Its generally a well known fact that girls often are highly attracted to and often flock to those “icky” guys. Whats even more of a problem is that nice guys really are finishing last. Assholes are in high demand, while nice guys fight over the few girls looking for them. Now I will admit that this is something that plagues mainly young girls (21 & under) as opposed to the sophisticated women that I adore (24 & up). Really, this topic is a whole post that I will have to write at another time, but it makes a good intro for today’s rant.
Back in college (only a few years ago for me), I was talking to a female friend (I have a very small number of these) about the subject, and she told me when it came to any guy, they had to pass the “Alley Test”. I asked her to elaborate. She said that any guy who was with her need to be able to walk down an alley with her at 3am and make her feel safe. She also went on to elaborate about how most of the guys at our school just didn’t cut it. They were just “too educated and stuff”.
Man … didn’t know if I should go crazy and curse her out … or tell her mom and have her bust her head until the white meat.
WTF. Why is it a smart brother can’t fight? I’m smart, and I used to fight all the time. I’m 6 foot, over 200 lbs, and have been known to have a short fuse. In addition, I got 2 degrees know computers, how to program, and can tell you why you should have bought Google stock 2 months ago. TRUST … if we’re walking down an alley, you can grab onto to my shoulder and not be scared.
But really … what is more important. That I can fight when need be, or that my life goals, career, and job can provide for me and you. How many times are we going to be walking through an alley at 3am? You need to be thinking how many times we’re gonna go out and you don’t want the credit card to not come back declined?
I mean, this was one person, but I have even read articles talking about the same thing. Apparently a lot of Black Women just are looking for the wrong things. So sad.
Is the alley test valid now? Is that what its important? Do we as men need to let it be known we’re ready to get the swinging instead of our ability to provide and love?
Please … let me know
Maybe its an age thing. Don't get me wrong, us older women do like to feel secure that our man can handle himself in a dangerous situation; but that's where it stops. I'm not looking for a bad boy, thug or what have you…give me a BMW (Black Man Working) verses a Black Man Thugging on any given day.
Wow, I never heard of it. But I do think I would feel just as safe if my man told me the dangers of walking through alleys at 3 am.
I am more into be comfortable, if I can be myself laugh and feel that your enjoying your time with me, I am smiling.
Lol @ mikki.
Something I am learning as I now actively scour other blogs for inspiration, to see what other people are talking about, and to just leave my mark is one thing: "Guys don't read blogs on relationships!"
Even in terms of other blogs written by guys, I have found really just found one.
And if you think about it … it makes sense. I never read relationship blogs before this. They were all about technology, coding, or business.
Lol … the male friends I have that read this don't even comment!
As tickled pink as I am to read all of SBM'S responses to what people have to say, I'd like to know why aren't the brotha's OTHER than SBM commenting in these forums? huh huh huh!! lol
Us ladies do like to hear what other men have to say on the issues at hand. *wink*
If you ask me the alley test was NEVER relevant.
I agree with you SBM, give me a BMW that can talk about future and our children's children's future any day!
~ found you via Sheila and think I will be enjoying your blog. Love that it is from a BM's perspective on relationships.
So many girls in college get caught up with the thug thing. But I do agree that the older women get, the more inclined we are to devalue thugging and gravitate towards educated and working black men. But even in college though I would be appalled to hear one of my friends use the alley test to determine who she would date. Something like that might have brought me to tears and really had me wondering: What are ya'll doin in the alley at 3 a.m. anyway???