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Does Someone Deserve To Be Cheated On?

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“Maybe this might sound rude. I’m Taken but I want you.”  Trey Songz – “Cake”

This is certainly a predicament many have been in. The above quote references Trey simply being greedy. That’s why the track is coined “Cake.” Today’s post isn’t about cheating for cheating sake. Today’s post is about my thoughts on our responsibilities in relationships. We can force someone to cheat on us. To say that someone “deserves” that happening to them is harsh. But is it still a true statement? I say let’s see.

For starters, I’d like to say that I believe you can cheat on someone you love. Most of those cases I really feel are in consequence. They’re in consequence of something the other partner was lacking. These could be a myriad of things. The partner could have cheated. The partner could’ve been abusive. The partner simply could’ve been negligent for way too long. The list goes on. But cheating many times can be a consequence to these things. I think it could be analogous to parenting in a way. Many parents who have troubled children might send them to boarding school. They might kick them out of the house. But at some point or another that parent is looking for the opportunity to gain some control back. Of course you love your child. At the same time you’re trying to find a way to stop your hurt.Not all times are those measures the right ones. We make the wrong choices all the time. Life is all about figuring it out.

We give ourselves a better chance of fidelity by tending to our partners.

We have to hold ourselves accountable. Recognizing we have the potential to push someone to cheat should always have us on our toes. By no means do I think we’ll be perfect. But it’s important to want to be the best version of yourself for someone. If you lose sight of that then your loved one could lose sight of you.

Some people would say that if you have an urge to cheat then you should just leave who you’re with. If this were a utopia then that would always be the case. It’s not and it isn’t always that easy. Take Kirk (pictured above) from Love And Hip Hop  for instance. He’s married to a southern rapper named Rasheeda. Their marriage hasn’t been perfect. Kirk has been pretty absent emotionally from what I’ve watched. He wasn’t supportive during his wife’s pregnancy. He even cheated on his wife during her pregnancy. He cited the fact that she told him to “do him” in her anger. He knew it wasn’t a free pass. But his continued ignorance led him to make his decision. Rasheeda on the other hand never cheated on him despite this. But as far as I can see it, she had all rights to do him dirty. But so much was at stake for her. They built a life together, there’s money and children involved. It probably wasn’t worth it to her in that circumstance.

The point of writing all of this is to ask how much should one take? Relationships shouldn’t be a constant struggle for power. But when you do anything to make your loved one feel like they’re not engaged with the relationship it hurts. Not only does it hurt but they seek to want to be engaged elsewhere. All the while they’re still in love with their current. One good thing came out of Robin Thicke’s press tour for his latest album. It sure as hell wasn’t the sales. But he did have a poignant quote.

“You don’t build love in a day and you don’t lose love in a day.”

This is a prime reason why it’s possible to cheat on someone you love. Some people do deserve to be cheated on. The people who aren’t attentive. The people who are too proud to be humbled. The abusive, the lazy, those people all deserve it. It behooves us to be the contrary. If we aren’t then cake’s on the menu for our partners; who could blame em?

Have you ever cheated on someone who just had it coming? Ever been cheated on and couldn’t blame your partner? Tell me about it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

Comment(111)

  1. Cheating is never right if the person had cheated on u leave if they didn’t show u attention let them know if it does not change leave cheating is a weak person period there is no right or ok in it u not happy leave the person fuccin up leave especially if they beating u your and idiot for staying leave if a person beating on u and u cheat u gonna get beat more lol who ever agrees with this your a weak person if u feel u deserve better n explain that to ya partner n they not trying to do better leave have strength to leave and find better wtf cheating gonna do that’s like saying u asking ppl for money they not giving it to you so u steal lol

    1. ” that’s like saying u asking ppl for money they not giving it to you so u steal lol”—— I see this and I give you Hunger: if you don’t have Food to Eat or Money to Pay for it are you saying Folks just have to Starve and Die???

      1. I get your analogy, but they aren’t equivalent. You don’t eat, you will, in fact, die. You don’t get what you want from a person and you will still, in fact, live. There is a correlation, but its definitely not causal. I agree with Tef, cheating is a weak person’s decision. It’s weakness because it shows that you lack the security and backbone to either verbalize what it is you’re looking for, or leave the subpar situation altogether. If you’re in a relationship, you need Security and Self-Fortitude to keep yourself from getting taken advantage of.

  2. I am very surprised nobody has commented on this yet. I have Cheated & I have been Cheated On. Do I thnk I “deserved” it (Being Cheated On)- at times Yes but not Every Time; same can be said for the Ladies I Cheated On.
    This Post gets the the Crux of BOTH Parties in a Relationship being Accountable for not just their Flaws but their Negligence(s): Intentionally or Accidental. For Guys, we STAY being told to Treat Your Woman Right, or the Next Man Will- I believe that 100%; For Women, though, it’s more 30% Be Proactive Towards/For Your Man and 70% He Should Know You Care and It’s On Him. The “Hoes Be Winning” could be the actual consequences of Dismissing and Disregarding that Men Have Feelings Too, but when told to Get Out of Them, the narrative is Men are Dogs and Greedy- which Many of Us Are, unfortuately

        1. Question- how much is that on the Guys that YOU Chose to Give Time to as opposed to YOU giving a Pass to Him/Them “hurting” “lied” or “misled” you??? That is the bottom line of this post: Men Choose but ONLY When Women Accept (unless you are a Bold Woman that Approaches as well or Instead)

        2. “What you talkin bout willis?” You KNOW my stances. I think you meant another user?/post. …Cause it aint no chances buddy. I got a looong waiting list.

          I don’t “walk up.” I bat the lashes, smile wide, casually move into the area and chat….But it aint yo yo, homie, uh? Lol

  3. I’ve been cheated on, do I believe I deserved it…I guess it’s all in how you look at it. #1 I was older then him #2 we did the long distance thing for a year (which is when he cheated) I guess had I picked up and moved with him it would have all worked out???? Even though the whole time during the relationship I “thought” I was doing the best that I could do for him at that time. And catching him literally with his hand in the cookie jar I still never thought to cheat even knowing and thinking I had every right to I was a firm believer in karma

    I will say this now, I consider myself to be a lenient “girlfriend” While in a relationship I’m not trying to snatch your freedom away and carry your b*lls in my purse. Even while being in a relationship you should still have “your time” all I ask is for you to have some type of respectable boundaries. Ex: while single your out every weekend in a relationship you might go out every blue moon. Or once a year prior to me meeting you, you and your boys took a yearly trip…honestly I don’t think you should stop going because now we’re in a relationship all I ask is now you set up some type of boundaries you ain’t single no more. Because at the end of the day all I can do is trust you until you break that trust and when you do I’m out. I don’t care about time spent, money, kids, etc because you already put something like jay jay get in the way of everything WE built together as a couple. Point Blank…

    1. I would’ve cheated with his best friend, on his bed, recorded it, and posted it to his facebook timeline.

      Don’t play! I am sweet as pie to people I really care about. But once you cheat it’s over and anything goes! Like I said, own your revenge!

  4. “For starters, I’d like to say that I believe you can cheat on someone you love.”

    Yes you can also beat someone you love.
    Kill someone you love.
    Lie to people you love.

    What IS the point. Excuses, excuses. How about we all just grow up and stop making excuses for our own nonsense AND others. How about we define real love and have some moral code and live by it. Everytime we turn aroind. But we all make mistakes, we all get caught up. No, more often then not we’re chosing to behave reckless. How about we stop lying to ourselves. If you want to cheat, get revenge then own it and deal with what transpires.

    Just because idiots deserve to be slapped doesn’t mean I should go around knocking mofos out.

    1. I don’t think the article was making excuses as much as saying that Two People HAVE to Communicate and Compromise, regardless of Past Experiences and Relationships.

      Being “set in your ways” is NEVER a Good Look. It Doesn’t Matter how Old you Are or the “type” of Men/Women you Encounterd, Dated, or Slept With, as well as if you’re an Introvert or Extrovert. Like Hustlyn Diva said her comment- Be Yourself but also Be Considerate and Aware that a Relationship= Two Individuals Coming Together to create something Singular. No Man/Woman should be carrying the Relationship More than the Other or Alone

      1. The article is verbatimly asking: is it okay to cheat. What “excuses” are okay. Firstly we had beef, so youre talking to me now? No no no. O_o

        There are two types in this world: those who lie to themselves at all times and those who are honest with themselves and actively seek to improve and do whats right .

        When you cheat you know damn good well what your doing. Especially if you go get a girl pregnant! When this happens people I guess assume people youre attracted to dont have AIDs or are completly honest about their status. The fukery of my world.

    2. I highly disagree with this post. First of all, moral code are not universal truths. They are based on societal ideologies. It’s moral not to kill yet soldiers kill. Once upon time, masturation was sign of immorality. This post is not about excuses. It is about both sides acting like adults and recognizing their faults. Will continue to be cheated on as long A) they think like you (and don’t try to be proactive) and B) monogamy stays the only viable model of human coupling despite not satisfying most individuals.

      1. Props to you for knowing how to disagree intelligently.

        But my thinking (people are full of bs) keeps me from being cheated. Im not the dumb airhead who stays for the falsified fairytale. But moral code or not cheaters know wtf they are doing. No excuses will be taken on that one.

        You are putting up other models of partnering. Cool BUT that is not the topic here. We ARE discussing traditional ideals of relationships which are entered with a mutual understanding of one on one *ucking. Other arrangements arent cheating theyre other arrangements no?

        1. Yes, the topic us about an ideal of relationships. I stress on “an ideal” and not “traditional ideals” because monogamy is as traditional as polygamy. The monogamy we are referring to is the one that was conceptualized in the 19th century, so it more modern than traditional. Anyways, semantics can be discussed for another day.
          This article is about responsibility. Yes, cheaters know what they are doing. I am not alleviating cheaters of their responsibilities, but I will call out on the cheated as well. The current social script is that if you have been cheated on you are the morally correct person. You are the victim. You have been violated and so on. Why is wrong to ask the cheated to analyze their part of the equation as well? Most cheaters cheat as response to both internal (their emotions and thoughts) and external stimuli. Probably the cheated was a horrible communicator. Probably the cheated was highly judgmental. Probably the cheated was abusive. Probably the cheated was negligent of the needs of the cheater.
          These are questions that are as essential as the questions posed by cheaters (such as “why did I cheat?”, “why I did I violate my partner like that”, etc.). By taking away responsibility from the cheated, we remove them from an opportunity to grow and learn about themselves. Instead we encourage them to stay set in their ways and not grow. That would probably explain why in most cases, cheaters (I know) usually get the better end of the break up bargain
          The ex of mine was cheated on by three guys before me. And she was persuaded that It was because all those guys were innately assholes and she has bad luck. They could have been assholes. It could have been bad luck. It could be that she doesn’t choose her men right. But for some reason, the possibility that she could have done something wrong is a unfathomable (lol, I remember she slapped me once when I suggested that). Even the request to ask her to analyze the previous the situations were taboo.
          The reason we do this as a society is because we like to reward people that follow social protocol and punish those who don’t regardless of whether we should actually reward or punish them. Self analysis can be very rewarding and I think it is a crime to deny the cheated of a moment of growth. That’s my two cents.

        2. Yo,’ can I get some spaces?!

          This aint semantics love, it’s definitions of tradition. We can discuss but I cant focus on a clear discussion if we are changing the basic meaning of words . Langwichartz already LOVES to do that! Haha.

        3. If I may ask, can you define traditional because if you think a monogamous relationship is traditional, than most of the world would have to disagree with you.

          And you make a great point. I see where you speak of this warrant. However, to ask the cheated to see their responsibility is not to condone an act. It is understanding it. As a black man, I understand the irrational fear that others have of me. Do I condone it. No, I don’t. Does recognizing the issue from multiple angles help me navigate through such tricky waters better, yes.

        4. 1st paragraph: I “would think” the majority of people on the site are American, just because it’s hard to find random blogs from other countries w/out trying really hard. Most computer’s internet gateways are automatically set for “.com,” give or take a Brit or Canadian, but most on here are Americans; In America “traditionally,” at least for the last few hundreds of years monogamy and families was traditional. Not sure why that’s a sticking point? Again PLEASE Don’t diverge the terms, it takes away from the discussion.

          Your Second point/paragraph.
          Completely see your side on that. Understanding is great and IF that is what people aim at, we will ALL benefit.

          Props. (not trying to be a condescending douchette, but not many here have demonstrated how to go back and forth w/out being ridiculous)

        5. I’m actually not generalizing. I can give you the source of my information if you wish to read more.

        6. The source is our country. I cant and wont debate the American societal meaning of years long “tradition.” Poly and FWB is not traditional.

          Starting to veer on “self delusion.”

          I say no more.

        7. Your definition is quite narrow whereas mean is more holistic. We are never going to agree on what is the definition of traditional. Now please answer this question. Mormons are Americans, right? Mormons have been practicing polygamy since the 1820s (so 19th century). So wouldn’t you say polygamy is their traditional form of courtship and by extension a traditional American form of courtship? Unless you believe that the traditions of minority groups are not worthy of being considered American, then accept the limitations of your definition.

        8. Now you’re trying to push counter culture as the majority. No need to push agendas.

        9. No one is pushing anything. Just informing you that you lack knowledge and awareness. Additionally, what Tiger did is called cheating, not poly. Please use terms you clearly have little to no knowledge about.

        10. You are ridiculous and I am done.

          Let me inform you that your games dont work. Try it on the next one.

        11. For example, eating hamburgers is a dietary norm (for some). Now can it be a tradition. Yes, if a social group chooses to do so (stress on chooses).

        12. Also I never asserted FWB is an American tradition. But poly definitely is (look at the true natives of America, the native Americans, many tribes praticed forms of poly). If your focused is purely on America’s puritan heritage, then yes, monogamy is the traditional form of courtship. If your focus is on what the majority of Americans have practiced, then yes, monogamy is the traditional form of courtship. BUT if you are making a holistic approach, then it’s impossible to say that. M

        13. This article said nothing of mormons and incas; we are going off of present standards. People like you and langwhicharts like to keep throwing shiny objects and wrenches to distract from the topic. It does NOT work and as a seemingly logical person it is starting to make you seem fixated on altering a universal “a priori” truth. You know this game, as do I. So just stop it!

        14. Lol no one brought the Incas. This lang-whatever individual seems to be more knowledgeable than you and understands how scholarly debates are done.

        15. Now you are mad because I called you out. Yes there are rules and I know them well. You cant twist the rules. A priori IS a priori. Wanna “conflict” that too.

          Lose with dignity because you lost.

        16. How have i lost? There is no winner or loser. We are just debating. But like my younger sibling, I will let believe you won if that makes you feel better!

        17. Wow. Some of you men would rather suck another mans balls before admitting to being in the wrong about something! Then again perhaps your poly love includes men. I mean since “all” unions are in the “same” box. Ha!

        18. Damm, an otherwise intelligent argument has turned into name calling. Ah, here I was, having hope for humanity and open discussion. Alas, reality is a far sadder than what I wish it to be.

        19. Native Americans include indigenous peoples. You made that point. What is wrong with you? No poly love lately? Perhaps if you get out of my face with your nonsense….IDK…just an idea.

        20. Lol…no comment…I’m quite disappointed in you. Had greater expectations for your intellect.

        21. Lol, you speak of universal truth when you argument shows lack of knowledge and awareness. Sweet irony.

        22. Im aware of those things. You are throwing shiny objects to distract from the real topic. Thats what poorly skilled/agenda spreading pseudo-logics do. But I know better. With your aimless argument. You have been demoted.

        23. Lol who can you demote when you can’t promote me? No one is throwing shiny objects. I never swerved from original argument. It’s funny how you resorted to not tackling any of arguments by being so defensive. Is it me, or did nick a nerve lmao.

  5. I have cheated but it was never because he “had it coming.” I cheated because I wanted my “cake.” I wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side and got caught up.
    Sure, it’s easy to say, “If you’re gonna cheat, you should just leave,” but I didn’t want to leave without knowing what that other person was like…what that “cake” was like.

    As far as being cheated on, yes, it’s happened and I chalked it up to Karma…it is, what it is.

  6. To say anyone deserves to be cheated on is reckless in my opinion. Communicate your issues like an adult, and if your partner can not give you what you are asking for, leave.

    1. This article is childish. As previously mentioned-if you not happy work it out or leave. The answers to my issues is not in the next man draws. Secondly, is there any consideration for the person ur cheating with. Yeah there’s the type (male and female) i love being the side piece. It can be fun and there’s minimal commitment. But others out here have feelings and don’t wanna get caught up in a petty game. Cuz not too many people use “My SO and i are going thru some things, can I hit?” as a pick up line. Most lie, deceive or just conceal info. Some folks are just triflin Smh.

      1. You call other people triflin yet you proclaim loud and proud that YOU enjoy being “a side piece.”

        Hypocritical much?

        1. Clearly that was a typo. And I have been a side piece, for 2 years. I left that situation tho. Surprisingly, the gf was cool with it, as long as she remained in the “top spot”. Prior to that, married for 7 years to someone I never cheated on. But at one point he was cheating on me with at least 12 females. I only speak on topics I know from experience. And in both of those situations nobody was happy, everybody just humpin around tryna make sense out of everything.

        2. Yeah she did, it just so happen to have been my cousin. When I say messy……But I made it out safe and sound, waiting for karma to kick my ass cuz I’m still single lol.

  7. Cheating is dangerous because nowadays, not only can you lose your love, you can lose your life. Some people snap when that trust is broken, so I choose not to cheat.

    If I’m not happy happy, I will voice my concerns and if things don’t change, I’ll just leave. I don’t have the time or energy to cheat, nor is anyone worth losing my life.

    1. Possibly true. But often their are signs of violent-“if you ever cheated I would invoke grave harm on you,” tendancies. You cant perate in life based on people being crazy.

      Many of the men who I ignore daily would probably like to pick me up and do terrible things im sure. I have to live my life though. If someone would attempt to hurt you inthat way or any reason they are just crazy period. Look for signs.

      Or get a group of girls and start going to the range. You will be nervous at first but after popping off for an hour or so…You will have made a new friend. Check if your state has conceal and carry laws as well. No need to live in fear of some crazy negros. At all!

      1. I get what you’re saying, but living and cheating are two totally different things. You can live a life that does not “intentionally” cause emotional or physical harm to others and consider the consequences of your actions. Turning someone down is not the same as cheating, nor does it warrant the same behavior. If I cheat, it is foreseeable that the person I cheated on will be hurt and will react in a number of ways. If I turn someone down, it is generally not foreseeable that they would “snap” or harm me because I am not interested.

        1. No signs of aggressive behavior once you are in a relationship. Short temper, yells at you rudely (no excuses why), calls names, talks bad about women or only in sexual terms. Probably a person who has little self control.

  8. Okay I’m sorry, but did I miss something?
    It seems like in this modern age, we limit cheating’s definition to only the physical. Is it wrong? Its wrong as two left shoes, but contrary to modern popular opinion it is not the end-all-be-all. I just don’t subscribe to the notion that the worst thing a man or woman can do in a relationship is “have sex” with someone else.
    I do understand and believe that it is wrong and a disrespectful act, but as our elders before us used to illustrate, it is something that can be worked through. Women tend to paint with this broad brush more because historically speaking women were socialized to incorporate their sexuality with the more abstract bonds in a relationship, ex. spiritual, emotional, etc. Men on the other hand, have almost always been socialized that their sexuality and their “feelings” can be mutually exclusive.
    Factor that with the hypersexual society we live in today, and you can easily get lost in the wilderness. Many ladies often like to declare that sexual cheating is a deal breaker and non-negotiable, but in many cases those same ladies will tolerate a physically abusive mate. I often like to ask those ladies what about a man who would gamble the family money away, or beat you, or kill you, or mentally abuse you, or con you. Are these men more tolerable than a guy who had sex with another woman? Once again I’m not attempting to justify cheating, I’m just trying to allow for a more visceral definition on what true cheating really entails.

    1. You oversimplify and generalize. Firstly fuk societal conditionin ! Because society HATES black men and women but many a uncle toms have convinced themselves that racism does NOT exist and just a few more generations of ass kissing shall set us (give us us) free! O_o

      Again, choices. It takes a certain character of person to leave a bad relationship. Abuse, cheating or otherwise. Dont assume its just men vs women societal grooming. The only man in my life who tried to get physical with me was left the day it happened, taken to court, and threatened with an azz beating from my brothers. And I never looked back. Despite the time. Secondly you have many feminist these days and we don’t play allvthis till death do us part bull. We make our own rules. Some have open situations; some more traditional, but do not let your ignorance of feminism delude you from the fact that we arent all beyonces parading sex and giving nothing in the mental.

    2. Something tells me you’re a very lonely man or get turned on at the idea of your partner being with another “man.” Something to think about. Most straight men wouldnt be comfortable with some random bangin their wife.

      Or you say work through because your one of those haughty men who would cheat in a heartbeat, but are so arrogant that they just know their meek little wives would never stray. Bread Back’s comment above goes both ways brotha.’

    3. You generalize too much. Don’t let your ignorance of feminism think that we are all airheaded beyonces parading around with nothing in the mental
      If you attempt cheating, or abuse, you will be left and given a timly visit by my brothers for the latter. If you get a girl pregnant your rookie jordan basketball card collection, jordans, and lebrons will be gone, as will I. But you would never know this. Let’s not try our luck.

      Gambling the money away? Hah! What educated sensible woman in this day and age still believes in joint bank accounts? Negro pah-lease! Funniest of my life!

  9. Thank you Dr. Charles for your love spell has huge powers! I cant believe what’s happening to me! It’s been only 2 days since you did that spell to get my ex back and my ex boyfriend is already after me. Since the last two day-end he phoned at least 5 times. I believe he seems to realize his mistakes. It’s absolutely happening as you said!! Thank you [email protected] Your work is helping me so much… Without you I would feel so lonely and miserable…

        1. Lanigarts you like to bs on posts:

          1. You circumvent away from the topic so you don’t have to have a real conversation. You never speak from “I” and attempt to present your arguments as “fact.”

          2. You pose questions and ignore the serious replys you claim to seek and insist on replying and using general extremly vague and (non direct) verbage.

          3. You attempt to divert from the topic and rarely if ever speak for yourself alone but generalize all men or “most” women you claim to know. Basically I call your bs and it is not effective to gaining real understanding. Grow up.

  10. “We can force someone to cheat on us.” Huh? This statement is idiotic. Making excuses and justifying BS is now the American way, so I’m not surprised it’s being said. Only mature people are responsible enough to accept responsibility for their actions.

    I do believe you can cheat on someone you love, but it’s because it’s what you want to do. It’s easier with “X” because you have no ties or obligations with that person. You don’t have to discuss bills, kids, cleaning, cooking, etc…. Each moment can be fun and reckless with X while you continue to cowardly ignore the obligations you have with your mate. If you feel your cheating is justifiable, then you should also be able to impartially evaluate your mate and recognize their behavior as being justified as well. If you weren’t such an a $$ hole then maybe your mate wouldn’t yell so much. If you took care of your responsibilities there would be nothing to argue about. The reality is you chose your mate, but were to punk a $$ to let them know what you really wanted. What a coward!

  11. I guess you make poor choices in mates or you’re a horrible mate who doesn’t like being held accountable for poor relationship behavior. No one is just a bi$h, they act that way when they’re being taken for granted.

    Reciprocity is due to all.

  12. Personally, I’m not a fan of the eye for an eye mindset or revenge in any regard.

    If you’ve wronged me, I’ll forgive you and keep it moving.

    To answer your questions:

    No, I’ve never cheated on anyone. Nor do I believe a person can ‘have it coming’. To me, they wouldn’t even be worth ruining or tarnishing my own character for.

    No, I don’t think I’ve ever been cheated on. Even if I had, I can’t ‘make’ a person cheat. That’s their own personal decision to make. If they have an issue with me, we could talk about it before going to that length. If they are incapable of doing that, they aren’t someone I want to be with anyhow.

  13. I would like a heads up if i am “making” my husband cheat,let me know you want to seek newer vajaynas,i will pack my bags and evacuate the house so he can fuq at his leisure, the deceit and the lies and taking my choice away from me is what brings out the crazy. Otherwise im rational enough to divorce an unfulfilled man and give him the freedom to tap whatever a$$ he desires.

  14. I don’t expect people to cheat. I don’t expect people not to cheat. It just is. It’s not really a big deal to me though. You cheat. We break up and move on with our happy lives. I like what someone else said though; if me being who I am causes you to cheat (or want to), it’d be cool for you to let me know ahead of time so we can break up then instead of me finding out all late and after the fact. I don’t even see myself mad about it. Oddly, I’ve never cheated and to my knowledge no one has ever cheated on me but it’s far too ‘normal’ a practice for me to assume it’ll never happen.

  15. Does anybody deserve it? Nope. Do people put themselves and others in a situation for it to possibly happen? Yep. Is it any less wrong? Nope. Is it a reality? Yep. In an ideal situation, everybody would hold up their end of the bargain and there would be no room for cheating. In a real situation sometimes that’s not happening. People will be negligent on their end but expect the other party to constantly hold up their end, and it’s not always going to happen. Entitlement runs rampant in these situations because one party thinks they deserve better treatment from their significant other/spouse than what they are giving themselves.

    The reality of it is this:Just because you stopped cooking doesn’t mean they stopped being hungry, and they aren’t going to starve just because you don’t want to feed them; all you’ve done is make somebody else’s kitchen look that much more appealing. If a relationship is like a house, then maintenance needs to be done to keep the snakes, rats, insects, or thieves out.

    I believe I would leave in that situation, but I know not everybody will.

  16. It’s all about women get to date (not marry) out of their league. Men dont. You won’t find many girls that have had sexual partners uglier than themselves, but you’ll find an endless list of guys that have – in fact, there is a contingent of men that have sex with girls less attractive than themselves almost as a rule. Because men can have sex without worrying about pregnancy, social stigma, rape, less about STDs, etc., they attempt to have sex more often. This is so obvious that it might not be worth stating, but ultimately, it means there is a deficit of women for promiscuous sexual relationships. The relatively high demand for females means that women have more and better sexual options.

    Men will usually sleep with women that are between 1 and 3 points lower than themselves on a 10-point scale, which means that women are usually sleeping with men that are 1 to 3 points higher than themselves. Men may get laid more often, or at least, have sex with a larger number of partners; but women get to sleep with men of higher quality, in other words, men that are “out of their league.”

    I often wonder how much this affects girls’ self-perception. Do women know this, and high-five each other after sleeping with guys far more attractive than themselves, realizing all the while that they will someday end up marrying a guy that is much less attractive than what they’ve experienced until he came along? Or are they unaware of the above-described phenomenon, and conclude that their sexual exploits accurately reflect their options for a spouse, only to be disappointed later in life?

  17. Yes, I have cheated before, and, yeah you’re right Pops, sometimes people do stuff that increases one’s chances of cheating. I cheated on my ex because she did not want to talk about opening up our relationship (five months in our relationship I realized that I was less monogamy and more polyamory). Now, she’s a monogamist and I get that, but that is why I wanted to talk about so that we can see how can created a relationship that suits both of our needs. She refused to ever talk about it. As such, I stopped talking to her and confiding in her. I started doing so with other women. What started with a text, went to a lunch and drinks then chilling at their places, then sleeping in their beds. The things with friends with benefits is that you can tell them everything with little judgment. That is what was missing from my relationship and pushed me to keep on cheating. Long story, she caught me and we broke up. This is not about condoning my actions or cheating, but when your partner refuses to communicate with you, that partner as already the chain reaction of the death of your relationship. True story.

    1. Now I see. ALWAYS the cheater types makin excuses. Not cool with that. What else is new these days? Hey lets date each other and pretend to be faithful! Are you up for it?
      Or…..Just be HONEST w yourself and keep a FWB situation if monogamy is just soooo torturous. IDK just an idea?

      You dont lie to get a girl then out the blue 5 months later ask for it to be “open” dafaouttahere!

  18. Again. You keep trying to put “FWB,” “Polyamory,” into the “Monogamy Box”

    They are sep-er-ate ideas. You cant mold the contents of each. Just stop being guilty about the box YOU chose. Doesn’t make you a bad person, just means you can be honest with yourself about the lifestyle YOU want. It’s your body…BUT you have to be upfront and find similar women. Don’t attempt to turn straight edge Beyonces into open love “in and out” arrangements. Monogomus driven Women aint tryin to hear all that BS! Haha.

    1. I think my word may have lead astray. I do not intend for you to think that I put the polygamy, polygny, polyandry, open relationships, FWB, etc. in one box with monogamy. I understand that they are totally different things while recognizing the similarities. The box I put them in is “forms of relationships”.

      Now, I am not feeling guilty about my choice of lifestyle. Once again, if that is what you read than I that is failure on my part. I am quite brazen about my life choice. So I hope that settles that.

      But here is the most concerning part of your reply. You assumed I lied to my ex about being more open than she was. That was not the case. When I got with her, I too thought I was monogamous. This was the first girl I dated in five years (mainly because I was having a blast being single). All I knew is that I wanted to be her partner, so I followed the social script. During our relationship, I started to see how my ideals about commitment differed highly from hers. So no, I did not lie to her. Where I wronged her was in cheating on her to satisfy my non monogamous tendencies. And that is something I am never going to condone but it has allowed to truly know what I want in a relationship and be more honest to future partners.

      Finally, we don’t need to debate despite the fact that love to. We can just peacefully agree to disagree.

      1. So you don’t mean what you say! lol.

        Why didn’t you just say so?

        But you put all those different “Labels”, boxes into “Forms of Relationships.” But individual they are all unique, that is where you get problems. Not a situation i want to deal with. Man no wonder dating is a mess! Everybody got their own version of “Webster’s.”

        1. In all honesty, your counter argument points more to your confusion than a weakness in my argument. Just cause one groups different labels means they reject/forget their uniqueness. That’s like saying by putting all humans in the box “homo sapien” , you are forgetting the racial/ethic differences. That is simply acknowledging their similarities and differences.

          Your issue is probably with the fact that you believe that I (and others) are tricking monogamist into relationships. Now, that could be true, but that is simply an indication that society is limiting others (and there is a need for change).

          The LGBT community had to conceal themselves as “straight” because they did not want to be ostracized (and have to experience the unpleasantries of exclusion). Now that we have accepted LGBT as other forms of sexuality along with heterosexuality, the LGBT community does not need to hid or trick straight people anymore.

          So what is history showing us? If monogamers wish to not be tricked, then as a society, we are going to have to accept that monogamy is not the default form of human coupling.

        2. Assume nothing. I dont speak in roundabout ways like some people hmm. Pretty flippin direct and to the point!

        3. Lol you may not have been yesterday, but you learn me before you debate with those more knowledgeable than you

        4. Sad sad sad. Absent of any true counter arguments, Beauty In Truth resorts to desperateness.

        5. But look at all the “oral” your givin me.
          You love it. Too bad. I got a man.

          Have fun with your poly assortment of stds. No one feels sorry for you.

        6. Tsk tsk, even sadder. The self proclaimed feminist has turned into another caricature from Love and Hip-Hop.

        7. Oh you mean the show your mother stars on. Yes 100% ratchet!

          FAIL…YOU LOST :”””” ”(
          Go cry now.

        8. This is so funny. I have to take a screen shot about this and name it “When being educated goes wrong”. If you didn’t understand, you’re the uneducated one.

        9. Boy you wish. Your arguements don’t work. You come from a place of arrogance, self deception and priveledge.

          I come from self awareness bourne out of self honesty. Im honest because I love myself enough to walk in truth. Even with strangers online.

          You are hurting that is why you keep attempting to latch on. You want to be heard, validated. I get it. But the real is the real. And no amount of fakeness and bsing will shake the core of an honest sole melded in stone. (me)….I dont care about your poly. Its your life. I wont ever agree but what do you need a stranger to validate you?

          Go deal with police brutality against BM. Think that is more important then you being obnoxious because of your inability to process “real” emotions. REAL TALK last word is yours. You have my permission 😉

        10. ^lol she mad. I haven’t read verbal diarrhea in a long time. But it was good debate. You didn’t allow me anything, just stagnated the inevitable (that the knowledgeable always keep their cool and win). Thank you mama! And do yourself a favor, stop listening to K Michelle and read a book or two, ou non?

        11. You lost. You are beneath a woman in this realm. You cant spell and are more solange in the elevator than beyonce…

          When a white police officer shoots you (as your mouth will have you be next) I will laugh at your death and spit on your grave…

        12. “You are beneath a woman in this realm” it’s rather ironic that a feminist uses “beneath a woman” as a result. This really makes me judge whether you are a true feminist, however, it unmistakably marks your lack of intelligence. Not to mention your elementary insults are quite entertaining. Please continue.

        13. Funny a man knows more about kmic? Then I do. And who is this person? When you’re working on Dissertations ghetto nonsense doesn’t equate to interest, hence why you are single.

          Someone flunked their bachelors program I see….

          It’s we need a “THESIS” presentation for graduation, not a FECES “presentation.”

          But considering you were bourne out of osamas butthole…Then again polygamists will try anything once!

          You lost.lost.lost…

        14. You are a coward. You can’t even stay on topic. Cowardice is equated to treason in this country sooo…Bring on the guillotine!

        15. How can you stay I can’t stay on topic when that’s all I’ve been doing. Interesting.

  19. See SBM this (see above) is how you talk to feminists/women you disagree with. Dont bash them for strong opinions, talk through it and hear what we’re sayin.

  20. Getting advice on cheating from singleblackmale.org? You might as well be getting advice on having a two parent household, raising your credit score, or finding a job that pays taxes. Ladies (and guys), take responsibility for your own actions. I’ve been cheated on and had the opportunity to cheat on that same person but I didn’t. I recognized it was my choice, and I own my actions like a grown adult. I didn’t deserve to be cheated on, and she didn’t deserve to be cheated on because she did. That relationship ended up not working out but it was my choice to stay in an unhappy situation. Never date, marry, or even befriend someone who tries to blame others for their abusive behavior (emotional, physical, cheating, i dont care). This “i did it because of you!” crap is what they do in the 5th grade.

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