Are Men Responsible For Round 2 in the Bedroom?

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Most times when I begin to write, I listen to a song or two just to get my mind right. Today the ipod was on shuffle and “Tap Out” comes on. How fitting, right? Maybe it’s more ironic considering today’s discussion.

Last week I wrote a post entitled “Ladies, This Can be Why Round 2 Doesn’t Happen.” I wrote that piece with the intent to bring a fresh perspective on a common topic. I really wasn’t trying to come at women’s necks with that post. I didn’t give much attention to other reasons why a guy wouldn’t be aroused quickly to go another round. I honestly didn’t see the need to.

I just wanted people to say “hmm, I never thought of it like that.”

Judging from the majority of comments, there’s a divide on this issue. The majority of the ladies who commented chalked up this issue to lifestyle. If a guy can’t get up for another round, then he’s got to be out of shape. If a man can’t go all night he must abuse alcohol. Now there’s credence to both of those statements. Lifestyle does play a part in sexual function. There’s no doubt about it. However, lifestyle is not the only factor. It’s said that men can’t go backwards sexually and women can’t go backwards in lifestyle. It’s possible that if a woman doesn’t do certain things a guy is used to it can affect his performance. Now it’s up to a man to let certain things be known. But the fact still remains. What I highlighted last week wasn’t a reason related to lifestyle. It was based on two people needing to communicate. It requires us to care about one another’s needs.

Sure men play a part in this whole thing.

We play a huge part. I just wanted ladies to know that sometimes there’s something more you all can do as well. Now last Friday a great blogger named @Uheardmeright wrote a response to last week’s article. You can check it out here. I actually thought it was a great post. It was hilarious and it was honest. She gave a woman’s perspective to a tee. This is a conversation for both parties to lend their voice to. Only good things can come from understanding. Maybe a lot of us guys have been too mum on this topic. Recently @Wisdomismisery and @IAmRichJones touched on this on their @Tgospodcast here. The fellas discussed women having higher sex drives than men. It was a discussion I think was worth having.

I felt a need to let ladies know that we have these differences in the bedroom. Without talking about it, we’ll all be victims of ignorance. That’s no fun for anyone. It should be noted that I never intended to make “excuses” for men or women. These are just real life scenarios. These things happen. And there’s more than one way to skin a cat. There’s a myriad of reasons for why things in the bedroom may go south. It’s up to us to keep an open mind and have constructive discourse.

Having said all this, SBM fam is having no round two or three all a guy’s fault? Do you think better communication can improve something like this?

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

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From Our Partners

  • Vanessa Walker

    women definitely have a higher sex drive than men and i’m sure it depends on the circumstances for a lady to understand if two & three does not happen. if it’s a night after drinking or just a simple quickie, i wouldn’t expect another round. but i think females have to understand time in between helps. just like it takes time for females to get in the mood–period–i’m sure it is the same for men, also.

    but — it does get frustrating from a female’s view if you’re just lounging and it’s like, ‘well, why can’t there be another round if you’re just chillin’ basically lol — open communication is definitely needed for this type of situation and being mature enough to understand the way one’s body works, is a necessity as well.

    • Damn He Got A Point

      And I get that frustration without a doubt, there’s times where we just have to be understanding of one another

    • http://singleblackmale.org October’s First

      I don’t know that anyone can definitively say that women have higher sex drives than men. There’s too much data to dispute that.

  • Mr. SD

    I’m definitely all about round 2 because I’m stealing the hell out of round 1 fa sho…

  • Gray

    Every woman is different so we should only speak from an individual basis regarding sex drives. Every woman isn’t as in to sex, and men, in turn, have this same complaint.

    When my ex drank…not fall down pissy drunk, but when he drank he had more stamina, and I wanted him to stop. Smoking had a negative effect. Other than that we enjoyed sex. Each time was not going to be the same span of time, which should be understandable. If my man couldn’t go another round and he isn’t having penile issues then I’d want to know quick what the problem was. If we can’t have sex it would be discussion time. Now, this is solely from a relationship perspective. If it’s just sex….there lies your problem. It takes time to get in synch with one another.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      I’m similar when I drink, then when she getting all the rounds she deserve she wondering why I’m not getting my shot off.. We never win.

  • Tonyoardee

    I need at least 30 minutes before i can go another round, but it seems like the women i encounter can’t understand this.. the 2nd round is longer i promise just give me time

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

    Its on perspective, I’m not supposed to turn into the Microsoft paper clip like “i see you wasn’t satisfied with the last round, how can i help”, do what men do when they want it; seduce. Cop ya feels, kiss a neck, play with it, put in some work.

    Closed mouth don’t get fed bae

    • omphile direro

      lol..closed mouths dont get feed..truuee!!

  • langwichartz

    Its a biological thing some just don’t get it

  • Animate

    My response is usually this.

    Sex for men is physically draining and I’m not talking about stamina. Some people can bounce back almost immediately, some can’t. Result will vary but I guarantee it it not solely on either party.

    • Gray

      For women too…I don’t drink, but love hangover’s are no joke.

  • theSUNK | Sh*t U Need 2 Know

    It all depends on the person and in my case the woman I’m with. If I’m with Lupita she gets lots o’ rounds, if I’m with Taraji a passionate first… For the most part my first round usually last longer than average, so there isn’t always a need for round 2 because I pace myself. A few times I’ve met women I couldn’t hang with. I’ve also met some women that don’t like overly long sex or the second round. Sometimes they just want to give and receive oral interactions, other times the full course. You adapt to the climate

    • Kema

      “For the most part my first round usually last longer than average, so there isn’t always a need for round 2 because I pace myself.”

      Yes… Just do it right the first time! Then there’s no ‘need’ for a round 2.

      • theSUNK | Sh*t U Need 2 Know

        Ya feel me… *e-dap*

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        Knock that a** out

    • Damn He Got A Point

      I can dig that too brotha

    • Gray

      Typically if round 2 is necessary it is only because she was not thoroughly pleased. That doesn’t mean she didn’t enjoy you, parts or all of the interaction just that she was not thoroughly pleased. Some guys should take this personally…Quick Draw McGraw’s. Dude if this is you she’ll probably be mad or nonchalant. However, for many women they want to savor every moment and it has nothing to do with you. She will be anxious and encouraging but will coax and be understanding until you’re ready. You can caress and hold her until you’re ready.

  • Ty (SexySingleMommy)

    I think that it is most def the individual. All men are different. If a woman wants a “Round 2,” she has to “help” her man out. But as I said before, sometimes “Round 1″ is enough….

  • http://streetztalk.net/ StreetzTalk

    I think its on both parties…

    men need to be more vocal and let a woman know how they feel and what they need to go round 2.

    women need to understand that we do need a slight break. the break time might vary depending on the situation but it will still be needed.

    Men shouldnt be selfish. Go that second round especially if you put up a dud round 1!

    If the woman doesnt excite you enough for rd 2 then thats a different issue

  • Payne Well

    I believe are so focused on that round 2 because, we are so close to being where we need to be, or at least in the vicinity. it can take us a bit longer to get there and don’t want to lose that momentum.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      No to resting starters huh lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/ajabritt Hustlyn Diva

    I give 10min breaks, and if Im able to get it back up (by any means) it’s only right I get rewarded with round 2…Thats pretty fair if I say so myself….
    Also if you have session’s through-out the day and or night those can be considered rounds, right?
    I guess all in all it really just depends on the person your with, maybe even the sexual chemistry sometimes you may just want to get right back up in that thang

  • cynicaloptmst81

    I don’t think any one party is more or less responsible. You give the moment what is required or necessary. You should what to do know (or not do) because you’re present, familiar, comfortable…and know what you’re doing, lol. The answer could be talking or trying things till you get the response you’re looking for. Both parties need to take responsibility of their own pleasure.