14 Things White People Won’t Ever Understand About Black People

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Been a while since we’ve had a good list.

I had originally planned on writing a response to a court case that happened last weekend, but then I realized it was time that we had a smile on our face. If only for one day, Black folks need something to smile and laugh about. While I was watching the TV and also hanging out with people who were not Black, I realized that there are certain things about us that white folks ain’t never going to understand. None of it is really all that serious either. Therefore, I came up with a list of 14 things that white people won’t ever understand about Black people.

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1. “Got em.”

White people have no equivalent to this game at all. They don’t even really understand its origin in the Black community either. If you was chilling by the water cooler at work and said, “Remember when you used to be like, “Can I get my chop?” Their reaction would be somewhere between a mixture of G. W. Bush and Homer Simpson.

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2. Free Lil’ Boosie tee-shirts

Only black people have campaigns to free people, free Mumia, free Assata, free Boosie and free Lil Wayne. Nobody ever said free Madoff. Nobody made free Lindsay Lohan tee shirts when she went through her issues with the penitentiary system. (Quiet as it’s kept, only Black people can spell “penitentiary” correctly on the first try each time…even with a third grade education.)

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3. Talking about money you don’t have

I come across this with my coworkers all the time. They don’t have an obsession with talking about money and things they’re going to have in the future like we do. I feel like white folks either have money or have made a conscious decision not to have money. Therefore, they’ll never be at a baseball game talking about, “When I make it, I’m going to break off the toilet $20 every time as a tip, like “Thanks for putting up with my sh*t.”

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4. The Liquor Store

’50 Things You Can Do At The Liquor Store #blackbuzzfeed’. Tell you right now, white people will never understand that the liquor store is grocery store, bank, financial planning center, movie store, beer & wine store and a place of worship. White people run errands on Saturdays and drive past the liquor store and see a line around the corner. They THINK that’s because Black people are trying to buy Henny. Meanwhile, Black people just found a more efficient way to run errands. “I’m about to cash my check, get this money order for the light bill, cop some bread and Kool-Aid, get ’15, 20, 30, 35, 47’ to pay off this mortgage one day, get that new Kevin Hart because ain’t nobody paying $30 at the movies, and get a track on the way out about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” That’s a full day’s work in 15 minutes.

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5. Why Black people know so much about the legal system

Black people are skilled on the legal system from the city court to the Supreme Court. Not too many people outside of Black people can tell you how much time you won’t do for under an ounce of weed and explain to you Brown vs. Board of Education in the same breath.

6. Obligatory nods

White people always speak when you do that. They were never taught that you should be seen not heard. In fact, being seen ain’t all that important either.

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7. Anything Gucci Mane says.

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8. Nickels and Dimes

White people only talk about how much money they plan to spend or how many pounds they want. The furthest they’ll go is talking about the weight. Black people ain’t have time for a scale. They gave us some small Ziploc bags and we made it work.

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9. Nickels, Dimes and Bullets and their correlation with the penitentiary system

This is one of those things that even if we sat there and explained it, they would never understand it.

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10. The fact that you don’t have to burn sh*t or kill anybody, you could just not snitch and rely on karma

That’s real. Black people ain’t never burned a damn thing. They always have the tape. Think back on all those Black movies about Compton, they always stole the tape and kept it in the crib. They knew nobody was going to snitch and they would be okay.

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11. Inherent pessimism

Black people are some happy people but we’re inherently pessimistic. We just expect situations to always turn out the wrong way even when we give it our all. Promotions at work or a speeding ticket, we know what it is in this country. Don’t get your hopes up.

12. “Pause”

Their only comparable term would be, “That’s what she said” but that can get a dude fired and a civil case. (See #5)

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13. Hats that aren’t your team

Panama brought this up on VSB a while ago but I had to rehash it because they still don’t get it. Colin Kaepernick (QB for the 49ers, for the fellas. Lightskin dude with all the tattoos in the NFL, for the ladies) puts on a Miami Dolphins hat because it went with his outfit and people got upset. We ALL know he plays for the 49ers but we’re wondering why he had that hat. Funny thing about it is your name could be Allan and you’re from NY but your coworker is like, “How come you cheer for the Braves? You don’t like the Yankees?”

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14. Unnecessary use of the n-word

White people at this point understand that the n-word is the only word of its kind. We can use (whether we should or not is up for debate) and they shouldn’t use it (whether they do or not is up for debate). They will never understand the flexibility of the word in the ways that we do. While many people think that word is a derogatory word for Black people it’s actually much more powerful. It is a person, statement, story, alibi, reply and adjective. Here are some examples:

Where is this dude at, we bout to be late. Oh here he come now…

“This n****.” (person)

Let me get a piece of that honey bun?

“N****.” (statement)

What happened last night?

“N****…” (story)

What she look like?

“N****!!!” (detailed explanation)

What’s up with him and that chick?

“He got this chick thinking that he working on a divorce and is living in the basement for the kids, you know, typical n**** shit.” (adjective)

That’s funny, it’s not, but it is. I know some of y’all may think to yourselves, “I’m white and I knew everything on this list.” Or, “my friends are white and they do the same thing.” Yeah, yeah… yeah whatever — no they don’t. I know what Sperry’s are, don’t mean I know what it means to be Black or understand it. This is just a short list of things that no matter how hard we try to explain it to others, they’ll never understand it or we just ain’t in the business of telling our business.

Na’ mean?

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  • Lyric

    ok the funniest sentence in this post has to be ‘I feel like white folks either have money or have made a conscious decision not to have money’;as if poor white people r only poor becuz they’ve made it a ‘conscious’ decision.I think it’s got to be t worst to be white & poor becuz people r just like why r u poor?you’re white u can do whtever u want…lol.(I’m not really poor but I was growing up) t número uno difference you’ll notice between blacks & whites culturally I would have to say is how much black people talk about being black;& I get why tht is since I guess you’d be reminded on the regular tht u r black due to discriminatory issues but it’s really a major difference lol.I remember one of my sisters who’s not very correct in societal nuances said to this dude I know tht ‘obviously being black is very important to u’ which was so funny I laughed until I almost threw up becuz he was mighty offended but I mean she’s just not used to sort of t pro black conversations & such.anyways my 2 cents;very good list & I’ve never heard of ‘got em’ @ all ever

    • Lyric

      & another thing (I’ve just decided to go all in today & don’t mean to blow up your post since u said u don’t want to talk about the court case) the zimmerman case is fully reminding me of the oj trial in the sense tht whn they took a poll of peoples thoughts on the verdict it was literally almost ALL the white people thought he was guilty & almost ALL the black people thought he was innocent so it’s just like nobody is opening their minds up enough to be able to put themselves in someone elses shoes enough to feel empathy for someone of a different race & they’re just going with the masses so it’s just a sad day all around;however I’m watching from canada (these crazy americans) lol so it’s different mind sets around these parts too

      • YoungGiftedBlack

        Hey Lyric, look over here real quick…GOT EM!

        • Lyric

          ya I still don’t get it!lol.black people..smdh ;) ;)

  • Ms. Smart

    The liquor store is EVERYTHING! There's one by my salon that sells hair, white tees, snacks, lottery tickets, blunts, calling cards, candy, condoms (several varieties), all the dairy, and wine. I swear it's the size of a bathroom.

  • slimmycakez

    LOL! This list definitely made me laugh. But sonnnnnnn, #1 son!!!!! People still try and pull that on me now and I'm just like "…How old are you?! Grow up!" …but only because I'd be mad that I fell for it all over again. It's so silly, but so funny!

  • Bree

    Pretty good list and all very true….lol…white people….smdh.

  • WeekzSBM

    GOT EM!!!!!
    the game….
    i remember if u got somebody u get to have a gill

  • Suni

    Pretty much. And they also wouldn't understand all the kids running in and out the liquor store. I started buying my own pickles, Flaming Hots, Faygo peach pop and Now & Laters in kindergarten, lol.

  • The Guy

    GREAT POST
    #5 why black folks know so much about the law…

    - We know people that been in trouble with the law all our lives lol you learn real quick

    - We talk amongst ourselves about stuff we see on TV with the law and one n***a always says "well he's gonna do ___ amount of time because"

    - Our parents grew up in a time where the law would try to set us up, so we had to know how to protect ourselves

    - Being black means you have to be PREPARED, cuz at some point something will go down

    - Remember in HS we even knew the school rules like "yo punch him as soon as he get off school grounds" or "yo they only call your parents after you skip 3 straight morning periods so just come in after 2 and your moms wont know you slept in"

  • http://www.badassdatingblog.com Jackie

    Hey man, great list you have up there. I had good laugh while i was reading it! :D

  • Bill

    niggers

  • scott cagle

    This so sad, wow! now I know why niggers will never make it without a hand out. It isn't an hand up.