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Fake Ass Boyfriend (FAB): The Definition


“You and Marcus been chilling hard for a minute … you two dating now?”
“Hell naw girl … thats just my FAB!”

He is always around you. You talk late into the night. You’ve slept with him … as in the same bed … but he didn’t touch you. You have cried in his arms after the guy you were sleeping with dumped you. He has taken care of you when you were sick. He has picked you up when your “man” was tripping. He is one of your best friends.

One problem … he is hopelessly in love with you … and you don’t want to believe it. This is your FAB … aka Fake Ass Boyfriend.

What makes him a Fake Ass Boyfriend though? Boyfriend? Its simple really. Your FAB provides all of the benefits of a boyfriend … companionship, emotional support, paid dates and dinners, all that good stuff … but he gets none of the benefits. While I feel relationships benefit women more than men, there are some benefits for us (*cough* … sex) such as monogamy and … well something … but the FAB gets none. In addition, your probably dating other guys that pale in comparison to this guy, and love to tell him all about it.

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Yes … this poor excuse of a man is your FAB. You think he is your friend, your convinced he is nothing more than a buddy, you would even put money on it … but really he is just too soft let his intentions known. Women love attention, time, emotions, and all that soft sh*t. This sucker thinks if he provides them to you long enough, he will eventually win your heart … but this poor chump is mistaken.

As a case study, I will use the #1 FAB of all time … Steve Urkel.  Actually, he had a step up on a lot of these “new age FABs” … because he was quick to tell Laura he loved her.  There was no doubt in her mind.  In Laura’s case, she decided to continue treating Steve as a friend.  Maybe she thought if she acted like it and believed hard enough … Steve would eventually give up his infatuation and become nothing more than a friend.  Poor Steve.

I plea with any woman reading this … please let these poor guys go.  Let them move on and actually pursue someone who likes them back.  The #1 excuse given to me by females when presented with this is “I can’t control him.  If he wants to mow my lawn and take out my trash … thats on him.  He should know I’m not interested”.  But the thing you fail to realize is … this poor guy is incapable of letting go.

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These FABs are also known as simps, punks, marks, punk marks, mark ass b*tches, bitch ass marks, punk b*tches, punk ass b*tches, punk tricks, trick ass marks, soft ass punk b*tches, etc.

Women … ready to let your FABs go and become the real man they need to be???
FABs … tired of being a punk b*tch ass mark and have guys like me laughing at you???


  1. I was sitting here all morning at work trying to come up with reasons, defenses, comebacks, excuses and I just couldn’t come up with one solid answer (that made sense at least) as to why I have a FAB, so I honestly hope I am not the last person to admit I am ashamed of myself lol. I hope somebody out there in blog world has a Good reason for this nonsense cuz I think I just lost us some points

  2. In the words of Diddy: "Bitchass-ness is a very contagious disease out their in our community" (You left that one out SBM)

    Ladies, don't encourage bitchass-ness! Let that simp go!!!

  3. How do you let go of someone who is a good friend, even though he's a FAB? I would never tell a male friend to go away just because he likes me. Good friends are hard to find, and if he is there for me emotionally and provides good companionship than he gets to stay. However, I wouldn't sleep in the same bed with him and would avoid all pseudo-dates.

  4. Minne: The thing is he isn't really your friend. He's not providing these things (companionship and whatnot) because he has a deep down care that will stand the test of time, the fact is he likes you. In addition, once he gets a girlfriend, or a set of balls, there is a good chance he won't be there for you anymore.

    I'm not truly saying to dump him and severe ties, but it needs to be CRYSTAL CLEAR that its not happening and he needs to move on. That clarity … semms to be real hard for a lot of women.

  5. This is a hard one…I've been a fab quite a few times..Shit my lady now used to treat me like that…Then I told her " You will never find a man like me NEVER" She hung up on me dude…lol Took her almost two years to get her mind right. Now we're one big happy family..

    I think deep down these womem love their FABS they won't let them go because for some fucked up reason they can't. Most woman know a dude is good for them but their just not ready. So they date a Loser knowing that their FAB cushion will catch them when they fall. Its a win win. They go out and have meaningless sex and the emotional support of a good man…

    Its all good cause I've had a few FAKE ASS GIRLFRIENDS myself…lol

  6. I just would like to say for the “guys” you can’t technically call a woman a FAG (lol @ that abbreviation) unless you are NOT and I repeat NOT SLEEPING WITH THEM!!! “slish” cough cough. Since men typically tend to sleep with anything walking with a heartbeat and a cooch, you can’t say you have a fake ass girlfriend if she is giving you that satisfaction. Most ladies in our defense don’t sleep with FAB’S AT ALL!! As for slish you said so yourself that your current woman used to treat you like a FAB but I doubt you went 2 years without tapping that ass! Lets keep it real nah.

  7. Slish: Man … you were a FAB. Actually, I can't lie … I've temporarily fabbed it up before, and in one of those scenarios I actually got with the girl in question … but 80% of the time I didn't. I saw your post on your letting you intentions known, so how did you end up a FAB?

    Mikki: You gotta realize that definitions like this don't translate equally to the opposite sex. Women pimp us for time, money, and emotions. We want sex. So it is posible to be sleeping with your "FAG", but it is impossible to be a FAB and be getting the p*ss.

  8. What if your FAB is your ex-boyfriend? My ex is my movie buddy. If I need something I can call him but that's just it. I don't look at him in a romantic way and neither does he look at me. We just remained friends. He washes my car, pays when we go out, but we're not together.

  9. Shiela:

    Thats a tough one. A real tough one actually.

    Probably can be answered in one question … do you to still "exhange intimacies"? It comes in many flavors (quick, raunchy, sensual, etc), but if that is the case, he may not qualify as a FAB.

  10. No, we don't exchange intimacies. He gave me a hug though the other day because I did do something extremely nice (yes, I'm tooting my own horn…lol).

  11. SBM you can tell a sista she should be your girlfriend as many times as you want..If she's not feeling that way you will end up a FAB…I was just fortunate to penetrate a few bed sheets along the way…lol

    and Mikki's right I was a FAB with benefits..


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