Relationships And Relocating, Are You Here For It?

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The older we get the more dimensions are entered into dating. It seems as if when you have all the answers the dating Gods change the questions. I’m a resident of Brooklyn, NY. One of if not the most expensive city to live in, in the United States. New York City is one of the most expensive places to live period. With this fact, many people are known to relocate. This most certainly can throw a monkey wrench in a current relationship or a prospective one.

For me, I know that I have no anxiety about being outside of New York. I’ve been fortunate enough to have traveled domestically a lot in my life. I’ve been up north a bit, I’ve done the west coast. I’ve spent countless times down south as well. I have always enjoyed New York above  all of these places. The issue is that the cost of living is so damn high here. Many people that are still here are mentally just as good as gone.

So I pose a few questions to you all today. Is someone who isn’t willing to relocate a deal breaker for you? Under what circumstances would you stay put for a person? Under what circumstance should a compromise be made? Some thought goes into each of these. I don’t think I would fully shut down relocating with someone. I certainly would have to be i some serious love to entertain the idea though. I love everything else my city offers me in terms of lifestyle and diversity. It’s an addictive feeling once you realize other states don’t possess that same vibe. Someone who would stay where they’re living for a partner I guess has been sold that it’s a good idea. Maybe they’re compromising for their loved one simply out of love. Of course there is a scenario when you should compromise.

If your S/O has a great job opportunity elsewhere I think it should be respected. You should seriously consider relocating with them and hopefully it can work for your job situation as well. I think this whole subject is a little tricky. To me, it comes down to what you think is worth it. Up until whatever point you are in your relationship you have two options. Start a new chapter with this same person, or start a new one on your own.

Has anyone been through this? What did you do? What advice would you give someone in one of these situations?

There’s always more than one way to skin a cat so let’s talk about it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

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From Our Partners

  • Angel Baby

    I thought this was going to be about relationships relocating out of the norms and into social media, etc….not literally relocating for love. The title is a little tricky.
    I would move for love depending on the relationship. I remember not feeling comfortable enough just to move two hours away from my family with my now ex husband bc we fought so much. I remember saying ” I don’t want to move that far away from my family and be by myself when you don’t even like me half the time or always working.” I know I know…the signs were everywhere that the relationship was strained! LOL Anyway, the point is I would move for love if the foundation with the person I was moving with was stable. If there were any doubts about the longevity of our relationship or overall peace in the relationship, I would not be willing to move. Relationships are more than love. Relationships are being in like with the person you’re with, willing to communicate, work hard, and compromising on really big issues so the small ones won’t tear it apart. Moving away from your comfort zone is one of those really big issues that I don[‘t take lightly. Man I don’t even like to move anyway bc I like stability… traveling is always nice for the soul though. :)

  • j-kay-elle

    I had that happen to me a few years ago. I graduated not too long ago and wanted to find a job in my field. I looked in my city for 1 year and was unsuccessful and very discouraged. I decided to start searching in other cities and almost immediately I got an offer I couldn’t refuse in another city about 5 hours away. At the time, I was in a steady relationship for 4 years and I had to make the most difficult decision to date in my life. Do I leave everything behind, him, my friends and family to pursue my career? I the end, I choose my career and made the move. He supported me and even came out to see me, but ultimately the stress was too great and we grew apart after a big argument. Oddly enough, through a very weird twist of fate, I ended up getting a transfer back to my hometown after a couple of years (same job, same salary) and we got back together.
    I would not change anything, if I had to do it all over again I would move and leave it all behind even if I stayed in the new city and we never saw each other again. It was very painful, but I wanted my career. I followed my heart, and luckily everything worked out.

    • heyheyno

      I love this story it gives me hope for me relationship! my BF just left a few weeks ago to play basketball overseas we’ve only been dating for seven months so me its still new. He doesn’t know if he’ll be home for Christmas I probably won’t be able to visit until next year. I just hope we can work it out. Glad you choose your career and it still worked in your favor!!

      • j-kay-elle

        Have faith!! It is not easy at all being separated especially if it is overseas, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Hang in there and just remember don’t put your life on hold, live your life and do what makes you happy. If it is meant to work out between you two it will.
        All the best!

  • Kimberly // Manifest Yourself

    If the relationship is serious, and I can still pursue my own career goals in the new city (+ get reasonable flights home to see my family), I’d be all for the move. I always worry about couples who move for one person, but don’t think of their individual goals as well…. when you move in a relationship, you could end up being the only “friend” in the new city, so if one person doesn’t have anything going for them, it can be hard on the relationship. This is a little different when you are married and/or have a family with a person too…

  • James

    I agree w/ Kimberly. I’ve been through this and I can say, if you don’t relocate w/ a plan of your own, you’re going to be miserable. I don’t think it’s as simple as “I don’t want to be away from you, look at what we can save on flights/car trips, I’ll make a sacrifice b/c my life is flexible,” etc.

    For some reason, it seems like the 1 you’re supposed to be w/ is usually a flight or drive away (or train because if ya’ll aren’t in the same borough, it’s long distance). Or maybe that’s just w/in my circle lol I think it’s important to differentiate between moving with a person and moving for a person though. The former may be slightly easier than the latter. When you’re moving with a person, you’re likely thinking marriage, already engaged, and the immediate future is pretty clear. You 2 are starting over somewhere new together, so it’s all good. When you move for a person, you’re entering into their world and have to navigate it as an outsider. That can be a lot of strain on a relationship.

    My advice would be before you make such a big decision as uprooting your life, ask yourself 2 basic questions: a) will you marry this person and b) will you be okay if it fails.

    • Damnpops

      Those are great points man

      • Shannon Woolson

        I can actually speak to this as I just relocated to complete my family & relationship after being in what I believed was a committed long distance relationship for 2 years. I found a job, relocation was paid for, found my own place to live about 20 mins from my S/O after only 3 months he developed feelings for a co-worker and replaced our quality time with developing a deeper relationship with someone else. If it didn’t work and he was up front I was willing to accept that…what I wasn’t able to continue living with was the knowledge he was now unfaithful and possibly was throughout our long distance for two years.. sometimes truth is ugly once revealed! Nobody imagined this was the character of this person I and everyone involved believed we would be marrying soon after my relocation..Sadly the job wasn’t all I was promised and the personal life fell to pieces when I came into my boyfriend home only to see another woman sleeping over.
        Be careful and hopefully your partner is true, genuine and of higher integrity.

        • Damnpops

          A maxi tan insight there, thank you for sharing

  • AlacrityAmir

    Before reading other comments, I personally feel that if the relationship is serious that relocating isn’t necessarily required. Distance really isn’t a hindrance to continued growth within a relationship.

    If it is a possibility it must be discussed, because not everyone has the same belief when it comes to relocating and staying/leaving a relationship.

    A good buddy of mine, who is married with no kids had a job opportunity come up in a big city. He moved first, and his wife made plans to follow him 5 months later.

  • Lashuntrice

    Well at the age of 28 I’m holding on to the idea of leaving the city of Houston one day. Some people are comfortable living and dying in the same exact place without ever having any kind of life experiences. So with that if I were to fall in love with a man here he would have to have the mindset of being adventurous and leaving. There are no ifs, ands, or butts (Vogue made me type that) to it.

  • Es Sully

    Relocation in itself is a big risk, but one that is worth taking. I once read an article that mentioned that the reason black people are not succeeding as fast as white people is because they are less likely to apply for or accept positions that are out of their current city/state. Which in turn translates , at least for me, also Into relationships. I believe that once a solid relationship is established, the two should have conversations about what the plans are for moving forward and continuing to plan as a couple. For some it is marriage. For others it is having a child or simply moving in together. If relocation provides new and exciting opportunities that would benefit the future of the relationship, then I say to take that leap and come out of your comfort zone. Now, get it right. I am not telling you to run off with some newbie for the sake of a love quest! What I am saying is that, relocation is not that big of a deal when you are securing a future with someone. Sidenote: make sure your money is right, so just in case things don’t work out, you can come on home!