Home Featured 7 Reasons Why You Can’t Let Go of Your Past

7 Reasons Why You Can’t Let Go of Your Past

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It’s been a long week and Friday is here. All of us can breathe a sigh of relief because we know that in the morning, Saturday is here. I didn’t know what I wanted to post on today because at this point I’m tired of talking about what everyone else is talking about. I can say with full conviction, men have had a bad week. Not all of us but the team took a few hits. However, today I’m going to talk about something different that hopefully won’t cause any controversy and we can just get along and reminisce.

The thing that keeps us from our future is always when our past is still our present. Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a gift that’s why they call it the present. With that said, I wanted to explore the reasons why we sometimes can’t let go of our past. Keep in mind, I paid someone a lot of money to reach this calm and I only seek to share this with you so that you don’t have to do the same. Here are those reasons…

  1. You think about how good it was when it was good and think you’ll never get back there again. – When you think back on your past, you can pinpoint when things were so great that you couldn’t imagine it getting any better. You sit and wonder will you ever get back to that again.
  2. You convince yourself that no one will ever know you as well as your past. – When you’ve been with someone for some time you begin to know them and they know you. They know all the things that make you happy and all the things that make you angry. That mutual understanding is tough to get back.
  3. You don’t want to put the effort into building something that took years to build before. – Let’s say you were with your ex for 3-4 years, you sit and tell yourself that you don’t want to wait that amount of time to get back to happiness and that mutual understanding. One thing we have to realize is that it will take time and it won’t come easy.
  4. You compare everyone to them. – I know one thing, you can’t compare the present to the past. The present will never match up. Even if that last relationship ended in turmoil, nothing will ever compare until you leave them in the past.
  5. You haven’t ditched the memory of the past. – You have to stop thinking about it. You can’t continue to think about the best nap you ever had or that time you all just laughed for hours about a silly inside joke. The memory won’t go away but if you dwell on it then you’re destined for doom.
  6. You forget why you’re not your past. – A lot of time when we spend time reminiscing about the past we forget the end. We forget how things ended and why you said you’ll never talk to them again. People have ways of blocking out bad things when they happen to us but try your best not to block out the reasons why you’re not still in your past.
  7. You never stop caring or loving but can’t decipher the difference between “in love” and “love.” – I truly believe that if you really love a person you will never stop loving them. You may not be in love with them but you’ll still care for them and want the best for them even if it’s not with you. The key is beginning to understand that you can love someone and not be with them. That you can be in love with another person and not in love with your past.

I can say from personal experience that the process is not easy. Your past will shape who you are today and anyone who asks you to forget it is being completely nonsensical. Do what you can to sunset your past and move to the present. Remember the present is a gift that doesn’t come often. Realize that you can move on past your past to something much better. Last, if this is too heavy for a Friday post just remember that tomorrow is Saturday and you can go to brunch and forget all about the past; at least for two or three hours.

Comment(12)

  1. 6 and 7 were always my biggest issues but once I finally took time to really look at it it helped me move on and try not to make the same mistakes. At first I always wanted closure but eventually I understood that doesn’t always happen

  2. This post is right on time. Recently had to explain to an ex why we needed to stop talking because I wasn’t going back and I knew it. If I kept the interaction going any longer, I would’ve just added to the already present toxicity of our broken relationship. It was very difficult but none-the-less necessary.

  3. This was a good read. There are some people who just DON’T want to let go. They’ve determined he/she is their destiny and nothing will change that.

    The reality is there are people who enter our lives for a purpose. He or she isn’t meant to be there for a lifetime, however there are lessons for you to learn and take away from the experiences. Each relationship is an experience, IMO. I don’t think we’re told often enough, if ever, that it’s OK if a relationship doesn’t work. Assess what the experience means, and work on healing from the loss. Do not enter another relationship until you’ve healed.

    I too believe once you love an individual you always will. My belief is love is love, and the difference between being “in love” and “loving” someone is solely in my willingness to take/make risks with him.

  4. Wow! This is a great post Dr. J!

    There are so many beneficial lessons and takeaways tied to each of the reasons you listed.

    Our past is very powerful and valuable, but it can also be a hindrance if we aren’t careful.

    I had a great discussion, not too long ago, discussing how we our past can transform us into better people.

    It’s totally possible, but we must be willing to go through the process and do the work.

    If you’d be interested in checking out the discussion, just let me know. There were a lot of valuable insights shared.

    Thanks again for sharing this amazing lessons!

  5. The heart want what it wants. We all have been down that path where we been in a toxic relationship where we know that particular person is not good for you but stay anyway. I definitely have fallen under number 3 and 7. It takes time.

  6. Well said. Letting go is tough for the reaons that you mentioned. I actually just started my own blog and my next one is on that very topic. Based on my on struggle with releasing my past after a bad, short and ugly 9 month marriage. I had to burn some sh*t to get free.

    Thanks

  7. I don’t know how to let go of my ex. We were together for 15 years and i can’t let go. It has been a year and 3 months. He has move on a month after we broke up. It is still hard for me to stop thinking he will come back yo me. He is still with her now and i can’t stop thinking about him and the what ifs. I can’t get them out of my mind, i can’t get him out of my mind. How do i let him go so i can move on. I don’t know how to let go.

    1. I’m by far no expert I’m sitting here trying to figure out my issues. I can tell you I’ve been through a few good relationships and everyone comes back in a memory. Awhile back I learned to accept the things I cant change nothing I can do I reinvented myself changed a few things in life. Not to mention other situations i worked on. Work hard on letting go.

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