I think it’s important that we realize that a lot of the behavior that goes on between both genders is predicated on the simple premise that it’s allowed. Just like most women will see another woman doing something wrong and choose to disassociate before mentoring, men will do the same. I can’t count the number of times that I have heard about behavior in men that was unbecoming and people just walked away. I also hear women complain about men, but they never tell the man directly. For example, an attractive man who is bad in bed. He continues to sleep with tons of women because no woman wants to actually tell him he’s bad in bed.
In the interest of equity, I’ll offer up three things men get wrong with women that affects our collective reputation.
As men, we’ve got to stop doing less because less is required.
I remember when I was younger and I would try really hard only to see someone put in way less effort and get better results. Yes, that’s about women. I came to the weak conclusion that I wasn’t going to put in the effort if the reward goes to someone who didn’t put in as much effort. And yeah, that works because you know at a certain point all men realize that women will put up with a bunch of shit or a lack of shit to have a man around. As I got older, I realized how dumb this logic was and stopped that behavior. There’s a reason why we acknowledge unsung heroes. That means the fellas have to start putting the effort in even when it’s not required and sometimes never appreciated. The ones who don’t put in effort reinforce the collective image that as men are lazy, don’t want to court, and won’t put in effort because there are SO many options available to us.
Along the same lines, this roaming classification of women has to stop.
I remember Wale saying or hinting to the fact that he loves women but hates bitches. Now what happens in those circumstances when men classify women like that is that they respect one and don’t respect the other. Then there’s this subjective system that we use to classify women and then some get respect and others don’t based on the weather or some odd criteria. How about we just respect all women? I know that we feel that some people don’t deserve respect, but it’s better to give respect to someone who doesn’t deserve it than to ever be disrespectful. Moreover, when we have this loose classification system it makes us look like we’re finding ways to justify our bad behavior when we shouldn’t.
I said something before about women who try and sell sex for profit or to get fast money. Well…
I think we need to address the men who will use their money to attract women and not hard work, chivalry, personality and other good qualities.
I find it disgusting when a man uses his money to buy friends or keep company of anyone. That’s men and women because I know some men who will use their money to have themselves surrounded by male friends. However, when it comes to women, it sets up this system where some women feel the need to seek a man for money or go out of their way to attract this type of man.
You have women out there playing the field getting advice like, “show some skin” or “go out with him so we can get in the club for free.” That’s bad business for us. It also makes men who spend money on women in an honest way seem like we’re trying to impress her with our money instead of with our appreciation of her. If all you have to offer women is money, save your money. The rest of us are focused on self-growth and development and we think it’s way cooler.
As I said in another post, men have to realize that when they do these things and attract the attention that comes along with it, it doesn’t make men look any better. It makes us seem vapid and empty; or, like we don’t have a lot of substantive behavior. Women will throw around terms like male privilege to describe our success and virtue; they’ll stop giving us credit for things that we actually work hard for and accomplish (Then we sound like male chauvinists for arguing that we worked hard for it and while male privilege does exist, some accomplishments are on merit).
Also, as a man, I don’t want to contribute to the degradation of women or downgrading their value. If they would like to do that on their own, that’s fine. I want to go back to a time when being a man meant something. I think we can be old-fashioned in the good ways and be forward thinking in all the things that history screwed up in the past. I just don’t want to hear any more women asking questions like, “When did men stop being men?”
I guess my only question is do you think that a small (or big) population of men is ruining the image of the group? Also, how does it feel to have to ask or be asked, “When did men stop being men?” What are some ways that we can be supportive of each other without raising (in the sense of a father) one another?