What happens when men attends baby showers

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Streetz.

This is not what a committed relationship should feel like.

I’ve had a number of female friends over the years ask, How can I tell he loves me? I’ve answered this question a lot of different ways but when it boils down to it, the best way to tell if a man loves you is to STRESS. HIM. OUT.

I’m serious.

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Stress him out? That’s ridiculous!” That’s because you’ve been brainwashed. 1) A man has to care about you enough to even let you stress him out. 2) If a man really loves you, a little stress is not going to make him leave. An oft glossed over fact of life is that relationships take work. If a man is willing to work on your relationship, it’s because he cares. If he runs at the first sign of hardship he didn’t value you or the relationship very much.

You know the type of women that get caught up in years and years of pseudo-relationship with no commitment or direction? The laid-back woman. The woman that causes a man no stress what-so-ever is the type he keeps around but never commits to. Sure, they may never fight because what do they have to fight about? The relationship has no substance. She is perfectly content holding on to the hope of commitment instead of facing the reality that it may never come but she fo-damn-sho won’t “stress him out” by asking a simple, yet pertinent question, “where is this relationship going?”

Unfortunately, it is the women who follow the men’s plan – even if it is completely contradictory to their own – that end up frustrated and confused when he suddenly leaves because he was never emotionally vested in the relationship.

Just as women prefer alpha males, men like women with a backbone. If you let a man get away with all kinds of non-sense he shouldn’t get away with, consciously or subconsciously, he will lose respect for you. And no, I’m not saying (or excusing) he will treat you bad. He just has no incentive to treat you great, let alone put a ring on it. If his minimum has proven sufficient, why put in the excess effort of giving you his best?

Too often, my lady friends are willing to change their entire make up as a person simply to be with a man they like because she’s afraid if she’s herself  that same man won’t like the “real her.” She’ll change employment, residence, personality, religion and the list goes on and on to make her fit the mold she thinks this man wants before she’ll do something as crazy as be herself. In reality, a man doesn’t want to fall for the woman you’re pretending to be – you won’t be able to keep that farce up anyway – he wants to fall in love with the woman you are. In other words, be yourself, so we can fall in love with you not your representative.

Assuming you have reasonable expectations, standards and goals, then voice them to us. Give us an opportunity to figure out if we can and will love the real you. Important to you, let us accurately assess if we can be the man you want and need. Don’t get me wrong, you should remain open to negotiation but you shouldn’t bite your tongue either. That comes off as weak. It also comes off as fake. Otherwise, we’ll both be unhappy when you “change.” But technically, you never changed. All you really did was become your self after the guarantee of commitment…well damn…it’s nice to finally meet you.

If you religiously watch VH1 reality shows, talk during Tyler Perry movies, drink 40 malt liquors, curse like a sailor and smoke cigarillos, then don’t go to the opera, keep your mouth closed during a Kevin Smith marathon, choke down wine and never curse simply because you’re hanging around us. Changing on your own accord is one thing, faking changing into someone you are not to obtain someone’s affections is misleading. If you have a tough question, ask it. If something’s bothering you, voice it. If in being yourself, you stress him out and he leaves. F-him! It’s his loss, not yours. He couldn’t accept the real you, which only means he doesn’t deserve any of you. Point. Blank. Period.

When a man doesn’t care about a future with a woman he retreats at the first sign of stress. You ask where this relationship is going? He disappears. You ask if he wants more than sex from you? He stops calling. You want to know why his ex-girlfriend keeps calling at 3am? He tells you you’re trippin to the point where you actually believe you are trippin. YOU ARE NOT TRIPPIN. These are perfectly reasonable questions that any logical person with half a brain should ask and should receive an honest response. Do not let some man tell you they are not. Reverse psychology is older than the words of the Bible. Don’t fall for it. Know your worth and expect, if not demand, he honor it. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

I’m not saying you should run into the next room and slap your man upside the head. I am saying you shouldn’t have act like someone completely different than who you are naturally in order to get a man to fall in love with you. Doesn’t that mean he isn’t really in love with you?

It’s possible he may leave you, but what have you really lost? A man that never respected you enough to commit or respect you as a person? That doesn’t seem like much of a loss to me. It seems like a gain. When a man loves a woman, he doesn’t abscond as soon as the relationship is tested. He looks at it as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship. This is the man you should have in your life instead of settling for someone willing to remain simply because you never stress him out. After all, that might be the only reason he’s keeping you around.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from wisdomismisery.

I wonder if he knows he has key tracker on his laptop.

Let’s face it, we all know that women don’t want men to have fun. You are only allowed to ever have fun with her and her alone. Have you ever seen the rage in your woman’s eyes after admitting you actually had a good time “just hanging with the fellas”? It’s terrifying. That’s why whenever a man wants to go out with his boys he has to give some long-winded story to justify the adventure:

See baby, John had a fight with his girl and he’s really in need right now. I don’t want to go but he’s making me. He’s really upset. You know we’ve been friends for 28 years and I really feel like I should be there for him right now. It’s going to suck. He’s so miserable and he’s going to make me miserable. Meanwhile, John is somewhere on the other side of the city telling his girl the same story about Jim. Twenty minutes later Jim and John are confirming the sob-story they’re going to tell their respective girlfriends later that night after they leave the Gentlemen’s Club.

You have to be a CIA operative just to have fun in a relationship. You definitely can’t be honest and simply look your woman in the eye and say, “Baby I love you but I need to go out and do some man sh*t!” Because finding out what she considers fun is lame as all hell will hurt her feeeeeelings – and no man wants to deal with a hurt woman’s feelings, bro.

I’m not a conspiracist but I am observant. In my daily adventures, I come across things that don’t make sense. Things that make me say “Hmmmmm?” Now I’m not accusing anyone (I am) but I’m pretty sure women are behind the creation of the following technological innovations for the sole purpose of ensuring the man in their life never has an ounce of fun without her knowing about it.

1. GPS. An invention that allows her to know where you are 24-7? Need I say more…

2. Blackberry Messenger (BBM). You can’t turn it off and it automatically tells the sender you not only received but read their message? WTF!!!???!!! Only from the twisted, dark, conniving mind of a woman could such a contraption be contrived. 

3. Yahoo Mail. I’m old, so I still have a Yahoo email account. I can’t delete it because it’s my main email and people still contact me there. Here’s the thing about Yahoo mail, it’s a [Rooster]-blocker. Not that I condone cheating, but if you are going to cheat, don’t use Yahoo mail. If you  use Yahoo mail and you are unfaithful you will get caught. For instance, let’s say you and the wife are checking bank statements together and you delete a message in Yahoo. Do you know what Yahoo does? It automatically opens up the next message! This is fine if the next message is spam but if the next message is from your mistress, you’re going to have some splainin’ to do. Design flaw or female intuition?!? You tell me!

Conversely, when you delete a message in Gmail it automatically takes you back to the INBOX. Gmail, created by men, for men!

4. DVR. Remember when DVR came out? Men thought we were winning. We can pause live TV!?! Men everywhere rejoiced! This triumph was short lived. Shortly after the introduction of DVR women, as they have a tendency to do, ruined the joy of men everywhere with a simple phrase: “Can’t you just pause it?”

Women, clearly the more evolved plotter thinker of the species, saw an opportunity to be able to make a man do whatever she wants whenever she wants because he doesn’t have an excuse like “the game is on.” Now the game can be paused. The fact that women can’t appreciate the difference between watching a live game and watching a game 2 hours later because she wanted you to help her pick out sconces on a Sunday is about as understandable as…well, about as understandable as women, which is needless-to-say, not understandable.

5. The Verizon Wireless Network. Have you ever wondered why in the hell the Verizon Wireless network is so damn reliable? I have. It was obviously created by women or Skynet or both! Think about it, ATT is a multi-billion dollar company. If they successfully acquire T-mobile, they will be the largest provider of cellular service in the United States by far. Despite this fact, you can’t get dependable cell service from ATT standing on top of an ATT cell tower – and I couldn’t be more grateful!

I am convinced that ATT purposely puts out crappy service so that men can always say “I’m sorry dear, I couldn’t get a signal.” when they need a timeout from their significant other. Thankfully, ATT is seeking to take over T-mobile so their crappy service can reach even further. In fact, I’m certain ATT’s only mission in life is to provide men everywhere with crappy service so they can have plausible deniability whenever their significant other asks why they didn’t answer the phone. I mean if your man is on ATT and refuses to join you on Verizon Wireless I’m not saying he’s cheating but…

Call me paranoid if you want but I wouldn’t put anything past women. I’m sure there’s a League of Extraordinary Ladies somewhere who meet in an abandoned building disguised as a book club or PTA meeting where they discuss current and future plans for world domination. If it was up to them, all men everywhere would own DVRs and phones with built in GPS that run on the world’s most reliable network, Verizon Wireless. These are my theories but what are some other inventions that you are convinced were created by the opposite sex for the sole purpose of making your life more difficult?

I’m looking at you, bra inventor.

PS: I won’t be in town to comment on this post so I hope everyone had a good Christmas, and have a happy and safe New Year! I’ll see you all in 2012, our final year. As always, thanks for the love and support!

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from wisdomismisery.

Thinks to self: "Baby, do you remember calculus?"

Last Thursday, WIM presented us with his list of the 10 most critical #ManLaw Commandments. All of ‘em had me doing the Hallelujah dance in the Church of Latter Day SBM. But there was 1 in particular that caught my attention and led me to the post for today:

5. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A lot of folks probably laughed it off and kept it moving, but keep in mind that much truth is said in jest. Men are known for being rational, logical, and efficient while the fairer sex is known for…well, not being so rational, logical, and efficient. Please note that there’s a difference between being a smart man and being an efficient man. A smart man knows that he should listen to whatever his girl says, say exactly what she wants him to say, and nod until he realizes she feels better about whatever the situation was that she brought up in the first place. An efficient man, when in the midst of conflict with his girl or potential significant other, immediately wants to figure out what needs to be done to get from X to Z as quickly as possible so that he can get back to whatever he was doing before she came over and sat on the couch, or called him during the 2nd quarter of Monday Night Football saying “If you cared about me, you’d discuss this now.”

Let me take a second to clarify these incredibly crucial letters. X is the issue or point of discussion that men either don’t wanna talk about or wanna resolve as quickly as humanly possible. For women, it is the crux of the matter  that is surrounded by Y. Y is the extraterrestrial nonsense, emotion, filler opinion, banter and booty chatter that we have to cut through to get to the root of the problem. For women, this includes the things they want men to know so that we understand exactly where she’s coming from so that we won’t make the mistake again. Z is the solution that’ll make both lives better and lead to smiley faces, orgasms, and sleep.

Too.F*cking.Much

What women sometimes fail to realize is that Y is like salt. If you put the right amount on your food, it tastes better and you feel good after eating it. You won’t mind having that meal again. If you use too much, the meal is ruined and you increase the likelihood of high blood pressure, swollen feet, decreased attention span and premature ejaculation. So basically, a lot of chicks use too much salt when just a pinch would do.

While your thoughts, feelings, and emotional tirades are important to us, we’d prefer that you figured out why you’re feeling the way you feel, explained to us briefly the underlying reasons and the impact, then told us what you’d like us to do to decrease the likelihood of incurring future wrath and lost time. That way, as we go forward, we can keep in mind and make sure that we never have to revisit The Conversation Part Deux again — at least as it pertains to that subject. We just wanna say “Okay, I get it. Won’t be an issue moving forward” and be done with it.

But for you, that’s often not good enough. You’d like a dissertation with us not only acknowledging that we understand, but an in-depth analysis of each bullet point of your gripe and why it means something to us. Well, sometimes that’s just not gonna happen shugah. We’re going to tell you that it’s more so about solving the issue and ending the conversation. That of course depends on us being efficient and honest. We wanna be and most likely are smart. But more importantly, we wanna minimize energy expenditure while maintaining candor. You understand right? Right?! No? Fine…

I’m going out with the fellas to the strip club and will allow a 30 minute lag between text messages.

So next time you’d like to have an elaborate conversation about something we did or the most quintessential beef, just give us the cliff notes and let us know what we can do to decrease the likelihood of the conversation coming up again. You’ll feel better and we’ll feel efficient. It’s best for the both of us. And the sooner we can get back to us, the sooner we can get back to the horizontal polka and reluctant post-coital spooning.

Untangling Spaghetti Arguments Since I Untangled That Fallopian Tube,

P.S. If you’re in NYC, come out and have a good time tonight, 10/28. I won a Happy Hour at Bowlmor Lanes in Midtown near 42nd street from 6-9pm and wanted to extend an invitation to the SBM fam. Say my name and get a bracelet that’ll get you drinks for 4 to 5 bucks from 6 to 9pm and appetizers for 7 bucks from 6 to 7. This will be really informal and a good way to usher in the Halloween weekend. If you think you’ll be swinging through, hit me up at slimjax at gmail dot com. 

P.S.S. Good news on the writing front. I’m now a regular online contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. Please check out my last 2 posts: 5 Ways to Push Your Man Toward Infidelity and What Men Really Mean When They Say…. I’ll be posting content there every Monday. Hope you continue to check out and support!

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Slim Jackson.

If you believe this; I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn, I would love to sell you.

“Because if you gonna do something egregious, you might as well go balls to the wall. If not, just be the hot ass mess that you are.” That’s one of my favorite quotes.  There are those situations that we find ourselves in that cause us a great deal of anguish and frustration. Have you ever been so knee deep into a mess of a situation that you couldn’t even reach out to your friends because you already knew they would tell you that you had no business in the situation to begin with? What’s worse is that you actually know that you have no business being in this situation, however you should have known long before reaching the point of anguish that you would be in it.

There was this girl in college that had a rough few semesters before she figured it out. She wasn’t like many of the other freshman young ladies, she wasn’t from a big city and she had never had a boyfriend. When she got to college it wasn’t long before it seemed like The Usual Suspects had ran through her. I heard a story and I am never sure if it was true or folklore that she had slept with almost 8-10 guys within the first two weeks of school. When I met this girl she was nice though. I always found girls from big cities to be a bit more aggressive. That’s fine, an inner city can toughen you up. I thought this girl was actually a very personable young lady and she had a lot to offer to a relationship.

Before we get too far into it today, once again, yours truly, Dr. J and also Carver The Great (@carverthegreat), team up for another mix for the post today.  Download here (http://www.mediafire.com/?iob1odvgqco1ddt), or stream with the link below:

I’ve got this thing about myself, I rarely ever ask about a girl’s past. I don’t want to know. I tell all men that it’s not important how many men a woman has actually slept with or what she’s actually done in her past, it only matters what you think. So when I’m dating a girl, I never ask, (OH I’ll find out some ish if it’s worth knowing), but I never ask. I make an inference based on the way she carries herself and come up with a history in my head. Before bringing this up to anyone, I personally make a decision if I’m willing to deal with all this or not. I think that’s where most people get themselves into trouble is by involving everyone in their decision to deal with someone. They will talk to their friends and review general societal norms to develop what they personally feel about something. To me, that’s always been kind of backwards, especially because I find very few men who are publicly willing to date someone just like them or their friends.

I had a buddy who called me up one day and told me that he needed me to look out for a young lady who was moving to DC. He said her name but it never really dawned on exactly who this girl was until me and the girl were hanging out in DC one time and she told me that while she was dating my friend he cheated on her several times. The irony of this situation is that not only did she just confess to me that he cheated on her several times, but as you can see, I really had no recollection of who she was until she told me this. It was at this point that I put the pieces together and realized that the girl he always said he was “talking to” was in fact his girlfriend. From time to time we would have awkward conversations about relationships and our past and it would always be blatantly obvious that she was talking about my friend. One time she even said, “I’ve always wanted to be nothing more than a wife and mother and raise a family, but I spent a lot of time dating a man who didn’t want those things with me.” She was very attractive and we shared many of the same values about life. I always thought that had we met under a different circumstance we could have been great for one another. It was when those thoughts slipped into our minds caused us to weigh heavily the possibility that we could ever be together.

I’ve got a few rules about the women I date. First rule, nobody is allowed at the wedding who has seen my bride naked. Now I’ll agree with most people that the chances of me ever knowing that some guy at my wedding has seen my wife naked are slim to none because she’s not likely to tell me, but I should at least have some policy in place should it need be enforced.

Second rule, if you never told me that was your girlfriend, then it wasn’t your girlfriend. A man doesn’t leave room for speculation as it comes to the women he’s dating seriously. He makes it known amongst his circle of friends, “This is my woman.” If you don’t do that then you can’t expect your boy to respect that bond. Funny thing about this is that it wasn’t even a personal story that brought me to this conclusion. I had a couple of guy friends who didn’t speak all that much. Well, one got to the other’s girlfriend and in addition to the fact that one didn’t even know the other had a girlfriend, his lady didn’t even know they were close friends.

Third rule, if you’re going to date someone who has been around your network a few times, you have one choice, move to another network. You must be sure that you are willing to put your relationship with this person above the existing friendships and step out on faith that your relationship is stronger than that. You can’t have it both ways.

I met a girl one time at a coffeehouse/bookstore, she was pretty, seemed like the type of girl I’d want to date. This was the first time we met, but I had already asked around about her. Exploratory information only: “Who is she” and “What does she do” or “Who does she hang out with”. Those answers all came back with nothing more except, “To be honest, nobody really knows who she is.” I’ve always been very weary of a person with nothing on their resume. Not that I am searching for dirt, but I had to dig deeper. We had a mutual friend and so I asked, “What’s her deal” and our mutual friend, “I don’t know Jay, she is very liberal with who she sleeps with.” I knew what that meant, but it didn’t stop my interest in pursuing something with her, although it did begin to put a cap on how far I would initially go to court.

Once we offically met in this bookstore we were both sitting around discussing relationships, the conversation got heated and things might have been said that shouldn’t have. The topic of asking about the number of people a person has slept with came up and of course everyone had a lot to say. Most men typically approach this situation the same, they want no parts of the discussion so they say it doesn’t matter. I got the sense that she thought the conversation was a little nonsensical and she even said herself, “I don’t see what the point of asking the question is, what are you going to find out that you will like hearing?” That didn’t really raise a flag to anyone there except me because I had been privy to some information based on my background investigation for her.

Later after this discussion things went to a more social setting, we all settled at a bar and me and her had some one-on-one time. We talked about the conversation in the bookstore and she said I looked disinterested. My response, “Yeah I usually am, I mean I just feel differently about that whole conversation than most people, but it can be misunderstood by a lot of people.” She asked me what I meant and I explained to her this; I’ve always felt like if you refused to disclose your number then you thought you did something bad, if you weren’t afraid to disclose your number then you didn’t think you did anything wrong. I could live with that. She said, “Well, how many people have you slept with?” And I answered, alcohol probably had something to do with that. She then said, “Are you going to ask me?” I said, “Fine, how many?” She replied, “Um.. I think about 30, no maybe closer to 35, but the number is different, are you asking how many of those I was consistently sleeping with?”

Earlier I pointed out that most people make decisions on the people they will date based on the opinions of others. Let me append to that; men truly take into consideration how they look in a situation when choosing a mate. This might surprise you, but if a man meets a girl and he knows that she’s been around, but his boys don’t know, he ain’t going to say nothing, he’ll just let it rock. By the same token, the reason why I always remain quiet when it comes to cheating in relationships is because I truly believe that both sexes are just as likely to cheat, the interesting thing is, a man won’t tell everybody he’s been cheated on. Women will tell everybody they been cheated on and then wonder why their friends judge them for going back to their husband. If you had the privilege to talk to a married couple about infidelity in their relationship, I would be willing to bet that one of the first questions a man will ask is, “Who else knows about this?” That is the quintessential question to a man, (I can’t speak for women), because they know that if this indiscretion in their relationship stays between the two of them, they are willing to work through it.

I can’t share with you if I decided to actually pursue something with any of these three women. I think the point is although many people think circumstances are cut and dry, most times they aren’t. Many of us will find ourselves in situations that from a distance are “hot ass messes.” I’m not sure that matters. I’m sure that none of us are Saints, but we don’t have to be forever Sinners. My main Cole called it perfectly when he said, “She said, she not a hoe, but she far from a virgin.” I was listening to that and I thought, “Keep it real with you, that’s what men want.” I can’t tell any man anything more than this, “Stop looking for the perfect woman, she doesn’t exist. And if she does, she doesn’t want you.” A man is going to date a woman who’s been cheated on before, you’ll date a woman who’s been around, and you’ll date a woman with some baggage. That baggage that a woman carries may be a few kids, or it may be the fact that because of those kids she can’t afford a divorce, or just maybe her dingbat ex-husband won’t sign the paperwork. All I’m suggesting is that, not every woman is going to come fresh out the package, unused, no baggage, no damage, sometimes you got to reevaluate where you stand and what makes you personally happy, sometimes when you stop listening to other people you find something that may work out for you.

- Dr. J

Track Listing on Today’s mix: 1. Me & My B*tch by Biggie, 2. You’re All I Need by Method Man & Mary J. Blige, 3. Freak Though by T.I., 4. Do For Love by 2Pac, 5. Fall For Your Type, 6. Prostitute Flange by Lil Wayne, 7. Me & You Against The World by Musiq, 8. Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill,  9. Song Cry by Jay-Z, 10. Blame Game by Kanye West

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

Fellas, today I come bearing gifts of knowledge and advice. My favorite motto remains “The one thing I truly understand about women is that I will NEVER understand women 100%”. I don’t think the good Lord meant for us to be able to decipher women so easily. Male-Female interaction is a challenge and one of the greatest pursuits in life. I forget who said it, but @DrJayJack continuously brings up the point that you master a craft after putting in 10,000 hours. In other words, the more you do something, the better you get. The more you interact with women, the more you come to understand. In my dealings with the fairer sex, I noticed that their verbal communication can be subtle, yet powerful. If you listen carefully, there are a few buzz words women used that when invoked, mean that you got some ‘splainin to do!

I’ll do it myself

Let’s say she asked you for a favor and you either a) didn’t come through or b) slacked. She will be pissed. Pissed to the point that she will do it herself, and announce it CLEARLY for you to hear. Truth is, she could’ve done it by herself all along, but women like to use the simplest things as bonding exercises. Whether it’s fixing something around the house, helping her research something online, or even accompanying her to the grocery store, she will look for ways for y to bond with one another and do something constructive. When you don’t comply she will shrug it off, but know she is BOILING on the inside and the storm clouds are slowly forming.

It’s not that serious

Lies. It’s ALWAYS that serious. This does hold a caveat that you can best gauge this phrase if you have been arguing. Also, if you two are discussing an issue you know she’s passionate about, and she ends the conversation with that and refuses to speak on her feelings further. Women want to be heard and want you to know their point of view so you never get it twisted. So when she says it isn’t serious, I would take that with a grain of salt. It would be good to tactfully revisit the situation later and concede. Pride can be the Stone Cold Stunner of relationship finishers.

Fine!

Fine is the ultimate conversation finisher. To hear her say fine, means she’s done talking and is plotting her next move. Now, this next move could be that she will sleep it off and come back the next day refreshed, or it could mean she’s gathering a list of your errors, so that she can sound off on you properly when she explains the reasons why she’s angry. When an argument is ended men will rejoice because they no longer have to endure a drawn out conversation about petty bullshit, but when she ends that conversation, with that word, that’s like her walking away from the table in a negotiation and gearing up for a lockout. Stay low and keep firing, word to @MrSpradley!!

Silence

When she is quiet, this does NOT bode well for you fam. You need to Spider-Man swing out the paint immediately. When a woman is left speechless, and it’s not because you dropped your pants and showed her your Sword of Omens, it’s nothing but bad news. You have as much chance of not getting verbally filet’d as Rick Ross has as a cover model for Men’s Health Magazine. When a woman is silent and angry, she is charging up like Goku ready to make her hair glow Gold and unleash a Spirit Bomb of ether in your direction. Only the densest dudes fail to recognize this, and end up on the cutting room floor. Even if you act like a thug, when push comes to shove and she hits you with the silent maneuver, you’re finished yo!

I’ll leave the last one for you to add. What’s some words/phrases that women use when men are about to get torched? Let’s open the lines of communication. Ladies: drop knowledge. Fellas if you know any buzzwords drop them here too. Remember, these words are guidelines and may not be 100% applicable in every situation, but it’s pretty close.

Stick and Stones may break my bones, but duck if she stays silent!

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Streetz.

Baby Boy Strizzle

Some people really think the Internet is real life. Well, I guess it’s as real as people make it. One thing I see is an exorbitant amount of sh* talking. I see it on Facebook (usually on statuses), Twitter, and especially in blog comments. You get these characters, who are mere screen names, who will defile your name, and your character with no reproach. I remember hearing my favorite summer track im a Boss, and Ross’s verse where he says the quote in our title, and I thought “This is so true”! What if you knew you would see the people in real life that you destroy online? Would you make those same comments? Why are people so tough behind a computer? What happens when real life and the Internet collide? I had to get the boy Slim on this one [||] to speak on this issue. Slim sleezy what the lick read?!

Slim Sleezy

What the lick read? Is this some island chatter I’m unfamiliar with? I knew I should’ve affiliated with Haiti or Jamaica a long time ago. Half the ish yall say that leaves me confused would make sense. I’d also have to give up vodka for rum and that’s not an option, but that’s not the point of this post. What you’re speaking of Sir Streetz is an issue I’ve been unable to get past for some time. I don’t consider myself controversial. I also understand that with greatness comes criticism, malice, and a mass of unpleasantries that are better left ignored, but that’s not me. I see some of these characters dropping words of ferocity because they think we’ll never meet. Got folks out there getting their electronic nuts off by leaving nasty comments or writing Facebook statuses or tweets that they think will cause them no harm. B**ch, I’m not just bawse. I’m a beast. Ughn!

Streetz Sans Subliminals

You are a Yankee, lay claim to your point of origin! Anyway, the malfeasance I witness on social media is ridiculous. The problem with talking tough online, in the 90s it was waaay easier to stay anonymous while spewing your venom. In 2011? Especially with Twitter, its difficult to not have followers in common or know someone who can point out the coward talking sideways. It’s one thing when you criticize or play the dozens, it’s another when you get personal. I’ve seen real fights and peace talks have to occur on campuses in the early 2000′s after those string of  ”[inset your colleges name here] Gossip” websites came through and crushed the buildings. Let’s not even start on Greek websites! The biggest thing I tell people is that if you are gully enough to diss random people online, don’t be a vag when speaking face to face. Get it? Vag.. Face?

Slim Slawse

I will suplex a wack cat into oncoming traffic. Seriously, I will chop someone in the throat and ask them to speak to me. I look forward to the day that someone has the gall to act in person the way they do online…unless it’s a chick. In which case, I’ll have Bertha come though and deliver a steel chair to the forehead and banzai drop. People laugh, but they don’t understand that disrespect online is no different than disrespect in real life. “Nah, I was just playing” = tiger uppercut OR it’s time to put your business out.

I’m just saying. If you have a problem with someone, voice it to them in person. Going strong on the keyboard will get you nothing more than lame chuckles and saffron knuckles. I’m out this b**ch. Oh yeah, and I will keep my day job.

S. Treason

#WhoHurtYou?! In all seriousness, there’s nothing wrong with clowning on the net. There’s nothing even really wrong with being disrespectful. Just know that your perception of Internet interaction may not be the same as someone else. Communication is forever evolving, and ever since the first caveman clubbed up a dude for grunting at him sideways, messages can be heard much differently than you mean it. I see so much “E-beef” that it makes me chuckle in autotune, but it’s easy to tell when it goes from mindless pass the time chatter to “Whatchu say bout my momma?!”. In any conversations you have, remember the natural rules of engagement, and like someone once told me “If you’re man enough to say something disrespectful to another person, be man enough to accept the consequences”

Women you can do that too. Don’t hate me (No Misandry).

Putting out an EP titled “Watch the Blog”…

 STREETZ & SLIM JACKSON

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Streetz.

One of the more interesting things I’ve noticed over the past few years has been the particular set of struggles and tribulations experienced by women whose moral code is the most influencing factor in their love life. These are women who desire romantic connections as deeply as anyone else but who also have a strict set of values they are trying desperately not to compromise in fulfilling those desires. It’s what I like to call “The Good Girl Dilemma.”

Good Girls can generally be split into four different categories – each with their own particular set of issues. In today’s post I want to take a look at the four and offer some advice for being or dealing with each.

1) The Angel

Typically, the Angel is someone who grew up in a religious household and therefore put their relationship with God before their relationship with anything else. Angels are beautiful. They are attractive for a number of reasons. First, it says something about their character that they are able to remain true to their core beliefs in the face of all the temptation that exists in the world. Also, the fact that Angels have very little relationship experience usually means they’re not completely jaded and disillusioned when it comes to men. They still believe in things like trust, fidelity, love’s ability to overcome and all that other awesomeness women lose sight of after male mistreatment. Angels also have their own issues that can make things difficult. Sometimes Angels can have trouble understanding the shortcomings of those less sanctified. Many people find faith, or a moral code later on in their life. The lives they’ve lived prior to that discovery may be filled with all manner of sin and debauchery. Some Angels just can’t accept this and that lack of acceptance can hinder relationships. Also, Angel’s inexperience in relationships may mean a lack of emotional and sexual maturity when in a relationship. If you’ve been in a few healthy relationships you learn how men and women communicate with each other what works, what doesn’t and how to make a relationship work. Saints can sometimes be clueless on this front. They can also be clueless in the bedroom which can lead to a whole other bag of issues.

2) The Teeterer

The Teeterer is the woman who’s spent much of her life as an Angel, but is at a point where the loneliness and perceived hopelessness of her romantic situation are causing her to question the things she’s always known. I have a deep empathy for women reaching this point. You spend your whole life believing that if you do the right things and be the right person, eventually your soulmate will find his way to you. The truth is, in today’s society, that doesn’t always happen. When you see yourself rounding the corner of your late twenties and staring your 30′s in the eyes, but you still have the same amount of relationship experience that you had when you were 17, you might begin to have a bit of a crisis of faith. When every guy you’ve ever had any feelings for tells you “you’re too good for him” or “he doesn’t want to hurt you” or “he’s just not ready for someone like you” it can be a little disheartening. Especially if you’re watching all of your friends who are less morally inclined fall in love, or at the very least, have fun being single. At some point the Teeterer is always tested, maybe it’s a guy at work they like, or maybe it’s a guy from their past who reappears, or maybe it’s just a guy the meet in a club during a moment of weakness, at some point a test will come and how she responds will dictate a big part of the rest of her life.  If you’re a woman at this point remember that you are best at being you. You’re not going to be good at being someone else, so no matter how green the grass looks on the other side of the fence, be yourself. If you’re dealing with a woman at this point – know what you are and aren’t willing to give her from jump. Be man enough to let her know, early on, if you’re not what she’s looking for.

3) The Good Girl Gone Bad

“But once a good girl’s gone bad, she’s gone forever.”  This isn’t entirely true, but there’s some truth to it. Sometimes a Teeterer will fall and find herself in a relationship she knows she shouldn’t be in or doing things she knows she shouldn’t be doing. When this happens, sometimes she’s able to summon her inner strength and fortitude and go back to being the woman she expects herself to be, and other times the rabbit hole is just too deep. Sometimes, she falls all the way in and the person she once knew may never be seen again. There’s no more tumultuous time in a human’s life than when a good girl decides to go bad. When a woman loses sight of or rejects the moral code with which she’s previously lived her life, all hell breaks loose and the outcomes are completely unpredictable and sometimes pretty sad. There’s lots of anger, sadness and guilt and those emotions express themselves in a myriad of ways.  If you’re dealing with a good girl gone bad, you need to understand that who she is now isn’t who she always was nor is it who she always will be. Contrary to popular belief, good girls gone bad often find their way home so it’s important to realize that you may not know or like the person they eventually become. You have to understand that you’re dealing with a woman in transition and relationships built during major life transitions rarely work. If you’re a good girl gone bad my only advice is that you protect yourself in all ways, and be self aware. Don’t just act, take the time to decide what you are willing to do and what you’re not willing to do based on whatever morality you’re currently living your life by. You don’t have to be who you were, but at least maintain a standard.

4) The Bad Girl Gone Good.

“They say you can’t turn a bad girl good…” This too, is not entirely true. I’ve seen women change. And by change I mean, I’ve seen women go from living lives where what they will and won’t do is situational, to living lives where what they will and won’t do is decided by a value system strengthened way before any particular situation arises. It can happen, but it usually takes an extraordinary set of circumstances so dealing with this type woman means understanding and accepting those circumstances. If you’re dealing with a bad girl gone good, you have to understand that she’s probably seen a lot and experienced a lot as is therefore going to have a very low tolerance for male mischievousness.  You never know how much of herself she had to cauterize to make the changes she wanted to make, so her opening up to you- if she ever does- is a big deal. It’s a responsibility you need to know you’re accepting when you pursue a relationship with her. On the flip side, bad girls gone good make awesome people to be with if they’ve fully made the transition over to the good side. The know all of the bad girl tricks we men come to love but they now reserve them for you and only you.

Good girls, whether they were born good and remained, whether they fell and got back up, or whether they were born bad and became good are an interesting set of women to get to know and explore. Ladies, do you find yourself sitting in one of the categories above? What has your experience been like? Fellas, ever dealt with a good girl – what was that like? What have I missed. Feel free to over share in the comments.

Lastly, it looks like summer is coming early this year. When it gets hot the goons come out so always keep your eyes open, your head on a swivel and if it pops off …

Stay Low and Keep Firing.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Mr. Spradley.

Knowing how to go on an effective date is a bit of an art form. The first thing you have to understand when going on a date is that the whole point is for the two of you to get to know each other while having fun. Many folks have no idea how to extract from the people they date the information they’ll need to gauge compatibility. Today I want to help out by giving 3 questions a guy should ask a girl and 3 questions a girl should ask a guy on their first date.

Man to Woman:

3. Who are your three closest friends?

You can learn a whole lot about a woman by asking about her friends. There’s no real right answer to the question but here are some things you want to look out for in her response:

A) “Best Friend She Keeps Changing” – Most women hold on to friends. If a woman has a new best friend every couple years, there might be cause for concerned. Once she gets into a relationship she’s just going to stop making friends all together and then she’ll want to spend every waking moment of her life with you … and you don’t want that.

B) The girl with no girlfriends – You also want to be careful if a girl says she doesn’t really get along with girls. This isn’t quite a red-flag, but maybe a yellow one. Sometimes she’s just a tomboy who hung out with guys all her life or had a bunch of brothers making her more comfortable with men. That’s not a bad thing. What you want to make sure of is that she’s not that girl in the crew who always does stuff to alienate herself from the rest of the girls. Stuff like buy the same clothes as the flyest girl in the crew or violate the g-code by always flirting with the boyfriends or always come up short on the bill at the restaurant. You don’t wanna date this chick because she clearly has character issues and those issues will always be an issue in your relationship.

2. Are you Democrat or Republican?

This question is way more important for a black man to ask of a black woman, than for a black woman to ask of a black man. I can sort of understand how some black men grow up and turn out to be republican. Usually, black men grow up, get a decent job making decent money, read a little Milton Friedman and figure out they want to be fiscally conservative. I don’t agree with it, but it happens. But it takes a whole lot more for a black woman to be a republican. If a black woman is republican she’s either an idiot who doesn’t follow politics or she’s Condoleeza Rice … you don’t want to date either.

1. Were you and your dad close growing up?

It’s important to get some information about a woman’s relationship with her father because more times than not, a woman’s relationship with her father will influence what she expects and accepts from a man. This isn’t a zero sum game – the woman who grew up in a two parent home and had a great relationship with her dad isn’t better than the woman whose dad was never around – both can make great mates.  Personally I’ve found that women who grew up in healthy two-parent homes usually have an understanding of what it takes to make a long term relationship work. On the flip side, they’re usually spoiled rotten and used to getting their way. When a woman’s grown up without her father in the house, she’s usually very independent, self-motivated, ambitious and focused on achieving her personal goals. On the flip side, they can also be pretty clingy. Once they open up and let you into their heart, it’s really hard to remove yourself and if you hurt them you might make a lifelong enemy. But that’s all just my personal experience, how people deal with their family situations groaning up depends on the individual, the point of this question is to say – you need to figure out what type of woman you’re dealing with and what role her childhood played on making her who she is. Doing so is very helpful in building a healthy relationship.

Woman To Man

3. Are you in a relationship?

Seems obvious, but these days you never know. You don’t wanna end up in a situation where, after 3 or 4 months of seeing somebody you find out he’s in a relationship. As men, we’re idiots. Our whole goal is usually to tell you as little as we possibly can about ourselves. Sometimes this includes disclosing in full our relationship status. We might say stuff like, “oh, I didn’t think it mattered since we’re just kicking it,” or “She’s not really my girl, we broke up, we’re just living together for financial reasons – she’s really my ex though.” This is all stuff some of us only share if you ask because some of us are shady bastards. So just come right out and ask – if we lie and you believe us – at least you asked.

2. How do you feel about Kobe Bryant?

The good Dr. J is going to hate me for this one, but, you can tell a lot about a man based on his reaction to Kobe Bryant. When it comes to Kobe Bryant, the only reaction you should trust from a man who’s not a fan of the Lakers is indifference. Everything else is suspect. If the dude is a die hard Laker fan since childhood, it’s almost understandable for for him to be a Kobe Bryant fan; he lead them to 2 championships and helped Shaq get them another 3 – if you were a Laker fan, you might really like him too. But, if the dude is not a Laker fan, but still loves Kobe … red flags need to go up. If he’s not blinded by his Laker fanhood and is just a Kobe Bryant fan off GP (general principle) he’s not to be trusted. To be a Kobe fan while not a Laker fan is to tacitly endorse all of the foolishness Kobe Bryant has involved himself in over the years, it’s to tacitly endorse the consistent violation of man-law, and it’s to tacitly endorse putting athletic ability ahead of general lameness. On the flip side, you also want to avoid people who “hate” Kobe. Kobe haters are an interesting breed of people. They are as passionate in their Kobe-hate as the Kobe-Stans are in their Kobe-Love. People who feel that deeply about Kobe when they’re not fans of him or his team might have secret insecurity issues and might be allergic to winning.

1. What’s your relationship like with your parents.

We’re at a point in the history of black america where most of our men are being raised by women. Because of this, it’s pretty important that you get to know the way a kids relationship with his parents has influenced his maturation. As with women, there is no right or wrong answer, it’s all about gaining understanding. Here are some things to look out for:

A) The Mama’s Boy. There’s absolutely nothing worse than a dude with an unhealthy attachment to his mom. It’s one thing to love your mom, it’s one thing to be really close to your mom, it’s another thing entirely to expect or need every woman you’re with to be your mom. At some point the umbilical cord needs to be cut and a man needs to strike out on his own and learn to take care of himself. Unless you’re ready to be a parent, avoid mamas boys.

B) The Apple ain’t fall far enough from the tree. It’s often said that we grow up to be our parents. If a guy had great parents this can be a great thing – if he didn’t, not so much. As men, we all need to take the time time to identify the cyclical patterns we see occurring in our family’s history. We need to work hard to maintain the positive ones and work extra hard to break those cycles that prove to be destructive and not conducive toward building strong foundations. If you notice unhealthy patterns in a mans relationship with his father – ones he’s not actively making an effort toward breaking … major red flag.

Obviously, you want to make sure you have fun on a first date so if you can’t find a way to interject these questions above into your conversation in an interesting and not-so-intrusive sort of way, save them for your next date or next conversation.  The point is to get an understanding before you find yourself in love. You want to have somewhat of an answer to most of these before you invest too much time in a person you’re not going to be able to be with. That said – what are some other questions you guys have had success with early on in the courting process? What questions do you always ask of a new love interest, what questions to you wish they would ask you?

See you all sooner than later – till then …

Stay Low and Keep Firing

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Mr. Spradley.

How can you possibly caption this? Um... "not everybody can hang."

I was having lunch with a friend and she was telling me about a situation that was going on with one of her girlfriends:

“Yeah, and so she’s due any day now. They had called her last Thursday and asked her to come in because she was having some complications, they were going to induce labor. She was due in a week anyway. Her baby daddy was like, “I got to leave work?! Does this mean I can’t go out?! Fridays is my night with the fellas!”

Of course after I got my composure and pulled myself off the floor, I responded, “Hey you have to keep your night with the fellas sacred.” My lunch date looked at me as she does most times when I’ve said something borderline ridiculous. However, I wasn’t joking. On my ride home this weekend I was talking to my boy and I told him, “We need to pick a fellas night and stick to it.” This conversation was mainly brought about because we are trying to plan our strip club attendance around football, and he said that his girl likes to spend Sunday nights with him, so it’ll probably have to be Monday. Not many of you know this, but football and naked women go together. Heck, we’ll find any reason to go Stadium Nightclub. (That link is NSFW).

Dude’s Night Out is like Pride Rock, and you must never lose Pride Rock. In that same conversation I told him about why we would go to The Park every Thursday and how someone told me that I lived in The Park and I said, “Nah that’s my night with the guys, and I don’t care what we do, we just cannot lose this night.” I went on to tell him that the second you start missing a Thursday here or there and your girl snatches that day up, you’ve lost Pride Rock, time to find greener pastures. Now, Dude’s Night Out has a few rules:

1) Don’t tell your girl where we’re going, but find out where she’ll be – One night we spent an afternoon emailing back and forth about not telling the girls about where we were going. Guess who we saw when we walked in the lounge?
2) Don’t tell your girl where we’re at – If your girl sends you a text message asking where you are at, just delete and say you never got it.
3) Don’t tell your girl where we went, and if she forces you to, lie your ass off – If we were in a private room at the strip club with Buffie the Body, Pinky, and Jada Fire, you better tell her we were at a dive bar just having some drinks and talking about the Miami Heat. Make up a scuffle or shoving match, that’s called “selling it with the hips.” (And ANOTHER thing, when your girl asks you about something, don’t look like you’ve just seen a ghost or ask a dumb question like, “What you mean what we did last night,” just start laughing, it’s the best way to cover up your development of the best lie ever.)
4) You are allowed to occasionally bag a shorty or two, even though you have a girl, you just can never call or follow up – A man should be able to know he’s still got it, but he shouldn’t act on it. You’ll end up making a bad decision like not smashing off a Kerry Washington lookalike after you get her naked in your crib. (This is still the saddest scene in the history of Cinema.)
5) You better have a damn good reason for missing Dude’s Night Out, and it better not be anything p*ssy – Studying for the GMAT or CPAs, or you have to work late is okay, but if you say, “Shorty wants me to go to this play tonight.” I’m going to look at you like you are p*ssy.

With such exact rules, it seems that one or two always gets broken each time we have Dude’s Night Out. I know why though, so it bothers me less:

1) Dry snitching is an epidemic. Your best mans and them will Kobe Bean you to save their ass. – I can see it now, she goes through your pockets and find a business card of some random breezy and you respond, “It’s just a business card! At least I’m not like Slim and actually taking women to hotels and sh*t!”
2) You know how they have that whole thing about the Guns or the Butter. The person who made that up lied to you. Men always take the Butter. – Given the choice between hanging out with the fellas and playing hide and go get it with the Misses, most men choose the sex.
3) People get drunk and do all types of dumb sh*t. – Everybody got that one basement chick that you have no respect for. She’s not your bottom b*tch, your bottom b*tch is strong like bull, she holds you up. Your basement chick is the one you don’t respect and many men find themselves at their house because they are drunk and looking for some poon at 3AM. LMAO, they haven’t spoken to this chick in months but they hit her up because she’s a jumpoff and you have nothing to lose. She can’t tell anyone you hit her up at 3AM, it’s an indication of how much respect people have for her.
4) There’s a Maverick in every crew. – Not many of you guys know this but people always think that Tom Cruise was the best pilot in Top Gun. But he was actually a horrible wingman, he continuously broke formation for personal glory.
5) At times, gracefully bowing out is the only way to keep yourself out of trouble. – Every now and then I have a friend who throws a gentlemen’s night at his crib. Many of times, dudes had to fall back because they know what happens at those nights. Ain’t nothing worse than waking up in the morning, sitting upright in a chair with your jeans around your ankles, pockets empty, and screaming, “F***************CK!”

In closing, here are my final thoughts, #jerryspringer, to the men — respect Dude’s Night Out, don’t take it for granted. And as always, STOP SNITCHIN! To the women – there’s no rule that says you can’t have girls night out too, the only thing I will say is that b*tches are catty. If I was y’all, I wouldn’t trust any woman as far as you can see her. She’ll be in the club texting your man that you wilding right now, meanwhile she scheming on some culo herself. Wait a minute, why does she have your man number anyway?!

I’m hyping it… sigh. I’ll leave you with this funny story I saw the other day.

Proof that men have better friends: A woman didn’t come home last night; the next morning she told her husband she slept at her friend’s house. Her husband calls her 10 best friends and none of them know anything about it. A man didn’t come home last night the next morning he says he slept over at a friend’s house. His wife calls 10 of his best friends.. 8 confirm that he slept over & 2 said he was still there!!!

.

If you haven’t already, please download my new eBook and mixtape, you can find the information here And it’s free, you have no excuse.  If you have questions, or comments, please feel free to email me at DrJayJack@gmail.com

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Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.