Late Nights and Early Mornings: Make a Plan Before You Sleep Around

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It’s Friday night. After a long work week and a night out with your friends, it’s time to head home. The question is do you want to head home solo, or would you rather cuddle up with something warm? Most of us have options to remedy this dilemma. There’s at least one person we can text. But if you don’t have anybody [at all], it’s cool too. You need your rest anyway. If you don’t have a steady boo that you hang with, it can be stressful figuring out who to hit up. That is after all a big decision to make. You want to text someone who is going to be worth your time, and you want it to be someone who isn’t going to bring drama to your life.

As you scroll through your contacts, make sure you hit up someone who you’ve seen, or talked to fairly recently. There is nothing more shameful than texting someone after hours and getting hit with, “Who’s this?” in response. If that ever happens, immediately move on to your backup. Don’t even think about saying who you are. There is no point. If you’re not even saved in their phone, the likelihood of you getting quality cuddle time isn’t in your favor.

Once you confirm your sleeping arrangements for the night, there are some best practices that you want to definitely consider. These tips will make your late night and morning departure easier on both of you.  They’re different for men and women, so I’ll go over a few for each. Let’s start with the ladies.

Ladies…

If you are going to go over a man’s house after hours and you’re coming straight from the club or happy hour, or wherever you broke a sweat, you really want to make sure you are prepared to wake up in his bed and not your own. There is nothing worse than showing up impromptu to a man’s house ill prepared.

  1. Wipes.  You have to have them.  Period. This is not up for discussion. You can’t be out all day. Then go out all night, and show up to a man’s door with the smell of 27 songs and a liter of Ciroc Coconut and pineapple seeping from your pores. It’s not cute. When you get to his house, excuse your self to the restroom and freshen up real quick. Everywhere.
  2. Sober up. There’s nothing worse than trying to ‘cuddle’ and your equilibrium is jacked up so much that it’s annoying to deal with. It’s late, and nobody wants to be up fooling with you trying not to fall over. If you must, ask for a glass of water and have some quick chitchat before moving on to the nightcap.
  3. Don’t wear out your welcome. You’ve made it through the night. You had the s*** cuddled out of you, and now the sunlight is letting you know it’s time to exit stage left. It doesn’t matter if you wake up with his arm draped over your shoulder, or if you got a bonus ‘cuddle’ session that morning. Kindly get your self together and get moving. There is nothing more awkward than lying around thinking you two have some type of breakfast plans when you don’t. You’ll feel better if you initiate leaving instead of him asking you, “So, what are you doing today?”
  4. Pack a bag. It’s okay not knowing you are going to end up over a man’s house prior to you going out. However, if you do plan on not going back home, please pack something, anything to put on so your walk of shame is less shameful. How many times have you been out on an early Saturday morning and seen a woman walking aimlessly to her car wearing something you know she didn’t just throw on for a trip to the grocery store? Ladies, don’t get caught looking like last night while the rest of us are out easy, breezy, and beautifully enjoying the morning sun. It’s not a good look.

Men…

I didn’t forget about you. For the purposes of this article, we’ll assume that you’re hosting. Same scenario. It’s Friday and your lady friend is on her way over.

  1. Clean up. If you know she is on her way over, at least have the decency to make sure that you have cleared a path from the front door to your room. Please make sure your bathroom trashcan is empty, and your toilet seat is down. And most importantly, ensure that there is adequate toilet paper available at her disposal.
  2. Stay awake. I mean this in two contexts. First, if you spent your Friday night at home, there is a huge probability that you’re going to fall asleep waiting for her to show up. Don’t be that dude. Do not have that girl show up and you not hear her knocking. It’s just rude and inconsiderate. Either leave your door unlocked, [depending on the neighborhood] or just stay up. Second, it would be nice for you to not fall asleep as soon as she shows up to your place. I’m sure she didn’t come over to watch you sleep.
  3. Don’t ask for breakfast. Doesn’t matter if you have a fridge full of groceries from Whole Foods. When you wake up in the morning, you can offer to cook her breakfast, but don’t ask her to cook for you. It’s almost like you want some type of payment for services rendered. If you mention you’re going to cook, and she offers to help or take over, that’s cool. It’s a win win situation.

These are some tips from my own personal experiences that I wanted to share. Of course many of these tips depend on the people and the relationship they have with each other. If you are new to the world of late nights and early mornings, just keep these tips tucked away in special place. I’m sure you’ll find use for them at some point. Good Luck!

For more of Keita and her tactful opinion check her out on twitter @keitathejedi or at www.keitawheats.com

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  • Sir Farouk

    Lol @ stay awake. That happened to me in college. Girl said she wanted to come "hangout" at 2am in the morning, didnt have her number just chatting on gchat/facebook I think. She showed up and knocked for days while I had already fell asleep. Missed opportunities.
    My recent post What Is The Nigerian Dream?

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    Hell hath no fury as a woman who got in her car drove 30 minutes to your crib much to the dismay of her bodypillow hugging homegirl but you fell asleep in the living room while your phone charged in the bedroom….but in his defense, the bottom door was unlocked she could’ve came upstairs and knocked. Might could almost be speaking from experience.

    But at least my crib clean and I make breffis

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    Also if the body party is taking place at your house

    1. Spruce up the place
    2. know I wake up early in foreign surroundings, don’t be tryna sleep in til 12 or you will wake up alone

  • GirlSixx

    Pack a bag?? Really!! Nah, that’s too much work right there.. I’m a grownnn woman, no walk of shame here…. #Bloop

  • DeKeLa

    4. Have something in your fridge besides water and almost-expired-but-smells-decent milk in the fridge. Women love fruity healthy ish drinks.. Keep her fav liquor and juice in the fridge.

    5. bachelor pad shouldn't smell like one, and we all got candles at the house warming.. Light it up 30-45 mins before arrival. Scents does wonders to the female psyche.

    6. If you're going over to your spot, bring protection. Fin.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      "almost-expired-but-smells-decent milk"

      lololololol

  • https://www.facebook.com/aquariuanjourney Candace Fleming

    I'll add to the men part. Under clean up.. wash your balls. Just because you've been at home all day doesn't mean they smell good. That is all.
    My recent post Men Reveal Themselves In Their Actions

    • langwichartz

      OMG not the salty balls!!! rofl

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    "And most importantly, ensure that there is adequate toilet paper available at her disposal."

    That means at least three rolls. (I got jokes!)

    • cynicaloptmst81

      Hey, we don't want our hand to get wet while wiping! LOL!

      • langwichartz

        Hey Cyn, I'm gonna need you to shoot your deuce before coming over!…lol (kidding)

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Ha! Is this what the young whipper snappers are calling that now? Lol!

        • langwichartz

          Either that or "Muddbutt"! lol

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Ewwww….lolololol

  • Larry

    You forgot to add for the fellas:

    Be sure you can pick her up and carry her from the front door to the bedroom…..without struggling! If you can’t, then do some push ups and try again some other time, ha. ;-)

    • keitathejedi

      Yes…… Nothin more sad than a dude who can't pick you up smh

    • https://www.facebook.com/aquariuanjourney Candace Fleming

      Lmao.. Larry thanks for the chuckle. The struggle is real.

  • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

    This all sounds very complicated and tiring.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      LOL! The only one that seems complicated and tiring to me is #3…and that's cause I wouldn't deal with a dude like that that I didn't deal with like that…meaning, it'd be cool for me to sleep in and have breakfast/brunch if I wanted.

      • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

        Yeah, there are certain aspects of life I skipped entirely, lol. But with all these rules I’m not regretting it. Like, can someone explain why the visitor can’t just shower, or why the host doesn’t have a guest towel set? Baby wipes?!? Everyone eats at my house. Why would I have you over if I don’t wanna feed you? I’m not about this life, I guess.

        • keitathejedi

          @maris, if its not your man, I think you should shower at home. It just seems like a lot to need towels and shower and food, no? If this is some casual 'dip' as I call it, you're there to kick it and then bounce. Some people can get food, and towels, but not everybody. There should be a hierarchy.

        • GirlSixx

          "Some people can get food, and towels, but not everybody. There should be a hierarchy"

          Agreed!!!

        • cynicaloptmst81

          You and me both! LOL!

          A brotha/sista can't at least have a sammich or a bowl of cereal? Water? Juice? Nothing?!

          Impersonal is a complete turn off for me…couldn't do it. *shrugs*

        • SMilez_920

          @Cyn and @Maris… I have to agree with yall. Granted I would shower before I come over, the option should be available. If wash clothe and towels availability is an issue, then I might be messing with the wrong guy. Sorry fellas if you only have one wash cloth and towel in your crib, you face probably smells like ya (@ss) as some point during the day.

          See all of these rules. People should just have HOTEL $EX. The room is already clean for you, room service or food is available, don’t have to worry about how to politely getting the person out of your house/room (hotel has a check out), you can always make up a reason to leave before check out, everybody can take a shower and have their own towel /wash cloth. Continental breakfast is always an option.

        • Uncle Hugh, BP

          SMilez_920: "Granted I would shower before I come over, the option should be available. If wash clothe and towels availability is an issue, then I might be messing with the wrong guy."

          That's what I'm saying. By the time I'm done with a woman, she WILL need a wash cloth for her…let's call it "joyous overflow." Wipes ain't gonna cut it, and I'm not exactly sure why there wouldn't be a spare wash cloth on hand (you twentysomethings really don't have extra towels in your linen closet? I'm getting too old). My bathroom is clean and I have plenty of towels, so she can feel free to use it. Just don't leave a bunch of hair in my drain.

        • Sable

          He said don't leave a bunch of hair in my drain. I can't. I respect the hustle.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Exactly, SMilez and Hugh, LOL!

        • langwichartz

          I hear ya, but you have to be careful about those gestures, because it opens the door for confusion in regards to where you may stand.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          I think my bigger point is that there won't be any confusion cause I won't be in this position, lol. If I can't have/offer breakfast, sleep in, and a shower, etc., I will not participate. I need care, concern…real things to get my head in the game.

  • http://theSUNK.com theSUNK

    DONT ASK FOR BREAKFAST? After she's gotten that A1 the night before, sh!!!!!!!t. She better get her a$$ up and fire up that stove, lol.

    No, but in all honesty I don't need breakfast. I just don't want a woman lingering in my apartment in the morning. It's time to bounce, you don't need to find something to watch, because it's time to go. Not even trying to be mean. But it's awkward trying to make someone leave in a subtle way, so that you don't break ties.
    My recent post You Suck: How to Tell a Woman She’s Bad in Bed

  • Peter Parker

    This post makes me realize while the bachelor life is good sometimes, finding a true wifey is where it's at…Dang, I miss those days of coming home to the goods and having breakfast waiting for you on saturday mornings..lol

  • Dr. J

    Women
    #3 – This is the realest sh*t and i'm so glad a woman wrote this post and put people on notification.
    #4 – Just be mindful that when you bring that bag over, you take that bag with you when you leave. Anything you leave behind may or may not be thrown away. It's sex not a move-in.
    Men
    #2 – I just hope that most people are aware that they should be on time and quick. I've fallen asleep before and gave no-f*cks because the person took like over an hour to get there. If someone tells me that they're coming over and they'll be there at midnight and at midnight they hit me with the "OK i'm about to leave now…" All bets are off.
    #3 – I don't like people cooking in my kitchen so this rarely happens. But i'll really be happy with the state of Black relationships when a woman offers to take me to brunch in the morning.

    Awesome post.

  • Dr. J

    I would just like to add a couple.
    #1 – Don't get high on your own supply. Don't try and hook up with someone you really have strong feelings for on the random. Pretty much everything on this list except hygeine related items is cool when you are in a relationship. It's when you're not that it becomes infringement.
    #2 – If you have something you want to talk about based on the nature of your relationship, do not let that coincide with a hookup. Nothing worst than someone coming over to hookup and then starting with some BOULLSH*T.

  • Lovely

    LMAO!!!!

    OK, this entire blog is funny!!!

    "A brotha/sista can't at least have a sammich or a bowl of cereal? Water? Juice? Nothing?!"

    You people are too funny!!!!

  • sierra

    I know how to go home in the morning. Problem is guys think they can move in after one night. Then get mad when women say hell no.

  • KeepingIt4Jesus

    This post makes me apprecaite the celibate life! its too complicated..

  • Kiesha

    I completely agree. I always have a bag packed with extra clothes, hygiene products & medicine ( you never know).

  • Anthony Brian Logan

    Slut commandments.
    My recent post NEW SLAVES

    • keitathejedi

      @ABL you think these are slut commandments for both men and women? I just want to understand. Because in this scenario it takes two, and "slut" is a unisex word. Can you clarify?

  • langwichartz

    This is very funny, entertaining, and informative. Some of these comments from the gals, whoa! If its just a hookup, why expect main squeeze treatment? If creates a disturbance in the force!

  • Kristin

    I didn't like this post. People should know their worth, and I'm worth way more than a booty call. No thanks.