“Embracing The Decision To Wait To Have Sex” is the latest episode in @IamJayMayo’s podcast. It was well done. I think it covered damn near every concern one might have if interested. A bulk of the discussion revolved around a man’s willingness to wait on a woman to be ready to have sex. Within that, other conversations with that theme came to mind. The young lady on the podcast being interviewed spoke a little about a man not willing to court a woman nowadays. The man being interviewed on the show spoke on the importance of bonding in other ways besides sex. They both agreed that building a foundation as friends is essential to longevity in the majority of relationships. I agree as well.
What I do disagree with is a man’s lack of desire to court a woman.
I wrote a post here last month titled “Why Men Don’t Put In Work Dating.” It dealt with men not wanting to court women we aren’t sure are worth it. Today’s post differs because it’s about the perspective of wanting to court a woman you think is worth it. I use the word “fear” in my title but maybe that was too strong. Men are certainly skeptical about courting a woman.
In a perfect world, men WANT to court women.
If a man is ready for a meaningful relationship, he will be willing to court. The issue is that guys want to know that things have potential to head somewhere. We’re problem solvers by nature. We’re inclined to want results in whatever we do. A man who wants to build has no issue in building all elements of intimacy. The hanging out, the playing games, and the watching movies etc. are all welcomed. We want to connect with a woman beyond her body. Of course us wanting to be sure that things have potential can make courting less organic. Maybe if we had some assurance without bringing it up ourselves, it could ease all of that.
This topic teeters on the fence of the proverbial friend zone.
A subject that has been written and spoken about ad naseum. Nevertheless, it’s back and it plays some role in our psyche. If a man is into you and wants to court you then he sure should be your friend. But that man does not want to stay at entry-level forever. When a woman says she wants to focus on being friends first, we feel like she’s crying wolf. It isn’t her fault, but the fault of others before her. We don’t always react well to these situations because quite frankly we’re confused. Take “Think Like A Man” for example. Lauren (Taraji) tells Dominic (Michael Ealy) that after all they shared, they should just be friends. He cuts her off mid sentence and finishes it. He’s been down the road that we all have. He has the same response as well. “I have enough friends!” he exclaims. And it’s true; we see something more in you all.
We know the value of friendship.
We see becoming friends as a gamble. If we did start as friends we worry we’ll be put in a box. Moreover, too many women have used “let’s be friends first” as an ugly scapegoat to say they weren’t interested. The biggest thing that really throws us off our game is when a woman says who her ideal man should be. Across the board women say their partner should be their best friend. So when a woman says she doesn’t want to “damage” a friendship, we mentally lose it. We’re mind-boggled. If your partner should be your best friend, then aren’t you risking the ultimate friendship by being with them? There’s something else going on here. There’s another reason for this that I need the ladies to answer.
If you haven’t met enough men willing to take their time and court you it’s because they’re paranoid. It isn’t always because we all want sex and need it on the double. Women have had their hand in the sullying of the courting process as well. That is in need of acknowledgement. Ladies do you agree? Have you always been honest if someone just didn’t have a chance to be more than a friend? Fellas, do you relate to the post? Are we just more skeptical of doing things the “right” way? This version of the conversation is worth having. So let’s chop it up.
I’ll be away in Panama for a week. So I won’t have any stuff up for a little. But if you’d like to see the sights along with me feel free to follow my instagram at @doctapops.
Be well y’all, these are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status