*Raspy Chuckle* That was funny wasn't it?

Good sex makes for great stories. Bad sex makes for even better ones… unless you’re the person telling them.

There’s always satisfaction and humor found in the unfortunate occurrences that happen to others. In this case, they also make you think of your own erotic escapades.  Even when you hear about people upside inside out living mediocre loinal la vida loca, you probably toss a penny in the mall pond and wish for better days, hours, or seconds. I don’t blame you. I just lost 30 seconds thinking about 60 minutes. No CBS. Yes. S-E-X.

But sometimes, the funny, weird, and mundane stories of others make us think about our own. We think about the good, the bad and the blah. We think about the awkward and unsexy moments that we’ve conquered for the greater sleep or took back to the Google doc to evaluate while not doing work at work.

With that said, here are five things that cause us to stumble out the blocks or press pause on the panini.

The Room Is Dark and the Breath Is Hot

Hot breath sex is the best and worst part of waking up. It’s great because you’re about to perk up your day, but it’s bad because you can’t say sh*t unless you’re literally talking to the side. Even the kisses are pasty. And there you are holding your collective breath trying to avoid turning each other into skeletons. Nobody wants to feel like they’re making love to Scorpion. But by all means since you’re doing it…

FINISH HIM!

Yes, he should finish you too. If he doesn’t already know how, mumble your magic code , let go and let his face have its way.

Animal Jambalaya

It’s getting hot in the bedroom and curious pug wants to know why. Dogs always smell a situation and need to go investigate. Nine times out of ten this is a good thing. But that one time…that one time! It’s not — particularly if homie has allergies.

Do you know how frustrating it is to have to pop a benadryl during sex because Lassie decided she wanted to turn a grand performance into a menage a nope? All it takes is a little bit of dander and thumping with ease becomes pumping with wheeze…and hives. There’s no country for hives in the bedroom.

The Tube

Sometimes you’re in the mix and the remote is 13 piece lengths away. I know that this could range from a stubby arm reach to average human steps. But that’s not the point. The point is he’s in between putting on the c and entering the precious p. You ignore it… and then Hoarders comes on. What better way to turn hot love into pre-cooked shrink and dry? Granted, you could just turn the TV off but everybody hates disrupted fux. Thats how condoms get lost in couch crevices and children incubate in wombs.

Nah. Chill.

Phone Calls from Mommy Dearest

I don’t care how old you are or if your Facebook status says happily and arrogantly married. Nothing makes you guilty about pleasure like mother’s intuition interrupting coitus. This is the main reason I got rid of my landline and answering machine. I don’t wanna hear a message from mom and spend the time letting my neighbors know my name thinking “I need to call mum after this.”  She already knows everything and her call is just a reminder. I don’t wanna look up and see her transparent head floating in the corner of my room with her glasses perched on the bottom of her nose.

Creatures

When you’re in the middle of playing pokey and you’re all in, what do you do when you see a spider or worse crip-crawling up the wall? If you do nothing, it disappears in the time it takes yall to transition. If you squash it, you’re grossed. But yo, if you pay it no mind, you’re too used to creatures and need to move. I wonder how many spiders we’ve eaten because we chose the blue pill? Nah, not that one.

These are just five things that cause hiccups during smooth operating. Whatever the case, pick up some protection, Allegra, not your phone, and be safe out there. Have a great weekend!

What are some of the additions you’d make to this list? “Hypothetical” situations and scenarios? You know the drill. 

Happy Pumpings,

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Slim Jackson.

Someone asked a question one time about why Black people believe in God so much, it’s simple, because God represents “hope”.  Hope that things can be better than they are today, hope that things will get better in the future, hope that maybe not in this life, but in the next life things will get better.  Black people also hold onto God because for a long time in this country, it was the only thing we were allowed to own.  We couldn’t control our fate in this country, so God and “hope” was all we had to get us through, one day things would get better, if not in this life, then the next.

It doesn’t surprise me that Steve Jobs wasn’t a Christian, Warren Buffet and Bill Gates are agnostic, or Tom Cruise is a member of the Church of Scientology, but when I found out that Will and Jada were contemplating joining the Church of Scientology… My first response was, “Wait a minute, Jesus!”  Is it now that Jay-Z is raking in billions that now he feels comfortable lacing a track with the lines, “Jesus can’t save you, life starts when the church ends”?  I’m not here to debate about whether Jay-Z meant that line for how it was interpreted by the majority, but at what point in history did we get so colloquial with our relationship with God?

The numbers don’t lie, they suggest that the more money and education we obtain, the more our relationship with God suffers.  I attest this to two things, the more educated you are the more your sense of logic becomes more structured and developed.  You use logic to explain everything, and while you can’t prove there is no God, you can’t prove there is one either.  As it pertains to money, when the ends start to meet in a way that things could not possibly get any better, you lose sight of that need for “hope.” 

When you think about Christianity and all of its symbols, everlasting life wouldn’t have done it alone without the villain.  People aren’t as scared to die as they are afraid of spending their lives in hell.  But for some when they think about how heaven is described in the Church, I’m sure that Jay-Z might sit around thinking, “Maybe that’s not really what I want to do when I die.”  Many of them are willing to spend almost all of their resources trying to remain, Forever Young.

I think there are a few things worth examining a bit more here too; because this isn’t a new phenomenon, but you may have to do a little thinking to connect the dots.  And by that, I mean just that connecting the dots.  Many of the people in our history books regarded as the wisest men in all of the land; astrologers, philosophers, World leaders, and even inventors have all been traced back to the Church of Scientology, Free Masonery or the “Illuminati.”  This isn’t a new phenomenon.  It seems that the wealthy or the leaders of society have always questioned their relationship with a higher power and if one really exists.  Is there something that comes with knowledge that can only be obtained once you reach a certain level of wealth and status?

When your life doesn’t suck and it seems like everything is going to be great going forward, I’m pretty sure you start to wonder about the “religion” thing and how it all fits in with all you’ve accomplished.  For myself, I tend to ask most people who claim to be Christians some very key questions all the time:

• Do you accept Christ as your savior because through him you have everlasting life, or do you really believe that to live like Christ is the right way?
• If we were to remove everlasting life from the picture would you still be a Christian?
• If all your prayers were answered, what would you talk to God about?
• If it turned out that there was no God and no eternal life, would you regret the way you lived your life?

I get very interesting answers to those questions when I get honest answers to those questions.  I think it wasn’t until I answered those questions honestly, that I found out what I really believed in.

Going back to my original point, I think there are reasons why we need God.  But do the wealthy have those same reasons?  They can’t take anything with them, so do they spend their time thinking about the afterlife, or thinking about how to stay in this life?  If you are wealthy now, do you want to have a hard reset on everything and go back to being a mere equal to the general population?  What about all that you have spent your life earning?  Or did all these people sell their souls for the money?  Should we not take time to critically think about the phenomenon?  To extremely wealthy, does the concept of a God even make sense?  I don’t have the answers to this questions, I still cash my paycheck and pay bills on Saturday morning.  Perhaps, we needed a Steve Jobs app so he could talk to us now and tell everybody the answers.  And maybe it’s supposed to be like this, it’s truly the unknown.

- Dr. J

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

"It's not how many times you get knocked down; it's how many times you get back up.” - Col. George Custer

SBM Remembers 9/11

Dr. J - I woke up to take a shower for class, when I got in the bathroom, one of the other guys on my floor said, “Did you see that a plane flew into the WTC?”  My response, “Word? That mean we ain’t got class, I’ll holla.”  And I went back to my room and went to sleep.  After laying there for a few minutes, I decided to go into the hall lounge and see what was going on.  I thought that the people in the lounge were watching an old movie, or a clip from a previous WTC bombing.  (I’ll admit, I never saw any coverage of the first bombing at WTC because I lived in DC.)  It was almost 9:45 when I realized that this was actually happening … and about ten minutes later, the South Tower collapsed.

Streetz - At Hofstra, I had a view of the Twin towers from my dorm. Used to look at it every morning before leaving my room. I remember that day being late for class, woke up at around 9:30 looked out the window and seeing the towers smoking. I remember looking at it like “some idiot probably ran a helicopter into a tower, or set off a fire” and went to class. Got to class and all was normal, until someone said “I heard a plane hit the World Trade Center” we all looked at her like she was crazy. It wasnt until another late woman to class came in the door and said “One of the WTC towers just fell, and they think the capitals under attack! We looked at each other, packed up and Headed for the Student center! We get to the Student Center and they set up a TV, and the news read “Both World Trade Towers have fallen”. We were in complete shock. I’ve never felt more shook in my life. phones were out of commission. We didn’t know what to think. The worst part was we all had friends and fam that worked in Manhattan. We didnt know who was safe and who wasnt. Remember, no Twitter or Facebook and the net wasnt what it was in 2001. Info was scarce.  New York City, we are 10 years stronger and better than that day. We will NEVER be defeated! Greatest city in the WORLD! God Bless NYC, PA, DC, the 2,977 souls lost, the countless others who were unidentified, and God Bless AMERICA!

SBM – I was in undergrad at University of Maryland and woke up for my late morning class.  I sat there watching the TV and skipping my first class that day. I tried to get up and leave for my afternoon one, but images of my campus being the 3rd attack site let me make it halfway before turning back.  I spent the rest of the day calling & texting all my family in New York and trying to make sense of it all.

Peyton >>> Brady (and I think Tom Brady is the coolest man on Earth).

Early NFL Observations

Dr. J - I really don’t have a lot of things to look forward with my Niners.  Crabtree didn’t accept Alex Smith’s invite to work out during the offseason, and we’ve got two rookies on the OL.  I’m excited to see our defense get back to being a Top 5 defense in the league.  But that’s really on the plate of Alex Smith, who’s got to do his part to control the T.O.P. (Time of possession.)  Other observations include; Peyton Manning is not only the MVP, but he’s the Colts organization.  He’s being quoted at worth $300 million to the organization.

Streetz - The entire Giants team seems to be hurt. We have more uncertainty than I can handle. We need to get off to a good start. This is a big year for Tom Coughlin and Eli. Tom can’t get by with mediocrity anymore. Eli’s being challenged on his QB acumen, so he needs to have a strong year too. I think they’ll be 10-6. If that’s enough to make the playoffs, IDK.

SBM – Hail to the Redskins … that’s all

True Blood Season Finale

Dr. J - I’ve never watched this show.

Streetz - As always, I’ll have the wrap-up for the show on Streetztalk. This has been a great season and I can’t wait for the finale. Marnie is going for blood, and I think no one is safe! As always there will be death, blood, and cliffhangers. I just hope that fairy sh*t doesn’t interfere with the story too much. Check HERE for my review of last weeks episode and the set-up for tonight.

SBM – I never watched a full (or even half) an episode.  Vampires n sh* … right?

Entourage Series Finale

Dr. J - I’ll admit, I’m not ready for Entourage to go off the air.  I didn’t start watching the show until maybe the 4^th season, but I’ve been a fan since then.  I’ve always made the observation of the differences in Vince, E and Ari.  I will say that all the way up until this season all I ever wanted in life was to be Ari.  But after this season, I’m back to – “Only afraid of two things God and marriage.”

Streetz - E got a bomb dropped on him last episode. Vinny Chase seems to be cool. Turtle had the biggest come-up possibly in Entourage history. Many a tear will be shed when this show goes off the air. Whether they have a movie, this needs to just end right. I’m hoping it isn’t like Sopranos. Ari Gold is the best character on this show. I hope he ends up with Dana, because his wife is corny! Sloan is also the  hottest woman in Entourage ever. Challenge me!!

SBM – Grad school and HBO don’t mix, but I’m mad to see the show go. I’m about 2 seasons behind. Turtle still with that chick from Sopranos?

With this special Sunday edition of SingleBlackMale.org we ask: Where were you during 9/11/2001? What are your early NFL observations?  Are excited about True Blood tonight?  And what are your favorite memories of Entourage?

Its not too late!! Join the SBM NFL Pickem League. In short, you made picks every week about who will win and lose games for that week in the NFL. When you win you gain points. Play against your fellow readers and SBM Bloggers and compete for the throne. Join here:http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/pickem Group ID: 62205 PW: sbmdotorg

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from SBM STAFF.

There's only but a few words that can be used to describe how waking up to this every morning would feel.

I never understood why they send kids to those “camps” when it seems like they might be gay growing up. I imagine that it’s a bunch of people all sitting around you praying and telling you who you should be. The church is good for that type of behavior. Well, last week I think I was accidentally sent to a camp. No I’m not gay, but I’ve got some issues with my preferences. Bear with me, I’m going to really be honest and real for a second about some stuff that has happened in my past. To be perfectly honest with you, I believe in preferences, I believe in types and I believe in complexes. Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m not attracted to short hair. Or so I thought. If someone mentions to me, “I’m thinking about cutting my hair.” My first response is always, “Don’t cut your hair, leave your hair alone.” I could not even be dating this girl, that’s just how I feel. Now I am well aware that you can NOT prefer women with short hair, but you can never, never, never, NEVER tell a Black woman what to do with her hair. And I admit, yes I do know some people who can pull off a short hairdo with no problems and still look attractive doing it. But with the exception of Cassie (who can do whatever she wants to do), when a woman cuts her hair, I immediately slide her into a box that says, “She’s cute, but I probably will never desire to date her.”

What I am about to say I need all of you to read very slowly and carefully… If you skim over this part you’ll end up hating me forever and totally misunderstanding me.

A man should always look back over his dating history to see if there are any patterns worth noting. From time to time I do this and I notice that the gross majority of women that I’ve dated have been light skinned or Latinas. I’m not bragging about this, I’m just making an assessment. Over the course of my life, I’ve dated women of all complexions and races. In fact, there’s a story about this race thing and myself worth telling, but this is not the time or place. Let’s just put it this way, I don’t discriminate. It’s not something that I’m proud of at times because I can show up to an event with a date and she may be brown skinned and my friends, female friends will say, “What are you doing with her? You do NOT find her attractive.” This upsets me. Mainly because if I choose to have a girl on my arm then I must find her attractive, but let’s just say I don’t have the most supportive environment. The point I’m trying to make here is this, if you were trying to predict what type of girl that I would be attracted to, as I’m sure most of you have done or are doing right now it would be, a light skin or Latina girl with long hair. I’m actually cool with that. Here’s how I know I don’t have a complex, while that’s not ALWAYS true, I’m not mad about it, if I had a complex i’d always defend myself to the death. It’s like when women say to a man, “You only like those pretty girls.” I’m not sure how to take that, so I just walk away quietly so not to cause a disturbance. Anyway, I don’t get mad because most people haven’t seen all the women I’ve dated and they single out certain occurrences and create this persona. I joked my senior year of college that I would love to get a copy of, The Autobiography of Jay’s Life, written by someone other than me.

So last week I was MIA because I was stuck in the deep South. I appreciate all the love you guys showed me on my post last week, I wasn’t around during the day to actually comment, but it seems like y’all enjoyed. Thinking back on last week I have drawn a few conclusions about what happened to me in the deep South.

1) Be careful when you’re on travel with people who are not of your race in the Deep South. If you are sitting in a restaurant and you see a spot on the wall where the paint looks a little bit more fresh than the rest. That’s probably where the “No Coloreds Allowed” sign used to reside.

2) I won’t call any names, but the person who writes Red’s World and How She Exists In It… put a curse on me. She recently got a new haircut and asked me what I thought. I told her, “You know people who are beautiful can do whatever they want with their hair, I’m sure you’re still turning heads.” She thought I was lying and just being nice, but I wasn’t. Nonetheless she put a curse on me and it probably sounded like, “Till you do right by the short haired girl, everything you think is going to crumble.”

3) The Deep South is the “camp” where men who tend not to date women with short hair go to get straightened out.

This part of my life is called, “When a boy from DC goes to the Deep South and can’t stop staring.”

It sort of all happened very fast and it was very surreal. We entered a restaurant for some of that good BBQ that you can only get in the South and I noticed that our waitress was sporting a short haircut and she was as brown as a Snickers bar.

Wait, 4) A southern accent will change your perspective on everything.

So as she seated us and took our drink order I looked at my coworker and said, “You know I thought coming to the middle of nowhere that the women wouldn’t be all that attractive, but THIS PLACE ROCKS.” I couldn’t stop staring at this girl and I found anyway to keep her at our table. I may have drank 8 glasses of water at dinner just to keep her coming back. And of course, I had plenty of questions to ask about the menu. End scene.

The next day in the office I started to notice some of the people who worked there. Almost immediately upon walking through security I broke my neck at this Hennessy colored girl who walked by and mystified me. I thought to myself, “Mental note, leave business card with her after interview.” And I would have but my teammate didn’t have his and I didn’t want it to be awkward. I always feel like a business card is not really me trying to talk to a girl, it’s more of my way of saying, “I see what you’re doing and I like it, here’s a piece of me, should you ever be in need.” The funny thing about this is, people in the South are so nice, because in DC if you try and give a girl your business card, you will get your ass cussed out. End scene.

When I get to my hotel on one of our long days at the office, I walk in and I’m met by this beautiful sister who had the brightest smile I have ever seen in my life. She asked me, “How was your day, is there anything I can do for you today?” I had a few things in mind, but I just responded, “Nah sister, you’re doing everything you can for me right now with that smile.” It suddenly dawned on me that Black men only break out the word “sister” when they mean business. It’s how you seal the deal with a Black woman. You can say, “Damn you got a fat ass” or “Hey you in the blue” or my personal favorite, “Your feet must be tired because you been running through my mind ALL DAY”, but none of those work as well as, “How you doing today sister?” I went up to my room and then went back downstairs to work in the bar area which had a perfect view of the front desk and my Cherry Oak colored crush. While sitting here trying to concentrate on finishing up some notes, and sipping a Stella (Did y’all know that Embassy Suites has a free happy hour everyday from 5:30 to 7:30?!), I heard something go off in my head.

“The doors of the Church are now open.”

I stopped and I looked around because I’ve heard this before but never really thought it applied to me. But it was at this moment that I started to cry, scratch that, I mentally thought about crying. I sat there staring upon this beautiful woman and I thought to myself, “What have I been doing all my life?” I needed to have explored more of these brown skin girls. You could say I caught The Holy Ghost for Short Haired Brown Girls. I kept my composure and played what I would describe as the National Anthem for my time in the South. India Arie, Acoustic Soul, Track #4.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

Boss sh*t.

Dr. J:

It’s a Sunday afternoon and sitting in a crowded bar with friends, I tell them that I have to step outside for a few minutes to take a call.  Of course my friends say, “Oh my god! Work on a Sunday.” I don’t bother correcting them.  My 9-5 job is overbearing at times, but it hasn’t hoarded my weekends in a very long time, this “work” that I have to do is the weekly SBM.org strategy call.  It’s hard to describe it as work though, I’m doing what I actually love to do and progressing towards a goal of mine which is to one day become a full-time writer.  The only problem is, it’s not easy trying to build a career from a side hustle.

I meet people all the time and they ask me what I do and I’ve learned that in 2011 that answer has changed.  I used to tell people I was a consultant, but now I say, “I’m an aspiring writer, probably more accurately described as a blogger.”  The next question, “Really, which blogs do you write for?”  I have to take a deep exhale at this point because I’m on five blogs regularly, countless others on an ad-hoc basis and I’m always available for a guest post.  I get told all the time, “You should slow down and write less frequently and the quality of your writing would go up tremendously.”  I see their point and I raise them this piece of information; Malcolm Gladwell says that it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill.  I just started blogging or writing anything more than a Facebook note here or there in 2009, I’ve got some catching up to do.  What most people don’t know is that if I sat down and tried to write an amazing post, or an amazing story, I could.  But right now my goal is to get to the 10,000 hours.  It’s an everyday hustle, most people put their eight hours into work and then they go about their day.  I put my eight hours in at work, and then turn around and put anywhere from 6-8 hours a day into writing.  Like Kanye said, “I won’t be taking no days off, until my spaceship takes off.”

Slim:

I like to think of myself as an architect and a writer. On the train ride to work, I’m reading site after site to keep up on what’s going on in this section of the blogosphere. I’m also reading sites like Problogger, Daily Blog Tips, Life Hack, The Personal Branding Blog, and Copyblogger trying to figure out how I can make SBM and my personal blog better.  I’m researching how to build brands while simultaneously keeping my pen — better known as my keyboard — sharp. I’m involved with panel discussions on key issues. I’m building relationships with organizations that promote positivity in our community. I’m writing about stuff that isn’t main stream even though I know it won’t reach as many eyes. But honestly, I don’t care as long as it reaches the right eyes. If I can impact one person through a post or appearance at an event, all the hard work behind the scenes is worth it.

There isn’t a whole lot of glory to this right now. I’m still developing myself and the progression is obvious to those that have taken the time to follow my journey. I’m not walking around with stunnah shades, hubris, and entitlement. There are no autograph signings and full length features in magazines. What do I get from this everyday? The answer is simple. I get the satisfaction of doing something I enjoy doing and the opportunity to see progress. And I won’t lie to you. Seeing SBM go from 0 nominations in the Black Weblog Awards last year to 5 this year under my leadership is pretty cool. Actually, it’s f*cking awesome. Hard work pays off.

Dr. J:

Sacrifices have to be made, “I hate my job” gets old and no one likes hearing it all the time if you’re doing nothing about it.  So we spend our time trying to get out of the rat race; trying to find a way to make these words turn into dollars.  I’m not going to lie, early on I thought, this will be a way to get my cell phone bill paid, or at least a little bottle money for the weekend.  After I started looking at the take, I realized that there was much more potential to be had.  It was very possible that this could lead into a very lucrative career.  I want the book deal, lecture circuit, radio show, book adapted into a movie, or even a columnist in a popular magazine.  I want those things and more, so I’m hustling hard until I get them.  That’s why you see me posting anywhere from 5-8 articles a week on the internet, two eBooks, and spending time to collab with other writers.  Despite all that, I’m working on two new eBooks and a mixtape.  Closed mouths do not get fed on this boulevard.

Slim:

I wanna run a lucrative website that has a positive impact in the community and have a column in a reputable magazine. Achieving those two goals will open all sorts of doors that I didn’t know existed as well as ones I’ve knocked on before. I have a running list of “remember when …” folks. I look forward to smiling at them and working with their competitors. **Sips Ketel on the rocks** Yep. That’s exactly what I’ll do. Bawse.Sh*t.

What about yall? What are your hustles right now? Where do you see yourself against some of the goals you set? Have things went better or slower than expected? Let us know.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

1. Pause 2. Fine. I'll be that.

There’s more to being a Single Black Male than having a one night stand on Saturday and getting dropped off before the random shorty heads to church on Sunday morning. It’s a lifestyle (not to be confused with the eventually defunct condom). Like the rest of us, I work 5 days a week, run random errands during the day, struggle to stick to my gym regimen, and sometimes find myself in less than savory interaction with men and women that quite frankly just annoy the sh*t out of me. But often times in my saltiest moments, I remain tactful. It’s a gift and a curse. And with that said (typed), I wanted to take today to highlight a few examples of how my tact has helped and harmed me in daily life:

Gift: It’s Helped Me Keep My Job

Demanding Brawd: Slim, I need you to make 30 changes to this document in the next half hour. Thanks.
What I Think: Are you out of your mind? Since when did the title in my signature change to DB’s Office B*tch? Ya high maintenance flatbutt.
What I say: I want to make sure we manage expectations on this. I can try to have this done by the end of the day or early tomorrow.

DB: Well, it shouldn’t take you that long. We really need this done now.
What I think: Get the f*ck away from my desk. I asked you for your favorite food for the employee spotlight and it took you a week to reply. Like I don’t see you spending half the day playing Snood.
What I say: Given the number of changes you’re asking for, that’s just not possible. I have some other things on my to-do list that are time sensitive as well.

DB: Actually, it’s 35 changes.
What I Think: Die
What I Say: Okay, I’ll aim to have this to you tomorrow by noon.*smile*

Curse: I Miss My Post Deadline

Bad One: How come you never ask me about my day?
What I think: I wish you would go back to Brooklyn. Because I don’t care and this isn’t monogamous.
What I say: Sometimes I just get caught up in the mix with all that’s going on. How was it?

Bad One: Oh, you wouldn’t believe what happened with Ronsheeda. Blahblahblahblahblahblah
What I think: I really can’t have you around when I’m writing. I’m never gonna get this sh*t done.
What I say: Baby, I gotta finish this post.
**Midnight hits and I send an angry email with subject “Why is your post not on the site?” to myself and proceed to self-reprimand**

Gift & Curse: It Can Get or Cost Me Bunz

**5’8 cute chick is hanging out and drinking with me and the fellas**
What I think: Girl, you look like you taste like a smoothie. Let me drop the banana in there too.
What I say: You lookin’ fierce.
Chick: Thanks *giggles*
My boy: You looking right girl. Let’s be out back to the crib.
Chick: **Giggles then gets her coat**
What I think: F*cking damn it. Not again.
What I say: F*cking damn it. Not again.

So these are just a few examples of how being tactful has impacted my life for the better or for the loss. How much value do you place on being tactful? What’s your filter setting? Do you have examples of conversation snippets where you’re thinking one thing and say something much more sugary for the win or loss? Let’s have fun with this one today…even those who comment Tuesday through Friday and have nothing to say on Mondays. I see you.

What? You don’t think bloggers notice this?

I need to change my filter settings,

P.S. Remember to vote for us in the Black Weblog Awards. The nomination period opens today (18th)! Suggested categories to vote for us in are Best Group Blog, Best Sex and Relationship Blog, Best Lifestyle Blog, and Blog of the Year.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Slim Jackson.

She’s reading this article. He’s looking at a Tumblr site. More men should read SBM.org, tell them that.

In my opinion the best music tours of all-time, of the ones that I was able to attend; (1) Jay-Z/Mary J. Blige – while not my favorite, can’t knock that type of star power in one place, nothing but hits all night, (2) Glow In The Dark Tour by Kanye West – while not my favorite, can’t knock the musical greatness and production of this tour, (3) I Am Still Music Tour by Lil’ Wayne – My favorite, Wayne shows America that he is the best rapper alive, through his two hour performance, of which you won’t see anyone of his caliber do, you realize that Lil’ Wayne captivates the minds of all his fans. Anyway, before I start Weezy ranting, there is something that Weezy said in his concert that really resonates above else. And it’s the way I feel about the people who read my blog, blogs, random guest posts around the Internet, follow me on Twitter, etc. etc. etc.

“Three things. #1 – I believe in God. #2 – I ain’t sh*t … without you. And the most important, #3 – I ain’t sh*t … without you.” – Lil’ Wayne.

This post is about the people who read the blogs, just a little thank you for reading. I’m going to break down all the people who read your blog. Do you remember the Rugrats? I was a big fan of the Rugrats and Doug growing up. (Patty Mayonnaise was tough.) I really enjoyed watching what these little kids would get themselves into on a regular basis. I think most of the readers of blogs can be broken down into the same characters. Think about it, we’re all just people walking around tweeting and reading blogs. Nobody knows when they see us on the train gazing into our phones, we’re really tapped into a world of imagination and dreams.

Tommy Pickles

Although they may not know it yet, they are the good guys and the wisest guys. They may not be the loudest in the room, but everyone hears them and typically thinks they share the best opinions. Their only weakness is they haven’t figured out how to outsmart everyone in the room and find themselves going along with the flow after knowing in their heart of hearts that something wasn’t right.

Angelica Pickles

The “rang” leader. Yeah, to the blogger she looks so innocent, but behind the scenes she is an excellent manipulator of marionettes. Because of their aggressive ways, even if passively aggressive, your blog is never boring. They typically have strong bonds with both the readers and the blogger. The key to this relationship is to never piss her off, she can be your Oracle or Agent Smith. The choice is up to you as the blogger.

Phil and Lil’ DeVille

These two are a tag team punch. They always agree on a topic and never dissent from one another. As a blogger you must see them as one person. The frustrating part is in your mind you will say, “You know that doesn’t make any sense, you just agreeing because that’s your blog twin.” Phil is more sinister in his approach, they tend to actually seek out opportunities to do harm on another reader or blogger. Lil is just along for the ride and down to rock out with anything.

Chuckie Finster

This is the reader who is scared of conflict and drama. This does not mean they do not have opinions of their own. They will probably only voice them to Tommy, and only when the time is dire. Typically, they are the lurkers or the people who comment, “I’m just going to sit back and watch.” They are also the people who go missing whenever the topic is too heavy or serious. They will however elect to share their thoughts offline with their closest friends.

Susie Carmichael

The peaceful commenter who seems to enjoy the community and wants everyone to get along. They will never disagree with anyone. They believe, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” However beware, in reality, they’re at odds with Angelica. They also can speak to bloggers and readers, and are waiting for their opportunity to take over at any moment.

Dil Pickles

Usually seems like they are speaking another language, but they aren’t we just can’t understand what they are talking about. Once they figure out how to communicate effectively, they probably are the type to start their own blog and be great, or at least get the most likes in the comment section.

There you have it, these are your Rugrats. The only question is, where do you fit in? Here’s the rules, you can’t go and create a new character because you want to stand out. That automatically makes you Angelica, you’re just attempting to be a Queen on a chessboard. I love everyone of y’all readers, sometimes we want to fight, but most times we’re just laughing with each other. I hope you all enjoyed and once again, thanks for your support over the years!

Please make sure you vote for SBM.org in The Search for the Ultimate Blogger. It literally takes 5 seconds. We need yall to support. Thanks!

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

This is actually a very true sign, there's a story here.

A few weeks ago, I showed up to some bar and my friends had already been there.  Almost immediately upon walking in, someone said something extremely offensive, but they laughed about it too.  And I hate when people do that, they try and laugh so it seems like a joke, but between the two of you, you know they meant it.  The problem is, I’m a hothead.  Everyone who knows me, knows that I only have two speeds, “stop and go.”  So when people meet me and they are like, “Jay is so laid back.” It’s not that I’m laid back, it’s just that now that I got these Xans, I just don’t take stuff so seriously anymore.  Anyway, when this person made this joke, my first reaction is to pounce, but instead, I said to myself, “Because you been drinking, I’m going to let that slide.”

But it got me to thinking about when people, including myself, start drinking and the ten things that are most likely to happen:

1. You curse people out – This is more about speaking your mind during times of pressure.  But when you get to drinking, it just seems like cuss words roll off your tongue easier.  I was at a friend’s birthday party when she said something so eloquent and concise to her best friend.  This is after her friend did something, I don’t know what it was, but I looked up and she was leaning into her.  By the time I got in earshot of this situation … because I had to go see what was going on … I heard her say, “Take me home and don’t say sh*t to me.”

2. You kick people out your house – I watch Lakers games alone. I may go to a bar by myself, but typically I’m at home doing this.  I broke this one time in 2008 and went to this lounge to watch Game 6 of the NBA Finals.  And well, I had to watch the Lakers lose the championship.  Anyway, in 2009 during the Western Conference Finals against the Nuggets, I let some of my friends come over to watch the Finals.  I started drinking and this is what happened:

Me: [Looking at the television in disbelief]
My boy: I told you Melo is nice, son.
Me: Shut the f*ck up.
My boy: Oh now you mad?
Me: Real talk, this is why I don’t f*ck with you all.  Get the f*ck out my house, son.
My boy: Word?
Me: Word.
Female friend: That’s not nice, don’t kick people out your house.
Me: You get the f*ck out too.

3. You hit people by accident – Have you ever tried to high five your boy in the club and smacked him in the face?  No, well I have, so screw you.  I have a female friend who is like a sister to me, but whenever she’s been drinking and she play hits me, it’s hurts like a mug.  People don’t know their own power when they drink.  Reminds me of one family dinner when my Uncle was trying to tell my cousin that one of his arms was longer than the other.  You can’t tell your teacher that your Uncle gave you a black eye cause he had too much Henny.

4. You hit people on purpose – I’m not a fighter, but I know some people who are.  But I think that alcohol gives people liquid courage and while they might not have had when sober.  I’ve seen this go really bad for people too.  Basically because of the last point, you don’t have all your wits with you and you might miss.  I remember as a kid the scariest part of a fight wasn’t getting your butt whipped it was the beginning when you square off.  You know that if you don’t land this punch, your ass is grass.  And that’s why you shouldn’t fight when you’re drunk.

5. You tell secrets you shouldn’t – Mad people find out that their older sister is actually their mother because their grandmother gets into the Bacardi Limon after dessert.  Most people don’t find out that a chick smashed the homies until she’s been drinking a bit much.  And last but not least, when a dude says, “Yeah I beat” at a kegger he seldom expects that information to get back to the chick but dry snitching is an epidemic.

6. You have sex with people you normally wouldn’t have – I’m happy I’m an asshole when I’ve been drinking.  If I wasn’t … this probably would have happened to me.  I will say this much, I probably told myself I didn’t want to have sex with a chick no more and then because of a little liquor ended up doing it again.

7. You forget things for periods of time aka blackout – “I don’t go out to have a good time, I go out to hear the stories the next day about last night.” A blackout is the worst part of drinking.  Typically, after drinking for a whole day unless you take a nap you will black out at some point.  Either that or after a bunch of shots.  Let me tell you though, it’s downright scary when you lose hours of your life because they aren’t in your memory.

8. You cry – I don’t go to the club when women celebrate their birthday because for some reason there’s a good chance that when she gets to thinking about the last year of her life, that she’s not getting any younger, the bad decisions she’s made, and why the guy she’s talking to hasn’t shown up after he said he would … it starts raining on her face.  I have witnessed 5-6 glasses of champagne turn into the last scene of Waiting To Exhale one too many times.  I hate when two chicks think they sound like Whitney and Cece singing Count on Me, they sound like old cats.

9. You don’t give a f*ck – Alcohol is the gateway drug of the world.  It’s what people are most likely to try first as a child and the effects it has on your brain reduces your ability to reason to its lowest levels.  So I remember all too well watching a dude I didn’t know all that well, but I had seen him drinking for a while, he smoked and the combination of Henny, Weed, Atlanta and the outlook of Pinups in an hour made him say, “Sure I’ll try ex.” You know why he did that?  Because he just didn’t give a f*ck anymore.

10. You say something you probably shouldn’t have – I said this on twitter, but I have a bad habit of saying stuff to people when I’ve been drinking that I probably shouldn’t have said.  This started in college when I walked into my house after a party and saw a girl who was a jumpoff on the low.  I looked at her and said, “So who are you here to f*ck?” Apparently this wasn’t nice.  Neither was this:

Her: People always tell me I look like Kim Kardashian.
Me: Yeah, if you lost 30 pounds, you would!

Or this:

Her: You don’t like Black women.
Me: That’s not true, I just think white and pink go together better.

I am working on not talking when I’ve been drinking, it hasn’t been working out for me.  At this point, I have a touch phone that I can’t text on when sober, so I don’t worry about drunk texts anymore.

PS – I enjoyed meeting everyone in DC this weekend.  We shouldn’t let it go too long without seeing one another.  And there’s room for more people on these trips.  To the new folks, please hit me up on Twitter: @DrJayJack, and please “Like” SingleBlackMale.org on Facebook.  Sharing is caring.

  

Check out these funny clips of Eddie Murphy talking about Drinking:

Eddie Murphy – The Cookout

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_n5JWzj6yU

Eddie Murphy – New Rules for Lillian

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXU4OsuLM60

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

Single men have never been civilization’s most responsible actors; they continue to be more troubled and less successful than men who deliberately choose to become husbands and fathers. -Kay S. Hymowitz in WSJ

So I write for a troubled website? Rush to fatherhood is more responsible than taking my time and getting my life in order? So I haven’t been fairly successful to date because I’m not out trying to club my Wilma and drag her back to my Harlem 3rd floor palace? Are you out of your f*cking mind? Why yes, I think you are.

My face before riotous laughter ensued.

These are just a few of the questions and comments I had after reading the excerpt above from a WSJ article titled “Where Have the Good Men Gone?” by Kay S. Hymowitz. You can only imagine how many other thoughts and outbursts I had from reading the unintentionally hilarious article. I started off sitting on my couch then ended up on the floor between my coffee table and said couch frozen in crunch position with shoulders bouncing in laughter. The only things good about this article other than the ab workout were that it wasn’t written by a Black women and that the author looks about as delusional as what was penned. Not trying to be tacky. Look up a picture and you’ll see what I mean. Anyways…

I struggled a bit in figuring out how I wanted to tackle this post. There was so much wrong with the opinions expressed in this article that I wonder how it even made its way onto the WSJ website in the first place? Rather than elaborate on why I’m glad the author isn’t friends with any of the women I take a liking to, I’ll try to summarize and share my 2 cents without giving you a really long one. Pause.

Hymowitz is basically arguing that there’s a shortage of g00d men in their 20s because many of us are stuck between adolescence and adulthood in a place called Pre-Adulthood. From what’s described, this is a place characterized by irresponsible responsibleness and the ability to write our own tickets which in turn somehow retards us in our pursuit of forced marital happiness. This snippet sorta sums it up:

Unlike adolescents, however, pre-adults don’t know what is supposed to come next. For them, marriage and parenthood come in many forms, or can be skipped altogether. In 1970, just 16% of Americans ages 25 to 29 had never been married; today that’s true of an astonishing 55% of the age group. In the U.S., the mean age at first marriage has been climbing toward 30 (a point past which it has already gone in much of Europe). It is no wonder that so many young Americans suffer through a “quarter-life crisis,” a period of depression and worry over their future.

Right. Because relationships and/or marriage solves everything and puts the mind and heart at ease. Guess that means the divorce rate is acceptable since it means people are at least trying right? My head is shaking like a polaroid picture.

I can’t help but think that the people that subscribe to beliefs like this deserve a stretch of unhappiness somewhere along the way. This emphasis on hopping into a relationship because it’s the right thing to do despite the fact it isn’t the right thing to do is part of the reason that the “how to find love” articles and blog posts tend to be so popular. As I was reading, I also found myself thinking about how many times I’ve seen or heard women complain about a man saying “I’m too busy with my career” or “I’m pursuing my dreams” as a way to avoid commitment and the accompanying responsibility. Sometimes it’s accurate and for the better.

I’m doing well in my day gig as a professional cookie baker aka HRman. I’m also tied up in an assortment of other ventures and opportunities that have me aggressively using google calendar like I’ve never used it before. These things take an enormous amount of time, which in turn affects my ability to commit to someone at the level they deserve. But according to this article, I haven’t reached adulthood because I haven’t accomplished what I deem necessary for my own success yet and still like to have fun on the weekends? Pound sand. Seriously.

A good man realizes when he’s not able to meet obligations and communicates this upfront. He doesn’t take a shotgun wedding approach to everything because he knows that won’t bring him the happiness he wants. A good man doesn’t live on someone else’s schedule. He lives on the one that’s put him in the best position to be successful in all aspects of his life including love.

But what do I know? I’m not grown yet. I guess I’ll wait for this growth spurt, holler at the Clearasil, and make plans for a wife before I’m even financially stable. Yeah, that’ll solve everything. In the mean time, I’m moving back into mama’s basement.

Still Shaking My Head,

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Slim Jackson.

I went to a Primarily White Institute (PWI) for undergrad.

The office at … well … pretty much every single job I’ve ever had … has been Primarily White.

My grad school right now is … yeah … Primarily White … in a city that is PW.

Basically, I have spent a healthy amount of time with the fairer race.  And overall … got nothing but good things to say.  They do things that I don’t, and I like things that they just don’t get … but we all get along.  We learned to work together.

But … sometimes … I wonder.

Every once in awhile someone says something.  And not just anything, but something that brings out that little Al Sharpton voice in your head..  You might just let it go, or you might store it away in your head and think “WTF did he just say?”  And then you are there … thinking to yourself “should I curse this motherf**r out?”  or “I bet people would think I was in the wrong if I punched him in the throat?”  What is a self respecting non-white person to do?

And what about those times when your in that gray area?

Read the following description, sit back and think, and then you vote … racist or not!

At the airport

Girly G: Yeah, I always worry about carrying a big carry-on because I might not be able to pick it up.
SBM: Your an attractive female.  To be honest, someone will always be willing to help you.  If it was me … different story.  No one is doubting a strong guy like me.
Girly G: *giggles*
Johnny J: Yeah, and you … wait, let me not say that. Might be inappropriate.
SBM: Yeah … good thinking.
Johnny J: *looks around oddly* Yeah … you know … big black guy

In Class

Professor: Ok class, so who here has had a speeding ticket before.
*half the class raises hand … I put two up in the air*
Professor: *points at some other guy* You, what happened? How fast? How Much
Ronny R: I got caught doing 48 in a 35. Like $300.
Professor: How much did your insurance go up?
Ronny R: Actually … I didn’t have insurance.
Professor: No insurance! What are you Puerto Rican!?! OHHHHH! *followed by hearty laugh*

Still in Class

Ronny R: *laughing even louder than the professor* Speaking of Puerto Ricans, looks it’s Juan!!!
Juan: *looks completely stumped considering he just walked into class*

Outside the club (group of us from school)

Missy M: I hate to admit it, but there is something I do love about black men
SBM: So, you like us … well we like you to0! What does it for you? Our style.
Missy M: IDK … there is just this air of … dangerousness.

Chilling in a group … drinking and playing monopoly

Sammy S: Man … I wish I had a dick like a black guy.

Studying in the library

Lisa L: If only I was born the right race I would have gotten a scholarship.

Yeah … we’ve all been there.

Some are easy … but some aren’t.  What happens when the stereotype is a positive one?  Is it still a problem if you’re getting play from a girl cause she thinks you might be packing?  And how do you react when you hear it?  How much do you let go, and when do you check someone?

- SBM aka “I will smack you” aka “No … I don’t care how cool we are you can’t drop the N-bomb”

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from SBM.