Remember that girl who told you “I’m perfectly fine with just a sexual relationship. I don’t need no man all up under me anyway” just to have her crying in your arms confessing her love to you and telling you it was all a lie … in just a few short weeks.
Ever had a guy who would look at you and say “Baby … I want to be with you forever” just to find out later on sex was his only motivation in talking to you and he was just waiting for your sister to stop faking.
These are the lies that have existed throughout history (the beginning of time actually) and many us have heard (or said) them. I heard them, my dad heard/said them, his grandmother heard them … all the way back to when Adam said to Eve “Girl … you know your the only one for me. I’ll never leave you.” … until God got mad and it came time to point fingers. Also, I bet if there were some other females inside of the garden, would have been a whole different story once he had some options.
Well, I have good news. Things have changed. Personally, I have felt confident enough in telling a girl up front “I don’t want a girlfriend right now … but we can chill” (this isn’t my current thinking … but it was at the time). No longer did I feel compelled to give her false hope and make her believe I was going to marry her in order to keep her around. Finally … I was free to be honest and not feel like some heartless asshole, or have our date end abruptly.
But better yet … its not just me. Men and Women have been telling me about how people are laying out certain truths and expectations. Guys on a first date letting it be known they don’t want a girlfriend. Women who want to be married in 18 months and aren’t afraid to share. Even to go as far as the guy who says “I don’t work … and pretty much need a chick to give me head and pay the bills”. Its a new day!
On the other hand, I tried to keep my intentions “clouded” in a subsequent situation. I wasn’t completely sure what I wanted, but decided to just say what I thought she wanted to hear. Yeah … bad idea. Won’t go into the details … but it didn’t work out. Really, I could have continued it, but not being 100% honest just became too tiring, and even when I knew it was time to be done with things, the sex kept me around, so I kept up the front.
So … is this newfound level of honesty a good thing? Do you really want to have a glass ceiling created on the first date, or is discovery half of the fun?