Does Submission Give Women Power or Make Them Slaves To Their Husbands?

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I know a lot of women shudder at the word “submissive”. They think that it gives men the power to treat them like a slave. They have these visions of women back in the day being knocked over the head and lead around by their hair and not having the power to do anything about it. Some women have visions of a man telling them what they can do, where they can go and even what they can wear. That is not the correct definition or vision of submission.

The definition of Submission is a woman giving the man that she loves and respects the power to lead over their family and make the final decisions. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t consult you or consider your opinions when making those decisions. By you being in submission to him, he in turn should understand the responsibility of you agreeing for him to make decisions and lead the family. And he should understand that you two are unified and he should give you respect as well and include you and not just run off and make decisions without consulting you because you have made the decision to be submissive and allow him to lead.

[Read the rest at HealthyBlackWomen.com]

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  • Smilez_920

    We tend to always focus on the woman’s submission in the scripture but never the man’s. I’m sure a whole lot of relationships / marriages would be saved if men focused on their half of the scripture.

    “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Etc…

    The real question is how many men actively love their wives in this way? Keyword actively, not just in thought but in action.

    Also men who are not married but in a relationship, why do you feel your gf have to submit to you at this stage? I mean she is not your wife, and honestly some of the women you are asking to “submit” you’re not even sure if you want to marry

    • Janay

      Well put, and as a wife I can truly say that when both parties are "in order" the harmony flows freely and is not forced

    • bellatrice1

      +10,000

      I will submit to my HUSBAND, and have no problem doing so. I have seen a wonderful example of this in my sister's relationship with her husband, but he is also ABLE to lead.

      Submission takes complete trust, so I laugh when guys I'm DATING say 'see you don't want to submit!' when they barely want to be in a committed relationship smh.
      My recent post Christianity and the Black Church

    • Uncle Hugh, BP

      Smilez_920: "We tend to always focus on the woman’s submission in the scripture but never the man’s."

      Honestly, I think (at least in my church) there is a lot focus on the men. It's just that women hear the term "submission" and freak out. Some men say, "Woman, you will submit!", but don't realize that in all honesty, the woman has most of the power.

      As a man and head of the house, you are usually sacrificing what you want for the family. Anything you do, the family's needs come first (not the husband's). Head simply means providing direction. It's not about barking orders, but you have to give them if necessary. The wife is basically the consigliore: not the head, but the advisor that is basically making the decisions, and the husband agrees to them (if they are in the best interest of the family as a whole).

      As Christ, a man has to sacrifice for the greater good, up to the ultimate sacrifice, for his family.

  • Animate

    Submission is actually a two way street.

    "Submit yourselves, one to another". Why is this always overlooked?

    But on topic, submission does not mean rule. I "have final say" in my house but that doesn't mean that I don't consult my wife on things. No household decisions are made by one person.
    My recent post The most powerful scene I've ever seen in a video game

    • Jeanette

      @ Animate – You only "have final say" because your wife ALLOWS you to. Any idiot could see that so miss me with all that lowkey macho man crap. It is a woman's decision if she so chooses.

      @ Uncle Hugh – the focus at your church may be on the men but the emphasis is probably on their responsibility to "lead" which is not what the Bible says is the man's responsibility towards his wife. His focus is to "love". Most men (boys) are so obsessed with power/titles and that is one of the main reasons why divorces have skyrocketed. Sad…

  • Anthony Logan

    Women submitting to men is not slavery. In reality, it gives the woman more power. Submission doesn't mean the man dominates all areas of existence. It actually means that the woman operates in any way that she wants to within boundaries that the man sets. Just like when you were a kid … if you grew up in a two parent household where your mom was at home and your dad worked. You act up in school or around the neighborhood … what's the first thing your mother says? "Wait till your father gets home." The man acts as the electronic fence around the family.

    Not dictating day to day function but once you go to far, he steps in and his word is final.

    When the woman is not submissive to a man with that electronic fence … what ends up happening is that she becomes lost without direction. In my opinion thats why there are so many lost kids in the world. Being raised up by lost women with no type of structure or order to their lives. Furthermore, I also think the lack of the proverbial "electronic fence" leads to homosexuality. Women who had kids with 3+ men now all of a sudden they are strict lesbians. No type of boundaries exist in their life so they just do anything. The result of it is a lonely life at the end confused and full of questions. Thats just my 2 cents though.
    My recent post NEW SLAVES

    • sierra

      It's hard to submit to someone that's not a leader. If he doesn't have himself together. He has no reason to think will be submissive to him. Morals, character, job , car own place. The drive to make a way out of no way is a man.

      • Anthony Logan

        If you with a man thats not a leader then you have to ask yourself why you're with him in the first place. Then you also have to define what a leader is. Do you know what a leader is? What do you define as morals? What about his character are you speaking of? No job, no car, no place? Does that mean he has no source of income, no access to any transportation and that he has nowhere to live? If the latter holds more truth than the former, then that brings me back to the original question I posed to you. Why are you with somebody like that in the first place?
        My recent post NEW SLAVES

        • sierra

          That was a hypothetical statement I'm not when anyone. Cause most people are in the process of getting there shit right. I was blessed to have my dad in my life 100% THE example he set is what I expect. A lot of guys trying to come up off a female. With nothing to bring to the table. Every male isn't that way but a lot are. I know what a leader is, I don't meet no conformation .

        • Anthony Logan

          I dig that it was a hypothetical question and I gave you a response to fit. If someone is with that type of guy that's not a leader, then why are they with them? Sounds like they found a loser that was good at sex or somebody that she sees as under her so she can be above him. Who's fault is that?
          My recent post NEW SLAVES

        • Adonis

          @Anthony @Sierra

          I love how @sierra so focused on the men who do not have the basics handled.

          IMO, women like yourself pretend you want established men, but really want the men you like to have it together. Or you just want to complain.

          Which is entitlement, and it would never fly if we said “women need to be more like this….”

    • Taj

      The only kind of relationship I know where one person sets boundaries for another is a parent-child relationship. I’m not saying that boundaries shouldn’t be set in romantic/ marrief relationship, but when they are, it’s a reciprocated process. The only way a man’s word will be final on something when I’ve “gone too far” is when my word will also be respected as final when I feel he’s “gone too far”. The fact that submission is spoken in a way that it implies it is a one way street, like how you’re doing, is what turns women off.

      A woman, or a grown person period, will never be lost without the direction of another unless they don’t know possess a solid sense of self and a brain. If you dont have at least those 2 things, then you need to be single. Once again you sound like someone describing a parent-child relationship.

      • sam

        PREACHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Jeanette

        @ Taj – I could not have said it better. I was going to reply to that f**king nut Anthony Logan as I read a little further and saw that you set his a** straight I said "no need to reply". Thanks for that.

  • cortonio

    Nothing wrong with a woman being slightly submissive–for lack of a better term, if it's her nature not to be the alpha in the relationship so be it. As long as her man doesn't mistreat her or take advantage of it.

    If a man is slightly, and I mean SLIGHTLY pandering nothing wrong with that as long as she appreciates it and doesn't take it and run with it.
    Relationships should be about love, respect, and overcoming adversity to make it work, not a power struggle or a 'pissing contest'
    My recent post Aaron Hernandez Pre Ejaculates While Andrew Zimmern Eats Human Feces At The Club. Don’t Miss Out…

  • Carissa

    As my husband likes to call himself "HOH" Head of Household, is all it really means. I can understand why people contract their sphincter muscles at the mere mention of the word, submissive, but think of it this way. A car can only have one driver. When we all sit in a car as a passenger, we're being submissive. We trust (and sometimes hope and pray fervently) that the driver can drive. What happens when you try to be the back seat driver?..lol

    It's the same concept. You give your husband the power to lead the family and a wonderful thing happens when he feels he's got the "ride or die" chick by his side, he would do anything to keep her and make her happy. This is why it's not a position of weakness for a woman, because you can ask him for anything and he would die trying to get it for you. It is a charmed life, because for me, it's one less thing to worry about. Come what may, I've got a man that can handle it and should he even ask for my help, well then, all hands on deck!

    I feel like BW are behind the 8 ball on this concept, which is why SOME BM date inter-racially and heck, even internationally. All the other races get it and all traditional cultures were built on it. But with a predominantly matriarchal family structure, it makes sense why most BW don't get it. Funny thing is, real BM are alpha males because of all the adversities they deal with on a daily basis by just being Black. It's mean in these streets son! So, no alpha male wants to come home to an alpha female. point. blank. period.

    Now the challenge to us as women, is to pick the RIGHT man to be submissive to. Pick the wrong one and huh, you might as well buy yourself some shackles to go with you new slave lifestyle!

    • Titanking

      Thank you for saying that!!!!!

    • Adonis

      @carissa

      I am assuming you are a woman with not of greatest or intentions.

      But I love this comment, and I have never heard a woman show the level of understanding for black men as you have. That I applaud.

      What is your ethnicity?

      Good day

      • Carissa

        Carissa's genuine, fear not. I am Trinidadian, born and bred, mid-thirties, married to an African-American man in his mid-forties. We live in NYC. So i understand both sides of the coin :-)

  • Obvious

    Black men should just date non black American women.

    • Jeanette

      @ Obvious – yes, please do so because MOST of you are no good for us women. Black men only date non-black women because NOW they want to date you. Since they are throwing you a bone you go fetch. BM can be so dumb.

  • Obvious

    Do you notice that black American women are the only group of women in the world, who like to debate scriptures about being submissive. Indian, Asian, Hispanic and Arab women have no problem just being submissive. And you notice these women have no problem being married. WE have the ONLY group of women who constantly look for some way to undermine us.

    • Adonis

      @Obvious

      I cannot let you rock on that one.

      Black second class Americans have been under constant trauma from racism & white supremacy. Black men have been consistently undermined. Where it is difficult for the average BM to be a patriarch.

      So, black women have not seen black men in the patriarchal role, and are taught to not trust it when a black man does assume it. I do not blame anyone in a black neighborhood for that.

      But we are not going to make the argument that BW are inherently f*cked up. That is false. & you are no better than the faux white intellectual who talk about blacks & their less than human status.

      ———————-

      Now, I am here for you, when you say black men need to keep their dating pool international, because black women, are not willing to rise above adversity, and re-program themselves. I understand & respect that. Do that.

      But don’t throw BW under the bus without context.

      Good day.

    • joy

      its true that in many Asian culures, womem are the submissive ones but let me let you in on something: this is because of thousands of years of anti-female oppression, and in the most violent, disturbing ways at many times in Asian history and even today. As an Asian American woman, I know some of that ugly side of my peoples’ culture as well as the beautuful things. This is not to be confused with the wife being submissive in the Bible, however. The Word explains the womans submissive role as an empowering one in that respect.

      • Jeanette

        @ Joy, yes, there is the WORLD's definition of submission and then there's the scriptures.

  • 12 Point Buck

    There was a time where I wanted the validation that came along with a woman submitting to my masculinity or giving me attention to help stroke my ego.

    However, now I don't think I care. Whether or how often she submits is irrelevant to me, and I'll tell you why:

    You see, there is no such thing as an effortless submission. By definition, "submit" means to "yield"– there has to be some force that you submit TO. Lets say you are merging onto the highway, and a 18 wheeler Mack truck has the right of way. Your choice to yield or submit is done in your own best interest– the Mack truck couldn't care less. If you encroach on his right of passage, it'll ruin your day more than his.

    That's how I feel. Does she submit? Does she not? I'm Optimus Prime, I don't really care. Unless she's a tank.

    Actually, I'd prefer her to be a tank– that'd make things even more interesting.

  • http://twitter.com/mpj2k4 @mpj2k4

    I think its an African American woman issue with the whole submission conversation. I've dated women from other races and typically don't have a problem being the woman and letting the man lead. Looking deeper into I've met women from other countries and cultures and they feel its their duty as a woman to be submissive to their husbands. Its black women here that think its a sign of weakness in my opinion.

  • langwichartz

    These gender role debates can make your head explode. Part of the problem is that we either go straight from historical, biblical, traditional context or we only focus on the face value reality that is modern society without delving into an understanding of why things are so messed up. We just play the game of "if men this….if women that", to me its counterproductive. Submission is not a bad word, and in actuality, both men and women have to first submit to a higher power (for believers) then to each other. I get so sick of the faux amen corners from the barber shops to the church that when one gender is being chastised, the other cackles in agreement, but as soon as the script is flipped the same happens in reverse. A lack of understanding of the plights, passions, and purposes of both genders kills our chances for healthy relationships in the womb.