Would You Let Your Significant Other Cheat?

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Normally I wouldn’t ask a question like this. I’m more conditioned to think that a woman would never just give such permission. I should say maybe I don’t think she would give this permission while still feeling okay with it on the inside. A couple of weeks ago Teyana Taylor challenged my thought. In the interview below, she details the demise of her relationship with Detroit Pistons guard, Brandon Jennings. In it, she seemingly gives Brandon a pass.

At the 12:40 mark she really gets into the meat of the discussion. Give it a listen for about two minutes and tell me what you think.

She  gives Brandon a pass and also comes off a bit condescending.

A few months ago, I shared my thoughts on the attitudes of some abstinent people. You can read it here. But Teyana’s tone during the interview harkened me back to that original post. You see, Teyana was saving herself seemingly for marriage. After getting very serious with said fellow, she felt safe enough to “give it up.” She praised herself for sticking it out as long as she had. At the same token, she says basically that she understands where Brandon was in his life. She understands what he wants to do. I respect her being as logical as she could be right there. But how could you be so proud to abstain with your boyfriend as he is off doing him? That part of the interview puzzled me. That mentality puzzled me. And as much as everyone defines their own relationships, this mentality here just won’t click with me.

A woman’s chastity should be important to her if she abstains.

But furthermore, it should have more importance since your guy waited it out with you. I can’t define her worth so I won’t ever make this personal. But do you ladies think virginity is important if your partner is out getting his regardless? What importance does your virginity have in that relationship anymore? I guess that is really my whole hang up with this? For lack of a better word, it just sounds stupid.

But with all that being said, can any ladies relate to this mentality? Am I just out of touch? Fellas, a shorty ever gave you the green light to cheat? I selfishly just want to know how you got to that point. Let’s speak on it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

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  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

    I think Teyana just saw what time it was, professional athlete gonna do him, but she felt what they had was going to pay off in the end (obviously it didn’t and Jennings has since denied a “relationship” existed). These days i think society views secks differently, women are much more liberated to the point they can separate love from it.

    I haven’t received a green light, but i will say I’ve seen plenty of men be forgiven for a quick fling, they had an itch they got it scratched over actually having a relationship with someone else

    • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

      You’re right about the quick fling forgiveness. I’ve noticed that with a few guys I’ve known. Personally, I don’t understand it.

      In the cases I was aware of, the men didn’t respect the women any more for forgiving them. In fact, they continued to stray and only would admit to it if they were caught…again.

    • Kwazi Style

      I wonder why “some” men are so quick to beg for and believe they are entitled to forgiveness but would never in a million years give a woman the same consideration if she stepped out. I guess its that double standard thing…

      • JT

        Its called EGO and being a hypocrite basically. some guys feel it is a male right to cheat and that a woman should just accept that. usually guys like this will tell women “ALL men cheat” as to justify their cheating when in fact, NOT ALL men cheat…but its a line of crap cheaters like to use. And the worst offenders would rather lie down and die on train tracks than think of their woman with another man. LOL. It is what it is…life is full of double-standards. Not saying I agree with it, I just understand how folks think about things.

      • Introverted Ideal

        I don’t think it’s a double standard so much as many men are rigid and uncompromising as far as what they deem a redeemable situation. The popular men’s stance on the top tier partner characteristic being “Loyalty”, this is not new information. I can relate. If a woman steps out on me, she belongs to the streets now, idgaf. If women want to play that 2nd, 3rd, 4th, fif chances game with their male counterparts, that’s their perogative. We just don’t play that.

        • http://arafricaine.blogspot.com/ Arafricaine

          Say that again,if women chose to settle for a role on a team,it’s their problem.

  • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

    Nah. I’ve never been given a green light to cheat nor would I want one.

    In fact, I’d seriously question the character, values and morals of a woman who even presented the option to me.

    She and I definitely wouldn’t be on the same page.

    • http://arafricaine.blogspot.com/ Arafricaine

      She also went on to say that she had problems with rihanna because her and i quote “loyalty is with chris”. Questionable character indeed.

      • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

        No doubt about that. Very questionable.

  • http://singleblackmale.org Dr. J

    This actually happens a lot. It happens in all walks of life too. From chicks who know their boyfriend is cheating because he’s an athlete or in a frat in college to even when they are married to a man who is constantly on the road and away from home. It happens to pretty much any man that is in a position where women find him a bit more attractive than everyone else.

    Whatever works for folks is what works for them. Sometimes people hold onto this sex thing and it’s like 20% of the relationship, they’ll lose 80% over it. If you’re cool with it, then good for you. If not, then it doesn’t work.

  • heyheyno

    I think in this day and time even with women making better strides than before we still have a mindset that it’s better be in a relationship with a guy who cheats than to have no relationship at all. The fact that she held on to her virginity that gave it up to a guy who was giving it up to everyone else makes not sense. I have never given a guy the green light to cheat. If a guy has cheated on me in the past I am not sure. I don’t think anyone has but if he did cheat it wasn’t because of some green light lol

    • JT

      yup. just like I said about cheaters who justify their cheating with the ‘ALL MEN CHEAT’ lines, you have some women who will stick with a guy who cheats and uses that same ‘logic’ [if you wanna call it that] to stay with that guy.

  • http://arafricaine.blogspot.com/ Arafricaine

    I would not,not that i believe that anyone can make their partners do anything,but a relationship with me comes with exclusivity. If my man however, expressed to me his desire to fornicate with others,i would gladly pack my bags and grant him a divorce. Nobody should be forced to be with someone they aren’t attracted to.

  • JT

    Ultimately, folks will do what they want to do. We don’t ALLOW folks to do anything…hell, we can’t, not really. What matters most is what are you going to do when you find out your boo is cheating…stay, stray, play or move on. I know thats what some folks mean when they say “let them cheat” but what are you really saying….? Is whats good for the goose also good for the gander? and has anyone ever seen a gander? Scratch that last question…my mind drifted. LOL.

  • Introverted Ideal

    I took a trip to Miami once. The woman I was dating at the time stated, and I quote, “If I decide to step out, just be safe about it and don’t bring anything back home”. I lost all trust in her at that point. I find it incomprehensible that a faithful woman who knows what she has would allow unfaithfulness willingly. Note that partners who like to share a third don’t count. In fact, I’d go to far as to say such an arrangement is the epitome of trust.

    • Gray

      Trust or consensual whoring. I’ve known women who’ve participated because their man wanted to experience it. They foolishly thought they would have the experience then that would be it… well he continued to want it when she didn’t. They ended up divorced in one situation and split up in the other two. The men hooked up with the third wheel, which was a woman, to find other partners which led to cheating.

  • Gray

    Many women accept this poor behavior…as a matter of fact we’re taught it. When I was younger it was the understood norm, but as I aged I related the behavior with immaturity. I accepted poor behavior until I recognized that I was not treating myself well. How could I expect anyone to treat me in a specific way when I accepted poor treatment? It was a wake up call that changed my approach in that relationship which contributed to its end. I’ve been single since.

    • Damn He Got A Point

      Hey nothing wrong with having a standard of treatment.

  • Ali Sheikh

    One of the top ways that the MDAD (Misandrist Dating Advice Distraction) tricks men is by deceiving men into thinking women have it just as bad as them in some different but equal way. This is the case with the “men can get relationships easier” myth. With that myth, what happens is that men notice women can get laid easier, but women try to trick men into thinking that men can get relationships easier. However, if you aren’t having sex then you aren’t having a relationship (i.e. there is no such thing as a sexless relationship if you’re neither young nor a religious fundamentalist) so since it’s harder for men to get laid, it is also harder for men to get relationships.

    We see something similar when it comes to rejection. Men will point out how they have to deal with most of all the rejection that happens. (This is because men are in the position of having to initiate with women instead of the other way around.) In response to this, women will try to trick men by pointing out that women have to “wait” to get asked out, making “not getting asked out” a form of “rejection”. In other words, men and women are equally rejected just in different ways. Even if you buy that (and you shouldn’t), it still falls apart for women. If “not getting asked out” is a form of rejection, then men are still getting rejected more, even more so than if that wasn’t considered “rejection”. Since women don’t ask out men for the most part, this means that most men are getting even more rejection than the explicit rejections than they already get.

  • Ali Sheikh

    “no win situation” in modern dating. If they follow what society tells them to do, they often end up “good guys” who are taken advantage of, mistreated, and disrespected. In contrast, if they follow more “assertive” biological imperatives, they are labeled “jerks” and “players”—who may get sexual gratification, but not love or respect from what they would consider a “good woman”. Overall, they report that there is often little incentive for men to date and even less for them to consider long-term commitments.

    Today, men are given confusing and contradictory advice. Socially, they are expected to be “compliant” (i.e. cooperative) partners to women. However, they are also urged by women’s sexual interest to maintain an “attractive personality” (i.e. assertive and ambitious). Unfortunately, men sometimes report that attempting to balance these notions does not result in satisfaction, happiness, or women’s appreciation and respect.

  • Ali Sheikh

    You won’t find many girls that have had sexual partners uglier than themselves, but you’ll find an endless list of guys that have – in fact, there is a contingent of men that have sex with girls less attractive than themselves almost as a rule. Because men can have sex without worrying about pregnancy, social stigma, rape, less about STDs, etc., they attempt to have sex more often. This is so obvious that it might not be worth stating, but ultimately, it means there is a deficit of women for promiscuous sexual relationships. The relatively high demand for females means that women have more and better sexual options.

    Men will usually sleep with women that are between 1 and 3 points lower than themselves on a 10-point scale, which means that women are usually sleeping with men that are 1 to 3 points higher than themselves. Men may get laid more often, or at least, have sex with a larger number of partners; but women get to sleep with men of higher quality, in other words, men that are “out of their league.”

  • Ali Sheikh

    You won’t find many girls that have had sexual partners uglier than themselves, but you’ll find an endless list of guys that have – in fact, there is a contingent of men that have sex with girls less attractive than themselves almost as a rule. Because men can have sex without worrying about pregnancy, social stigma, rape, less about STDs, etc., they attempt to have sex more often. This is so obvious that it might not be worth stating, but ultimately, it means there is a deficit of women for promiscuous sexual relationships. The relatively high demand for females means that women have more and better sexual options.

    Men will usually sleep with women that are between 1 and 3 points lower than themselves on a 10-point scale, which means that women are usually sleeping with men that are 1 to 3 points higher than themselves. Men may get laid more often, or at least, have sex with a larger number of partners; but women get to sleep with men of higher quality, in other words, men that are “out of their league.”

  • Es Sully

    The answer to your title is HELL NO! Teyanna seemed to be very confident and aware of her situation. I don’t think I really get the same message about her giving him a pass, though. But I think that in a relationship, there should be an understanding of what is going on. If you agree to hold out with me, then we’re rocking. If you can’t get down with that commitment, then I will not be upset at all, but you have to keep your party moving (no hard feelings at all). Because if you don’t have that personal conviction, then God only knows when and how you will fall….I’m not into all that drama!! #NoPassesOverHere