I'll be honest with you, i'd believe anything she said.

For as much as women will claim that men are liars and you can’t trust a man as far as you can see him.  You could say the same for women.  Women lie about everything, everyday, as many chances they can get.  They probably lie more than men.  Women lie as if their lies don’t matter.  A man will lie about where he is, but a woman will lie about who she was with.  In her opinion, his lie was worse.  The thing that really baffles me is that women genuinely feel they will get away with their lies.  They will hold onto their lie until they die, or it’s forced out of them.  And even when they have to repent, expect some tears and emotional distress to try and procure sympathy from you.

Here’s the problem I have, people call me misogynist because I just don’t think you should let women get away with things because they have a vag.  Men will take sex over the truth any day of the week.  A man will roll over in the morning and want some, and immediately forget all about the fact that she just got into bed at 6AM (HAHA).  If a man’s best trick was, “If you loved me you would…” then a woman’s is, “If you don’t […], I don’t know what I will do.”  I’ve been on the recipient of those, I need $150 or I’m going to get my phone turned off conversations.  You know what happens if you don’t give her $150?!  She calls the next chump.

Before I give too many examples of what women lie about, here’s a list of commonly lied about topics:

Men – I don’t need to rehash my opinions on how women lie about their numbers, what they count and don’t count in terms of sexual acts.  Most men know that asking how many partners a woman has had is just pointless because you’ll never get a straight answer.  Not only does she lie about her sex life, she lies about her male friends.  “Her male friends” are those guys who tried to holler and she didn’t want to see them like that so she said, “We can still be friends.”  Let’s be real, are those really friends?

Friends – Women will lie to you about their friends, so you better watch them.  If you tell a girl you have a table come through and she says, “Is it cool if I bring someone with me?”  Don’t get mad when eight women show up at your table.  Let me be serious.  Real talk, your lady will tell you stories about things her friends do, or she won’t tell you stories about things her friends do.  She won’t tell you how trifling her friends are because we all know that birds of the same feather flock together.  She told you they was playing Taboo all night, she didn’t tell you they were discussing their side boos over spades and tequila.

Money – Let a woman tell you, they are all broke.  I touched on this in a previous post that men need to be their own financial stewards because you will be living paycheck to paycheck and your girlfriend will have a five-digit savings account.  Don’t buy that, “Hair, nails, waxing, clothes, shoes…” swindle, men have all that stuff too.  We have car notes, insurance, credit card bills, and fashion too.  Women know that you like their company so they will say, “I’m broke, I don’t have any money.”  And your nitwit behind says, “It’s okay, I got you.”  No, she got you!

Appearance – Streetz has touched on this several times about women lying about their looks.  Whether it is fake nails, hair, or extra padding, women lie about it.  Women will tell you that she’s a 36DD, she won’t tell you that they sleep under her arms.  She’ll throw those bad boys in a sports bra and keep it pushing.  A woman will tell you she’s a 34DD because Victoria Secret gassed her into buying the larger cup size, when she knows she’s actually a 36C.  And for the leading appearance swindles of all time… THOSE ARE NOT HER REAL EYES AND SHE DOES NOT HAVE INDIAN IN HER.

Whereabouts – It says in the bible, “Thou shalt not show up unannounced.”  As a brother, if you don’t know this, it’s probably why your girl is scared of you or you’re single.  However, women are notorious liars about their whereabouts.  They will tell you they are going to sleep, when they are going out.  They will tell you they are at Amnesia when they are at Greenhouse.  They will tell you they are at work, when they are with their other man.  You ever notice you don’t meet a woman, she meets you, or y’all meet up somewhere else?  Women start sweating at the sight of 4square, Geo-tagging, or a house phone.  They just hate for you to know where they are at.  And then if they feel that they can’t dodge you, what do they do?  They turn their phone off.  As a member of NO MA’AM we learn in Week One of the program, “A woman’s phone does not die, unless she wants it to die.”

Funny thing about all this is that a woman’s lies are 75% of time harmless or just allow you to do what you wanted to do anyway.  A lot of dudes missed that last part so let me slow it down for you noodles, 75% of the time their lies are harmless, or allow you… to do what it is that you wanted to do anyway.  But that 25% is what will have you looking dumb.  Do you remember D’Andre from, He Got Game?  Just a friend of Lala my ass.  She lied to Jesus, now you know she’s going to hell.  Moral of the story, do with it as you want, next time a woman tells you something, get you a counterfeit marker and swipe it one good time.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGR8S-aHgV8

Augmenting our appearance has been a part of human culture, ever since Adam and Eve bit into the forbidden fruit and tried to cover their unmentionables with green leaves.From the clothes we wear to cologne’s, hairstyles, and jewelry, we use different items to enhance less than satisfactory features and accentuate our good ones. I must say that I think women are the worst with the physical feature swindle. Women are like shape-shifters, who can create all new appearances using household items, only to revert back to normal once they come off, like when poor Cinderella lost her glass slipper. Don’t believe me? OK, well allow me to reintroduce myself my name is HOV!!! present the top 5 women physical deceptions:

#5 Heels (U aint that tall)

This is a low level deception, only because heels do have a great sex appeal and aesthetic about them. It becomes a deception when a 5ft 1 women describers her height requirements with the phrase “he needs to be taller than me in heels”. How about the dudes who don’t prefer short women, who think you’re 5ft 7 because you’re wearing 6 in heels? Isn’t that just as bad? We’d get clowned if we wore lifts in our shoes!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI-62DqaeXo

#4 Breast/Butt Implants (Those aint yo tatas or @ss!)

This is a permanent physical deception. Now, they definitely are enhancements, the only problem is some men don’t like fake breasts and arses. Dr J. spoke on the real vs. fake phenomenon, and the consensus was “whatever floats your boat”. Unlike some of the other augments, these aren’t easily removed if you want a change or your love interest doesn’t approve and there is a margin for error. Men are more “lenient” and less upset by this deception, but it’s a swindle nonetheless.

#3 Lacefronts/Wigs/Weaves (That aint yo hair)

SBM carried the cross and took a defiant stand against this physical deception once upon a time. Now,this isn’t race specific, because women of all races rock wigs or get weaves. The issue lies when these articles of “hair” are not worn properly. When it looks like a birds nest,  has all the colours of the rainbow, or is a hazard to any open flames, we have a serious issue. men may like a woman with long flowing hair. You could appease that fantasy with an excellent weave job. What happens when that weave eventually has to go and under that contraption you’re hair is more Eve than Eva? Some women will assume that a man knows it’s a weave and won’t tell. Others will catch a fit when a man performs the weave test on their scalp (he runs fingers through the hair to see if he’ll get stopped abruptly or feel the third rail on your head). I’ve definitely felt like this before:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdY38YLf6Sc

#2 WonderBra/Pushup Bra (Your Breasts Aint that Big!!)

I’ve heard horror stories that go like this:

Boy meets girl.

Boy and girl converseate.

Boy loves girls breasts.

Boy takes girl home.

Girl takes off bra.

Boy sees C cups turn into A- cups, and sees padding in the bra.

Boy fakes emergency and leaves Girl with her bee stings bare.

These bras are a travesty and a dirty swindle to pull on men. You prop your breasts up for the world to admire, only to have them hanging low, wobbling to an fro. Padding in a bra is so High School its not even funny, and I severely question and side-eye women who wear these instruments of deceit. Now when women’s breasts look amazing, the only thing I wonder is whether the packaging is better than the actual gift.

#1 The Girdle (Your stomach aint flat!!!)

Understand that I say this with no jovial tone, with no smile on my face, or light-hearted feelings within the bowels of my soul: If there is ANYTHING that cannot be tolerated, it is a girdle. This optical illusion is a heinous act of trickery that would make Loki, the god of Lies, blush. I’ve seen items like this for sale and it angers me to no end. So ladies, this is where we are in 2010? You say eff a workout, eff eating right, I’m finna throw on a girdle and kill the game? This is a symbol of self defeat, lack of confidence, and a deviousness to fool a poor dude who doesn’t see your gut until it’s too late. There’s no need for this cheap attempt at a flat stomach. I know a few resources that can help men and women get into excellent shape.  They’ve helped me and they can help YOU!

Women, I just wanted to show that “I see what you do there”, and while some are funny and trivial, others are too audacious to ignore. What other deceptions have you seen women use. Women, I know you want to reflect this on us men point out our deceptions, so let’s hear those too.

United I stand, against these swindles,

====

I’m going to be at Park in DC tonight, as a part of this event.  Please stop by if you can attend.  Tweet me for more information.  Peace.

Wait for it... wait... I said, wait... NOW commence hating on Kim K. from the sisters.

“I am Armenian, so of course I am obsessed with laser hair removal! My entire body is hairless.” – Kim Kardashian.

A moment of silence please.  I think every man went to a place called his Picture-in-Picture, also known as the PIP.  (The PIP is located in the corner of one’s imagination.  Have you ever said something to someone and they dazed off into space as if they were looking at something, but you couldn’t see it?  They might stare up and to the right, or down and to the left.)

“It’s sort of like a peach picked fresh from the tree after being watered.  There are a few droplets of water on this peach, barely noticeable fuzz, but damn I want to eat it.” – Dr. J

[Looks around… notices that there are other people in the room.]

The first “peach” I ever saw was more like a kiwi, no a coconut.  But it was the first coconut I ever seen so what I didn’t know any better.  They told me the good stuff was on the inside.  And that’s pretty much how things went from the first time you saw a girl’s private regions until sometime in high school if you were lucky.  My junior year, I decided to skip school and go with the seniors to Dewey Beach for Beach Week.  As we hung out on the Jersey shoreline, some folks smoked pot and others drank beers, women running around in the sand with bikinis, there happened to be an opportunity for me to be silly…  As my friend ran past me, my hand reached for her waist and all I got was the string of her bikini and I pulled…

The Simpsons... (Watch out, Turtle shield your eyes, you don’t want to get blinded by the light. #Entourage.)

I caught a quick glimpse and I thought, “Is she a Playboy model?”  After all, that was the only place I’d ever seen a woman without hair up until this point.  You never really get it the first time, it’s only after a few experiences with the trim, shave or wax that you understand that it’s essential that a woman keep the grass cut.  Who knew, that growing up we would say, “If there’s grass on the field it’s time to play,” but as we got older that changed to, “I love hockey!”  But women want to know why; they want to know what it is about a woman with no hair that turns me on.

I did a little research and came across what is called, “Sexual Dimorphism.”  Simply put, genders are attracted to traits that distinguish the genders.  Men are attracted to large breasts, slim waists.  Women are attracted to large muscles, a v-shaped body shape, and strong facial features.  That’s a damn good reason to me.

I’ll tell you a secret, that wasn’t an 18 year old freshman male who came up with that.  I’ll tell you what we came up with in Freshman Seminar; “BECAUSE IT’S FREAKING HOT!!!”  When a man pulls off a woman’s panties he doesn’t want to feel like he’s going through a thicket to get to the goods.  And given the option of travelling through a thicket or sliding across an ice rink, he’s going to choose the latter.  There’s also a hygiene factor, (which does NOT just apply to women), we’re going to make that area wet, and when that wetness gets caught in thoust thicket, it has an odor.  Logistically speaking, is it easier to slice through a stick of butter with the wrapper on or off?  I guess it depends on how sharp your knife is.

Let me stop, I understand how women feel because they don’t want to look like a 12 year old girl.  But I know you’re not a 12 year old girl!  That’s why I asked to see some I.D., #noreina.  I know in the winter time it’s cold and you need an extra blanket to keep you warm.  As a man, it’s always winter time, you don’t see me keeping a blanket of loose women around to keep me warm.  (Maybe we do…)  And by all means, if you don’t want to do anything about the region that is your decision and no one should make you change that.  Just know that there’s a line of women making appointments with their esthetician this weekend, so technically we don’t have to accept nothing less than perfection.  (Let me be honest with you, a man will sleep with you even though you haven’t shaved.  “Would You Sleep With?” and “What Do You Prefer?” are mutually exclusive questions and do not disclaim information to each other.)

Some minor administrative notes:
(1) I find landing strips to be confusing.  It’s like, why would you come to Miami to hang out in Ft. Lauderdale.  If were gon’ be here, we might as well be here.  Whenever I see it, I look at it like a UFO hovering over the White House.  I’m like, “What are you doing here?”
(2) Bedazzled is cool.  No really ma, that ish is cool.  Whaaaaaaat?  That’s like the apex of hair removal.
(2b) Shapes and letters are a close second and third.
(3) The following is non-negotiable, shave/wax your; legs, underarms, mustache, back and any other regions where unsightly hair grows.  (You’d be surprised.)
(4) If you’re 30 years old and you haven’t seen a nectarine yet, you’ve been having sex with men. I’m so very disappointed in Turtle.  In other news, DANIA RAMIREZ LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

What do you think SBM massive?  Trim, Shave or Wax?  Do you have a friend who refuses to do anything with the region and it annoys you?  Fellas, be honest, what do you prefer?  I know some of you come on here with those self-preservation comments, but keep it real for today.

If you haven't please, watch this movie. It's as important as Boomerang to a young Black man.

Admin Note: It wasn’t even on SBM on Monday, I decided I was going to write this post as misogynistic as it might sound a week ago, I don’t even care.  It had to be written.

I’ll be flat out honest with you, I still don’t know why Idris didn’t sleep with Ali in, “Obsessed.”  Ali Larter’s character in “Obsessed” was bat sh*t crazy.  A lot of women will say, she was mentally disturbed and in need of psychiatric help, you know what that means in Mars, “crazy.”  I mean, I can’t lie that a lot men use the word “crazy” to describe women who react to things they do, that they shouldn’t do.  For example, whenever I tell the story of the time the chick tried to hit me with her car, I always preface it by saying, “Let me not act like I didn’t have nothing to do with the situation, but seriously, she was crazy.”  However, some women are just that, crazy.

“If it’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that b*tches be motherf*cking tripping.” – W.C.

Here are some of the examples of how to pick up on Bat Sh*t Crazy Women:

Violent and Abusive

Let’s get this one out of the way early and in a hurry.  People shouldn’t put their hands on another person, so we would be lying if we didn’t expose some of these women for the scoundrels that they are.  I know, and you know some women who think it’s cool to put their hands on a man. They do some of the craziest things in the name of, “You gon’ hit a woman.”  Moreover, verbal abuse is real.  Your man should not have to be cussed out every time you don’t get what you want.  Funniest thing I ever heard, wasn’t even a couple it was a girl talking to her girl and she said, “Take me home and don’t say sh*t to me.”

Senile and Invasive

Some women are paranoid.  They are always insisting that you are with another woman.  You get out the shower and she’s on your phone looking through your saved pictures, text messages, and phone call log.  And a lot of people are lying if they say they’ve never done it.  Out of the women I know who have iPhones, at least 75% always ask me, how to take the SMS preview off.  People only suspect others to do what they would do in a similar situation.

Ignorant and Dismissive

You ever have a woman who just would not listen to reason.  “Baby that’s the coat check lady!” – Martin Lawrence.  No matter what you say, she’s insisting that you are up to something or the other chick is up to something.  She’ll bust in your dorm room with a wooden spoon swinging at your cousin.  Wait, have you ever had a woman tell you to do something that only pertained to you and not her.  “I don’t feel comfortable with your personal physician being a woman.”  Ignorant a*s.

Obsession and Destructive

This is the one I wanted to talk about the most.  There are women who will come up to me and tell me they love me.  No, they didn’t say, “Hello, my love.”  They looked me in the eye and said, “I love you.”  I swear to you, I don’t even know her name.  There are women who will say, “If I can’t have him, no one can.”  They will ruin you.  They will find out you’re dating someone and pick up the phone and sabotage your relationship.  I was dating a girl a while back, she hits me up and tells me that someone called her asking if she was my girl.  My question was, “How the hell did they get your number?!”  I followed it back, and it turns out that a pink person, told a pink person, who told a pink person in Rochester, who asked a pink person in Syracuse, and the number was magically delivered.  I ain’t blaming the pink.  But that’s obsession and destruction at its best.

I don’t want to make all women out to be crazy.  I know that women struggle with that.  They are tired of every time they react to a guy’s actions, they are told they are crazy.  Or, that women are incapable of reacting rationally.  Women have feelings, and if you step on that woman’s feelings she may react emotionally.  And that’s real, men should keep in mind, that you can’t get mad at a woman for going bat sh*t crazy, if you are driving her crazy.  Here’s the thing that you CAN do, when a woman shows or tells you she’s crazy…SET UP A NO-FLY PEEN ZONE.  If a woman says to you, “Yeah I look through my man’s phone because I want to know who he’s talking to.”  DO NOT date that girl.  Let her be, someone else should fall for that trick.

I pray that this message reaches you all in good mental health.  Women always want to know what a guy means when he says, “that girl is crazy.”  These are the signs most commonly associated with, “crazy” when a man is speaking in terms of dating.

Addendum: Men can be just as crazy, you could just as easily switched in “he” for “she”.  With the exception of the phone call fiasco, men just do not go through those great lengths to see if a girl is talking to someone.

"Damn, yousa thirsty chick." - David Guetta [Ok, maybe a different type of thirsty, lol.

[A group of men huddled around discussing sports and stuff.]
Dr. J: And so as I was saying, don’t leave Miss Jenkins around me, I’d have her looking like a ceiling fan around this joint.
[Enters Miss Jenkins]
Dr. J: Hi Miss Jenkins…. When you gon’ let me hit that Miss Jenkins…

#thatfeltgood #fireworks

Now on a serious note, Miss Jenkins wrote a great piece about Thirsty Women on Three Ways and I read it and I was going to respond on Twitter, but then I thought I had too much to say and it warranted its own post.

I hate how women tend to blame all of their faults on men, I absolutely hate it.  They will tell you that everything that’s wrong in the world has the word ‘men” in it.  If she cheats on you, it was your fault because you weren’t spending enough time with her. The list continues, but this epidemic that is Thirsty Women has been caused by men.  And I’ll tell you why; men love thirsty women. Men can eat thirsty women for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  They love unsolicited support.  They have one on the train in the morning, they have a few at work, they have them when they go out, when they are just hanging out, trust me… men love thirsty women.

Men like compliments…
Everyone wishes they had a Memphis Bleek in their life.  And if Memphis Bleek looks like Amil, that’s a win for the home team.  You have someone to tell you that your jokes are funny, that you are right, and that white socks are still sexy on a man.  Men take that type of attention and run with it.

Men keep a couple women around as proof they don’t sleep with everyone…
“She want me to eff but I ain’t trying to, nah that’s just my friend.”  They only say this to convince you that you can be their friend and they won’t try and tackle you.  You will end up wondering why they maintain on this relationship so much.  If a chick is crazy, you have to ask yourself why you’re friends with her.

Men ain’t never had no fans…
Home slice, has never had a fan in his life.  Now a Memphis Bleek and a fan are different.  A fan is the type of person who replies to your new avatar and says, “Just so you know, I think you have the sexiest lips EVER!!!”  Men have the inexplicable ability to latch onto anything and convince themselves they have a fan.  “Dog, she said I’m so mysterious.” #girlfriendssideeye

Men focus on their surroundings and footing, more than their ceiling…
A lot of people like to focus on what’s around them and below them so they don’t have to look up and realize they are not at the top. Thirsty women can come across as groupies or somebody in a worse position that you.  Sometimes men keep these people around so they forget that there’s somebody over them who is doing it bigger and better.

Men aren’t that smart…
Men think it’s cool to have a bunch of women around them that are thirst, but it’s really not attractive to any of the women you really want to be talking to.  Women peep who you surround yourself with and if you have a tendency to keep a bunch of skeezers around, it will hurt you.  Women will think that you consider them skeezers when you approach them if that’s what you’re used to dating.  Ever heard this, “If he found her attractive, then I hope he doesn’t think I’m anything like her.”

So in conclusion, yes there are a ton of thirsty women out here among us.  But you are bound to catch some thirsty women at the water hole.  If you have something they want and you are putting it out there, then thirsty women will show up.  The only man who gives water that will cause you to never thirst is hay-soose himself, and so for the rest of us, if you offer water, thirsty women will show up.

Previously, I gave a list of ten things that men find unattractive but they really won’t come out and tell you. It’s mainly because although a man might find something you’re doing to be annoying, he’s not inclined to want to ruin his campaign for beats.  Men are willing to let just about anything go for beats.  But today, is the anti-list, the list that outlines to all of you, exactly what men wish you would do, but aren’t going to come out and tell you.

1.  Watch Sports – Watch and know a little about sports and you will always be able to keep the company of men.  Here are some dumb questions that women always ask: Who’s playing?  It’s in the top right of the TV screen.  How much time is left?  It’s in the top right of the TV screen.  Is this the championship?  No, it’s September, I’m excited because it’s FOOTBALL, not because it’s important.

2.  Play Madden – If you could play video games with us and be competitive, we’d probably marry you tomorrow.  There’s nothing like it.

3.  Drink beer and take shots – There is nothing more attractive than a woman who can enjoy a beer.  Or a woman who doesn’t complain about taking shots of Patron.  Now, we’re not saying drink beer and have a pot belly, we’re talking drink beer and maintain a nice frame.

4.  That thing Lacey did – Google: Lacey Duvalle, Jada Fire, and Lily Thai.  Whatever those girls are doing in those videos, yeah… that thing.

5.  Buy something – Men get tired of paying for stuff.  And we don’t need you to pay for parking when we pay for the movies.  Surprise me, suggest we go to something and actually buy the tickets.

6.  Be nice to my friends – You don’t have to like my friends, you don’t have to respect my friends, but be nice to my friends.  No one wants to date the girl who is a b*tch to their friends, but they don’t want to date a deaf mute either. Being cordial and conversational with my friends can put you on the map as a keeper.

7.  Hurry Up – It should not take you 30 minutes to figure out what you are wearing to the grocery store.  If I get off the phone with my boy and say, “OK, so we’re going to go meet them downtown, they’re already there.”  Do not interpret that to mean to take a shower, do you hair, pick out an outfit, pick out shoes, lotion your entire body, and spend an hour getting ready to leave.

8.  Stop talking – I know you guys are some detailed people and communication is key to everything with you.  But sometimes, men like to just sit and be quiet.  God gave men a gift that women don’t let us use enough.  We can think about absolutely nothing for hours at a time.

9.  Admit your wrong, say sorry – I figured why not go ahead and ask for the hood.  Women never admit their wrong, they’re either misunderstood, or we were talking about different topics.  Moreover, women never say sorry.  They will allow you to be right, but they won’t ever apologize for their actions.

10.  Live and let live – Most men’s biggest pet peeve about women is their inability to let live.  Just because it’s not your way, does not make it wrong.  Women force their ways on others all the time.  Men rarely do the same.  If you think it’s tacky to drink out the can, don’t drink out the can.  But don’t mind me for drinking out the can.

If you aren’t laughing at this point, you’re probably to shrewd to even understand why men find these characteristics attractive in women.  If you are one of these women, then hi-fives to you, you’re well on your way.  Either way, it’s almost Thursday and I figured you guys could use a relief of the heavy content of SBM.

…you’re so Anne Frank

My whole life I’ve always been the type of guy who likes Plain Jane. In school everyone would like the “prettiest” girl in school. I was looking for the one who was cute on the low. That’s just how I am. I don’t like a lot of attention in a woman. When I first saw Boomerang, although I would agree that Robin Givens looks better than Halle in this movie, I wanted Halle. Halle was down to earth, but cute as a button. I like a girl who is easy like Sunday morning.

When I was younger and frequenting nightclubs and such. Just to let you guys in on a secret. It got to the point that I didn’t even wait in line at Love. I was there every Friday for two years. And I made my way to the Velvet Room each time and that’s where you could meet most of the celebrities, if they weren’t on stage. Anyway, from my weekly table at Love I could see the stage where they would always bring the flyest girls in the club on stage. I could gaze out and see the baddest one in the club, usually with the popping lip gloss, perfect outfit, and every guy in the club was thinking they’d really like to take her to the Diner after the club. Well, most guys usually just think about that, I’m the type of person who does that. And so I’d approach and I’d usually make like a DJ Khaled song and win. But through time and experience I learned something, those women love the spotlight, you can’t ask them to love you, because they love them some them.

It didn’t take me long to go back to my proven ways, I would stop going for the girl everyone else wanted and go for the quiet girl who is politely sitting by herself or with a group of divas, but she just wants to blend in. Not obsessed with being the topic of discussion.

I like the simple things in life. I like going out to eat, (I’m actually cinephobic, I’m explain this in another post), I like playing pool, I like watching the Laker game, and I enjoy sex at halftime. I like girls who don’t take an hour to figure out what they want to wear to Popeyes. I like Popeyes. I like girls who eat with their hands. I like girls who look in the mirror and say, “Eff it, I’m just going to the store.” I like when I say, “Baby run.” And you know what? She can run. “Teach your girl how to run.” – Richard Pryor. I like a girl who appreciates a nap. I like that she can wear heels, but I also like that she looks great in a jean skirt and some pumas. (Okay, so random note, I used to be a groupie. LOL. I used to only date female athletes. Something about those sexy backs and shoulders got to me.) I love women in a wife beater, some jogging pants and a pair of Air Max 95s or even the Nike flip flops. #dontjudgeme. I think what I’m trying to say is I just appreciate the simple things in life so much more.

I like it when a girl can hold conversation with the fellas without flirting. Seriously, I get off to my chick coming into a Kobe vs. LeBron argument like a gang buster and shutting down any LeBron talk. Kobe is way better. That’s why she is rocking the Laker jersey dress jumpoff at every game. I like that she buys beer, even if she doesn’t drink it. I like that she doesn’t complain when she finds out that I’m probably going to finish this bottle of Henny tonight. She’s just along for the ride and happy to be there.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like that when she wants to dial it up she can. But today’s post was about loving the simple things that women do. A lot of women are convinced that men want to date Beyonce, um actually not. She’s doing too much. I wish she would go sit her Bodied body down and stop talking on the Telephone when driving. Case in point, Tamia still beats Beyonce in a taste test of 9 out of 10 men. Need another point, ask most men who their favorite member of TLC was. The majority will say Chili, until this recent reality show failure. The next largest group will say Left Eye, but they realized they’d end up with Chili after Left Eye burned down Andre’s crib and it was on MTV. T-Boz ain’t get no love, she was all up in the front and stuff. I just didn’t want another post to go up and I didn’t let you guys know that us men appreciate the simple things in life.

Dr. J wants to know if you would like to hit the attic to hide out for bout two weeks…

I’m one of few men that I know who will admit that he has seen Sex & The City. I’ve seen each season and the first movie. I haven’t been able to catch the new movie only because I like to watch the movie alone. I refuse to go with a group of women and I don’t know any groups of guys who want to go watch the movie with me. That leaves me with going with a mixed group and women just won’t stop interrogating me about liking the show so much for me to be able to enjoy it. Sex & The City is also one of those shows that are either hit or miss. You hate it or you love it. There’s no one trying to see the movie who didn’t absolutely love the show or at least the premise for which it stands.

What bothers me is the obsessive women who insist on comparing themselves to each character in the movie. Fictional characters. The TV show is based on a book, one that I would encourage everyone read because it’s a good book, but I have met very few women who are Carrie, Sam, Miranda or Charlotte. Let me get this straight right now, I know like two women who are Charlotte. Everytime I hear someone compare themselves to her, I cringe. Let me sum up the characters for you from a heterosexual male perspective.

Miranda: Stubborn woman. Successful, but very stubborn. Regardless of what people will tell her is the way to go, she’s going to do what she wants to do anyway. On paper, probably the best look of them all.

Charlotte: She’s a perfect wife. She’s Ms. Perfect, the problem is, very few want this type of woman because she’s actually not perfect. She’s worried about too much, she’s insecure, and I’m unsure of her motives.

Carrie: The most indecisive woman in the world, who represents the majority of women in the world. She doesn’t have a clue where she’s going. Other thing she has in common with a lot of women, she’s messing with a dude she knows she needs to stop messing with.

Samantha: …is a hoe. She knows it though, so no foul. I’m sure you could get her to be faithful, but why date someone who you are worried might cheat on you? Just the worry is enough to avoid the situation whether a foul has been committed or not.

I should make a point or take a stance about something today, right?

I believe that Carrie’s situation with Big is an interesting one because it symbolizes a great deal of relationships that I run into everyday. Women will always date the wrong guy for them because they are in “love.” You will find yourself dealing with the same guy that you know is not good for you, and you know will never give you what you want for years. I think women date “Big” and continue looking for a partner, but in reality, they secretly hope that one day “Big” will make a woman out of them. And see… that’s the part of SATC that’s false, in real life, Big doesn’t marry Carrie and they don’t end up together. Big stays married to his wife, and Carrie remains his woman on the side.

#kanyeshrug

So I guess what I tried to say today was that Sex & The City is a very entertaining show, but please don’t model your life around it, or use it as something you can compare yourself to. It’s an entertainment piece and that’s the best way for it to be.

I couldn't find a light skin chick, so she'll do. #ikid

Spring is the season that reminds us of our most frustrating relationship ever. It’s real good for a while, but then it always seems to disappoint us when we step too far out there. Doesn’t it seem like the day you decide not to wear a jacket is the day, it’s actually 60 instead of 80. And doesn’t it seem that when you step out thinking the rain is over for the week, you end up spending 45 minutes waiting to see if you will be able to walk home from the train station. But then you have those days where it’s 80, and you’ve had a rough day, or even a good day and you tell yourself, man I’m going out.

Yeah so we outchea. And with that said, my favorite part of the warm weather? The Women.

Everyone knows that somewhere around the first frost in the Fall the clubs/lounges and happy hour circuit shuts down, all the way down. Women they have their own groundhog, they have earshot. If any woman is within earshot of another woman saying, “it’s cold.” They pack up and go home for winter. (Plus, for some reason women are always cold. I don’t get it.) They stop shaving their legs, they stop showing off the goods, they bundle what we like to call the eff up. She’s not wearing a skirt, and she’s not wearing sex underwear. Since women are cold, they are constantly having their nose run, so they probably have a handful of tissues at all times. Women in the winter time, I’m just being honest, they not trying to be cute, they trying to be warm. (Shorties come over to the crib and take off the boots and have the mix-matched socks on that’s 2 inches thick. They do not even care.)

But then the sun comes out. Here’s a quick list of things I love about women in the summer:

Summer Dresses – I touched on this on someone’s post. It’s the way they feel, whether it’s a tight dress that’s swaying in the wind or a linen jumpoff that’s down to her ankles. I love the way the fabric feels and the way it hugs her body.

Open Toes – If you have nice feet, (come on son, you know some of you don’t), the pedicured toes, with the nice nail polish those shoes be having the god taking a knee when you walk by. You got to love a woman in a nice pair of heels, who knows how to walk in the nice pair of heels. She can even rock those gladiator sandals too. (I do not have a foot fetish.) “The heel, the high heel, it signifies – greatness, dedication, discipline, balance, grace, poise and attention to detail.” ~ Dr. J on http://thestyledit.blogspot.com/

Legs and Backs – Now that’s it’s warm, women feel more comfortable with their back out. And yes, yes, yep! We love it. I love to see a sexy back, you know with the dimples at the bottom. Nice contour too. And nice legs? The thing I like most about nice legs is that you just can’t get them from being lazy, you have to maintain them. In the gym, running or by doing some walking on a regular basis.

Lip Gloss – In the winter time, women don’t play, they be breaking out the Vaseline to keep those lips from cracking. But what better way to top off a nice outfit, pair of shoes, sex body, but with some sexy lip gloss shining in the sun. I love me some nice lips. I do not mind when you see her with the lip glossing shining so much it looks like her lips have been finished with an extra coat of polyurethane.

I Love the Beach – I used to be a lifeguard when younger because being a lifeguard is cool and you get to look at chicks at the pool all day long. For the women who know how to wear a bathing suit. It’s the pinnacle of perfect. A chick who can rock the bikini and the heels. (Reach out and touch something only you can feel.)

Of course, there are allergies. And allergies can turn the most beautiful girl into a rabid beast. And we all know no one likes unsightly sweat. That can turn your best outfit into your worst nightmare. We know there are things about the spring/summer that can bring us stress. Lastly, keep it real, some of you knew that you had twelve weeks from the start of the year to get in shape and you didn’t. Now it’s the spring time and you trying to hit the gym hard for four weeks and take Dexatrim. But don’t worry sweetheart, you can still make the summer, just use Kanye West’s Workout Plan.  Let’s just work on handling these action items and I’ll act like nothing ever happened if you make it to the cookout for Memorial Day.

For the rest of us, I think it’s time for us to get it in.

To the SBM massive, what are some things you like about the opposite sex during the warmer months of the year? Women, get involved.