Home Dating & Relationships Relationships Keep your legs closed … just not forever

Keep your legs closed … just not forever

10

Honestly, I hate being a groupie … but I was reading a post on Mr. Slish’s Blog and I swore I have never agreed with a single post so much. On his post he lays out 10 steps to get a man out here, and its just truth after truth.

I look in the comments, and someone suggests that he needs to add in something about girls keeping their legs closed. Mr. Slish disagrees apparently … but although I shouldn’t say this publicly … this commenter had a point. Go read his post, but I have to talk about this one added point.

Honestly, a quick beat is not a good start for a relationship. I know Andre 3000 in an interlude in “The Love Below” says that sleeping with a girl during the first night is not a turn off … but he’s on some other sh*t.

My friend The Antidater talks about a girl Respecting herself, and this is a form of respecting herself.

Don’t get me wrong … I love sex. And easy sex is great … but … I’m not marrying a one night stand.

One of the significant issues with doing too much too soon is simple … sex clouds the mind. I will draw from personal experience to drive this point home.

I got this girl’s number. We talked for several days. Conversation was great, she had a lot of the things I was looking for. I mean … it wasn’t the deepest of conversation, but everything seemed good … really good. There were some possible signs of “conflict” … but I didn’t care at that point. Anyway, we go on the first date … everything is good. I was feeling this girl. We end up making out that first date back in her place. I continued to advance a base or half a base every date, for about 5 dates. Soon, we were “there” … and I was convinced everything was great. Again … there were some major Fundamental Character Flaws I noticed with every interaction … but I was sure she was “the one”. Took me a few weeks to realize … but … I just liked the sex. And after it was finally said and done with, I had actually came to the conclusion that was the only reason I was entertaining her for the last few weeks of the “situation”. Sadly, our jump into intimacy had blinded me of what I was really feeling … nothing.

See Also:  You Wanna Take a Break? F*** That!

Pussy is a powerful motivator. While it can keep someone around … he’s going to be around for the wrong reasons … and you know what … “You’z a Jumpoff“.

Last thing though … don’t hold out too long. I agree with the 3 date rule, as long as their real dates. All this “he has to be my boyfriend” and months of waiting will turn off a lot of guys and too often is unnecessary. Just like everything else … its a balancing act.

I know some guy is going to get on me for saying this … but damnit … I’m trying to educate women out here! If I can convert one bucket head … I’ve done a great thing!

Comment(10)

  1. I don't really believe in having a minimum time period for having sex with someone. DON'T get my wrong, I'd never have sex on the first night with anyone. Not judging people who do, but dinner and a movie is not enough to get me in bed. But giving yourself deadlines like it has to be three dates or a month, is all BS. You could be dating a guy for a month and they could be patiently waiting to hit it and quit it. It should just be about how you and the other person connect, not a countdown.

  2. This is true … sometimes you'll truly wait it out … put in all the work … hang around for month … just to get "it" and bounce.

    We are complex creatures … lol

  3. The keep em closed big bang theory…

    I have to agree with you on this oh mighty blogger buddy lol im playing. Anyways based on experience and I know yall nay sayers out there have ya’ll select instances where this doesn’t apply, but most relationships I have dealt in have ended when sex is involved much too soon. Sex clouds better judgment and further more a lot of women, ok (rewind) speaking for myself so ladies don’t get hostile on me, ( I ) tend to have a problem separating sex and emotions, just because you gave up your goodies don’t mean he gonna be with you. Furthermore you can lust after some one and have great sex but after the good love making dies down u realize the person aint all they was cracked up to be. So again I say hold off only until you know at least have a last name so you can do a background check, cuz chances are he aint respecting you once you give it up quickly. But if you don’t care about respect or you think you’re above the woman’s nature then go for it.

  4. Guys are in it for the pussy and women for the laundry list of things they want. So-if a guy gets what he wants up front – what else is there to wait for?

    I was able to establish relationships after I "hit it" on the first night. In hindsight – these "relationships" were just Friends With Benefits arrangements with extended warranties.

    Feelings don't have to be involved in sex. However, sex without emotions can be a cold experience. Men and women may want more emotionally.

    If you are serious about someone – just wait. 3 dates, 3 months, whatever – but make the brotha get to know you and "earn it".

  5. What if…what if you have been dialogueing with this special guy for a couple of months, and then you finally hook up…hormones are off the chain, you wanted him before he even showed up, he wanted you from the first, or second email, or phone call…where does the 3 date rule apply here…should you still stay the course and wait, hold out, even when you don't really care, cuz you been feelin this Mr. for awhile, cuz somehow he has got you so mentally stimulated that you are convinced it has to be right. What say you?

  6. Mr.Slish checking in…You're right about that SBM I really don't agree with ladies holding out if she is really diggin a dude, but lets flip that coin. What if the man holds out Yeah I said it! Women can't take that kind of rejection. Its like a catch 22 if men go there and pull that pink thong to the side. She's in love and we're in HELL! If we don't mow the lawn in their garden of eden because we want to get to know them a little better.That woman will put you in a category and cut you off. Thinking to herself " HOW DARE HE SAY NO TO THIS!"

    And they tell us we're the confused ones…lol

  7. Ok, so let's say a woman meets a guys and she is digging him tough, she waits a minute, has sex, and thing go sour. So she moves on and then meets another dude and she feels him. Potentially she could sex several dudes in a year's time and not ever settle down.

    Sex has been overused and SO many ramifications come even if you use protection. Waiting is not bad. Hell, alot of problems would not exist if folks delayed gratification.

  8. "All this “he has to be my boyfriend” and months of waiting will turn off a lot of guys and too often is unnecessary."

    ..eh? lol, it's too much to ask for a guy to have committed to a relationship before getting the goods? I should probably also point out that "unnecessary" is subjective. There have been many a situation where a woman felt the need to reach a certain level within a relationship before crossing that boundary, but found herself battling accusations of adhering to stupid timelines, being irrational, selfish, etc, etc. Yes, I understand that sex is a big deal to most guys, but being that it's hardly a matter of life and death, I have to call y'all out for being the selfish ones 7+ times out of 10. I don't know why I'm still surprised when I see some guy or the other comment that any woman who holds out past the 3rd date is trippin'.

    In any case, I agree; very rarely does sex early on bode well for relationships.

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