Are You Really Ready for a Relationship?

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How do you know you’re ready for a new relationship? 

Is it a feeling? 

Is it perfect timing? 

Do you just know?

Honestly, feelings, time and the inexplicable are not reliable indicators that you’re ready for a new relationship.

Sure, you may have made decisions in the past based on one or all of them, but it doesn’t mean they led you to make the right decisions.

Why?

Simply put, feelings, time and the inexplicable are all surface level indicators and, in many cases, they are temporary.

You can feel one way today and the polar opposite tomorrow.

If the timing is “perfect” right now, what does that make it a second from now, a minute from now or even an hour from now?

What exactly is it that we “know” and why can’t we clearly explain it?

Deciding whether or not to enter into a relationship requires time, thought and exploration beyond the surface and all the way to the root.

What’s the root?

You’re the root.

Your present.

Your past.

Your pain.

Your joy.

Your baggage.

Your memories.

You are the root.

As you explore the root, you must develop love, peace and patience.

Love for your Creator, yourself and others.

Peace within yourself and with all that you’ve endured throughout your life.

Patience to not rush the process or your journey.

Relationships and companionship are both remarkable, but I truly believe we limit them, others and ourselves when we enter into them without exercising wisdom.

Wisdom tells us to slow down, take time for ourselves, heal completely, think twice and don’t act irrationally.

It’s time that we listen.

Yes, we desire a relationship and we may even be ready for one, but don’t we owe it to ourselves, and our potential new partner, to at least ask ourselves a few questions before entering into a new relationship?

Personally, I think that’s the least we can do.

What do you think? 

Have you ever invested time to ask yourself a few questions before entering into a new relationship? 

How do you know when you’re ready to enter into a new relationship? 

What things do you consider before making that decision? 

If you’re interested, I would like to provide you with a FREE copy of my 10 Questions You MUST Answer Before Entering Into a New Relationship worksheet. Get yours now by clicking here. 

Written by: Jay Mayo

Jay Mayo’s Bio:

Jay Mayo is a man on GOD’S mission to help you exercise your Right to R.EA.L. Love, embrace your singleness and prepare you to develop healthy relationships that will last! If you’re interested, come join the R.E.A.L. Lover community at righttoreallove.com. Also, feel free to contact Jay on Twitter @iamJayMayo.

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  • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

    I’m curious:

    How do YOU know when you’re ready to enter into a new relationship?

  • OliveValleydotnet

    Knowing when I’m ready to enter a relationship isn’t an issue. The real choice is deciding if I’m ready to be in a relationship with a particular person. To answer that, I’ll ask myself 3 major questions.
    1. Is it a win-win situation? I once considered reconnecting with an ex-boyfriend but realized he didn’t have anything to bring to the table. He would have been the sole benefactor if we were together again.
    2. Is this someone I can introduce to my family and friends? Now that I’m interested in marriage, this criteria is very important to me. If there’s something about you that makes me ashamed to bring you around those closest to me, that’s a red flag.
    3. If my best friend were in the same situation, what advice would I give? Sometimes, taking your emotions out of the equation can give you a more objective outlook.

    • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

      That’s a great point.

      Being ready is one aspect and ensuring your entering into a relationship with the right person is another aspect.

      I appreciate you pointing that out.

      Those are three very excellent questions and I agree that all three of them should be asked and answered before entering into a relationship with someone.

      Thank you so much for sharing the additional insights!

  • cynicaloptmst81

    Hmmm…kind of a tricky question for me.
    If I really think about it, I’m probably waaay more “go with the flow-ish” than I care to admit by the time it gets to deciding whether or not I’ll begin a serious relationship with someone, lol. If I’m seriously dating a guy who let’s me know that he’d like to court me (see what I did there, lol), I’m digging our flow and I’m mutually interested in seeing how far we can go, I’ll most likely go with it.
    To my credit, if I’m dating him beyond a certain point…like we’re starting to be together a lot (with or without something to do), it’s cause he’s met certain criteria anyway (insert Olive’s 1-3 from below…also responsible, independent, good earning potential (or making it already), personalities that mesh, complementary values, etc.). So, by the time it’s time to discuss commitment, it’s no need to really think about that stuff. He’s still around because I know the answers to those questions already and the answers are favorable. *shrugs*

    • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

      I can totally dig that.

      There are definitely benefits to going with the flow.

      Yet, it still seems like at some point you begin to question whether or not he is the ‘right’ one for you, at the time, similar to what Olive alluded to.

      It sounds like you seem to just go through the Q&A process more organically and informally. Is that a fair assumption?

      Also, I’m curious to know at what point you and the guy you’re interested in begin to have those ‘deeper’ discussions about your convictions, paths, intentions, etc.

      If you’re willing to share, I’m definitely interested in knowing more. Thanks!

      • cynicaloptmst81

        I think the best way to describe it is that my qualifications for dating or continuing to date someone are the same as my qualifications for a relationship…cause I date (well, dated, lol) with purpose. I can hang/chill with my homeboys, yes. Or a potential prospect can (and has) become a homeboy because something disqualified him. But, I don’t date just to date. So, my Q&A happens organically/informally…and early, lol. The more time we spend together dating, the more opportunities we have to discuss things that matter. And favorable answers cause me to continue seeing the person and makes me open to more (ex. a relationship).

        • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

          That makes so much sense!

          Plus, I love the fact that it sounds like you build the friendship first too. So, even if a guy doesn’t make the cut…lol…you still can maintain a beneficial friendship with him (if you choose to do so, of course).

          Dating with purpose is a MUST! I really like that you value your time and yourself enough to not just date to be dating. That’s an amazing quality!

          I truly appreciate you taking the time out to answer my questions. Thank you! Your answers provided so much more valuable insight that I know can and will benefit others. Thanks!

  • Damnpops

    I love this question. I know I’m ready for a new relationship when I’m ready to give more of myself to someone. When I know I’m willing to sacrifice and make myself open to being in love again. I know when I’m at the point where I feel like growing with someone again, and have the feeling that I simply want to make a lady happy. I wanna be “that guy”.

    • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

      Great answer Khalil!

      I can totally relate.

      Those are common checkpoints that most men desire to reach before committing to a woman.

      I honestly believe that a handful of women aren’t aware of those checkpoints and that leads them to believe some men are afraid of commitment.

      However, as I’m sure you know, that’s not the case. It just takes more time for a man to reach each of those points. You know?

      Thanks a lot for reading my post and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate that more than you know.

  • JOhn Crawford

    Nice Post, Jay.
    As I have been single since New Years of last year, I’ve had so much time to learn about Myself as an Adult, How Every Choice I’ve ever made in my Life have led me to This Place (as it ticks Every Second, Minute, Hour); I have taken stock of Every Interaction and Relationship I have had, including answering the 5 W Questions and How I was Wrong and Wronged. I’ve come to realize that Depending on the Type of Woman that I am Interested In and/or Attracted To will determine whether or not I am willing to make Sacrifices or Stand Firm on Things.

    I’m no Alpha nor Beta Male, but an Omega-kind of Guy- my Words, Actions, Beliefs and Thoughts dictate the End Results of what I Want and Expect out of a Relationship. Not Everyone becomes Mature or Enlightened at the same Age, the same Time or by Similar Experiences/Situations, I feel I no longer wish to “play the Field” and since I’ve Never been a Player or Mack I have no Mack/Player Card to Retire. The More I’m Told to Date, Back THEN, the More Selfish and Greedy I Was towards Women- especially when I (Felt I) Wasn’t Appreciated, Respected, Wanted/Needed or Loved. I could and still can Thrive or Struggle on my Own, but I Didn’t Want to do so As an S/O. I Refuse to Do So as a 26 Year Old, as a College Grad, Career Chaser, Father, and Black Man. These things Matter to Me as other aspects of a Person’s Core matter to Them.

    Just so You Know, I’m also J-Shan….. I appreciate the Shout Out on your podcast and response to my email, and I also appreciate being able to comment on this and any SBM post that propels me to state my Thoughts/Opinions

    • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

      Hey J-Shan! I’ll admit that I never would have known this was you. Thanks a lot for letting me know.

      Trust me, the pleasure is all mine. I appreciate your willingness to sharing your thoughts and opinions with me. They are so valuable and I feel honored that you would take the time out to share them with me. So, thank you!

      I am so happy to hear that you used the time you had wisely. So often we miss out on the value that can be gained from taking time to assess our current place in life and even reflecting on the past, in order to take valuable lessons away from it.

      Reading your comment I was totally nodding my head as read on, because I can relate. Similar to you I’ve never been the playa type and what I say is what I mean and expect.

      You’re right. Those things definitely matter and should be valued by not only you, but any woman who desires to be in a relationship with you.

      Amazing comment J-Shan! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, experiences and perspective with me. It really means a lot!

  • Courtney Sanders

    I don’t think anyone really knows, it’s just a matter of trial and error. My only thing to say is when you leave one you’re definitely not ready to jump into another

    opinionatedmale.com

    • http://righttoreallove.com/about/ Jay

      I agree that we may never really know everything we need to know before entering into a new relationship, but I do believe knowing certain things can better prepare us for what lies ahead.

      You make a great point about jumping from one relationship to the next. That’s definitely not a good look and will come with an entirely new set of challenges. Thank you so much for pointing that out Courtney. I truly appreciate it.

  • Ali Sheikh

    You won’t find many girls that have had sexual partners uglier than themselves, but you’ll find an endless list of guys that have – in fact, there is a contingent of men that have sex with girls less attractive than themselves almost as a rule. Because men can have sex without worrying about pregnancy, social stigma, rape, less about STDs, etc., they attempt to have sex more often. This is so obvious that it might not be worth stating, but ultimately, it means there is a deficit of women for promiscuous sexual relationships. The relatively high demand for females means that women have more and better sexual options.

    Men will usually sleep with women that are between 1 and 3 points lower than themselves on a 10-point scale, which means that women are usually sleeping with men that are 1 to 3 points higher than themselves. Men may get laid more often, or at least, have sex with a larger number of partners; but women get to sleep with men of higher quality, in other words, men that are “out of their league.”

    I often wonder how much this affects girls’ self-perception. Do women know this, and high-five each other after sleeping with guys far more attractive than themselves, realizing all the while that they will someday end up marrying a guy that is much less attractive than what they’ve experienced until he came along? Or are they unaware of the above-described phenomenon, and conclude that their sexual exploits accurately reflect their options for a spouse, only to be disappointed later in life?

  • Ali Sheikh

    The reason women can’t get what they think they deserve is that we (men and women alike) always peg our standards to what we know we can be, not to what we are, while members of the opposite sex judge us – understandably – only on what we are currently. They have no access to the inner workings of our mind; and even if they did, they would have no guarantee that we’d ever reach the potential this would reveal to them. So your discontent in dating boils down to the fact that you aren’t living up to your own standards – yet. Incidentally, this also explains why most people have such an aversion to settling: our subconscious knowledge of what we “should” be able to get is achievable (if not currently accurate), so it seems defeatist to accept something less.

    I’ve illustrated an example of this in the diagram below. A woman who is a 5.5 out of 10 has the potential to be a 7.5, so she “knows” that she can get men of that caliber (red arrows). She is constantly setting her sights on men who are in the 7-8 range (dark blue arrows), and she is constantly being rejected by them. She doesn’t understand why, since she thinks these men are in her league, when the truth is that she could get into their league. Her situation isn’t helped by the fact that a lot of the men she wants haven’t met their full potential yet either, meaning that they – also wrongly – have their sights set on women of an even higher caliber (light blue arrows).

    Rank out of Ten (Combined Looks and Appearance)

    So the bad news is that you probably can’t get the men that you think you can get. But the good news is that you probably can eventually get the men that you think you can get – assuming you are willing to work at it, and do. The biggest takeaway, though, is that if you aren’t getting the men you want (but you think that they are in your league), your first move shouldn’t be to lower your standards, it should be to self-improve.