I meant to write about this movie when I first saw it but life happens. In order to keep my G-status intact I will provide a brief explanation on how I came to see this movie in the first place: I set out on my date to watch Killer Elite with Jason Statham, Clive Owens, and Robert Deniro – I have yet to see this movie.

At some point during dinner my date realized the movie she wanted to see, What’s Your Number, started 15 minutes after my movie. While I can’t prove this beyond a reasonable doubt in a court of law, in my mind she suddenly began to eat her Buffalo Wild Wings a lot slower after realizing her movie was playing later than mine. Yadda yadda yadda coincidentally missing the start time of my movie, I was forced to see What’s Your Number. If you are unfamiliar with the movie, you can watch the trailer here.

Now that we’ve gotten that disclaimer out of the way…

I’ll admit the movie wasn’t half-bad and as an added bonus Anna Faris has a surprisingly nice body. She manages to show it off a few different times but without full frontal, sorry fellas. Anyway, in typical romantic comedy fashion: girl meets boy, they pretend to only be friends for half the movie, have a stupid fight, realize they actually love each other and then live happily ever after. Predictable.

However, the main focus of the movie revolves around Anna’s character (Alley) and her friends reading a study in a women’s magazine that reports, “In America 96% of women who have been with 20 or more lovers can’t find a husband.” Naturally, out of all her friends Alley has the highest number (19) and is perpetually single. She then promptly gets drunk and has a one-night stand. This brings her total sexual conquests to the dreaded number 20.

Editor’s Note: In the movie, the above statistic is reportedly based on a Harvard study. I could find no such study on-line. I did find two studies that agree the lifetime median number of sex partners for men is seven and four for women. Keep in mind that median means half the population falls on either side. It is not the average. Further, TheDailyBeast.com notes that men and women count sexual partners differently. Not surprisingly, men try to exaggerate their numbers and women try to minimize theirs.  A government study from 2007 found 29 percent of American men had 15 or more partners while only 9 percent of women said the same. Lastly, “Black men and women were more likely to report having 15 or more partners in a lifetime (46 percent and 13 percent, respectively).” Make of these statistics what you will.

After this revelation, Alley becomes abstinent and vows to track down all of her last 19 sexual partners to see if any of them is her one true love. In theory, if she has sex with another man during the course of the movie it will put her over 20 and she will be #ForeverAlone. I know, right? This plot had me on the edge of my seat too.

What’s interesting about the movie is the fact that it only focuses on the woman’s number of sexual partners. The men in the movie are never put under the same microscope. For example, her neighbor has a series of one-night stands right in front of Alley. Yet, he is never taken out of the running for consideration as a potential partner. In fact, there is one point in the movie where he guestimates he has had over 300+ partners – and they both laugh about it. It’s good to be a man.

While I didn’t expect a romantic comedy to provide resolution to the question of how many partners is too many, I was surprised it didn’t even broach the subject in regards to men. I left the movie asking the same questions I went in with: Fellas, do you want to know the number of men (or women) your woman has been with? Ladies, do you want to know how many women (or men) your man has been with? Why or why not?

Is there a magical number of sexual partners that is “too many” for a woman/man to have? If yes, what number is too many in your opinion and what formula did you use to come up with said number? Is it the same for both yourself and your partner? In other words, are men and women equal or equal but separate? Have you ever stopped dating someone because of their number?

I personally don’t care how many men (or women) my woman has been with and even if she tells me, I will assume she’s lying. Women have a very unique way of counting sexual partners that doesn’t align with any standardized method of math that I am familiar with. Besides, assuming you’re clean, it doesn’t really matter. In my opinion, ignorance is bliss. Keep in mind, I don’t want to know but if I find out – and it’s a high number – I may feel some type of way about it because I’m human.

Lastly, I can’t judge a man/woman for wanting to know their significant other’s number of sexual partners. I also cannot fault them for leaving if they deem it too high for their comfort level. Essentially they are saying you have been too sexual in your past and unless you’re a virgin, in the technical sense, they are not wrong. Still, should the standard be equal? I’m not sure. If men are the more promiscuous of the two, should they be the standard bearer that women want to emulate? In theory, it should be the other way around, unless women simply want the right to be as promiscuous as their male counterparts without the burden of judgement. The final question then becomes: Why do we focus on both having the right to sleep with more instead of striving for both to sleep with less?

We are now taking RSVPs for this Friday’s NYC Holiday Happy Hour at The Empire Room in the Empire State Building. It’ll be from 6pm til 10pm! RSVP and stay up to date on future SBM events via the link here: http://eepurl.com/hUUcU

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from wisdomismisery.

Is Better Than 12 Steps

I don’t often write about sex on the blog. For me, it’s the most personal way two people can communicate their feelings to one another and because it’s so personal, I don’t think it’s a topic that should be broached lightly. But as I reflect on my relationship history and how I got where I am now, I can’t help but think back to times in my life where I’ve had amazing physical chemistry with someone, but, for whatever reason, the relationship didn’t work out. What I’ve come to realize is that, often times, great sexual chemistry can actually hinder a relationship from reaching its full potential. Here’s why:

Deep, Passionate, Earth Shattering sex doesn’t always equal deep, passionate, Earth shattering love.

Despite how much many of us want to believe it’s not, sex is probably the most powerful form of communication we have. It’s our God given way of expressing just how deeply we feel toward another human being. At varying points in human history and in varying societies sex’s value has been altered or diminished; on a more individual level, at varying points in most of our lives some of us may alter, devalue, or compartmentalize the importance of sharing ourselves with someone sexually, but, at our core, on the most basic human level, I think we can all agree that sex means something. Now when the sex is great… somehow we convince ourselves that it means something more.  We start believing that the more pleasurable the sex the more deeply we must care about each other. In reality, that’s not always true. Sometimes, for some strange and mysterious reason, two people who don’t really love each other and may or may not even really like each other can actually have phenomenal sexual chemistry. But because the sex is great, you forget how much you dislike that person, or how incompatible the two of you are. How many months, weeks, years… and for some folks – decades have been wasted with someone you know you’re completely incompatible with just because the sex was great?

Bad sexual chemistry doesn’t always have to be a deal breaker.

I’ve had many a conversation around a relationship ending – or never really getting started – because when relations were had – a lot was left to be desired.  It usually goes a little something like this:

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl go out on date and a good time is had by all. Boy and girl text. Boy and girl talk on the phone. More fun dates are had and eventually, boy and girl decide it’s time to have sex. Boy and girl have sex.  Sex is like the Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, minus the Wondrous and wow. Boy assures girl it was a fluke. Girl believes. More dates are had but they are permeated by a strange awkwardness because both people are nervous about the impending disappointment sure to come the next time relations are had. That nervousness effects performance, sex is again terrible, relationship fizzles, both move on to the next.

The thing to realize here is, just because it was bad the first time, or the first two times, or the first 20 times, doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad forever. More importantly, what could have been a beautiful relationship ends up getting cut short because of something that, at that stage in the relationship, shouldn’t really be that important.

Great Sex will make you over look a whole lot of stuff you probably shouldn’t be overlooking.

Sometimes, when the good is that good, you lose perspective. You forget about all the things you’re looking for in a friendship, a serious relationship and a spouse. We forget about the fact that she can’t boil water or he doesn’t have a job, or she couldn’t break a 1000 on the SATs or his name is Peanut. We forget that she keyed her last boyfriend’s car because he smiled at the coat check lady or that he is as emotionally mature and stable as Chris Brown. We overlook glaring flaws – stuff that should cause us to run the other way because when the lights go down – they move from penny stock to fortune 500 blue chip.

Here’s the thing. I think, in a perfect world, everyone would wait until they got married to have sex. Think about it, if we all waited until we got married, the only sex we’d know would be the sex we were having with our spouse. There’d be no such thing as “sexual chemistry.” You and your spouse would just make it work, and you’d probably be pretty happy. That, in my mind, is how God intended it to be and I don’t think it’s ever too late for someone to decide to try out God’s plan. I also realize that not everyone believes in God, and of those who do, not all believe in waiting till marriage to have sex. For you guys, even though you’re all dangling by a thread over the gates of hell (j/k), at the very least, don’t allow yourself be fooled into thinking someone is perfect for you because the sex is perfect, and don’t give up on a relationship just because it’s not. Instead, chill out. Enjoy courting and dating for a while. Take your time, get to know the person, and when it’s right, let sex truly be the way you and the person your with tell each other you love each other.

So what do y’all think? Anyone ever pushed a relationship well beyond its breaking point because of some great boot knocking? Anyone ever ended a relationship that was otherwise great because of bad sex? And have any of you ever overlooked some glaring deal breakers because of great sexual chemistry? Feel free to over-share.

Shoutout to the residents of our nation’s capital – The District of Columbia – y’all showed me a lot of love this weeknd and I truly appreciate it.  Back in the hood now though … low and firing.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Mr. Spradley.

I'm a bawse. Whatchu want?

A few weeks ago I was at this Together Apart event called S*x Ed for Adults. It wasn’t one of those things where I sat there learning how to put on a condom or that babies don’t come from storks. It was real talk amongst experts, panelists, and the audience about sex, the female body, and bedroom communication. Imagine me, a perverse bastard, sitting in the back of a room that was about 75% women listening to them talk about how they like it and what makes for sheets magic. Imagine me listening to people explain why all coochies aren’t created equal and why some women are continuously on a pilgrimage to the land of O, yet never locate the Oasis because they don’t know their own bodies. Imagine me cracking up as some guy described good poon as soft poon even though I’ve never heard someone say they experienced hard poon. What exactly is hard poon? Titanium walls? You know what? Don’t answer that.

Majority of jokes aside, there were a few quotes, thoughts, and ideas that surfaced as I listened and tweeted from the event. Take a ride with me today in the sex mobile. Fellas, I’ve rented a few Chrysler 300′s for y’all to stunt in. Sorry, I’m selfish yet benevolent. I also respect man law and the pausability quotient. Anyways…

Dont bring old s*x into new relationships!

This is a paraphrase of something said during the discussion. It resonated so strongly with me that I considered doing a post on this concept in itself. Let me tell you an abbreviated story. A few years ago I was dating this chick. After 6 weeks of trying to get to the loinal union and learning a good amount (more than I asked) about her past, she decided it was time to experience General Gutsticker. She’d made references to rough play and how she had certain “hood” tendencies, but I rocked with them because she was hot and more mature than any other chick I’d dated. Fast forward past the excess information and there we were in the dark engagin’ in our first wrestling match. I was doing just fine until she yelled out “Who’s your bitch?!” After these words, a pin wasn’t the only thing you could hear drop. Put more simply, a soft rocket doesn’t touch the stars.

Good s*x is good s*x, but what was good *ex with your last partner doesn’t mean good s*x with your current. I’m all about expressing the joys and pleasantries associated with coitus, but I’m not one for repeating old habits just because. If I tell you this, then respect it. Same way I wouldn’t expect a new chick to enjoy me slapping my jawn against her love hood, she shouldn’t expect me to do what the last man did from jump. There are multiple ways to get to an orgasm. And if there aren’t, you need to sort that out with a licensed professional.

There’s really no way to tell a man he isn’t cutting it in the sheets without bruising his ego. 

Sooo, all you can do is be positive and tell him what you like and when he’s winning. If you sense he’s about to leave you unsatisfied, get that thing outta there but keep making smiley faces. Anything less would be uncivilized. Then just don’t call him after that. We do it to y’all, so it’s only fair.

@shanelcooper: Know your body before you start running around looking for a mandingo d*ck. (paraphrase) 

It’s funny how often I hear lady friends talk about needing a cucumber, then they get 1 and can’t breathe or walk right. I’ll leave it at that.

From audience: “Sometimes you’re gonna want him to put you on the washing machine and treat you like a dirty hoe.” 

Lady in the streets but freak in the sheets or on random appliances. Lady in the streets also applies to social media.

Jade Egg will strengthen that warm and moist muscle. 

Real talk. I never saw or heard of this “device” until the event. Apparently, using this egg-looking thing can take the walls to magically magnificent levels. If you got that loose goose, holler at the jade egg and get your squeeze on. Would you use a “weight implement” like this?

@Umystic Sex is a conversation that’s happening throughout your bodies.

Stop f**king and start talking. The more you talk, the more you’ll…well, you know. America ain’t the only place you’ll come.

@Tmizy People go to the same things that caused trauma to try to heal from the trauma. People need to talk about this. 

I thought this was a dope point. I think we all know someone that this applies to. It may even be you personally. If not, it’s still worth noting. Recognize and get the help you need to stop repeating the cycle.

Women need to be mind-f*cked to help them reach orgasm. 

Is this true? The women in the audience said yes. I’ve always been a fan of jigsaw puzzles and trick questions before the draws come off.

@drcastellanos: There are a lot of things that affect a woman’s lubrication. It doesn’t always mean she isn’t into it.

Negro or relevant ethnic term, turn that damn fan off if it’s blowing on her coot. If that don’t work, holler at that astroglide. It must go in at all costs.

@drcastellanos Most times when a woman is having an orgasm, her abs contract. That’s one of best signs. #WatchTheGut 

A man asked about this. I supported the question. Some dudes know when the magic happens. Others have no clue. If you just got that lady nut, say you got that nut. It’ll make us feel better. If you didn’t, tell us to keep going or to stop because it’s too sensitive. Worst case scenario, just say “phuck yeah!” It works in the movies with the bunnies.

@Umystic There needs to be more talk about the spiritual connection in sex. Some ppl don’t wanna kiss during sex because they wanna avoid the spiritual connection. 

I get it, but I can’t do it. If there’s no kissing, I can’t go in there. I’ll be Noodles McNulty. Maybe it’s a Pisces thing. I don’t know. Just thought this was interesting and worth mentioning. What about you? Can you s*x it up without smooches?

That’s all I got for today. What are your reactions to the snippets and my thoughts? Agree or disagree? Is good s*x a nice have or must have for you in a relationship? Any other thoughts on bedroom communication? The answers may seem obvious, but I’m pretty sure they vary.

30 More Strokes and I’m Good,

P.S. I’ll be on the Battle of the Sexes panel hosted by Menage A Talks at Nightingale Lounge in NYC on September 29th. Click here to get the details and get your ticket! 

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Slim Jackson.

This is sad and scary.

Source: National Survey of S*xual & Health Behavior – Indiana University

A couple quick statistics before we begin:

• 1 in 4 people in monogamous relationships reported using condoms
• 1 in 3 singles reported using condoms

So, should women carry condoms? Or do they already? Whose responsibility is it to provide the protection? Why the hell are only 33% of singles using condoms?

I was participating in such a debate a few weeks ago. It is important to protect oneself through whatever means necessary, but I don’t want to spend today debating how safe condoms are or are not. I think we’re all mature and intelligent enough to know that abstinence is the only full proof means of preventing pregnancies and STDs. However, for the non-abstinent amongst us, condoms are the next best thing. Therefore, should women carry condoms? My thoughts:

Hells nah. I was humping dating this one girl once, when she whipped out a smorgasbord of condoms she kept in an oversized ashtray. There were assorted colors, sizes, flavors, brands, etc. It seemed like anything the condom industry had ever specialized in was contained in that bowl. What was worse is that she offered me no explanation for her Ripley’s Believe It or Not collection of assorted prophylactics. Not that she owed me one. But SingleBlackMale family, I have never frowned so hard in my entire life.

Ladies, I’m sorry, but whenever a girl whips out a half-empty box of condoms that is a HUGE shot to a man’s ego, pride and subconscious. I’m no math whiz, but I know condoms come in packs of 3, 6, 12 and 36. Thus, if what you have isn’t divisible by three, I’m going to start asking myself a few internal questions. One of the answers to those questions might lead me to conclude, “O, she a [garden tool], fo sho.”

I mean if you whip out a 12 pack of condoms and only dump four on the bed… What is a man to think? Ego trip aside, if you are going to carry condoms there are a few things you should keep in mind. This brings us to our next segment…

Hells yeah. I don’t know if you know this but women people are going to count your condoms if you give them the opportunity. In fact, I’ll share two real life conversations I’ve had to that effect:

Scenario 1:

Kim: Didn’t u have 11 left last time I was here? There are only 9 here now… *innocent, yet simultaneously furious face*

WIM: *blank stare*

Scenario 2:

Kim’s BFF: Do you have a condom?

WIM: Yes.

Kim’s BFF: Do you always carry condoms?

WIM: No.

Kim’s BFF: Sooo you were expecting to get some?

WIM: *blank stare*

—————

At the end of the day, I’m all for protecting yourself. You have to. It’s crazy out here in these single streets. At the same time, you can be smart about how you do it. No pun intended. So without further ado, in consultation with a few others and myself, I came up with the following 21^st century condom carrying tips:

1) Ladies: You may or may not know that there is a “condom compact” available. It holds 1 – 3 condoms. It’s discreet, fits in your purse, and it’s dainty enough to protect the man’s ego instead of presenting him with a wide array of half-filled condom boxes. Not that it is any of his business – and he should be grateful you protected yourself – but let’s keep it real. Men do not want to try and figure out why the 12-pack condom box with the receipt dated for this month only has one condom left in it.

As an additional tip, if you have an interest in one man and you want to figure out his preferred brand, crazy idea coming, ask him. Any man over 21 who doesn’t have ONE preferred brand of condoms is suspect by nature. Plus, if you ask a man what kind of condoms he prefers and he can’t name a brand it is probably because HE DOESN’T USE CONDOMS.

2) Ladies and Gentlemen: Ok, so if you’re a guy or a girl who finds it un-lady like to carry condoms around, this is for you. It’s about presentation. Your condoms should be in an accessible location that doesn’t make it awkward or ruin the mood when you go to retrieve them. In other words, your condoms shouldn’t be in your attic. Sure, you’re safe and health conscious but while you’re shuffling through insulation looking for protection, you will ruin the mood.

Ladies, don’t be like the women in the story above. Don’t dump your half-empty condom box on the bed in front of your man. Please and thanks. Fellas, don’t be dumb either. Don’t whip out a roll from a 12-pack of condoms with only seven left. Pre-break those condoms, fool! You guys can have that awkward conversation about if she is “the only one you’re seeing” some other time.

What do you guys think? Should women carry condoms? Is it the man’s responsibility to provide the protection? Fellas, would you judge a woman that carries condoms? Preferred brand? (Trojan Ecstasy! FTW!). Ladies, do you carry condoms or have some at your home that YOU bought, not that are left over from a past relationship, why or why not?

P.S - Single Black Male is a finalist in 5 categories in the Black Weblog Awards this year thanks to your nominations! We need your help one more time! Please vote for us in the finals for Best Blog Design, Best Blog Post Series, Best Sex & Relationship Blog, Best Group Blog, and Blog of the Year. Make sure you use a valid email address otherwise it won’t count. Click here to make it happen.

P.S.S- Make sure you check out the website for b condoms. They’re the only minority-owned socially responsible condom company in the world, and they’re helping drive these discussions forward!

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from wisdomismisery.

I have been trying to figure out what this was billboard was advertising for over a week.

I have a confession to make, the readers really drive content on the site.  As a writer at SingleBlackMale.org, I can tell you most people read a post one time, but they’ll read the comments many times over.  And in our minds we’re able to classify our readers into several categories, so it’s no surprise to me that I believe that many of our readers are believers in God and also are sexually active.  I’ve spent a lot of time discussing the topic over the years, it’s been about eight years since I first sat down at a campus forum and discussed, Can you love God and sex?  I think it’s possible, but really where does that conversation go, and how can we really support our love (not obsession) for sex within our respective religions?

Many of our religions preach no sex before marriage, but I’ve always thought that rule was kind of out-of-date.  I think about that from time to time, I mean back in biblical times people were getting married at age 16 and starting families.  Nowadays people might wait until their thirties in order to pick a spouse.  I’m not sure that God intended for us to wait all that time.  I mean, what’s that saying, “God knows my heart”?  I’m pretty sure that as the Man on High looks down upon us mere mortals he has given it some thought, “I never really planned for these guys to wait thirty years for sex.”  I also think that previously maybe the good Lord was looking out for us, he didn’t want us to have so many babies running around because we didn’t pick a spouse and had no contraception devices.  Well, now sex is a recreational activity that you can engage in and not have to worry about childbirth if you take the necessary precautions.

Does that mean that it’s an out of date request by God that we wait for marriage?  As I read the bible as a youth I noticed that the word of God was changing with the years.  There was the scrolls, and then the Old Testament, and then the New Testament, then if that wasn’t enough there several texts that never made the cut for the Bible.  And let’s think about that for a second, do you remember how after Biggie and Tupac died we listened to all those tracks that never made the album and said, “There’s some good stuff here”?  Yeah me too, and that has me thinking, maybe there was a few books that got left out because they said, “Actually if you agree to be with one woman on an exclusive basis that’s a marriage and you can go ahead and have sex.”  I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

But that’s neither here nor there.

I think this is very important to me, “Thou shall have no other gods before me.”  That’s an important verse in this conversation, so I would always advise that people not let sex come before God.  And for that, I have to commend the amount of promiscuous women who wake up on Sunday mornings and find their way home, shower, change and make it to 11AM service to praise the Lord.  I make it clear that I don’t think people should obsess over sex, and I truly believe that’s where we go wrong as a people.  We go through great lengths for great sex.  But, do we go through great lengths for God?  That’s a rhetorical question, you don’t have to answer that.

On the flipside of this conversation, I look at people who make the decision to not have sex because of their religion and I’ll be lowkey honest, I judge them.  That’s not fair, that’s just the way it is.  I believe that society has its ways of trying to force people into sin.  The same way we encourage cheating, the same way we chastise people who are virgins into their 20s.  As I’ve gotten older I’ve stopped negatively judging people who make that decision, it is a prudent one.  They’ve got a “take no chances” approach to their salvation and that’s worth commending.

And for the rest of us…

We hope that our God is a forgiving one, if not, then I say, where’s that number for the adult film business?  If in fact, our God has said that if you sin and keep sinning there’s no chance at heaven, we might as well go balls to the wall at this point.  But that speaks to where I stand on the issue, I think that all sin is bad, but everybody sins so all we can do is await judgment day and see what happens.  There won’t be much to say to God, it’s not like we can deny we ever knew that it was a sin, but at the same time, maybe if we are good people and we do our best to follow the path all will be forgiven.  At least, I hope so.

Off the record, I’ve got this vision of judgment day and the pearly gates.  I think there will be a short line for those people who sinned less and a long line for those who spent their whole lives in sin.  There will be a spectrum because “all have sinned and come short,” so you can’t expect everyone to be lumped into the same group to decide who gets in.  I pray that the waiting area for heaven doesn’t look like the DMV, and looks more like an upscale club.  After all it’s supposed to be a grandiose time!

If you haven’t already, please download my new eBook and mixtape, you can find the information here And it’s free, you have no excuse. If you have questions, or comments, please feel free to email me at DrJayJack@gmail.com

P.S – Single Black Male is a finalist in 5 categories in the Black Weblog Awards this year thanks to your nominations! We need your help one more time! Please vote for us in the finals for Best Blog Design, Best Blog Post Series, Best Sex & Relationship Blog, Best Group Blog, and Blog of the Year. Make sure you use a valid email address otherwise it won’t count. Click here to make it happen.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

I've been here before

This week we had some great posts from the Jacksons (Slim and Dr J). While Slim spoke on the propensity to forgive, Jay pontificated on the marriage rates of the attractively affluent women in this world. So we get to Wednesday and Young Streetz is up to bat. So much material to build upon, and yet, so little time. As I perused the comment section for the good Doctor’s post, I saw a comment by Il Duce that immediately sparked my interest:

“Me personally, I avoid pretty woman. They can’t ufck,”

To tell a quick story: I overheard some lady friends talking about granting knowledge to gentlemen. One, who is a very attractive and facially beautiful woman, spoke as if she was average with her mic skills. She didn’t really do anything “nasty” (swallowing, spitting, etc). I started laughing, and when she asked why I simply replied “I can’t believe it. You’re one of those chicks that’s too pretty to give head!”

As funny as this sounds, there is an unfortunate truth to the above statement. in my worldly travels, I have encountered the s*x of legends and nightmares. I have been shocked, elated, distraught, and disappointed. One of the biggest disappointments has been with women who are otherwise GORGEOUS, who turned out to be lame ducks in the sack.  That’s a major letdown, as your fantasy that you create in your head is immediately destroyed. Men erroneously correlate physical beauty with s*xual acumen. Just because a woman “looks good” doesn’t mean she’ll “fcuk good”! Bad head is even worse. Boring head? I’d rather do the Cat Daddy and Dougie on hot coals and thumb tacks! Me, being me, I need answers! So, I thought it over and tried to make sense of how physically beautiful women could be wack in the sack and brain dead while trying to give head:

They never had to give head because they look good

I know this is especially true with younger people, but I theorize that from teenage years (14-18) is when a woman would learn that if men found them attractive, they can manipulate them to do anything from carry their books, to buying them food, to doing their homework. When they start dating, and start being s*xually active, it’s very conceivable to think that, since they are considered to be aesthetically appealing, that they can get by on saying “I don’t do that” and a dude will just do this before they attempt to crack the code to their lovebox => ¯\(.__.)/¯

Furthermore, if they do look good, they won’t feel inclined to do more than missionary and the occasional doggystyle (for birthdays, bar mitzvah, and crossing days of course), as you should be content with slaying the cooch of a fortunate looking woman. FCUK THAT!! Practice makes perfect, and resting on your laurels will make a dude look to sample from other buffets, or get tired of your cooch QUICK and look for something more exciting.

Pretty Women will give head but only as a chore not for enjoyment

If there’s something worse than boring or bad head, it’s getting head from an unenthusiastic woman. No one is forcing you to do it, so don’t act like we’re your mom at the dinner table forcing you to each that damn spinach that she paid money for, and cooked for the family! Women will constantly talk about men who don’t know how to please them, or don’t know their bodies. Well ladies, we don’t care if you like Halle or Stacey Dash, don’t heavy sigh, roll your eyes, or act like this is the worst thing ever. Give brain with heart and desire or give us FREE!

I know that some in Dr Jay’s post alluded to the fact that a lot of dudes, when choosing mediocre s*x with a dime or mind blowing s*x with a 5, will choose the dime every time. I offer a third option: Go to the ATM and get DOLLARS! I’ll also say that if s*x is the ultimate goal, good s*x at that, then that 5 is gonna get MUCH more action than that dime! Keep it real fellas, keep it funky!

So what do you think? Is there merit to this theory? Ladies do you know women like this? Are men just as bad? Fellas, have you run into this before? Now remember we aren’t talking about relationships, beauty on the inside, or anything like that. This is strictly physical. No swindles!!

Staying ahead of the game,

P.P.S - R.I.P. B.I.G!!!!!

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Streetz.

Babe, I hate to say this again but are you SURE you're not laying on the remote?

Website: http://www.WisdomIsMisery Twitter: @WisdomIsMisery

Women put a lot of emphasis on s*x. I’m not here to debate about who thinks about s*x more but I know for a fact that women think more about the intimacy of s*x WAAAY more. For example, I’ve never had a discussion with one of my homeboys about “making love” and if one attempted to have that discussion with me we would not be boys much longer.

This was demonstrated by two conversations I had with a couple friendgirls. In one, she was picking out some lingerie that she was going to wear that weekend. She was mentally planning all day and via BBM what she was going to wear. How she would present it to him and how he would be so appreciative. I believe she settled on a lingerie and trench coat ensemble, which for the record sounded very tasteful, delicious even. I digress. In her case, she claims, the man was very appreciative.

In my other friend’s case, she did pretty much the same thing. In this instance, it was New Years. She went out of her way to pick out some fancy lingerie. Again, she spent weeks daydreaming about how appreciative he would be and imagining the experience over and over again in her head. In her case, the man, in her opinion anyway, was not appreciative enough. She called me the day after New Years to vent. I could understand her frustration. I mean here she had spent time and money and daydreams invested in this man and he didn’t even acknowledge her sacrifices. Let me tell you why…

MEN DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT S**T!

I think about s*x, A LOT. But I have never sat around daydreaming about what I’m going to wear, the presentation, the cologne I’m going to put on, if my boxers match my socks, etc. etc. You know what I think about? The S*X! All that superfluous crap does not even begin to cross my mind. It is truly amazing to me how much time women can spend thinking about everything except the intercourse part of s*x.

In fairness, the difference between men and women is women usually know beforehand if they’re going to give it up. As a man, I’m always shocked. I’ve had women tell me “you’re never gonna get it” and they turn around and give it up easy. Then I’ve had women say “you’re gonna get it” and they are the hardest to give it up. I mean, WTF? When it comes to women the only thing I ever expect is the un-expected.

Every man on here has heard some variation of the phrase, “I don’t normally do this” stated by a woman they know for a fact not only normally does it but usually does it. So if a girl shows up to my crib decked out in a trench coat, lingerie, and knee high boots, I assume that’s how she rolls. I don’t feel special. I’m also not that into lingerie. One time an ex-girlfriend showed up in a scantily clad costume, whips, cuffs, chains and her lady parts hanging out every which way. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!

But I spent half our session trying to figure out the combination to all those snaps, bells and whistles. I shouldn’t have to break into The Bellagio with 10 of my criminal masterminded friends to get to your safety deposit box. For me, if you rock one of my dress shirts or a big t-shirt and no panties, I’m good to go.

Plus, I don’t consider chocha to be a gift. I might get a little more excited the first time we toot it and boot it (“knock boots” for the older readers) but other than that, we’re all adults so I’m thinking consummation is a given. I had a passionate debate with a crazy woman someone about this. Essentially, she thought that if she wrapped “it” up in pretty packaging it suddenly becomes a gift. Thus, this thing you’ve already given me 364 days out the year is suddenly a “gift” on my birthday and Christmas? Yeah, ummmm NO…

Ladies, do you always consider “it” a gift and thus it should be treated as such when you take extra time to put a bow on it or shave a unique design into it? Do you expect men to specifically acknowledge that you shaved, wore perfume or dressed up, etc? Isn’t the fact that we pounced on you like a panther in heat acknowledgment enough? Fellas, am I trippin?

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from wisdomismisery.

Technically, it is Black History Month…

**Admin Note – SingleBlackMale.org is all over today, if you are in the D.C. area, Dr. J will be at Park at 14th today for Happy Hour, the event is free before 10PM, details here: http://www.singleblackmale.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/TheBlogSpot_II.jpg.  For those of you in the NYC area, Slim Jackson is at Turtle Bay, intersection of 52 and 2nd from 9-12! Say ”Slim Jackson” at the door to get 1/2 off all drinks!  Enjoy and thank y’all for the support!**

I read an article earlier this week about how people whom are addicted to internet p*rn were losing their sex drive.  I didn’t know how to take this article.  It was put best by my former neighbor, “I watch p*rn like women watch wedding shows … all day on Sunday.”  Really where do most men learn most things about sex?  Trust me it is not by trial by error.  This article sought to bring out some things that were very interesting as well.  They talked about how an addiction to internet adult film stars leads to men who fascinate about having sex with those women when having sex with their partners.  They even told a story of a man who rushes home from work to masturbate to internet p*rn before his wife came home.  Moreover, once she arrived at home, he was no longer in the mood.

I beg to differ.  Some of the best things I do in the bedroom I learned on some of these internet sites.  But there are other ways that people can learn how to be better in bed, and also have a greater sex life.  One of the first things I learned from working in a high-end consulting firm was, The Matrix Approach.  The Matrix Approach is the idea that you will not just use the best idea to solve a problem, but several ideas to solve a problem, attacking the problems from all sides to create a thorough solution.  Therefore, that’s my recommendation to anyone looking to have a great sex life.

Internet P*rn.  The pornography industry grosses nearly $100 billion a year.  To put that in perspective people spend more money on this industry than; Facebook, Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple and Netflix make combined.  With that said, obviously it’s “showing” people something.  My advice is don’t take what you see on the internet too seriously.  Keep in mind that it takes a certain type of person to go into the adult film business … your wife may not be down for that.  But you can at least take away a few new moves in the bedroom, at least, that awkward position you’ve been trying to get her in.  It’s a video tutorial!

Online and Print Reading Material.  There is a wealth of information on the internet and in books.  There are authors who dedicate their entire careers to improving your sex life.  They can tell you everything from how to get a woman in the mood to how to make her squirt.  Public Service Announcement: The data suggests that many women would rather you not go down on them because you have no clue what you are doing.  Pick up a book.  I learned 75% of what I know about the land down under from websites and an episode of Friends.

Talk To People.  The worst thing you can do after you have sex with a person is to just sit there and stare at the ceiling.  At a minimum talk to your partner about your sex life.  But your friends can also be a great source of how to improve as well.  How many women have had a conversation with their girls about something they tried that drove their man wild?  Men don’t really do this, but what we do is tell tall tales of what happened in the sack.  If you scrape off a little of the luster, you can take away a few tips.

Have sex regularly.  Has anyone here read the book Outliers?  If you haven’t check out what Gladwell has to say about the 10,000 hour rule.  Basically he states that nobody reaches the professional ranks without putting in 10,000 hours of practice at their craft.  That’s the equivalent of 20 hours a week for ten years.  With that said, one of the best ways to improve your sex life is by having sex.  In my opinion, have it as often as possible.  I know some of you women struggle with the ability to do that because of access and monthly cycles, but do what you have to do.  Most sexually active individuals know what’s it’s like to have a person who hasn’t had any in a while, or you can tell they don’t have a lot of experience doing.  It’s not nice.

I’m advising you to use several different strategies to improve your sex life.  Try The Matrix Approach, don’t just use one approach.  The one thing I’ll definitely advise you against, is thinking that you are Jon Blaze.  There’s always room for improvement.  Most people continue to be wack at bedroom activities because they refuse to seek out ways to be better.  Even if you think you’re Dionysus himself, you can always learn something new.  As I’ve stated before, you have to approach your sex life like game day; practice, watch film and study, scrimmage and have a walk-through, once you’ve done your homework, you’re ready to win a championship.

What are some ways that you’ve been able to improve your sex life?  Any secrets that you have that you’d like to share?  I’m all eyes.  If you don’t have anything to share, I’ll just go back to watching reality shows … on the internet … with people and no clothes on.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

Everyone wants to talk about how to make sex better.  Four words, in this order, but don’t feel married to it.  Harder, better, faster, stronger.  Trust me, send the person you’re having sex with this article and see how they react.  Their face lights up, woooooooooooooo!

Hit it a little harder next time, don’t be acting timid. You know you get a little soft around the edges.  A guy jumps in the ring circling his opponent and throwing combinations, but then towards the later rounds he’s hugging his opponent and trying to ride it out.  Try harder.  You may break beds, you may break shower doors, you may even break the coffee table? (#shithappens), but you can’t break her.  So here’s what I think, try and break her.  Try as hard as humanly possible.

(Suggested position: Bend her over a table, or up against any hard surface, so that there is nothing to soften the blow.)

In order to get better at what you’re doing you need to treat it like it’s important to you. Prepare, perform, debrief and review.  If you aren’t having team meetings with your mind, body and manhood outside of the bedroom, you can’t expect to perform well on the field.  I’m not opposed to taping and having a whiteboard in the bedroom.  Open your mouth and start asking your partner about what just happened.  If you are unsure, something went wrong.  The best compliment a woman can give a man about sex is absolute incoherence, I want you to give her vertigo.  “No, Stop, Please, Don’t, Thank you.”  I want you to make her slide across that bed like she just found out there was a rattlesnake under the covers.

(Suggested position: In the living room with a camera connected to the big screen on a live stream.)

Um… a lot of women would prefer if you could do it faster.  Some like it slow, most like it fast.  Teach yourself how to go faster for a longer period of time and this will take you far in life.  Me, personally, I oscillate the alphabet.  Sounds weird, but hey I’m with you, it’s damn hard to concentrate on not doing something.  Have you ever been riding on a straight road with your date, looked in her eyes and gassed the car to like 100MPH?  That’s the same as looking her in the eyes and thinking about something completely different.  I’m just being honest with you, the way it’s going to feel physically is not in your favor, and the look on her face … that look of impending incoherence, mentally will send you into another space.  #spacejams

(Suggested position: Her on top, she raises a little and you thrust upward from the bottom as fast as you can, hold her sides to push her up and down.)

When a woman says she wants to feel like a ceiling fan.  She wants to feel like a ceiling fan.  Flip her, twist her, bend her, do whatever you got to do.  I want you to push her head so far into the pillow she starts to tear up.  Put, not place, put your hand on her shoulder and the other in her hair, close to the root though, (sh*t can go horribly wrong if you grab her hair by the ends, you’ll end up rolling back like Cassie), but grab hold of that shoulder and be as strong as you can be.  Keep in mind though, you can squat as much as you weigh, so don’t be scared that you can’t pick her up.  Pick her up, the wall wants to help you too.

(Suggested position: Standing with her legs straddling you, and her back against the wall.)

Recap: Harder = break her, Better = Incoherence, Faster = Until the wheels fall off, Stronger = to the window to the wall.  Our goals are simple, a better sex life.  This is not to say that you should be this way each time you have sex with your lady, that just isn’t good for business.  Trust me, sometimes they do want that passionate flow, like one out of ten times.  Remind her that you’re a man and she’s a woman, these days if she wanted to have sex with a soft sweet woman who can make her feel special, she would.  You’re a man, be a man. 

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

"Really, I just came over to play crazy eights"

Jolinda Frank: “Wow. That was amazing. I mean … I … I … I am at a loss for words. I think I saw God.”
Shawn B. Marks: “Yeah … I know.”
JF: *ignores his arrogance because it is so well deserved* “I really wasn’t expecting that.”
SM: “Well, I’ve been working on some new moves since last time. It has been a few months.”
JF: “No, I didn’t expect to have my p* remodeled relations at all tonight.”
SM: *pauses as he ponders that statement* “And why is that?”
JF: “I didn’t come over here for that.”
SM: “It was like 11pm when you came.”
JF: “And …”
SM: “I haven’t seen you in months. And last time I did … I smashed.”
JF: “And …”
SM: “And you were wearing a lace bra … that unbuttons in the front.”
JF: “And …”
SM: “And … what other reason did you have to come over here?”
JF: “Just to see how you were doing and stuff. See how you’ve been.”
SM: “For your mistruths … I will punish you with more D!”
JF: “But I’m sore …”
SM: “Your jaw isn’t …”

To the men reading:

Have you ever been in a situation where you just broke someone off … proper.  You are sitting there in the afterglow, enjoying what you did and what you had done to you, chatting with a little pillow talk, possible puffing on a well earned cigar.  Have you decided to put your customary nap on hold so that you can receive a little praise?  Have you then been shocked and astonished as you are told that your partner “didn’t plan to sleep with you”?  Were you then stuck in a thoughtful pause as you added up all the reasons this statement didn’t make sense.

I know I’m not the only one …

When thinking about my past and thinking about the stories of friend, there is an odd and weird custom that many women are participating in.  Apparently, there are groups of women who are putting themselves in situations to get smashed off … and then waking up in a pleasure filled daze with the audacity to pretend like they didn’t expect this to happen.  Something about this seems like a lie a crackhead tells himself fishy.

I have looked deep into my own limited and fallible wisdom, in addition to seeking advice from several smarter and more worldly individuals, and have concluded that this odd phenomenon is caused by one of two things:

1. These *$&@#s is lying to themselves (maybe to make themselves feel better)

2. For some crazy reason, because they knew there was a solid 6% chance of s*x not happening, they really thought it wasn’t going down.

Either way … I’m confused.

Let’s use a hypothetical.  Let’s say I go to the zoo.  I then proceed to go to the Lion’s den.  I know the feeding schedule, so I know these Lion’s are hungry and ready to eat.  In addition, I put on a suit that is made of bloody steak.  Now … if I go into the Lion’s den … should I be surprised when I get attacked?

Sadly, there are women walking this earth that expect to walk into the house of a former, current, or future Friends with Benefits, and not get broken off.  Think of last week’s post. There are women that expect to go on trips with interested members of the opposite sex … and not have relations.  Something about this just seems odd.  I thought it was a well known and accepted fact that men want s*x.  It is, and always will be our Achilles’ heel.  We do, and will probably continue to do, stupid things in it’s pursuit. So don’t pretend that “he’s different”.  Because, 90% of the time … he isn’t.

Then there is the lying option.  WHY?  Why, after the deed has been done, do you need to try and justify what just happened as a surprise?  Why isn’t it OK for you to have come over expecting some?  Why do you need to speak on it period?  Stuff popped off … I’m tired and want a chicken sandwich … your inner thigh is still quivering … life is good.  Don’t go trying to justify it by lying.

So, to all of those out there (men and women … but especially women) who feel you need to indicate that what just happened was an unexpected surprise … Shut the f* up.  Please.  Sit, bask in the afterglow, and split this cigar because it really goes well with the afterglow.

SBM aka “I knew what the f* you came over for” aka STFU

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from SBM.