I came across this gem by Renita Bryant on things men should not do in a relationship over at Paul Carrick Brunson’s website. I find that a lot of the “Fellas, Listen Up” articles fall flat. But this one hits the mark:
It is unfair to break a woman’s heart by mismanaging her expectations.
In the wise and prophetic words of Isaiah Washington’s character in Love Jones, “Falling in love ain’t sh**! Can someone tell me how to stay in love?” In a single lifetime, the average person will experience more failed relationships than successful ones. I’ve watched and endured the roller coaster of dating long enough to see where both men and women tend to get it wrong. Usually, it’s somewhere between the hellos and goodbyes but maybe I’m stating the obvious.
Buried comfortably within the walls of every ‘relationship’ are unwritten rules. Rules born from expectations (blog to come) that while never discussed, are assumed and fully embraced. The disappointment created when those rules are broken results in detached, defeated, and doubtful women. Women that slowly slip away without her guy ever truly understanding what happened. If you can’t figure out why your woman considers leaving, has already left, or just placed one foot on the other side of the proverbial door, this blog is for you.
Guys, here are a few simple ways to find yourself on the wrong side of a love song:
Do the exact opposite of what she asks
As women, we tend to be very specific unless it benefits us to be vague. If we give you a roadmap to our wants/needs and you decide to take a detour or dismiss what we’ve requested altogether, you’ve demonstrated a total disregard for our feelings and our role in your life. If you can’t figure out how to show her more affection (holding hands, rubs on the back, pecks on the cheek, etc) or take her out for dinner at least once a week after she’s asked several times, you may as well pack your bags. Don’t be surprised when someone uses the map you discarded to lead them straight to her heart.
Leave her empty
While the whole love tank thing may be a bit overexposed at this point, it’s still a subtle analogy supporting a powerful point. A woman wants to be nurtured, cared for, and cared about by her man. Honestly, we prefer receiving daily displays of adoration but settle for less for a fear of disappointment. If you wonder why your woman has a faraway look in her eyes, or possibly another man’s number on speed dial, it’s most likely because you never thought to give her a refill.
Discourage her dreams
No one wants to battle the world by day and their significant other at night. There are enough naysayers in her inner and outer circle discouraging dreams and challenging hopes without the addition of her most trusted confidante. A woman needs a man that hears her hopes and wants to support her while she pursues her passion. Women can sense when a man feels challenged by her success. However, more women are deciding to lose the man instead of letting go of their dreams. Don’t find yourself watching her success from a distance.
Make her a “choice” vs. a “priority”
The quote, “Never make someone a priority that makes you a choice” is pure gold. As women we commonly fall into the trap of doting over men that rarely give us a second thought or a sideways glance. We fight with our families, sacrifice friendships, and lose sleep over men that consistently ignore our needs, hurt our hearts and handicap our dreams. If you want to keep your woman, you have to give her the loving care she gives you or she’ll one day choose to exit your life for good.
Make the truth optional
‘Lies don’t ruin relationships, the truth does.’ Being honest and forthright should be a given however, I’ve heard guys admit to lying in an effort to spare the woman’s feelings or to avoid an apparent argument. Hopefully guys will one day understand that once a lie is exposed, a woman becomes disappointed in you for the truth you tried to hide and the lie you used to cover it up. Regardless of how bad you think it might be, honesty is the best policy. Respect her enough to trust her with your truth or suffer as you watch her walk away.
Read the rest over at PaulCBrunson.com.