Home Featured Are Non-Threatening Women More Attractive to Women?

Are Non-Threatening Women More Attractive to Women?

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Taraji

Before you read this post it’s important that you understand that I find everything that Lil’ Duval says to be ridiculous. I haven’t heard everything he’s said but he made some jokes once about domestic violence and I placed him a box from which he will never return. The name of that box is called, “ridiculous.”

Also before you read this post it’s important that you understand that I find nothing “basic” about Taraji. I love that woman with everything in my body. I got mad love for all my DMV women. And yes, even before the fame if I would have seen Taraji walking down the street I would have made a move. There’s just something about DC women that will always turn me on.

So this week or last (I don’t watch trash television so I’m never sure) Empire premiered on Fox. I sincerely do not know why Black people continue to let Fox broadcast shows that feature them but I digress. That’s when this ridiculous man tweeted this.

It’s okay to think that’s a ridiculous comment to make. At first, I thought here we go again with him saying some foolishness about women. But if I read the last part of the tweet it gave me pause for thought, are women really drawn to non-threatening women? Interesting question.

I always find it odd when you talk about the presumed really attractive woman in our world how when a question is posed to a woman about her beauty you get a one of a few responses.

1. “She pretty, I can see why men find her attractive but I don’t see what the big deal is.”
2. “She’s not that pretty. Look at her [insert some random miniscule flaw that was found during a cavity inspection].
3. “I don’t have a problem with her. I think she’s very pretty.”

Note: #3 might be a flat out lie. Don’t always believe she actually thinks the woman is pretty. She may really hate being considered a hater. In which case, she concedes to keep her image intact.

Now when you take a less than really attractive woman or less say someone who looks “average.” All of a sudden things change and now women are ready to talk about how beautiful she is. I noticed this when people were discussing Kelly Rowland vs. Beyonce. I still think anyone who thinks Kelly is much more beautiful than Beyonce is smoking crack. However, everyone wanted to claim how they would take Kelly over Beyonce. The elaborate reasons behind that decision have always baffled me. However, I got this overwhelming impression that maybe people preferred her because she looked more normal than Beyonce.

Or maybe she looked more like them than Beyonce. I think that’s probably more it; that we are attracted to people that look like us. I know this first hand, while I may or may not be attractive over the years since I’ve been stuck looking this way I have begun to believe that I am attractive. Furthermore, I think that people who resemble me are also attractive.

Then there’s a dark horse theory that I have. Maybe women feel threatened by women who look better than them. It’s a crazy feeling to have because as individuals we define what beauty is for ourselves. We can consider whatever and whoever we like to be attractive. Have you ever noticed that it seems that pretty people all roll together? And a not so attractive woman (or someone who considers themselves not so attractive) they don’t like to be near them. Growing up I witnessed this all the time.

I don’t know, what is it? I can’t tell the reasons why it seems that women are thrown off or threatened by really attractive women. The flip side is when really attractive women intentionally downplay their looks because they’re afraid that people won’t like them. “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful” came from somewhere. I guess I’m just noticing that everything that was said in that tweet isn’t all the way ridiculous.

Dr. J This guy has no idea what his position is at SBM.org. He's a well travelled blogger. You can find his work at SingleBlackMale, Necole Bitchie's BitchieLife.com, BuppietheBlog.com, The Book of Jackson, This Is The Dream. He has also published several guest posts at blog all around the blogosphere. He can't spell really good, and grammar isn't his strong suit, but he really appreciates you reading his posts for content, and content only. (I feel very Michael Vick'ish referring to myself in the 3rd Person.)
  • I think this conversation would benefit more from a woman’s perspective.

    In this country women are bombarded daily with images that tell us what we
    should look like to be considered attractive. Like men, we have preferences in who we like and find attractive and that may go against the mainstream. Why is there a need to explain that away? In reference to Lil’ Duval’s post-If Black women like Taraji and Sanaa why is there a need to deem them or the characters they portrayed as “regular.” Why not just accept that they were/are in sucessful productions and gained a following from them?

    Speaking for myself, if a person has an ugly personality ( regardless of gender) they become ugly to me. I may not find someone attractive because they remind me of someone or something I don’t like.

    “I noticed this when people were discussing Kelly Rowland vs. Beyoncé.
    I still think anyone who thinks Kelly is much more beautiful than Beyoncé is
    smoking crack.”

    I think the problem where this conversation is concerned is that often
    times comparisons are being made between women. Why is there the need to compare Beyonce and Kelly? Why can’t they both be just as beautiful? Kelly has a beautiful smile, smooth skin and a nice figure, so does Beyonce. This is also where the conversation becomes complicated. Is she “normal” because of her skin color? How are we defining normal?

    • j-kay-elle

      Very well said overall, however not all women have that level of maturity…let’s face it there are women out there who will find any reason to hate another woman whether it be because she is better looking, smarter, or has a good man. So yes I do agree that less threatening women are Iiked by women because there is no competition, sad but true, jealousy is UGLY!!

  • Joe Blow

    Agree with this. I don’t think he meant regular as in average looking, but just as in normal pretty, not supermodel exotical Helen of Troy looking chicks. Women can identify more with Taraji and Sanaa because they do look normal, even though both are very attractive.

    • Gray

      I guess, I just don’t understand normal.

  • Nicky

    In general I feel that women get along with other women that do not pose a threat to them. As far as the Kelly Rowland vs. Beyonce thing……for those that prefer Kelly over Beyonce I have found that it has nothing to do with who looks better. They both are attractive women by the way. It mostly deals with who people can relate to as far as who seems more down to earth. Some people think Beyonce is fake because she appears as not being herself most of the time or she doesn’t have a personality. I have heard both men and women say the same thing about Beyonce as far as her personality.

    In my experience, I also feel that men get along with women who do not pose a threat to them (especially in the work place).

  • Gray

    Whose more regular than big head Lil Duval? I find nothing attractive about him but regardless he may have someone that loves him, and a trail of people who find him attractive. Who is he to gauge what is or isn’t a threat?

    I have learned through experience what men find attractive in women is totally different than what heterosexual women like/admire about women. Men tend to admire most things solely from outer appearance, especially what is FLASHY. These women tend to get all of the attention from males, (and it starts as young as 11-12 years old). Men want her, pursue her, use her for her superficiality, and then berate her. The lighter her complexion the more beautiful she is. Some females may be jealous of the attention she gets, but all aren’t. The majority could care less. Insecure women who have yet to know their worth will totally agree with this.

    The gauge a woman uses to define beauty will never be understood by a man, mainly because we are all different. We tend to base beauty on additional attributes. What’s attractive to one may not be attractive to the next and there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make one more “regular” than the next. Post all of the media and black male comments, we black women aren’t exactly the ideal standard of beauty. However, we tend to think black is beautiful, so I’m not surprised any man (especially black ones) would want to trivialize that fact within itself. Women know beauty when we see it, but we don’t have to acknowledge it or agree with everyone else’s ideal of beauty.

    I can believe the gauge is more of what we identify with as opposed to a threat.

  • Bree

    I think this is all a matter of personal opinion and there is no right or wrong whatsoever. We all have our own views and opinions on what we deem to be beautiful or not. Just because other peoples views on beauty don’t match yours does not mean they’re wrong and your right, or something is wrong with them.
    There are fair-skinned people who think people who are the opposite complexion of them are beautiful. I had a very fair-skinned black roommate in college who loooooooooved dark black men, and just anyone who was dark-skin or brown-skin. She thought she and her fair-skinned mother and her twin sister looked pale. Just like there are dark-skinned women who think lighter-skinned women are more beautiful than darker skinned women. I’m brown-skin and I’ve had many people of various cultures and ethnicities tell me how beautiful they think my skin is. I’m also short, only 5’1, and my bff is a former model who is almost 6 ft tall. In hs she and I and another very tall girl were like the 3 musketeers. I have close girlfriends who are asian and several biracial, multi-racial and white female friends. I think they’re all beautiful and they compliment me on things as well. So that whole birds of a feather thing is some bs. In fact, I know many women who have friends who are of other races and ethnicities who look nothing like them. I’m looking forward to my bridal party looking like a rainbow coalition, and a big melting pot.
    I will say this, from what I’ve heard being in the beauty industry, women are typically more drawn to beautiful women. Part of our human nature is to be drawn to anything aesthetically pleasing to the eyes. I’m drawn to people with different color eyes, ie hazel, green, blue, grey, etc etc etc. By the way, when he refers to them being “regular” how do we know he’s not speaking of their characters, and not who they are in real life.
    It appears that he’s saying in their first breakout roles, their characters were simple relatable women. Women that other women can relate to. As opposed to having some larger than life role that no regular black woman can relate to because she knows she will never be that.
    That’s my take on it.

  • Taz

    Threatned and simply a hater. Some women cant give a compliment when its due.

  • heyheyno

    Growing up I didn’t like women who I thought were more attractive to me. I’m tall and pretty..pretty rare unless you’re around models lol. So If another woman came around who was tall and pretty I didn’t want to be around her. I didn’t want her to receive more male attention than me. I didn’t stop this ridiculous theory until two years ago at 25 looking back its pretty ridiculous. Now Lil Duval’s theory naw I don’t think thats true. People like Taraji because she is fine and down to earth. The same thing with Sanaa these women have that keep it real home girl vibe in their interviews. I am Beyonce stan have been rocking with her since I was in the 4th grade. Would I want to hang out with beyonce? Yes to tell her how awesome she was but after that I don’t think her personality is as appealing nothing to do with her beauty. It takes time to develop a certain level of self esteem where women who may be more attractive don’t intimidate you. It’s hard to deal with this but as women this is an issue that many of us have faced.

  • fineline

    First of all, I’d like to point out that there are more than a couple grammatical errors in this post and it was a little hard to follow due to lack of definitions (what is “normal”? what is “regular”?), inadequate transitions (how did we go from roles to physical appearance?), and maybe poor organization.

    That said, I am not and have never been intimidated by pretty women. Yes, I may feel inferior if she is extremely beautiful. I may even wish I was as beautiful as she (and I am beautiful as well). And other times, I may genuinely think she is more average than people make her out to be. Call me a hater. But her physical appearance will not make me treat her any differently than I would someone else. I think what you are talking about is that women may be less likely to approach/greet other very beautiful women, but that has nothing to do with jealousy or feeling threatened for me; that is more so about an idea I have that beauty = attitude. Though, that usually goes away, since even beautiful people get more and more “normal” as you get to know them.

    I’ve been surrounded by beautiful people all my life and one of them is my older sister, so I’ve definitely learned by now that beauty should not be on a scale. If I kept thinking of beauty in terms of dimes and nickels, I would have never accepted my own appearance (and I don’t think I’m average). Truth is, no one of us is the prettiest woman in the world, and if we all want to roll with the best (and we do), it makes little sense for us to be threatened by gorgeous women.

    P.S. I don’t think Taraji is gorgeous nor Beyonce. Kelly is pretty.

    • It’s a blog not the NY Times. Thanks for bring this to my attention though.

  • Cogito

    From what I have empirically observed, Me thinks that it is true, not to mention that theoretically, it actually makes sense that this would be so. Feminine beauty is a de facto currency of value that can be universally redeemed in exchange for a plethora of masculine favors, privileges and benefits.

    Men, particularly those of wealth and power, confers favor and attention upon beautiful and attractive women which can translate into socioeconomic benefits and privileges. This in turn, creates sort of a mental hierarchy where a woman with a high beauty quotient, when in proximity to others, can engender certain competitive discomforts as she draws a disproportionate amount of the masculine attention.

    Because beauty is subjectively determined by a variety of factors, I don’t think that every woman is necessary being disingenuous when praising the attractiveness of other women where a consensus on her beauty might not exist, but I do believe that at times, that when this women is in juxtaposition to the woman of consensus beauty; the lavishing of praise upon the one considered “average” is a subconscious way of diluting, at least mentally, the power of the consensus beauty.

    It is worthy of note that men too can be, and are at times, guilty of the same thing on the masculine side of the divide when it comes to things (wealth, power, looks, height, intelligence etc..) that garners disproportionate amounts of feminine attention and adoration. While our respective gender currencies are distinct, they are both underpinned to a certain degree by hierarchical competition.

    • Hope Floats

      All very true

  • Hope Floats

    Well, as a quick note to point out, the overwhelming majority of American black men typically deem black women who posess European/Caucasian facial features as “beautiful”.

    • Cogito

      While I won’t deny that SOME brothers view black feminine beauty through the myopic prism of hue of color; however, I do believe that it is less of a determining variable than some of you sisters think it is. Mind you; I don’t begrudge anyone their aesthetic preferences, be they hue of color, hair, body shape or features; but most guys are a bit more evolved in terms of their chosen variables.

      Lighter hued sisters are sisters too, so my comments are not to be intended as my casting aspersions against them, however, simply having a lighter hue of color, does not, in and of itself, a beautiful woman makes; nor does it automatically command my masculine solicitude.

      I have seen Paula Patton and Rashida Jones here in LA on several occasions and neither of the two elevates my testosterone levels in the least (Tracy Edmonds. ..yes), nor can I imagine many brothers choosing one of those two over a Tika Sumpter based on hue of color alone ; so it’s not as automatic as some of you guys think it is.

      • Hope Floats

        Well you seem like a pretty open minded brotha 🙂 but my own personal experiences of hearing (black) guys speak amongst themselves has led me to these conclusions. Granted though, they could have just been saying what they thought other guys were thinking

        • Cogito

          Oh, no doubt that some brothers feel this way, so it’s not a figment of your imagination, however, from my years of observation and conversations with brothers, I can confidentially say that a great many brothers prioritize, body over looks; some, common sense and intellect over body. Pleasantness and feminine affable ranks up there as well.

          Sometimes, l think that you sisters give brothers to little credit and equate the “wow” factor that you guys observe us being given to women with the “keep her” factor. Men who base the entirety of their romantic well being and happiness solely on the hue of color has clearly not yet to put all of the pieces of the puzzle together.

        • Hope Floats

          Well this is good to know. Age may be a factor as well. I’m sure you’ve spoken with more men of various ages and backgrounds than I have (I’m only 23 🙂 But something that I find interesting about the supposed ‘body over looks’ theory is this– the fact that many of these rappers and “r&b” artists of today love talking about women with huge butts and boobs, but almost NEVER actually exclusively date women with these features. They tend to exclusively date the women that I described before (near white, thin, no curves, no particular shape, “pretty in the face”, etc.) Now I have no doubt that their groupies or “hoes” may possess the features they rap and sing about, but why don’t they ever exclusively date them or marry them?