Yikes, My Crush and Ex Flame Are Friends

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Yikes, My Crush and Ex Flame Are Friends

Have you ever been in a situation that you couldn’t anticipate, but you could’ve avoided, and somehow you didn’t?

Let’s just start with the moment that I walked into the house party in Brooklyn. It was packed. A tad sweaty due to the summertime heatwave. But not even the heat could distract me from the fineness that I spotted by the makeshift drink table. Never pressed, I circulated through the tight quarters before finally ending up in close proximity to my new cutie. Nothing sparked immediately, but by an hour later we were chatting over party wings, smiling, and flirting. I was sure that he would ask for my number. His build was a bit larger than I liked but his chiseled features made up for it. His dark brown eyes gave me the once over, I smiled then he moved in closer and asked if he could take me out sometime. I played it cool and agreed. After I gave him my information I made up an excuse to depart. I headed to the other side of the party. Can’t be a stage five clinger.

The margarita’s must have started to kick in because I felt a flash of tingles then I had to hit the bathroom. I didn’t want to break the seal, but I had no choice. After I took care of my business and freshened my lipstick, I was ready to get back into action. When I opened the bathroom door the darkness in the hallway was suddenly illuminated by the light. And there was his face, clear as day. It was my former lover standing right in front of me. My first reaction was shock. I just hoped that my face didn’t display it.

I’d met him years prior when I first moved to New York. My hair was long and it was a quick fling once I found out that he had a half girlfriend. Someone that he wasn’t claiming but I got the feeling that she was probably claiming him. A whole other story. So anyway, I walked out smiled at him said hello then kept it moving. He smiled back but something told me that he hadn’t quite placed where he knew me from yet. That was fine by me because our last conversation ended with him pleading for me not to walk away.

Everyone always thinks that New York is so big, but really it’s small. With this in mind I wasn’t entirely surprised to run into the former flame. However, I was shocked to see him later on in the night across the room getting his BFF on with my new crush! I wanted to scream, no! Of all people, they knew each other. By the looks of the interaction, it seemed like they knew each other well too. My first plan of action was to stay away from the two of them while they were together. That worked for the remainder of the night.

New crush called the following week and we hit it off. We went out a couple of times. I liked his easygoing personality. When he invited me to attend his birthday bash at a lounge downtown I said of course. The party was live. I invited my girls to roll and everyone was having a good time dancing and mingling. Crush and I danced a few times then he invited me to his table to grab a drink. I accepted before I saw the former flame standing by the table. Eff-me! I thought to myself. Then the crush introduced us. I wanted to curl up in a corner and wither away. This was awkward as hell. The former flame looked me dead in my eyes and said, “Don’t I know you?”

Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!

I couldn’t find the words to reply. My crush was standing to the side looking at me. I only managed to smile.

“Did you go to Howard?” he asked.

I said, “No.”

“Okay, maybe you just look familiar.” He extended his hand and said nice to meet you.

I was stuck. I responded with a simple nice to meet you too. What the hell else was I going to say? As the former flame walked away he winked at me.

When the crush and I first met at the house party I felt no obligation to mention that I knew his friend. We were nothing. We didn’t even really know each other. We could have gone our separate ways never to speak again. But once we had gone out a few times I wondered if I was obligated to tell him what he didn’t know? By bumping into the former flame at his party, I knew that if we kept hanging out this would not be the last encounter. In this situation, what would you do?

xoxo

Ahyiana Angel

About the Author: Ahyiana Angel is a Cali girl who has turned the Manhattan streets into her playground. This sassy storyteller—a former sports entertainment publicist at the National Basketball Association (NBA)—is anticipating the release of her first novel, Preseason Love (Oct. 2014), about dating in New York, coveted careers, complicated relationships, and ultimate deception. Angel is the creator of the salacious and popular blog Life According to Her. It’s contrived like reality TV, fictionalized for fun (also to protect the innocent), and sensationalized for your entertainment.

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  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com Tunde

    i'd say something sooner than later. i've been in the perspective of the new crush. i didn't find out till much later. it sounds like he likes you and if it was just a fling he should understand. i did. things happen.
    My recent post On Not Being Black Ferris and Getting Shot

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    People of the same race and income level usually overlap each other no matter its New York or North Dakota. As for the awkward situation, you need to just put it out there, you don't want him to find out from ur ex that you #smashedthehomie.

  • http://www.opinionatedmale.com cortonio

    Me, if I found out my crush and ex flame were friends I'd more than likely find another crush so to speak Especially if you and your ex broke up on bad terms. And besides you don't want your crush knowing things about you that you haven't told him that your ex may divulge. No bueno. I know it's a small world and you can't hep who knows who, but yeah you may have to just let this one go.

    opinionatedmale.com
    My recent post People Lose Car Keys & Kittens. How The Hell Do You Lose A Plane?

  • Animate

    I don't think mentioning it will hurt but my initial reaction is…if old buddy don't remember me then I'm staying silent.
    My recent post The most powerful scene I've ever seen in a video game

  • tylisa06

    Since the ex fling gave you that wink, I would say he remembers you or if not soon will. Personally I would have owned up to knowing him as soon as we were introduced but since you didnt I would just keep silent. If the ex says anything to your crush, you will know it. Although I think it's pretty slime ballish for your ex to say something knowing that his friend likes you. If you and your ex were in a relationship than it would be a different story.
    I was just in a similar situation. I met this guy that I really liked. We became FB friends, where it was soon discovered that we had mutual friends. One guy in particular was a guy I had a very brief fling while in college. New guy asked me how did i know him. I said we went to school together. He said ok, thats one of my good friends. Fast forward a few months ahead, me and new guy are in the club, when old dude rolls up. I was praying that he didnt act like he didnt know me because that would really be suspicious. But he yelled my name, hugged me and asked how i was doing. I still believe my new guy knows something probably went down between us but I dont think he really wants to know the details lol.

  • uNk

    Well…hopefully you werent in any of the "man bro you wont believe what happened to me last night" stories…let us pray lol

    Other than that, i would speak on it. No matter the outcome, you did your due diligence, and you wont feel guilty about anything going forward.

  • Gray

    I think old flame remembers you, and if he doesn’t he eventually will. I would be the first one setting records straight.

    I’d probably 1st ask about their relationship, to gauge how close they are. I’d also ask him how he felt about dating someone his friend once dated. I’m very direct. The dating is still fresh and new so it’s better to risk it sooner rather than later. Don’t wait until feelings develop to discuss this.

  • Tdavid

    You should just tell your 'Crush' and let that be that. No big deal. Just let him know you met his 'Dude' before and went out a few times. Let your 'Crush' fill in the blanks. Just cast your 'Ex' in a bad light by telling your 'Crush' you didn't know he was in a relationship at the time and when you found out … You Ended It. Be sure to mention at the end: "It was only a couple of weeks" … "Nothing Serious".

    It couldn't have been that 'Serious' for your 'Ex'. He didn't even remember you at first. Just means that your 'Feeling' was right about the (so-called) Part Time Girl. Not trying to be rude but: He was trying to make you the 'Side Chick'. Your instincts were true and you ended it. It must have been some period of time since all this happened; So don't worry about it. If your 'Crush' is really feeling you … It won't matter to him. If he is a real man he won't even mention it to your Ex. He'll wait for him to say something (if ever) and then Cut It Off before the conversation gets too deep.

    Not trying to be 'Funny' but it sounds like 'the sex' was not all that memorable to your Ex. Not to say that you are not All That; Just saying that Males 'Flash Back' to memorable sex and the woman they had it with. His not remembering you, initially, further tells me he was just trying to get some 'New'. Again … Please Do Not Think I'm Trying to Throw Off. I'm Not. I Don't Know You and Would NEVER Assume Anything About You as a Woman or a Person. I'm just trying to express thoughts from a Male point of view. Bottom Line: Your Ex was just playing games. That's No Reflection on You. It's His Loss.

    I'm using myself as the example. After meeting my Lady and dating for 3-4 months She introduced me to her Niece. We were at a cookout with her family. I had met and Slept with her Niece around 5 years before. We (her niece & I) had 'Hung Out' for about 3 weeks: Had sex a few times. Later that night I told her about meeting her niece a few years before. I wanted her to hear it from Me. Turned out her niece had told her earlier in the night. But she appreciated Me telling her. Said she was waiting to see if I would. So it might be that your Ex has already told your 'Crush'. If they are 'Boys' and hang like you said in the post … It's already come back to your 'Ex' where he knows you from. He may or may not have said something to your 'Crush' … But even if not … Don't let it hang out there. Tell your 'Crush'. Let him make his own decision and you deal with it from there.

    Just My Opinion …

  • amanada23

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