Home Featured 5 Unrealistic Expectations Men Have of Women

5 Unrealistic Expectations Men Have of Women



Do men ever admit to women that they’re slightly crazy in the things that they expect out of women? Not really. I think that’s the way the game works though. Women don’t tell men about all the things they’ve got going on and we don’t tell them either. When it comes to expectations that each of us has on the other sex we have to admit they’re high. Most men want a woman who can leap tall buildings in a single bound, but will also submit to being regulated to the kitchen without socks or shoes. Let’s just admit that isn’t realistic.

If you’ve been following this week then you know that there are a ton of things I could write about that I’m not writing about so I’m going to turn this on the men for a second. And this is my short list of the five things that men expect of women that isn’t really all that realistic.

  1. We want you to call us but not too much and if we don’t hear from you for a day or two we assume you’re no longer interested – No man likes to feel overwhelmed with the attention of a woman. We avoid stage 5 clingers like the plague but in reality we kind of like the fact that you’re into us. Ask a man how he feels about a woman who never ever hits him up, he’s fed up and ready to move. However, when we have a woman who will actually hit us up daily, we get mad.
  2. We love TNA (tits-n-ass) which means you have to be healthy but we don’t want you to be fat; it’s a balancing act – I’ve long thought that it was very difficult for a woman to ever have the body type that a man would adore. It’s a balancing act that is almost impossible to meet. We want you to be phat, but not fat. We want you to be slim, but not skinny. I’m sorry but I’m a man and even that’s confusing to me.
  3. We’d like if we could talk to you about everything, just not everything – It would make sense that you could talk to the woman you’re dating about everything from sports to sex, but in reality that’s not how it works. Men want to have those checks, balances and barriers. No matter how much a woman finds herself to be a guy’s type of girl, he still wants to be able to talk to his boys about certain things.
  4. We truly believe that you can tell what’s wrong through telekinesis – Men live their lives to not complain and the ones who do are named Drake, or single. That doesn’t mean that we don’t feel the need to be angry or upset without saying anything. We’re passive aggressive at any chance we get. But men… we think that women can somehow sense a change in our mood and solve the entire problem.
  5. We want you to take care of what you can take care of but we also want you to need us – I’ve got nothing on this… I think that women want to take care of what they can take care of, I think that men don’t want to feel like women are completely dependent on them, but when everyone is satisfied… men aren’t. Men won’t ever reach a point where we think that it’s okay to date a fully independent woman. Yeah, we’d like you to pay your phone bill but your ass better call us when a spider needs to be dealt with.

Consider it a holiday, we’re not going to attack women today!!! That’s a joke only because I know that people think that goes on around here often. Nonetheless, I’m interested to hear the thoughts of both sides. What are some expectations that men put on women that are unrealistic? I’m looking for responses from men and women.

In all things, have a great weekend and cheers.

Dr. J This guy has no idea what his position is at SBM.org. He's a well travelled blogger. You can find his work at SingleBlackMale, Necole Bitchie's BitchieLife.com, BuppietheBlog.com, The Book of Jackson, This Is The Dream. He has also published several guest posts at blog all around the blogosphere. He can't spell really good, and grammar isn't his strong suit, but he really appreciates you reading his posts for content, and content only. (I feel very Michael Vick'ish referring to myself in the 3rd Person.)
  • Ummm..yes! I would have to agree with some of the things on the list, especially #4. Most men don't want to tell you about what's going on with them, especially when they are going through stuff. Instead of saying that they need help, they usually get quiet and withdraw.
    #5…True. Sometime we have to "act" like we need your help opening a jar or reaching for something. Of course, we really don't "Need" you for those things but of course, we have to stroke the male ego from time to time!
    My recent post It’s Not The Pencil, It’s How You Write Your Name

    • *opens pickle jar and tries to hide smirk*

  • 1. I can say i dont do this, theres days i dont wanna be bothered and i can respect her feeling the same type of way (anyone else read that in rich homie quan voice?), but no country for clingers, get a hobby or something sweetie.

    2. Yes indeed its a struggle, even the most stacked girl gonna lose it eventually…ill take a gut for some tigolbitties theaux.

    3..man listen. after i been with someone a while i know whats shes gonna say to certain things. Sometimes i want to hear that answer du jour, other times i need fresh perspective, let me cook

    4. its not telekenisis, im just saying you’ll give a full thesis off a tweet i wrote but you cant tell why im upset in real life, use your powers for good.

    5. *looks around and whistles”

    • Sharon Smith

      Interesting. Lol

  • I don’t see anything that’s unrealistic here lol. #1 is mostly true. It’s cool if a chick hits us up daily,it’s just that we don’t have to hold a lengthy convo daily. A quick hello is sufficient. #2 is what plenty of women struggle with. We’re not asking that they look like beyonce but they damn sure shouldn’t look like precious. Not skinny & definitely not fat isn’t unrealistic, a happy medium is desired lol. #3 is just how things are,that won’t change. #4 is sorta true. It’s not that we expect chicks to know what’s wrong through telekinesis, it’s that we don’t like to complain and more than likely we will fix the problem ourselves. #5 is completely wrong. Men definitely can deal with a woman who doesn’t need them technically, but wants them. Most dudes avoid needy women at all cost. So if a chick is completely independent , men won’t have a problem with that. Honestly most dudes would be inclined to help out ms independent because she’s so independent lol. I’m out!!!

    • oh ok…

      "t's cool if a chick hits us up daily,it's just that we don't have to hold a lengthy convo daily. A quick hello is sufficient."

    • say what…

      If this is true "Honestly most dudes would be inclined to help out ms independent because she's so independent lol" then somebody lyin! Either the streets lying or this sentence is, but somebody is lying!

  • Lol @ this post. Nice one… it proved to me that men always want things just right… not to much not to little but that perfect in between. It aint gonna happen guys.
    My recent post The Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 6

  • paynewell

    I love this post, i think we both have things that are unrealistic, just women get a gracious amount of flack for it. Happy
    My recent post Random Review: Gym Pact

  • MJG

    It's not telekinesis, it's telepathy FYI

  • KitKatCuty84

    1.) We want you to call us but not too much and if we don’t hear from you for a day or two we assume you’re no longer interested.

    True. I went out with a guy a while back. Our first date was so great, he asked for another date the next day. That date was awesome too. Then it was radio silence all week. I wasn't trying to sweat him, but by Friday, I basically texted to say have a nice life. Clearly our communication levels weren't on par. He texts back to say he'll call soon, then he fades to black. Three weeks later, he says I was sweating him too much.

    Ladies, you're never gonna know the right level, because it varies from guy to guy, so just do you and find the guy whose communication level matches yours.

    2.) We love TNA (tits-n-ass) which means you have to be healthy but we don’t want you to be fat; it’s a balancing act .

    Ladies, deciding your body type based on guys' preferences is a recipe for crazy. Do you, do what you can, be healthy, and there will be plenty of guys who are into that.

    3.) We’d like if we could talk to you about everything, just not everything.

    Eh, tell me whatever you want, but don't lie to me. Also, don't lie by omission. You don't want to tell me what you did with your boys last night? Cool. But if you one of those things is that you caught chlamydia from a stripper or cheated, you better be open about that, so I can be out. I'm always the talker in the relationship, so I don't much care if he's quiet. Just ask me the correct questions that will allow me to run my mouth and be attentive. 😉

    4.) We truly believe that you can tell what’s wrong through telekinesis.

    I've never met a guy like this. Well, scratch that. The only time something was wrong and a guy didn't tell me the problem, it's because it was over between us. If we were together and something was wrong, he spoke up. Guys I've dated have always been quick to tell me how they need me to change to be their dream girl. Then as soon as I change, their dream changed. Time to wake up.

    5.) We want you to take care of what you can take care of but we also want you to need us.

    Eh, tough cookies. I am a completely independent woman, so the only thing I need from you is the emotional intimacy that comes from having a romantic partner. Sure, I'm scared of spiders. Kill that bad boy for me. But if you weren't there, I would kill it myself, so I don't call that a NEED. Sometimes I even need to remind myself to ease up and not take care of things you, as the guy, are "supposed" to take care of. I WANT to have a man in my life, not as a rescuer or master, but a partner, lover and life companion. If you have a chip on your shoulder about my independence level, KIM.

  • Mystic

    Well yea, expecting someone to figure out your thoughts via telekinesis would be rather unrealistic. Does she fly objects around the room or hold you upside down to scare you into spilling your thoughts? I’m pretty sure no man has dreams of dating Carrie.

  • oh ok…

    #2 just depends on the man.
    Some guys like skinny & some like B.I.G. Its just a preference.
    I know I gained weight with my guy (making amends now) and he still loves me especially since I STILL know how to work my beauty regardless of size. Just depends,IMO.

  • oh ok…

    My bad…reread too late! "Making amends" is regarding my weight! 🙂

  • The best unrealistic expectation is the sexual one. We want a woman who knows what she's doing in bed, but at the same time we don't want a slut. While I wholeheartedly agree with this logic, it leaves a massive grey area open to interpretation.

    A tip to all men: NEVER ask your woman how many guys she's been with. She could say 4; she could say 400; as long as there were other partners involved the number will ALWAYS be too high! It's ridiculous because after a certain age, virtually no one is dating a virgin. Be mature and look at things rationally instead of pigeon-holing women by looking at them exclusively through either rose-colored or slut-covered lenses. Real people don't work that way.
    My recent post Post-Furlough Foolishness

    • Cindie

      Thank you, Leon! We women feel the same way about men and "man-whores."

    • Beautiful N/Out

      the virgin thing is not true- I’m a virgin and will continue to be until I get married. I have also known many people who have done just that- and are now married. It’s just a matter of the individual person’s values.

  • uNk

    1. Yea i agree with 2 cents lol. I dont mind talking everyday at all, just dont hit me with that "Why you tryna get off the phone" mess. I got SH!T to do lady. Lets catch up, flirt a little, alright ill holla, or see you later.

    2. Yea…..this is true

    3. Yea this one is here to stay. Ok im walking, and i just saw THEE fattest assets walking by, im texting my boy details, not my girl lol. Theres just immediate man thoughts you cant just share with your girl. Women, yall dont really want to hear pure male comedy convos/thoughts i promise.

    4. I dont think its that I would want a woman to know my problem, i would just want her to know that I am going thru something, so chill for a little bit. Just let me handle it my own way and be there whether i accomplish or fail in my problem. and dont talk sh!t about it if a man cant solve his problem up front. "See I could of did that for you" or "Why didnt you just tell me and we could have solved this" nah

    5. Yea, be independent as you want to be, but hey i got some manly deeds to uphold to lol. Ill put that desk together you ordered.

  • sierra smilez

    Lie men feel less than a man when a women doesn’t need him. True story been told to my face. This is a fact. Even heard it from a 80 year old mam

    • Jordan

      Its not just being needed by a female. If a man is not needed by any human being or has no value to any other human being in such a way that a person can depend on him – then NO – He is NOT a man. He is taking up space and has no value to society. Its a lonely existence. Fellas — learn to add value without expecting anything in return. Altruism. What a concept.

  • amaris79

    #1 is the bane of my existence. ESPECIALLY since I am a grown person and understand you have a job.
    Working in marketing & PR I kept insane hours, and most men that approached had similar non-traditional hour jobs. Due to that fact alone I rarely call without a "can you talk" text, and often just rely on the guy to let me know when the heck he is available. If I know you fly alot, I'm not gonna call. If I know you entertain clients both during the workday and after hours at dinners and happy hours, I'm not gonna call. it just seems…impolite to assume you should stop what your doing simply because I chose to call that second. The delicate balance between aloof and overbearing is a big struggle for me.
    My recent post Emily Yoffe Thinks you Shouldn’t Binge-Drink. Neither Do I; My Story On Assault and Alcohol

  • BKCarib

    4….I gotta disagree.
    I don't do that. If I got a problem I brings it up.

  • The Guy

    Dudes struggle with #1 everyday. And when we get tight about #1 we start to go straight into #4. That's just a symptom of neediness that we need to wash out our system. It happens when you really like a chick tho, we all have that cross to bear.

    And fat chicks gotta get it together.

  • I've always said, a man's woman isn't his personal chef, maid, and fcuk toy. Any man expecting his woman to replicate his mom is asanine. period. I'm sure women can improve on a thing here or there and nothing wrong with compromise….but love her for who she is, not what you want her to be
    My recent post Rants on Bullying, World Star, Kanye and The Game

    • Cindie

      What you said, cortonio! Keeping it real!

    • Jordan

      I can do all those things if I am in love. I'm dead serious. But be aware that Mommy will discipline you if you step out of line. I WILL take care of your every need. But that comes with a VERY LARGE price tag. Sign on the dotted line at your own risk, my friend. The question you guys should ask yourself is — Do you REALLY want your partner to replicate your mom? Because mom wasn't always perfect and you know it. She was a living breathing feeling human being and she may love you unconditionally but she had no problem putting you right back into your place. Woops – I think I just gave away the secret of what men really want.

  • Amber

    I must say that this post is very interesting. What amazes me is how much the roles of men and women have reversed. Men have emotionally become the new women and vice versa. I have to say that I have never seen so many confused men who say they are interested in dating women, but make no effort to be involved in relationships. Clearly men of today want a someone similar to a blow-up toy and unfortunately I see my sisters falling for accommodating the requests of one man after another.

    What has happened to us as people that we've forgotten how to be human? Is it the fact that more men are raised by single mothers and they didn't have the chance to see how men love women? Women, do we loathe ourselves so much that we are so willing to change who we are at the drop of a hat to please any and every man we meet? It's sad, the fact that we need each other but don't trust one another and we miss out on the wonderful blessing of what love is all about. What a waste of life.

  • Valencia

    1. I like to talk a lot, but I'm not sweatin any dude I leave it up to him if he wants to talk daily
    2. I've come to learn that men love women of ALL shapes and sizes period, it may not be the man that you want, but there's always a man who's checking for you.
    3. I get that guys don't want to talk about everything with me, but if its to break up or it's not working let me know, that's only common courtesy. Find what you want just don't keep me around because you have no one else or the chick that you're trying to get aint bitin yet.
    4. I've learned to let a man be if he has issues and doesn't want to talk about it, he'll eventually come around. What I don't like if it's something that can be solved that I can help with if I'm told early enough, but if I'm not don't bitch and groan if you didn't tell me in time. How am I supposed to support you or help you if I don't know??
    5. I'm every independent and I'll keep it that way. I've dated guys where there game if possible was to try to make me so dependent on them that I needed them for everything, not gonna happen SMH. That type of game is whack it's a control mechanism that I wont be subject too. I wont be the check who stayed at home while the man worked and had to ask him for money.

    • Lisa

      I like your response on number 2. I know that a lot of guys like me "thick" but I don't lol. With that comes the belly.

      4. I learned the same, let the ish go until he is ready to talk about.

      1. Don't sweat anyone that's not sweating you.

  • Kelly r

    (I’m a guy) I don’t belive most of these except for #1, but only because I had a clingy, paraniod, slightly psychotic ex who stole my phone and computer, and I don’t mean looked through I mean took and tried to booty call every girl on my contact list including my mother. And for bomber 4 ive only had trinkets with girls and that, I mean a girl stayed man at me for a month because I took her to the wrong restraunt, and then said “wellyou should have known!” Even though I asked her what was wrong and she would reply “nothing”. So this list goes both ways.

  • Cheryl

    Word to the wise, If 1-5 is an issue and up for discussion, you are just not into her, and your expectations …well, I'll leave that for last.

    1. If her is calling daily, because she thought of you, irritates you. You are not feeling her. Stop keeping her around for the Poonanee. Man up and let her go.
    2. Every woman is not for every man. She is not for you, keep your opinions to yourself and keep moving. Or if she's yours then join a gym with her.
    3. Seriously? you cant think on your feet (polite distractions)? ….. we do not tell you everything either!
    4. "Pouting"!!?!! Really? You just lost #5, she is out. (independent woman)
    5. Every woman loves a hero, even an independent woman. If she cant ask you, them who? Because another man will pay for what ever she needs. Do you really want her to realize that she can do without you. She can pay an exterminator.
    In closing, Single men are not entitled to the benefits of a married man. (Married men pay the bills..and get all the perks….sex, good cooking, the woo wooing, and to be the hero). lolo We have a few unrealistic expectations too, I've heard them. SMH lolo But when you Love her the expectations are very different.

    • Jordan

      Cheryl, seriously – THANK YOU. You just hit the nail on the proverbial head. SINGLE MEN ARE NOT ENTITLED TO THE BENEFITS OF A MARRIED LOYAL DEVOTED LOVING HUSBAND.

      THANK YOU AGAIN. Just keep repeating that in your heads sisters and you will find the path to HAPPY.