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Percentage of Quality

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I was having a discussion with my friends, while out, about the percentage of quality women out here in the DC area (and subsequently the percentage of quality men). It was 3 of us, and we all fall into the young Black Male Professional category and all work in the same industry. All of us were born here (DC or Maryland) and stayed around until at least high school. 2 of us went to college here. One went to school in Florida and came back.

We each had very different opinions on the actual percentage of quality women in the area. Personally, I said 8% in the entire area (yes … I know pessimistic … but I’m picky). One friend kindly stated that was too low, while the other went nuts. “Oh my God … what are you talking about … where are you living … how could you say only 8%”. He then rebutted with some insane 1 out of 2 women. This prompted both me and my other friend to laugh. The final quote (from my other friend) was 25% … or a modest 1 out of 4.

While I later revised my estimate to 15% … I refuse to believe there is more than that.

Then we started talking. Soon we realized that our definitions of “quality” varied greatly. Mr. H (as I’ll call him) and I both needed educated women (bachelor’s from a decent school at least), goal oriented, independent, and with a healthy obsession with making her own money and achieving a lot in life … ideally in the form of her own business. Mr. T (the guy saying 50%) said quality meant a woman who would stick with you during down times and cooked and clean. Thats it … thats all he needs … oh … he threw in degree at the end.

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Now I have a personal thing for intelligent women (so sexy). Generally, out of the past few girls I dated, over half had Master’s Degree’s (I only have 2 bachelor’s myself). Personally, I think the degree requirement already drops you below 50% around here. Don’t get me wrong, the Washington metropolitan area has one of the highest percentage of degree holding blacks in the nation, but I am counting all females I encounter. Also, Mr. T made the argument that if only 8% of black women were quality, then about 2% of black men were quality. A tough fact to swallow, but given incarceration rates and college enrollment rates, I agreed. I guess with my heavy emphasis on education, my figures are naturally going to be lower.

Anyways … the rest of the night was spent on the search for bucket heads (my endearing term for those truly outside the “quality” category) . By the end of the night, Mr. H and myself definitely proved the percentage to be below 50%. Also it became clear that Mr. T had stopped going to all the “hood” spots (which I still frequent) … so he was seeing a population that was filtered. I don’t go to slum or “hood” clubs a lot, but enough to meet a solid amount of bucket heads.

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Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of quality girls out here (15% of several million is still several hundred thousand), but the search is not that easy. If it was, me and my friends would all have found wifey’s a long time ago.

Well … I won’t be deterred … not yet at least. But man … these bucket heads do come out in force!

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Comment(23)

  1. You sound kind of cocky in this post. It sounds as if you're saying, if the number of quality women were higher than you and your friends would have found wifies by now. But you and your friends may be part of the problem also. Just because you're young, black, male professionals doesn't mean you are all the cream of the crop. Your friend who loosely defined a quality woman as someone who would stick with you during hard times and would cook and clean sounds kind old-fashioned in his thinking about the role of a woman and that in itself is a turn off. Just want to emphasize that it's always a two-way street.

  2. I wouldn't call this guy exactly cocky in this post because one thing is for certain he left out way to many factors that come into play when dating so maybe the word is uninformed. He mentions that quality women consist of education, being goal oriented, independent, and with a healthy obsession with making her own money and achieving a lot in life but what about the ability to be nurturing, compassionate, caring, and with some what of a sense of humor. Now you might say oh well that all comes with it but truth is that it does not. I don't know one man that will say I want a woman exactly like me because men and women typically aren't the same. I'm saying all this to say don't leave out qualities in a woman that you think you can do without because essentially what your looking for is the total package and well most of us would like that. Trust your gonna miss qualities in a woman that your so called power woman will be lacking, no one person is perfect but together all things are possible so don't be so close minded.

  3. Yeah, those are very important things, and I do want all of them, but I guess their just not paramount. I do want someone who is nice and nurturing and all that goodness, but I guess I'll start with the "basics" and a good base.

    Don't worry, once I start finding people with those qualities, you'll see a post complaining about all of the mean and non-nurturing women … lol

    BTW … I have to approve the comments as of now, but I'll turn that off shortly. I want to hear every crazy thing everyone has to say!

  4. lol that is funny yea and don't be emailing me cuz all im gonna say is told ya so!!! I don't have any college degree's although I am in school I doubt that lack of education would keep me from finding the man of my dreams. I have a good paying job and enjoy my first passion as a Realtor I'm 25 with my house that I own and a paid for car and yes im bragging because I did all that without a masters. Don't get me wrong now that doesn't mean I don't want to get my education on but i will contest that having a piece of paper doesn't mean you can't have an intelligent conversation and be just as stimulating to someone I still have a lot ahead of me as far as my future, but I would pray that an education wouldn't keep a man from seeing who and what I truly stand for which is God. I believe in building each other up and who would I be to judge someone or say we can't talk because of this or that. Now I can discriminate all i want but I know I would be keeping God from blessing me and that I would not want to do.

    p.s thank goodness for spell check! is that what a college education does for you??? just kidding I know it does much less….

  5. I think this post was fair. He did mention this "…that if only 8% of black women were quality, then about 2% of black men were quality…" which I find to be true regardless of what your definition of quality is. Actually I think its more of a 10:1 ratio when taking into account the larger female to male population.

  6. Ok, I know there are a lot of us in jail, and u got a lot of guys who just aren't worth sh*t … but 10:1 is nuts.

    One thing I really did forget to mention is that a lot of the women out here who qualify in terms of the education, goals and whatnot are actually nuts. Or if their not nuts, their is some other FCF (Fundamental Character Flaw) keeping them out of the wifey category.

    But I will definitely admit that its a lot better for black men than black women.

  7. Thats might have to be tomorrow's post. Its a concept I came up with years ago.

    Basically, there are certain things that aren't temporary. No one is perfect, and everyone is f'd up someway. In whatever way a person is f'd up, thats a FCF. Sometimes its a dealbreaker, sometimes u can live with it. Expect more soon.

  8. I just have one question at this point SBM,If you realize that your Ideal woman (educated) is nuts then why would you continue to pursue them?? I understand thats what attracts you the most but sometimes just because its what you want doesn't mean its exactly what you need…. I can admit i'm starting to find that out myself. The grass is not always greener, now that doesn't mean settle because if you do that you won't be happy but maybe you should start to think outside the box a bit. 10:1 sounds about right to me as far as quality men but then again what is your definition of a QUALITY man????

  9. Whoa whoa whoa … things are being taken out of context. My ideal woman (educated) is not nuts. I'm saying, out of the group of educated women (which already is less than 50%), some percentage of them (probably around 50%) have some other issue that is problematic in the long run.

    This percentage of "problematic" educated women is basically the same as "problematic" non-educated women.

    Basically you have 100% of women. Lets say half fall into my definition of "educated". And lets say half of all women are "problematic" (read: "nuts) … then half of the educated women (50%) are "problematic" … leaving 25% of good well-adjusted women.

    By no means do I think educated women are any crazier than non-educated.

    And by the way, education is no end all be all. Generally, drive is paramount. You have people who just "give up". They don't strive to do better for themselves. To me … that is the ultimate unattraction!

    BTW … as I have admitted … this problem is even more prominent amongst males. But since I am a guy … I can only speak from my perspective (I haven't tried to date guys … so … just can't really speak on it … sorry).

  10. In the original blog you stated your quality woman would have all these things such as, an education, goals, own business, ect….. but then you turned around and said half of them are nuts? I was thinking how would you know about her being nuts unless you had actually spent time with her by being in a relationship or casual dating. Most people Don't show FCF'S right off. But my point was to say that you seemed to limit yourself to one group of females. Furthermore Those woman you described as educated, goal oriented, having her own business or what my girls call the SWP (sista with power) which basically means her thinking is going to more than likely be that she can have any man she wants if her looks match her accomplishments. By your own admittance you don't exactly meet all the qualification's of the ones u set for the very same females you date but i know that if you felt a woman was out of your league you would still make an attempt to let her know your qualified in some other ways. SWP'S most of the time have issues with men because they can't deal with a woman with more than him. Men are not realizing that with times changing, more woman are heading households. This means its going to take a bit more than your big house and paycheck and big D to keep her happy because even now they make toys to help a sista out lol. I don't know too many men that are willing to step up there game that much and not because you don't want to but because he probably never envisioned that it would come to this. so instead of dating a woman who challenges more than his pockets he dates the ones that dont have as much and labels her a buckethead to boost his ego. I don't think there is a such thing as being with a Well adjusted woman because sooner or later if you can't handle an issue she is having educated or not she is gonna end up in the nuts category and deal breakers lol. Don't bite my head off for this lol!!

  11. Wow … not sure how to even respond, but head biting isn't the first thought.

    You make a lot of good points and might have to base a whole post just off of this comment. Love the "SWP" (I'm big on acronyms and made up lables).

    So what it seems like your saying is that I go for women who are achieving more than me, than having a problem with emasculation and not keeping her happy. Or on the other hand, I date women who don't have as much as me and just dub them a bucket head. Is that correct?

    Well, first I will say that I am overly comfortable being with someone who has accomplished more than me. I personally have little trouble dealing with stong opinionated women. Honestly, I love someone who has something to say back to me in an intelligent fashion. For real … you firing back on my is getting me excited (I'll email u my number … lol).

    As for the bucket head thing, I will admit I throw it out there a little too much. This post was a retelling of my drunken night, so things are a little skewed in retrospect … but I do think their are a lot of bucket heads out there. I'm not calling any non-"educated" girl a buckethead … I'm calling bucketheads … buckets heads. Plenty of PhD bucketheads out there.

    Really, too much to respond in a comment. I might have to go and think on my response some more … but I do love me some SWP's!!!

  12. lol yes I picked up on your love for acronyms for sure!! I recently just finished a blog spot about what I call a Leading lady and to me no matter how nutty, educated, smart, attractive or goal oreiented a woman is that doesn't mean she can't have her own set of issues but as a man who believes in me will take all my flaws and ask no questions and be able to work thought it all and together make US better. Feel free to read it an let me know what you think I look forward to it……

  13. Lawd I stopped reading all of your comments but I am glad you recognized this "But I will definitely admit that its a lot better for black men than black women."

    And that truly would have been my comment! ;o)

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