Is Honesty Really the Best Policy?

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We all want honesty. Nobody wants to be with someone who’s walking around with a bunch of secrets. Usually when you think of someone you’re with being dishonest, it means they’re keeping things from you that may affect your relationship like they’re married and have 2 kids for example. But how often do you think about the things that they keep from you that don’t necessarily affect the relationship, and aren’t harmful, but instead could just be detrimental to your image? I’ve always wondered at what point is your other half semi responsible for your image.

The oh, so popular yet touchy subject of weight is the easiest place to start. New couples usually go through that new period where all they do is go out to eat and lay up with each other. This lasts at least a full season, and when it’s over you have nothing but additional lbs. to show for it. So now what? Who says something first? I mean, it’s not like neither of you noticed the other has gained weight, but who’s going to have the balls to speak up? You may be thinking how do I tell my girlfriend she gained weight? Men know better, and women don’t really want to deal with a damaged male ego. The result? A round couple, going into a new season. I know, it’s hard but this is a situation where honesty is the best policy, or is it?

When is it appropriate to tell someone you’re gaining weight, or you’re letting yourself go? Is it your place? Those are the questions I have. In a relationship you always want your mate to be attracted to you, but there is a fine line between hurt feelings and doing a good deed. Let’s be for real. I know we’ve all been in situations where we’ve wanted to speak up about something, but didn’t know how to say it. It sits in the back of your mind and festers. You never speak up and both of you are left with an unresolved issue. One person is aware and the other, not so much.

This qualm isn’t true of only romantic relationships, but friendships too. How do you tell your homegirl that no, her outfit does not look good and her size 6 is really a thot 6 and not a true 6; in other words, up your dress size. I know I’ve jokingly blamed the friends for letting some chic come out the house looking crazy. I guess it’s not really their responsibility though.  If your boy is balding, and continues to go get a lining, at what point can you suggest him just cutting it off and going bald? It’s hard. You want to be honest in all your relationships, but you don’t want to hurt the people closest to you. It’s not too often that we feel comfortable having those “come to Jesus” moments with our boos and friends in fear of damaging their “self” esteem. [queue Kat Williams]

You also have to think about if it’s your place or not. People are quick to say that everyone is entitled to their opinion. You can look how you want to look, but understand there are consequences. We should be able to count on our friends to be honest, but that doesn’t always happen. Even though we look in the mirror everyday, we don’t always see ourselves as others see us, and perception is reality.

We are all offenders, but we are all human. I don’t think [most] people want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but what are some ways you can address issues that usually go untouched in fear of being offensive? Do you speak up, or hold your peace? What say you?

For more of Keita and her tactful opinion follow her on twitter @keitathejedi or at www.keitawheats.com

 

 

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From Our Partners

  • Payne Well

    Depends how important they are too me and what the subject involves. If it’s someone i’m cool with and I could live without them i’ll probably wont feel the need to be completely honest. However, if we are close and the issues is something that could drive a wedge in our relationship then i have to speak on it. It may hurt, but not speaking about it is making it worse.

  • Bree

    “perception is reality.” So very true. Personally, I speak my mind. Always have, it’s just the type of person I am. I expect my circle to do the same, and they do.
    Can’t say what’s right or wrong in this situation. You have to look at the situation and the person. Some folks truly cannot handle the truth. It emotionally, mentally, and spiritually kills them. Psychologically speaking, sometimes our brain needs to repress and block out certain things for our mental health and well being. With some people, things have to be approached very carefully, otherwise it can backfire, and potentially do more harm than good.
    My general philosophy is this: More often than not, Complete, Tactful, Respectful, Honesty is always the best policy.

    • JOhn Crawford

      What if somebody doesn’t have the Tact to say something in respectful manner(s)? Some folks’ Ettiqute is either Higher or Lower than the next, often times to the point of people being very PC or Thin-Skinned

      • Bree

        JOhn Crawford, in that case they need to be sympathetic and sensitive to that person at the very least. Tact is something that is learned, but it’s not difficult to be tactful and respectful in your delivery. You can tell the truth in a nice way.

  • JOhn Crawford

    In Friendships, Honesty is definitely the Right Policy (IDK about Best, since we all are our Own Person(s) and Such). I try to be the Friend that Says what you Need to Hear, not a Yes Man or a Hype Man; Sometimes One does need Encouragement and Support, but not when One is Blatantly Wrong (like Crimes)
    Relationships and Interactions w/ Opposite Gender- that’s a Hit or Miss. I’d like to think your S/O would “appreciate” Honesty- since that’s what we Want but Truth isn’t always Rose Petals and Soft Pillows. Truth does, can, and will Hurt but it Is Right; With Regards to Folks One Doesn’t Know it’s even Worse. People saying Be Honest if Chex is what You Want are blowing smoke sicne folks Fear and Loathe Criticism and Condemnation for Embracing Sexuality- especiialy when you are Woman. Men are considered Lazy N!ggas and Less than for folowing Said Saying, and Serious Stuff- like not wanting Marraige or Kids, is a Deal Breaker for Many

  • Courtney Sanders

    honesty can be a gift and a curse. It all depends on what you’re being honest about. When it comes to weight if you love the person it shouldn’t matter. What’s 10 20 lbs? Now if you met her she was 140 and within a year she’s at 200lbs w/o being pregnant then yes for her health you should mention it. Some things you should be honest about but you ever heard of “when keepin’ it real goes wrong”….that aint just a dave chappelle skit.

    post:deadly mistakes men make in a relationship that should be avoided

  • Kenan

    As a man, I made a decision to always be honest. Men usually lie to women for one reason:

    “we might lose out on some Pu$$y”

    Once you acknowledge that fact and override your natural biological instinct to lie, being honest with women gets much easier. Just remember, there’s a difference from being honest and just being a jerk.

  • Gray

    Every battle is not worth a fight! I am always honest yet responsible enough to choose my battles. In addition every topic is not on the table; it’s not always my business. I have had people tell me that I’m too honest. Huh?

    If a person is relevant to me I open up more. I never understand leaving words left unsaid… If you’re not responsible enough to speak up for yourself or state how you feel, despite disagreeing, then you’re not responsible enough to be in a relationship, IMO.

    As for my friends and family, I can say anything to them but it isn’t always my business… My girlfriend knows when she gains weight. We’ll suggest teaming up for walks, zumba, etc… If skirt, dress….is too short I’d probably say something about their inability to bend over, and I even laugh at them. They join me for the laugh. In addition we have no problem complimenting one another when we are looking good. It doesn’t have to always be negative.

  • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

    Honestly, I feel like someone’s feelings are going to be hurt, regardless of how gentle you try to make telling them about their weight gain.

    Yet, after some thought, I believe a way to counter at the wrath of a hurt partner is to discuss this issue near the begin of a relationship, before the weight is gained.

    The same way couple should set relationship standards and boundaries, they should decide on how they will bring up the tough topics to one another, if they ever cross that bridge.

    This will ensure that both partners are better prepared if that time does arrive and they have both agreed on the best way for them to initiate that discussion.

    So, I believe it boils down to being proactive and thinking ahead.

  • http://arafricaine.blogspot.com/ Arafricaine

    People ask for honesty but they really don’t mean honesty,”honesty”; more like agree with me so i can feel better about my stupid choices. I have learned to keep my mouth shut regardless of how much someone asks my “honest” opinion,unless you are in my close circle (exactly 5 people),i will smile and quote inspirational memes.