Home Dating & Relationships Dating The Club Mentality: Wife … from the club … NOT HAPPENING

The Club Mentality: Wife … from the club … NOT HAPPENING


I remember back in college actually having to convince some of my female friends the club wasn’t a good place to meet their boyfriend. To me … I was shocked that I had to actually argue this point. I thought it was clear to everyone that the club was for finding one night stands, jumpoffs, and bucket heads … not Ms. (or Mr.) Right.

Why is the club tailored to those looking for temporary love? What is it about the club that is poisionous to the creation of true love? Why is any relationship formed in the club almost always doomed to fail? Simple … the Club Mentality.

I can’t speak for everyone, every club, everywhere, but generally speaking, the club is the definition of … “the frenzy”. There is a lot of liquor involved, its an enviroment solely focused on social interactions between men and women. The music is too loud for conversation. Lights are dim and liquor flows freely. Its one of the few places you can walk behind a female, start grind on her ass … and not break any laws or be arrested. Rules, laws, and social norms that are upheld on “the outside” … simply don’t apply here. Its a different world.

A lot of guys go to the club to take a girl home with them. They are often the most aggressive too. In addition, as a guy, you know more girls are going to be open to conversation as opposed to the “real world” … so you don’t have to worry about “bothering” someone. While physically abusing a girl is still just as wrong, all those overly aggressive moves you had to retire are now allowed and often practiced. Also, for some reason, a fight is now a possibility. While at work your calm, on the road you let people pass you, but in the club … let someone scuff your sneakers or spill your drink … bout to be a misunderstanding!

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For the ladies, you know that someone is going to disrespect you. Your ass will be grabbed, someone is going to pull your arm and not want to let go, and somebody is going to be overly aggressive about getting your number. A guy is going to come up to you and start “dancing” … which is closer to sex than anything else, but for some reason … tonight its OK. And while your open to conversation for any “cute” guy who is “acting right” … you also prepared a set of statement for those … “showing their ass”.

In both cases … your not thinking or acting logically. Your not the same person that you are at work, or in the grocery store, or while walking down the street. I know the thought of sleeping with someone I have known for less than 24 hours suddenly seems more appealing to me … personally. And once that liquid courage (alcohol) gets in the system … Mild mannered SBM suddenly becomes … well this post isn’t about me …

Not only is the person you meet at the club not a valid representation of this person, but its hard to take anyone as serious in the club. I’m thinking about different things, the “standards” your getting judged by are significantly different, and honestly … even if I meet Ms. Right … I still might do something stupid and probably will try to cheapen something that could have been nice. Its sad, but its so true.

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I will say, there are certain lounges, Happy Hours, and upscale lounges that can provide a relatively healthy meeting place for single individuals … but that isn’t the norm.

Feel me?


  1. SBM, you must be listening in to my conversations. Finding your soulmate in the club is close to nil.

    Would you mind if I used this blog post as a guest blogger post on my blog?

  2. Well – *sigh* – I actually know a married couple who met at the club. Not happy hour – da club. I went to the wedding 3 or so years ago. They are still together and despite some rough patches they are doing well.

    I don't think that this refutes SBM's message. This couple is in the minority. When my children ask me where I met their mother, the response will surely NOT be: "At da club when she was backin dat ass up."

  3. I used to think I'm a normal girl — not scandalous, not a gold digger, not giving it up for a drink, why can't there be men in the club who aren't just looking for some ass for the night too. I wasn't thinking LOVE, but perhaps some dates and whatever else.

    Now I realize that was completely delusional. Nothing good results from the club. Its cursed, even if you meet a good man/woman there, it will be tainted — it'll never work.

  4. Mr. Slish: The club has been good … even great to me … for them temporary situations. But aint no wifey type female touching her toes for you and begging you for a drink!

  5. Yeah, I met my first wife at a club. Bad idea. Find 'em in a bar, leave 'em in a bar. This was a ghetto ass Detroit club too.

    Where I think I went wrong is that I made a celibacy pledge 6 months earlier because the chicks I was dating were all getting increasingly dangerous and violent and I figured if I took the sex out of the relationship, maybe I could find someone special and sane. I was kinda trying the whole christian thing…but doing it half way cause I can't go to church 'cause it's too boring.

    Well, I met my ex and I almost instantly deemed her something special and fell in love…and got married. What a disaster.

    Moral of the story: Don't marry a chick you meet in a club? No. Don't EVER go celibate. You will lose your friggin' mind.

  6. I totally agree. As a single female, I know better than to walk naively into a club thinking I will fing my one true love. I go to the club to act like someone else, and I would hate to meet Mr. Right in my too short, too tight dress. (If I decide to be that person for the night)

    The club is my opportunity to act a damn fool. I work a regular 9-5 in an corporate office. When I go to the club, I expect the worst and I'm never surprised.

    Letter to the ladies, go to a book store, or find a hobby, there are so many other ways to find a man. Especially a man with common interest.

    1. hahahaha. this is a great way to think about the club… multiple personalities… lol. i love it.

      i never look for a hubby in the club, it used to be about just finding a cute face to talk to, however most of the time the men were to sloshed to that either. change of plans – next time i'm out i will be the fierce b*tch u love to hate.

      lol. SBM love the post.

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