Home Dating & Relationships Laws of Attraction The Essence: Female Swagger … How to attract a Man

The Essence: Female Swagger … How to attract a Man


Dawg … I think I’m hooked … she got that essence!”

This isn’t anything new … its not groundbreaking … but I’m here to give it a name and let it be known to those who simply don’t know.  Also, I feel it needs some clarification for all of you out there overdoing it.

Girls like guys with confidence.  Often this is called his “swag”, “swagger”, or “swagger factor”.  Its the way he carries himself.  Its the way he approaches you confident that he is worth your time, but not arrogant as to think “this girl is so lucky to be blessed by my presence”.

Well, a similar thing holds true for females.  My good friend dubbed this term to refer to his girlfriend (their both gonna read this and she is going to hate me because she hates the word) and initially described it as simply … Female Swagger.

The Essense … its that sense of self confidence in a girl showing you that she knows who she is, flaws and all, but revels and cherishes her strengths.  She knows she looks good, but doesn’t ever … ever … call herself “The Sh*t” because, she knows she is imperfect and has FCF’s, and also because … sh*t stinks!

See Also:  After What Date Is that Man the Truth?

Arrogance ≠ Essence 

This is so … so … important.  Let me just say it again: Arrogance does not equal Essence. Its a very fine line every person, male or female, must tread lightly.  Arrogance is pompous, annoying, and anti-seductive.  An arrogant person will almost always think they are better than you, and they won’t be willing to admit, acknowledge, or work on their faults.

This arrogance runs rampant amongst females (well in DC it does)!  A lot of girls feel they can treat guys anyway they want. They embarass, emasculate, and humiliate us in front of friends, family, and that random dude on the street, who now clowns him everytime he walks by (“Look at that ol’ p*ssy whipped sumbitch.  I wouldn’t let no girl talk to me like that. Punk ass ho!”). It has also given many women absolutely no leeway in the 2 million things that her man must posess, because she knows that she can’t “settle”.  No one should be with someone they don’t like (i.e. settle without quotation marks), but when the the size of his shoe, length of his penis (down to the quarter inch), and the make of his car are all things you can’t “settle” on, your setting yourself up for failure.

To my ladies … Do you have that essence?

See Also:  Protecting Our Image: Why Should We Stop Watching Trashy Reality TV?

To my guys … Are you looking for that essence?


  1. I have to admit that I am a sucker for "the Essence". The problem is that I typically fall for the Arrogrant Essence because of my Arian nature – I love a challenge. I typically seek out women who are unattainable – the thought being that the rare and precious gem is very valuable. Wrong, wrong, wrong! I am going to look out for the real Essence from now on…


  2. Lol @ antidater. Yes, most men love a challenge but once you are no longer challenging (i,e a woman shoes her interest) he moves on to bigger challenges.

    To me, the most attractive thing about a man is his swagger. This comes even before his looks (Jay Z) and his money (Tyrone from next door who aint got $2 to his name right now). As long as a man has that confidence, he will always get a woman.

    As for me, I've got essence but still looking for that swagger to match my essence 🙂

    Good post SBM.

  3. Lurker, thats not really true about girls showing their interest. A significant turn off for me is someone who won't show interest. I end up assuming your arrogant and think your the sh*t. When thats the case, time for me to move on.

    Most, if not all, of the major players in my life have been willing to call me if they wanted to talk. No need for games.

  4. I think there is a fine line between showing an interest and being aggressive, Men like a chase as much as they attempt to push that fact under a rug it will always be the case.Men do like aggressiveness but the question is HOW aggressive. I agree with Lurker about a woman being a challenge, but as the man chases pursues and conquers (depending on how long it takes) he is less likely to leave a woman he has invested so much time and hard work for.

  5. Good Comment Mikki

    @ the essence,

    I don't know if I have THE "essence". But I on the other hand, don't think I'm arrogant either. I think that behind arrogance is an insecurity that all women have on some level and the more insecure, the more arrogant-the more hurt, the more wounded.

    my 2 cents

  6. Love the article and comments but one tends to forget most of us "women" are simply tired of being approached by the typical "man". We want a man that will give us a reason to show intrest in him. As a woman with Swagg, I know I attract men on many levels. The question is how does one continue to hold his interest once attention is given? Sex? Too much, too little attention! One in the same. As a New Yorker, everyone pocess some sort of swagg (even our children) but I'd rather know the way to my Nubian King's heart and soul!

  7. I agree with The Come Back Girl. Seems that the more arrogant one is, the more likely they actually have an inferiority complex deep down under all that.

    In several people I have come across, the fine line that seems to stand between true essence and arrogance lies in humility – being self assured enough in oneself that there is no need to be overly arrogant about it.

    To me it appears the more a man or woman feels the need to show you how good they are, the less likely their substance matches up to the act.

  8. I enjoyed the comments, interesting about the showing interest. Sometimes they pursue until you show interest and then the relationship grows. But then there are those "impatient little boys" who want you to get infatuated after just 2 weeks. I keep my ways "swag", but I never date someone with only friend potential, and impatience– definitely wouldnt make it past friend potential


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