Why Being In Love Shouldn’t Feel The Same Every Time

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“I Think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much.”

The above quote was “screenshotted” by me from instagram. It speaks almost directly to what I’d like to get into today. I have become an avid listener of the Two Guys One Show podcast. It’s hosted by @IamRichJones and @Wisdomismsery.Back on episode thirty, “Wiz” made a poignant comment while answering a listener’s question. He said that he believed when we love a new partner we love them differently from the previous. It’s possible that I always knew this. But it was different actually hearing it;  it spoke to me.

There are fears we have after our first heartbreak.

Coming to grips with what has gone on is one challenge. Another issue is thinking about what comes next. How will I know it’s love this time? What if I don’t feel the same energy the next time? Both of these are valid questions. Only you can answer them after giving yourself some time. The fear we have is illustrated in the opening quote. We can become guarded and not give ourselves a chance. But when you do  open yourself up again you’ll feel liberated. That weight can be dropped to feel transparent with someone again.

We get through our fears by having constructive experiences.

The times after breakups should be used for a few things. We need to take time to understand what happened. There should be time for questioning what part you might have played. And lastly we need to know how can we avoid this exact thing from happening again. When you’re able to take those three things away from a breakup I think you’re able to open up once again.

When it’s time to love again it won’t be exactly the same.

Sure you’ll feel butterflies. You’ll most definitely text your partner right before bed. But how you love should and will be refined. You can still love hard. But you’ll also have a better idea of what you’re feeling emotionally. Furthermore, this is a new partner. You have to love them differently from the rest. You will certainly appreciate the new things that they bring to the table. The new things that they bring out of you will surprise you as well.

I think there are so many opportunities to love throughout our lives. Different people appeal to different facets of who we are. We are very complex people under the hood. Ironically enough, the older we get the less complex our qualifications are for partners.

Don’t associate love with the breakup.

Associate love with what you remember as good and honest times. Associate a breakup with a breakup. See where things went left. I write this to encourage people to not be down on love. I also write this today to tell you all that the love you feel today will be the Xbox One version of a love you felt back on the 360. The lessons we learn through breakups, coupled with new people in our lives will change everything. It’ll create a new experience every time until we get this bad boy right. Be encouraged, be open to loving again. And be sure to use your single time as time to prepare for someone amazing. Have you loved differently every time? How do you even know when you’re in love? Tell me all about it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

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From Our Partners

  • Kyandi

    the only way a person can love differently each time is when the person they love has a differently personality. For instance, a woman who used to love the nerd is now in love with some thug. Obviously these two men are different and that love is/will be too. Loving a couch potato verses the spontaneous, traveler…Different. When you love at 25 is far different when you’re 55.

    • Lashuntrice

      I agree.

    • Brad G

      I can’t agree with you because of the absolute that you use. “Only” denotes that there is one way to view love. My personal experience is totally different, as my last two loves are VERY similar in personality and preference, but the love I shared with both were completely different. While there may be compatibility similarities with people that share the same type of personality, I can’t say that the love is also similar.

      • Kyandi

        so your behavior patterns where different with each woman? Even if these two women possessed different personalities? no one can love two different people, with different interests the same way. I loved my first ex more so than my last one. my first was more outgoing and love the social life. if we made it, he would have should me more than my second, which I didn’t love that much. both men were different, and showed me that love is shaped different ways. Depending on the person’s personality.

        • Brad G

          They didn’t possess different personalities… I made that statement in the second sentence. I didn’t love one less or more just differently. And still love both differently. I specifically answered to your idea that you can’t love someone different unless they are dissimilar from the last. I didn’t say anything about loving different people similar ways. These women were similar in almost every aspect, and the love I shared with each is very different but very equal. My behavior patterns with both I would say are similar as well.

  • Brad G

    Every person we fall in love with deserves a significant, individual, incomparable type of love. We’ll spend our whole lives looking for a love that we lost without ever realizing why we lost it in the first place. Each and every person on the face of this earth is different and each love we share should be just as such.

    • Sag4lifeandbeautiful

      Well said brad.

  • Sag4lifeandbeautiful

    Great read. We have to continue to grow daily by loving ourselves and letting go of pain that prevents us from loving another. You can’t love two people the same even if they were twins. People can have similar characteristics but love evolves it shouldn’t stay stagnant. Definitely take that time to heal it’s so worth it. We learn daily and I still learn new things about myself that shock me.

  • JOhn Crawford

    I agree with this, and even some of the earlier comments about loving people with similar traits/personalities differently

  • Gray

    As we grow and experience new things we will inevitably change. Our outlook, expectations, and resolve will change along with us. However, my views on love are less complex than most people. Love is an easy concept through my eyes. It’s not a quick and easy find, but for me it isn’t different. Love is a wonderful feeling that I can adequately enjoy with a mate once I’ve let my guard down. What’s different is the way I handle my relationships post heartbreak and deception. In my opinion, bad and good relationship can end. An end doesn’t mean it wasn’t for the best. It is quite alright for a relationship to not workout, and I don’t think we hear that enough. If we can determine what’s right or wrong for us based upon these experiences we will be able to make better decisions abo better mate for us.ut the

  • langwichartz

    “I Think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much.”
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  • Kia

    ugh, unexpectedly, reading this just made me think about my ex and how unappreciated i felt when I left. i definitely don’t think about him when I meet someone with potential and feel love brewing. i do try to avoid my old habits. one problem I may have with someone new is how I’ll want to experience things they’ve done with their ex just based on interest. This can be complicated and even a bit strange. aside from the usual things that all couples do. I don’t want to go to your favorite spots that you and your ex went to, I don’t want to be given instructions that are specific to how she used to do things for you. I don’t want to be with someone who misses their ex and gives me the unused love from that relationship. I just want things to be fresh and open- even how we resolve our issues. i know it’s hard to avoid mentally referencing your past with your new found love but that’s the effort you put in to love differently without altering your true personality. someone who can keep my interest
    and make me forget about how I loved and lost, and brews within me or with me, a new kind of love, better than the last, whether we last or not and leaves me loving and accepting myself more is a better love deserved to me.

  • Esther Sully

    I agree. I truly believe that love looks different from person to person. And it may even look different with the same person as time goes by. I believe that there are certain expectations (personal standards) that should be taken from person to person, especially if they are ideals that you hold true to. But your expression of love itself, should manifest itself differently each time. (Great Read)