Picky or Patient: What Type of Dater Are You?

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Nitpick- adj. Overly critical, esp. on trivial matters; focused on only trivial aspects

Patient- adj. Quietly and steadily persevering or diligent, especially in detail or exactness

Throughout the period of time that we date, we turn down many. Some people in our eyes are completely out of the question. Others might really be on the fence. Regardless, many face the result of rejection. For the time being, we remain single. Now if you’re like me, then some days you self-reflect. That’s what today’s post is about. You see, there’s times where I simply wonder if I’m being too picky.

I consider myself a patient guy.

My thought process is that I’ll know who I want once I get that click with someone. If I don’t get it, then I won’t pursue things on such a serious level. As I examine this dichotomy of patience and nitpicking, I come to one conclusion: it’s damn hard to gauge what is deemed trivial qualities to someone and what isn’t.

It sort of feels like when you haven’t found “the one” that you’re damned if you do or damned if you don’t. If you’re patient maybe you’re being too picky.

If you’re not as patient then maybe you end up settling.

I’m sure settling is a concern that we all have.  I’m sure being patient has yielded positive results for many. Maybe the person you’re meant to be with will somehow find you. There’s a whole bevy of scenarios really.

Of course this post has sparked many questions I have for you, my SBM community. Are there some qualities that you would deem universally trivial to look for? Can we define what is trivial for someone else? What would you define as settling? Is there a time limit to being patient? Can we draw a line between being picky and waiting for the right one?

I’m extremely interested to hear your thoughts. Now what would really make my week is if it really felt like spring in New York.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

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  • sierra smilez

    Picky.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    I would say both, I'm patient in the sense I don't write anyone off immediately but picky in the fact I don't necessarily choose anyone either. There's been times when I settled into exclusivity just because she was the last one standing, and times when I determined there was nothing holding us back but me and just went for it. In that latter, I don't see it as settling, i made a choice.
    My recent post Today’s Word is… SUPERWOMAN

  • http://www.flyandfierce.com/lifestyleblog Sable B.

    If I approach this from a hindsight bias, it would appear to me, I have been picky to the point of nitpicking in relationships where it took to the end for me to stop denying I had no business with said person(s) in the first place. My patience blossomed when I was with someone that made more sense, more values, belief systems, habits, etc aligned. It was less to nitpick about, so to speak. Not to mention, its far easier to be patient with someone you actually like, love, and respect as a person.
    My recent post Worst Fashion Mistakes to AVOID

  • http://www.lifeisablast.org Payne Well

    I think i am more patient than picky. I believe that you need to take the time to get to know someone. I dont get into relationships if i cant see this being someone i can marry down the road. It's a waste of time to me. I also don't believe in being unhappy or not having someone who is meeting you halfway. To me being pick is that you find someone who meets the majority of or your wants and needs, and ya'll have the chemistry and that connection, but you can't see yourself with this person because they are working as a lead cashier at Wendy's. Or you don't want to get to know someone because they look a certain way or they are too short. I'm all for being happy, but i'm also for being reasonable.

  • Tdavid

    I'm Picky!
    If a woman wants me to be Faithful … She had better be 'Better or As Good' as any other woman out there that I've been in a Relationship with … To Me.

    The biggest 'secret' most men Know is this: Any woman they date (seriously) has to Meet and/or Excel the standard set by the 'One Who Got Away' (regardless of the reason Why that one got away). Only then can a man appreciate the 'Now' woman … and her unique qualities.

    Women Don't Take Steps Backwards … Financially. If the last man paid bills for her without being asked (and she liked that); Guess What? That is whom you have to be .

    Men Don't Take Steps Backward … Sexually. If the last woman liked to lick his b@lls on the regular; Guess What? That's what he expects of you to claim you as his.

    Just Saying …

    • http://twitter.com/DamnPOPS @DamnPOPS

      lol! yeah this is exactly what Chris Rock talked about in his last special. Women can't go backwards in lifestyle, men can't go backwards sexually.

  • langwichartz

    There are advantages and disadvantages to being both. Today we demonstrate the extreme cases of both. I like to feel that instant "spark" that smitten feeling that sends messages throughout my mind, body, and spirit to let down those walls, and do all those things I was telling myself I wouldn't do. A real connection inspires one to be their best self, in my opinion. Anything less would be uncivilized. I hear the word "settling" being thrown around a lot these days, but I beg the question; Do you know the difference between refusing to settle and refusing to compromise. I feel that many today confuse the two, and in the process of not trying to settle, they actually settle for being single because the truth is we refuse to compromise. The tree that doesn't bend, breaks kind of thing.

  • Peach

    I’m picky and I believe that’s how you should be. There’s a difference between being a megalomaniac and putting yourself and your needs before your desire to have someone in bed with you at night. Too quickly we let loneliness blind us to the fact that people do not meet our criteria and are just plain old not right for us and I see entertaining those situations as a waste of time. I rather do the work on myself in the meantime and find someone who has the love that I’m looking for than to string someone along when I know it’s not going anywhere. I’m also only 20 though so what do I know about anything lol

  • http://opinionatedmale.com cortonio

    I'm both, I'm picky because in the end it's going to be someone I have to deal with so I have to make sure things are smooth enough to the point where I'm willing to tolerate her quirks/shortcomings. However I can be patient because there's nothing in life worth rushing into or rushing for.
    My recent post Kobe At It Again? Somebody Get This Brotha A Onesie

  • http://www.facebook.com/whatisforworse BonnieS.

    I am patient enough to get to know the man (if I like him), but what I am picky about is double standard. I will settle for being single rather than compromise/settle to accept being in a relationship where a man demands, for instance, that I not socialize with men even if it business; but he can talk and be friendly with women and I should be okay with it.

  • Gray

    I wouldn’t consider myself picky, but I won’t accept just anyone either. I’m a very patient person, but I won’t waste a lot of time on a man.

    I feel when a person is right for you its simple; you get along, are respectful, considerate, appreciative, attentive, etc… it’s not a constant fight and struggle to MAKE things work. If it’s meant to be it just works.

    Too many people are operating on a personal goal or timeline and try to make what’s obviously a wrong fit work for them. If we worked on ourselves before ruining our own spirit we could potentially be ready for the right relationship much sooner.

  • Es Sully

    Short and sweet…love it

    I am patient. I am not picky because I don’t want a flawless person. I need a person who is willing to give and take on certain things. I believe that everyone should have a list on negotiables and non-negotiables in a mate. There are some things that have NO ROOM for compromise. Then there are things that we need to reanalyze from time to time and determine whether they are truly detrimental to a relationship. Some habits people have may be there simply because no one in their past has ever corrected it. You may be the first person. So don’t be afraid to call someone out on some things. If there is something that is truly important, explain it to your partner. If they are willing to work on it and understand how it is hurting you, be patient. If they straight up say “live with it”…then it is up to you to decide.