If you have kids and you’re talking about your children, she may share why she doesn’t have any yet. If she doesn’t, it’s not the right time. Also if you aren’t considering having children with this woman, why are you asking anyway? Does it really matter?

    2. Why hasn’t someone snapped you up yet?

    I’m sure guys are asked this question by women as well and two wrongs don’t make a right but this question tends to imply that there’s something wrong with you especially when the question comes with “You’re attractive and cool”. It’s almost a hidden way of asking if the woman is crazy. No one is going to honestly admit that they’re crazy and if they are, those crazy actions are going to be justified and won’t be considered as such by that person.

    • sierra

      I get asked all the time why I don’t have kids. (33) cause I don’t want kids by just anybody. We as women should ask, are u stable? Do u live with your mom? How many baby mamas you have. Of course they get offended

    • Southerngyrl_

      Both questions are annoying, and guys ask me them all the time, especially number two. That has to be the most irritating question.

    • InsomniaPoet

      CO-SIGN!!! My new answer is I don't have kids b/c I am not married. This always confuses the F out of them. Like you don't need to be married to have kids! and I am like no YOU don't lmao…I'm sorry I don't believe in babies out of wedlock…my bad. Then they get all offended….smdh

      • KitKatCuty84

        Cosign. Been using reason for years. :)

  • WellEnuff

    To ME, #3 means: just stop looking so damn miserable. I don't want your unhappiness to rub off on me.

  • MademoiseleOgus

    #3….good goodness #3….#chuuuch

  • Adonis

    I love these questions, and if a woman cannot handle a little adversity in a conversation.

    1. She either has something to hide
    2. She is thinned skin & I have no interest in her beyond s*x. Easily offended n sh*t

  • Peter Parker

    Good looking out on #3. Will definitely take notes on that.

  • http://twitter.com/jtSolBroSupreme @jtSolBroSupreme

    Aaaahhh, wigs and weaves…..it is what it is. LOL

  • cortonio

    a) don't mind the questions

    b)I don't think men should stop asking anything, I always go by if you want to know just ask. I do believe in tactfulness, but there are some women who will put a dude out there at the drop of a hat. I don't like wigs or weave…sorry, natural beauty does it for me.

    If a woman can say or ask what she likes so should a man. Again with respectability and some tact if need be
    My recent post Aaron Hernandez Pre Ejaculates While Andrew Zimmern Eats Human Feces At The Club. Don’t Miss Out…

  • Yvette

    the whole why are you so emotional bs is something men have been asking for long. they will ask it no matter where in a relationship you are. i think we should just accept it. men complain about our being emotional but deep down, they like that we are sometimes emotional because it is proof that the woman is still vulnerable and weak sometimes. a nice break for them particularly if they are with a strong willed woman. On my opinion about weaves, I think it is each woman's choice what she chooses to do with her hair. I dont think anyone should say a woman is insecure just because she chooses to do her hair the way she chooses. each woman has her view of what her beauty should look like and no one has the right to judge her for that.
    In general, for men and all their natural beauty stuff, im quite sure they do not ever want their woman to show up truly natural (not the fake natural) anywhere.

  • Shimia

    First I would love to be logical all the time but I'm female. I've even realized how illogical a hissy fit I had was but I like I said I'm female. This drives me insane, so I can feel men on this.

    Next, I don't wear makeup, haven't rocked a weave since Y2K and I'm childless. Men are just confused by my response. I never learned how to wear makeup and never care to learn so. Once I stop working in corporate American I could finally rock my natural hair so I did. I'm childless because I don't want children.

    Keep asking the questions, just make sure your timing is better.

  • Cory

    My biggest pet peeve question is what religion I am. The reason I dislike it is because when I say “None” it turns into an atheist vs him battle. This after making it clear in my profile I’m an atheist. No need to ask me if you know in advance what I am. I always answer politely but it annoys me when I have to repeatedly explain WHY I’m a non-believer. I don’t demand to know why a man believes in God because I don’t care. All he needs to know is I’m not a believer. The end.