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Honesty … Its whats hot!


Remember that girl who told you “I’m perfectly fine with just a sexual relationship. I don’t need no man all up under me anyway” just to have her crying in your arms confessing her love to you and telling you it was all a lie … in just a few short weeks.

Ever had a guy who would look at you and say “Baby … I want to be with you forever” just to find out later on sex was his only motivation in talking to you and he was just waiting for your sister to stop faking.

These are the lies that have existed throughout history (the beginning of time actually) and many us have heard (or said) them. I heard them, my dad heard/said them, his grandmother heard them … all the way back to when Adam said to Eve “Girl … you know your the only one for me. I’ll never leave you.” … until God got mad and it came time to point fingers. Also, I bet if there were some other females inside of the garden, would have been a whole different story once he had some options.

Well, I have good news. Things have changed. Personally, I have felt confident enough in telling a girl up front “I don’t want a girlfriend right now … but we can chill” (this isn’t my current thinking … but it was at the time). No longer did I feel compelled to give her false hope and make her believe I was going to marry her in order to keep her around. Finally … I was free to be honest and not feel like some heartless asshole, or have our date end abruptly.

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But better yet … its not just me. Men and Women have been telling me about how people are laying out certain truths and expectations. Guys on a first date letting it be known they don’t want a girlfriend. Women who want to be married in 18 months and aren’t afraid to share. Even to go as far as the guy who says “I don’t work … and pretty much need a chick to give me head and pay the bills”. Its a new day!

On the other hand, I tried to keep my intentions “clouded” in a subsequent situation. I wasn’t completely sure what I wanted, but decided to just say what I thought she wanted to hear. Yeah … bad idea. Won’t go into the details … but it didn’t work out. Really, I could have continued it, but not being 100% honest just became too tiring, and even when I knew it was time to be done with things, the sex kept me around, so I kept up the front.

So … is this newfound level of honesty a good thing? Do you really want to have a glass ceiling created on the first date, or is discovery half of the fun?


  1. Honestly, I think it’s a good thing to a certain extent. Both parties should know where they stand and no one is fantasizing about what may be. However, certain things like “I want to be married within the next 18months” should be kept to oneself for 2 reasons:

    1. You may scare away a man that potentially wants to marry you within the next 18months. We all know that when a man feels like he is being “tied down” his first instinct is to run!

    2. People change including you. For whatever reason your. When I was 25, I couldn’t wait to get married and now that I am 27 and still unmarried, Experience has calmed me down and thought me that certain things are beyond my control.

  2. I also agree its a good thing for one simple reason. It allows both the man and the woman to decide upfront if they want to be in that current situation. Without someone being led on and it being out of there control. Besides you might run across that person thats thinking the exact same thing you are.

    Im not sure if anyone should be telliing they want to be married in 18months that could back fire in a million and one ways lol.

  3. People always say they want to hear the truth, but I don't think any functional relationship can with 100% honesty. For the major things, obviously, its best to be honest, but there are times when you have to lie to people because the truth is as much as people say they want to always know the truth, they don't.

  4. To Lurker:

    I do think you could scare a guy away, but to say that we when "a man feels like he is being “tied down” his first instinct is to run!" is just unfair. Not every guy is afraid of commitment and a realtionship (I am a little currently, but I'm not the best example). But sometimes we do need to know what you are OK with and not OK with and if our goals are inline. I will admit though … even if I did want to get married in 18 months, it just sounds too depsparate coming from a female and it would be a major turn off.

    To Posh:

    Exactly how much lying does someone need to do??? While omission of the truth is sometimes needed (I don't need to hear about little FCF's that you decided to deal with … but want to keep reminding me about anyway!) … but not sure I can really condone lying. The only exception is looks and penis size (Tell her she looks good all the time and no matter what … its always the biggest you've ever had!).

  5. @ SMB:

    "even if I did want to get married in 18 months, it just sounds too depsparate coming from a female and it would be a major turn off." …I think you just proved my point. 🙂

  6. Lol … It just might be. I don't know what it is, but you can't comment about that!

    Best story I heard was when a guy put his girlfriend out side of a hotel room ass naked because she said he had a small dick.

    Funny thing is, when its said, u know its not true. Usually its just a biting comment made out of anger, but still … do yourself and ur relationship a favor … lie!

  7. You wanna be careful with that “It’s the biggest I have ever had” because if he in fact has a teeny “member” he will see right through your lies and I doubt you’d be able to say “It’s the biggest I have ever seen” with a straight face anyway. But if he is average you can embellish and stroke his ego.

  8. Right thats where I was going with the whole BIGGEST I HAVE EVER SEEN type deal. Men know how they measure up, if its average I can see the stroke of an ego thats totally ok. But to lie when they know your lying I think that might hurt worse. I have a story I sooooooooooo wanna share about that one but i wont go there lol.

  9. OK … you don't have to be that blatant. But you do have to avoid any type of comments that could in anyway be taken negatively.

    A blog I read talked about a girl saying he had the second biggest penis … and she meant that to be a compliment. When it comes to dick size … remember what your mama told you … "If you don't have something nice to say … shut the f up" (pardon the French).

    How did we get on this topic anyway????

  10. lol. Guys really ask how their..buddies..compare with others'? Too funny.

    Yes, yes, and YES to honesty. As far as I'm concerned, it's the best policy. There was a time when I was too shy or nice to say certain things, and I suffered for it. It really saves me a lot of headache if both parties can be completely honest with each other. There are certain things that require tact, of course, but I can do without lies, games, or half-truths.

  11. Well.. 3 years later I am commenting on this post…lol… but I am a firm believer in taking the "honest" approach when dealing with someone. Once all lines of communication are open in the beginning in regards to what both parties are looking to get out of the situation, it makes the "relationship" run a lot smoother. I see it as giving the other person the opportunity to agree or disagree with the "I just want a FwB" or "I am looking for something more long term".


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