Why the Perfect Guy Is Never Actually Perfect

finding the perfect guy

Every guy has a female friend that comes to him for dating or relationship advice. One of the most common topics we hear about is her finding the perfect guy that she should be into…but isn’t. Writer, Jessica Eggert, recently penned a piece offering her perspective on the topic:

Why are we always searching for someone who fits certain criteria of what we think we want? I can’t tell you how many times a friend has said to me, “this guy is perfect on paper, why don’t I like him?” It’s because “perfect on paper” means sh*t regarding how you feel about someone.

We’re so focused on finding someone who dresses and acts a certain way, was raised with values that are ideal for us and looks like what we describe as our “type.” Then, someone comes along who fits none of the above, and you’re like sh*t, why am I so attracted to this person? It’s because the rules of attraction/like/love have nothing to do with the laundry list that you’ve spent your whole life creating thus far.

One of my favorite quotes is, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I’ve seen so many people say and do things that they think will impress someone they’re interested in. The truth is that you can have the same interests as someone, come from the same background and still have no chemistry. In fact, those factors usually mean nothing when it comes to chemistry.

Click here to read the full article over at Elite Daily.

Have you ever tried to force yourself to like someone because they meet all the “requirements” or learned this lesson the hard way? Share your thoughts in the comments

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  • sierra

    As I got older. I put looks aside to give the man a chance. No it's not settling it's thinking with the right part of my body, however I experienced the not so handsome guy acts way to cocky which leads me thinking dude you ain't even cute as none of my ex's I'm not putting up with b.s. just because of his status.

  • Bree

    Have you ever tried to force yourself to like someone because they meet all the “requirements” or learned this lesson the hard way?
    Hell no. I've never been the "be with the man that looks good on paper type." Been there, done that, got a t-shirt, and that's all I got. I go with my gut and if I feel like a guy is sincere and honest and if he will treat me right. For the most part I've done pretty good with dating and relationships because I typically go for the "good guys" that other women don't want. Like they say, "one woman's trash, is another woman's treasure." Thanks Ladies :)

  • Blue

    I’ve had the opportunity of dating the good on paper guys but the chemistry is just not there and I’m no gold digger. I’m the opposite of most. I want my total package. BUT if you’re awesome and we have chemistry beyond friendship but you’re not physically my type, I would consider dating you. But if you’re the total package but I roll my eyes everytime you hit me up, there’s no way. I call that settling. Settling to me is simply being with someone non compatible. He can be fine, rich, popular. But if you’re a butt hole. There’s no way I’m settling with your whack personality when I can date a regular Joe who gets me, treats me special, and laughs with me every day. I do believe that I can find my total package though. Even if he isn’t desired by all women, my total package has more to do with personality and chemistry.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    Somewhat, i’ve met beautiful, sweet, caring, intelligent women who i just ended up not feeling like that. Compatibility matters, you can be awesome but im looking more for best fit not just best available. I’ve been on the other side of this coin, i like to think of myself as a pretty good catch but she wasnt checking for me for one reason or another. “Perfection” is relative.

  • balancedlady

    I have two opinions on this. First, it’s a fact that we are more likely to have chemistry with people who are similar to us. I don’t think people should have a big ol’ laundry list of standards but you do need standards to help predict the success of your relationship.

    Secondly a lot of people don't understand what causes them to feel that spark with others. Chemistry is based off our needs from childhood. Chemistry is found with someone who can give you a familiar feeling of comfort. If you lacked attention and affection growing up you might feel chemistry to someone who doesn't show affection at all or to someone who showers you with affection depending on how you reacted to that need from childhood.

    So first you need to find out what triggers chemistry for you; is it coming from a healthy place or a dysfunctional place. If it comes from a dysfunctional place you will not feel chemistry with the guys who "look good on paper". Sadly this is why many women don’t like good guys even though these are the good guys lol. They just don’t feel the chemistry with them. If someone is perfect on paper but their personality sucks arse or you have nothing in common with them then of course that’s not going to be a good match. But, if you consistently meet guys who treat you nice and have a lot in common but yet you still feel chemistry with the bad guys then you should really look into what causes those feelings of chemistry.

    My recent post Daddy’s Girls: The 5 types of Fatherless Women

  • hhh

    good post.

    can't fight chemistry, no matter if you're 'good' or not.

    if she ain't feelin' ya, she ain't feelin' ya.

  • http://twitter.com/jtSolBroSupreme @jtSolBroSupreme

    it is what it is, once you get past the looks, the list, the qualifiers that we put on each other, you have to deal with the person. at that point, everything else is somewhat out of the window. So those things matter to us but ultimately, what will really matter is how that person treats us and how they make us feel, list and qualifiers be damned.

  • Kiesha

    I agree with Sierra. I have put looks aside, to give others a chance to be the one. By doing this it has taught me, that there isn't much different when you take away appearance or the "List". The perfect mate could be the person you have nothing in common with. But they are strong where you are weak. I don't need a perfect mate, I just need someone who can complete me.

  • langwichartz

    I like to call them the three C's: Compatibility, Chemistry, and Character. Without them all the other things are just colored bubbles! To me they are the ingredients to a healthy and successful partnership.