How Does He Decide That Your Relationship “Break” Can End?

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This week I wrote a post over for the good folks over at MadameNoire. Now the premise of this post was what factors into when a man will go from the “we on a break” phase and get to the “let’s get back right” phase. Although I feel that ultimatums are the absolute worst when it comes to a relationship with a guy, it may be necessary. There’s a lot to be said in this conversation but what I really want to convey is that it’s important to note that the guy may not always be operating from a place of deceit or immaturity.

In a perfect world, when a couple goes through a hard time and has to make a decision as to whether their relationship is worth continuing, they decide that it is. However, that’s not really what happens. The reality is people usually take breaks, they date other people, and focus solely on themselves for a bit, and it’s not until they “feel” like it that they get back together. I’ll tell you up front, both men and women do this. I’ve seen a guy wait around for over a year while a woman sorted her life (and loins) out.

As it pertains to men, after the breakup that reconciliation period or time away from the relationship is their time to “live.” When you break up you not only want to fix your relationship but yourself too. Relationships can be taxing on other parts of your life and that can lead to you dropping the ball on other things. For example, when you’re in a relationship you may have put that business plan or great book idea to the side to focus on your relationship. After the breakup you may want to reconcile, but first you think you’ll be much happier in that relationship if you are able to get your business up and running.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when a guy knows that reconciliation is an option, but he spends a long time dilly dallying around with other women. He’s on a relationship vacation. This can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing. On one hand, you want a guy to get all that out of his system before getting back in a relationship. (That’s if it’s possible for him to get it out of his system.) On the other hand, you don’t want a guy who wants to have a bunch of fun with Lord knows who and then get back with you when he’s ready. This is why a relationship (and a breakup) has to be a mutually agreed upon thing and both people have to go into it that way.

Read the solution and full article over at MadameNoire.

Have you guys ever had a time when you’re were on “break” and the guy or girl seemed to just keep holding out for a reconciliation? I know I have. Have a good Friday and remember to make it a great weekend.

Dr. J

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From Our Partners

  • cynicaloptmst81

    I’m in 100% agreement with the solution. I have never, ever taken “a break” from a boyfriend. Either we’re gonna work through our problems or we aren’t. If we need that kind of space and freedom, we need to break up and let life run it’s course. For an example of why this is a bad idea, see the Gabby/Dwyane baby fiasco.
    Sidebar: Everytime I see his name in print, I want to move the ‘y’. Smh…

    • Ree713

      Agreed!!! About Dwyane’s name too.

    • Mr. SD

      I beg to differ, relationships breaks make the world go round…nothing like some time off to reflect..this is all pre-marriage though..I can’t see me taking a marriage break

      • cynicaloptmst81

        Time off…and you go act single, lol…might as well BE single, LOL!

        That’s the one break I agree with, lol. Separations can save marriages if you have a counseling/reconciliation plan in place.

        • Mr. SD

          LOL Thats the thing, ya’ll swear we off getting some nu nookie..half the time yall done drove us so crazy that’s the last thing on our minds

        • cynicaloptmst81

          I wasn’t just talking bout the fellas! Lol! Shoot, I’d be checking the scene too! Real talk, whenever I knew my relationships were winding down, CO81 stopped refusing numbers, lol. I befriended newbies at that point.

  • Courtney Sanders

    I don’t believe in relationship breaks although they have happened presumably. I didn’t know the man decides when the break will end, especially if it was mutual. And what if he decides “okay it’s time for us to talk” and she begs to differ and ends everything altogether? hmmm

    my recent post: 9 signs your man is a D-L-B-down low brotha

  • Ree713

    I don’t think I’m built for it. If we can’t stay and work things out then why take a break and come back after the storm is over? What happens when the next storm comes? Also what were you doing on said break? I’m not going to take you back and then a couple months later you tell me you have an on – break baby on the way.

  • Mr. €

    Relationship breaks are a bit silly to me, in no other aspects of our lives can we take breaks from. Fatherhood/motherhood = nope, brother/sister = nope, son/daughter = nope. Now there is a caveat to this, I have taken breaks from work, but those are called vacations.

    So I suggest we call these relationship vacations. lol

  • http://thesexysinglemommy.net Ty (SexySingleMommy)

    Relationship breaks? What is that and how old are we? You are either together or not. No one has time to be in limbo while one party decides what they want to do, besides, who has time to put their life on hold?
    No one should ever consent to that and if your man or woman suggests that you take a relationship break, I suggest that you MOVE ON!