Home Dating & Relationships Dating Indicators of Interest (IOI): Does she/he really like me?

Indicators of Interest (IOI): Does she/he really like me?


“I think she likes me man … but I don’t know. Talk is good, but she never calls, and I gotta jump through hoops for a date. What you think?”

You would be surprised how many times I get asked this.  I also get the question from girls too (he changed to she of course).  Whenever your talking to someone new, fielding that first phone call from your future baby’s mama, or in that sometimes cloudy “courtship” period … you searching for those IOIs.

Before I go any further, I want to thank The Antidater for the coming up with IOI term in the comments of another post.  Gotta give credit where its due.

Indicators of Interest (IOI) refer to any and everything that a person does, whether intentional or subconscious, that lets you know they like you and things are going well.  Some of the basic ones that apply across sexes include:

  • Calling a person
  • Physical contact (hug, touching of the shoulder)
  • Spending large periods of time talking
  • Direct and specific compliments
  • Expressing direct interest in seeing a person
  • Nibbling a person’s ear
  • Grabbing at person crotch and attempting to stimulate their privates
  • Whispering “I want to f*ck you right now” sweetly into their ear

All these things and more allow one person to tell another that “I like you”. But wait … what if things seem funny?

  • What does it mean if you only get one IOI every 3 weeks?
  • What happens if your phone calls are always at 3am in the morning and consist of “Can I come through”?
  • What happens if every time she calls you to go out, she always wants to eat, its the end of the month, and she complains of the hunger headaches and she can’t wait until her paycheck comes?
  • What if every compliment, as sweet as they are, always reference your ass and breasts?
  • What does it mean if she whispers things in your ear, touches you all over, and puts your hand in “special places” … but when the light turns on and the song is over she says “lapdance over” and you have to pay her?
See Also:  Why Unconditional Love Is Conditional

Yeah … IOIs aren’t easy.  Every once in awhile you will meet someone who erases all doubt from your mind and makes you feel that there is no doubt about where you stand or how they feel.  Better yet, their actually honest about it!  They weren’t tricking you.

Some IOIs are universal, some only work for men, and some only for women.  Its a complicated science because no one wants to be led astray, but everyone wants to be wanted.

What IOIs did I miss?


  1. What happens if your phone calls are always at 3am in the morning and consist of “Can I come through”?

    from Detroit to Maryland to antidaters post from JiaTV's trackback, landing on my fingertips to form the infamous yet so true words “you’z a jump off!!

  2. This made me laugh so hard!! And I quote:

    Exhibit A: Grabbing at person crotch and attempting to stimulate their privates OR this little gem: Whispering “I want to f*ck you right now” sweetly into their ear"… LMAO!!!

    I think that demonstrates an extremely base level of interest that might not be recieved so initially.

    But then again it just might….

  3. Mikki: Lol. I've know the 3am call is a signal of the jumpoff for years, but loved how Jia spelled it out for everybody. Maybe coming from a girl, women will listen.

    Tiffany: Suprisingly enough, I've had someone do both of those to me. Lets just say … she was trying to show some major IOIs that night. In hindsight, those weren't the exact words, but you get the point.

  4. Don't you think you are over intellectualizing the calling aka IOI just a wee bit too much ***squints one eye with the index to thumb action***

    And how long are you all spending on the phone. I'm a phone girl on the right before the first offical date. After that I much rather spend that time talking in person.

    let me find out you and anti stay hugged up on the phone.

  5. Comeback:

    Not sure if it was a typo or grammatical mishap (maybe I'm just slow), but not sure exactly what you mean in the first sentence. Using the term IOI is over intellectualizing things or specifically the part on calling?

    Man … a lot of girls will kill you in phone time … before and after. Easily I can spend between 2-4 hours in one night talking with a person. And one person may want 2 of these a week. I love to talk, but it can be tiring. Especially if your talking to more than one.

    I'll assume you mean me and anti with our respective females and your not trying to insinuate something …

  6. Phone time is important. You can identify Fundamental Character Flaws in advance. I'd rather get a whiff of a woman's sculduggery or goldiggery on the phone rather than on a date.

    Where I'm from, too much phone time is called "caking" and it is excessive. You have to "right-size" our phone time.

  7. LOL @ Anti: My cousin used that term a lot too, he's married now. Guess he 'caked' himself into a wife.

    On phone time: Giving good phone, like giving good head (LOL) is an acquired skill. I love a phone and can gab for hours but most men can't take that. Their collective heads would pop off. THe key is talk long enough to get some pertinent details established and then set up the face to face meeting.

    On texting: Texting is great. Great for confirming a location where you are meeting for the face to face. It's great for a quick hello, I was thinking of you or for a quick question (chinese or BBQ takeout). Texting is NOT A GOOD LOOK for long conversations about the state of your union and kicking someone to the curb is not appropriate via the smartphone (especially if you've had the 'relations'). Even jump offs deserve some courtesy.

    That is all.

  8. By the definition of a "Jump Off" and in accordance with JiaTV Rule 4 – 3b, jump offs are not entitled to extensive verbal or non-verbal communication but for the occassional "booty call".

    Any other contact may be misconstrued as "communication in pursuit of a relationship". Therefore, it is appropriate to close the door on a jump-off via text. Hey, it's better than no message at all…

  9. @Antidater: Don't know about caking. I say "Phone boning".

    @Tiffany: I've trained myself to like phone time and giving head (tmi?) … so I guess I'm set for now. Also, if you got the p*** off a text message, then you are allowed to end it over text too.

  10. SBM/Anti: I just can't get with dissing the jump off via the text. That must be a MALE trait.

    SBM: Any man that likes to give (good) head, is all right with ME. TMI??? What's TMI…we all innanet family, right?? 🙂

  11. Tiffany: Women can be just as heartless as we are when it comes to the jumpoff. And yes its TMI … can't be putting all the business out there.

  12. SBM: Well, it's against my personal code of ethics. I can't speak for anyone but myself. I know folks can be vicious these days though.

    TMI is one thing, grown folks speaking frankly is altogether another. Talking about giving/getting head is a non-starter. Besides if you tell me your secrets, I wouldn't tell nobody..:)

  13. I strongly agree with what Tiffany said about talking to guys on the phone and texting. I like talking on the phone but i realize whoever I date probably won't be up for an hour of phone convo everyday, in one sitting. But serious conversations via text are just not cool. It's almost guaranteed that any drama you and the dude are having will only get worse through a "text confrontation."

    Another IOI: explicit interest in your friends, family, and job. For example, he calls to wish your mom happy mother's day or to ask about the presentation at work went. When a guy wants to about not just you, but important people/things in you life than it's a definite sign that he likes you.

  14. You know how I feel about this already…I let woman know RIGHT AWAY what my intentions are. Now in the beginning she'll find this refreshing you might get a heavy make out session out of it.That's the deal breaker right there! If there is no sexual chemistry between the both of you. The " Hey You" phone calls will stop…lol…

    Had a chick tell me once "I just don't feel the chemistry " After I hung up the phone I thought to myself thats what I get for being a gentlemen..Should have driven her ass to a dark park and felt her ass UP!!! WE would have had chemistry then…lol

  15. @ mr.slish. are you always so forward…?

    funny thing about IOIs is that what if someone is just really friendly? i do all those things, physical contact, calling, spending time talking with anyone that i find interesting or exciting or any number of other qualities that are attractive in a person. however, that doesn't necessarily mean that i am interested in them like that.

  16. Wynsters: Thats a big problem that I notice women do more than men. General if a guy is doing these things … hell … if he just doesn't act an ass in front of you, bets are he is interested in some capacity (keywords "some capacity"). Some women do all this mess under the guise of "being friendly" a little too often, and thats why they end up with their "best friend" hard and feeling you up under the covers when you just needed a place to sleep.

    Slish: I completely agree. Give the right thing a squeeze and suddenly the chemistry is NOT an issue.


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