Home Dating & Relationships Laws of Attraction Independence: Yeah … thats sexy

Independence: Yeah … thats sexy


“I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T … Do you know what that means man?” – Webbie

Every few months, or weeks, I redefine what is sexy to me. Sometimes I want that super intelligent woman who challenges my intellect and provides me with mental stimulation. Sometimes I want a super-driven Type A personality to compliment me, while keeping me on my toes and forcing me to accomplish more. Every once in awhile, a phat ass and cute smile is all I want at the end of the day. Well today, my #1 desire has changed … yet again.


I yearn now for an independent woman. I want someone who is looking for a partner, not a sponsor. Someone who has her own money, can and does take care of herself, and doesn’t need anybody to “save her”. She knows herself very well and is comfortable in her own skin. She loves when I compliment her, but doesn’t live me doing it … because she already knows she has that essence and doesn’t need me to confirm it. Her finances are on point, or better than mine. She has already made a plan to achieve whats she wants on her own, but realizes the benefits of dual income. She has her own opinion and will share it, but in an intelligent and understanding way that can’t help but make you sit back and say … damn. If she wants something, she looks to get it herself instead of first thinking “who can give it to me”. She has her own friends and respects the fact that we both have our own lives outside of the relationship. She doesn’t curse me out for giving my friends one weekend out the month, cause she wants to see her girls anyway. When we’re in the mall, and she needs to bend down, she puts her purse on a bench before she asks me to hold it … because no guy wants to hold a purse … and the bench is right there.

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Now … I know there are a lot of problems that come with independent women. Some like to let you know how insignificant they are and that they don’t need you for anything. They may ask things of their man that aren’t traditional and some feel is emasculating (he needs to cook, be able to clean, and dress himself … well). Some are so set in their own ways, they don’t see any point in compromising … so it can be her way or the highway.

But I don’t care … I am truly tired of girls looking for a savior to “take them away” from all this. I have met girls who refuse to do anything for themselves and I’m tired of it. They look to me to provide everything except the air they breathe … and please realize I’m not just talking about money. The #1 requirement from now on is: You must have your own friends! I have friends and things I want to do by myself sometimes, and you should have people outside of me who bring you joy in your life. When you depend on one person for all your support and sanity … you are setting yourself up.

On the other hand, there are people who want that a dependent person. They want to provide everything and “upgrade” their woman. She doesn’t need her own money, because he has it. He wants someone who is willing to depend on him and need him and let that be known. He wants to take care of someone, a dependent. She shouldn’t be working, because he does. And when it comes to any major decision … she needs to ask him and what he says goes … he doesn’t need another opinion, just a yes. And if that makes him happy … do you … but the only person I need to take care of is my future child.

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Really … this is more of a personal rant brought on by personal things … but its so true.

Is it just me? Whats more appealing … an independent female or a dependent one?


  1. Yes, it is just you SBM. I recently posted on a similar topic ("The Black Career Woman". I do want a partner but an Independent woman is looking to be the captain of the ship – she doesn't want to be first mate. INDEPENDENT women DO NOT NEED a man. Any man in their life must be emasculated to stay there. Personally, I like my balls and plan to hold on to them despite the wishes of a woman seeking a submissive subject.

    What's the big deal about DEPENDENT women? I don't want a dependent in the IRS sense of the word – but a woman who is supportive and unafraid of the traditional role of a woman. The problem with INDEPENDENT women is that they want the man to act as a woman (cook, allow them to make decisions, be supportive, listen more than talk, allow them to be the breadwinner, etc.) Role reversal is stupid. This seems like a feminine inferiority complex – men need to be emasculated so that women can deal with them. This should not be the case. Balance between independence and dependence needs to be sought. It is outrageous to ask men to maintain their traditional role as women reject their own.


    1. Independent women may not "need" a man, but a lot of us sure as hell love few things more than to have a good one by our side. I find it slightly annoying that the term connotes all kinds of negative things. At the end of the day, an independent woman is one who can handle her business solo. Whether or not she is the kind to wage a war against the male species and established norms is strictly a matter of personal characteristics and experiences.

      As much as my mother loves my father, she wouldn't hesitate to remind him that she's perfectly capable of surviving without him. And yet, she caters to her man, and even in times when she's the one holding down the fort, she defers to him as head of the household. Independent woman =/= Unsupportive & unwilling to yield to one's partner in any way, shape, or form.

  2. There is another fine line with this, see I consider myself to be "independent" I own my home, own car, and I hold down 2 jobs one working for the government and the other as a realtor "toot toot". Still at the end of the day I don't want to hold the fort down, I want to be able to take care of the house while my husband works and I tend to our children (if im home full time) Most people now days need two incomes so if we both working we just gonna have to share responsibilities. But over all I want my man to be the head. I don't need to be on top unless its in the bedroom.

    As for women wanting handouts well there will always be those types so just steer clear.

    p.s most men can't afford to take care of themselves let alone a female with 8 baby momma's and 11 kids. Further more the men I know that ACT like they got it all together are actually up to there eye balls in debt trying to be a show off and that dont help me none. so if u think 10 and 20 dollars is really doing something you are sadly mistaken. Unless your chick is trying to buy baby phat purses all day.

  3. Now, i totally disagree with Anti – Indepedent women are not looking for Pussy-whipped men, we don't want someone who has to be the woman…we are the woman…we want a man to be a man, and hold his own and collaborate, co-habitate, not suckle at our feet…hell naw…Just because we got a house, a car, a job, a career doesn't mean we want to demean a man…we want a partner just like you…somebody with his own stuff, dreams, friends, aspirations…and together we can build and even bigger empire and happy home…yes, i'm a indepedent woman, got all the above and more…looking for that indepedent man…and not some whuss of a mama's boy looking for a mama!

  4. yep!!! @ "some guys want women to be dependent"

    I had a bf a few years ago that wanted me to depend strictly on him for everything i needed or wanted. For things I wanted I would let him do cause I didn't have to spend my own money and I doted on him just the same. But when I struck out on my own (went and got a car and when I got my first apt. for example) both times he acted out on my independence of him. He'd find some reason to get mad at me and leave me in standing in the dust wondering what the hell had just happened. When I began to mature and "grow out" of the relationship, I started noticing things, he wanted me to quit my job and move in with him. UH UH! Although, it sounded enticing at first, I declined. What the hell would I have done as a 22 year-old..at home all-day with nothing to do? Be Suzie Homemaker? Suzie's cool and all, but I'd rather do that alongside working my own job and bringing home the bread to contribute to the table.


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