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10 Questions to Ask Before Proposing

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I tried to write this in a general way, so that everyone could learn and grow from my words. I failed … I concluded I know me … so this is really “10 Questions I Must Ast Before I Propose”. Maybe you’ll still learn something though. I tried to put them in order of importance, but really, they are all equally important.

10. What’s your favorite book?
I love intelligent women. If you answer this question with a magazine … I made a mistake. If you don’t have an answer … I made a mistake. I’m not super picky, so it doesn’t have to be Shakespeare, or the works of Plato, but it better damn well be over 100 pages and not have pictures. It could be an inspirational book, or taught her a skill, but its gotta be something none “bucket headish”.

9. Did you vote for Bush (Georgre W.)?
I’m not a super politcal person. I wasn’t geeked about Kerry the second time around, but damnit I gotta make a stance somewhere. If you supported the worst president that has come around in my short time on this earth … then you GOTTA go.

8. Do you plan to gain 30 pounds or more once married?
I’m not the most physically fit, I’m not winning Mr. Universe … well ever. But I do watch what I eat, and I do go to the gym (not reguarly) and I don’t want to gain 30 pounds. I also don’t like surprises. Statements like “I can’t wait until I get married … I’m so tired of working out! I haven’t eaten a bon bon in years!” … means that we need to have a little talk.

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7. How many people have you slept with?
I don’t care how many people say “It doesn’t matter” and I don’t care how many “Its in the past” that I’m told … damnit … I care! I don’t have a number that I need a girl to meet, and I am really OK with a relatively high number, but I don’t want any surprises. I don’t want to find out you slept with all of DC.
On a side note “Have you slept with any of my friends?” is a good follow up.

6. Are you still going to that “thing” I like, as well as find out a couple more?
I don’t want boring sex for the rest of my life. I have never cheated on anyone before (honest!) and I don’t want to be “tempted” because you got lazy. A ring doesn’t mean you get to stop trying!

5. What are your plans with your career/business/hustle?
Mrs. SBM is going to be working if there aren’t any little SBM’s running around the house. And not only do I want to find someone working, but she needs to have goals, aspirations, and a realistic plan on getting there. I need someone who can match, come close to, or exceed my earning potential. And if your not bringing in the dough … you need to be changing the world (I love teachers). Looking for a partner, not a dependent!

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4. Have you been arrested, admitted to a mental hospital, or been in rehab?
Again, I don’t want any surprises. You would be surprised about what I would be OK with … but I need to know. I don’t want to hear “yeah … I had this little crack problem” two weeks into the marriage … because then all that money spent on the wedding was a waste since we are about to get an annulment.

3. Are you going to sign this prenuptial?
Kanye said it best … “We want Prenup!”. I don’t care if I’m marrying Oprah, I want a prenup. I don’t plan to hustle anyone with a divorce, and I don’t want anyone thinking they can get me. I don’t care what your mom told me, what your friends say, or what you were taught … if the answer is no … then I know not to waste my money on a ring. Period.

2. Whats your credit score? Where is your money invested?
We already talked about your plans to continue making money, but how do you handle it when you get it? I don’t need anyone spending my cash, spending my dough, and getting us in debt. If the answer to the second one is “nowhere” … then thats where this relationship might be heading.

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1. Are you going to continue to break me off (give me “some) at least 5 times a week (7 for the first year)?
Uh … do I really need to explain or elaborate on this one?!?!?!

Do these make as much sense to you as they do to me???

Comment(55)

  1. I agree with everything on your list. I would ask my potential Mr. Right those same questions too including "Do you have or think you may have any children out there somewhere?" I dated a man who hid from me the fact that he had a son for over a year! What happened after that?

    Trust: Out the window

    My opinion of him as a father: Ruined

    Relationship: Done!

  2. Interesting list. If a man doesn't read, he's history before we can get to the first date. How does it look for me to be with a man who will never read one of my books because his butt doesn't read. Anyway, yes, that's one of those deal breakers for me.

    Reference #5, not surprised about your comments…lol (for those who haven't, see SBM's post from earlier this week).

    I need to add #4 to my list to ask – Have you been arrested, admitted to a mental hospital, or been in rehab? It's some crazy folks out there and you definatley don't want to be involved with any of them. I would also add, have you ever hit a woman, been arrested (non-felony or felony).

    I'm all for the prenuptial. Got to have it.

  3. I honestly think I was the cause for #5 and personally I think my stance on the issue was taken out of context just a bit but I won't argue about it in this post since its brand new lol.

    I wanna know why are you referencing sexual stuff twice obviously this is a hot button for you lol.

  4. @Lurker: I don't know how people expect to "surprise" you with kids. I've only dated one person before who had kids, and she told me before I even got the number, just so I wouldn't waste both of our's time.

    @Sheila: Yeah, as a writer, I thought of you when writing #10. In hindsight, I'm surprised #5 didn't make it to #2 at least, but I guess a good answer for #2 makes #5 unneeded.

    You haven't been asking your people if they been in jail??? I got one "friend" who looks up names online in some database just to make sure.

  5. lol Mikki, I noticed that sex was mentioned twice too. I do agree sex is important and keep it spicy. I don't know how long the 5 times a week will last, but hey, I say go for it 🙂

  6. @Mikki: To say its a hot button is an understatement. Money & Finances are the #1 & #2 reasons for divorce, so you see they both get double attention.

    And I wouldn't say your the CAUSE for #5 … just a catalyst.

  7. SBM, I haven't asked that question lately, hadn't felt the need; but your post reminded me that I should be asking it. I don't blame your friend. The site where you can do background checks is well worth the investment.

  8. @Mikki & Sheila: I did mention career/money twice also(#2 & #5)! And at higher rankings! Don't try and make me out into some "fiend" … I do that well enough myself

  9. LOL..Calm down SBM. I actually agree with you on both subjects–Sex and Finance.

    The divorce rate would be lower if couples paid more attention to those areas.

  10. @Shiela: Lol … I'm calm. But in all honesty, I can't lie … I'm a big sex fan. Definitely has already ended a few "situations" already … so don't want it to end the "biggest situation" … lol

  11. i'm an avid reader and i used to think that the guy i date should also be the same. but i'm realizing that the world has some great, amazing guys to offer who just don't read that much.

    but i have to say, they must make up for that in the sexual department…cuz i'm pretty sure we share the same #1 😉

  12. @Wynsters: I wasn't trying to say the person has to be an avid reader, but they should have read at some point in there life. At least enough for them to form an opinion about at least one book.

  13. OK IT IS TIME FOR YOU AND ANTI TO GET A PODCAST.

    I love the list it is hella classic.

    I don't care if you marry a Saint. You are not going to get the correct or exact answer for #7. And stop lying !!!! You totally care about the number.

  14. @Comeback: Yeah I care about the number! I think I said that. I've been pretty good considering my life, but I don't want a saint. Not all of my numbers are "good" numbers … but of course I'm a guy. My point is, I'm pretty accepting of certain numbers … at least I would like to think.

  15. I guess what I'm trying to say. Even though I can count my men on one hand with a couple of fingers left over, that number is important and you would NOT be excepting of even what I consider the lowest. I think its all relative though.

    I went to school with one who was at 33 in Freshman year (college).

  16. Age ain't nothing but a number…but my potential wife's number damn sure better be lower than her age.

    It's a basic requirement to know your way around the neighborhood, but I'd like to hope she didn't have to make one too many trips around the block to get to that point.

    That being said, a freak in da sheets is a must.

  17. 1. Are you going to continue to break me off (give me “some) at least 5 times a week (7 for the first year)?

    MAN!!! Are you cwazy!..Do yo want your Dick to jump up in the middle of the night and LEAVE!!! That is waaay too much. You'll be tired of the coochie in less than a year!…lol

  18. @Tiffany

    You can have a man's kids and share a bed, home, and life with him till death do yall part but you can't tell him your Magic Number? I don't know about that.

    I've had women ask me for my Magic Number and more. I've even gotten the Menage a Trois question. A lot of women like to ask the question but sure as hell aren't overly excited to answer it.

  19. @Anti: I'm not answering and I'm not really asking either. As long as his 'magic number' ends with ME, I'ma leave the past in the past..

    As far as extracurricular kinky sh*t, I'm actually game for that convo, hell I might suprise HIM.

  20. @ Tiffany I would give an extra point about you saying you not telling your magic number, also like comeback and someothers said its easy as hell to lie and make it believable at the same time. Now days its not the number its the negative std report that makes a difference people asking the wrong damn questions.

  21. Touchy, touchy! If your Magic Number was 4 or less you wouldn't mind but if you had 33+ by your freshman year you wouldn't dare.

    Female premarital promiscuity – is it the New New Double Standard?

  22. @Tiffany: Its a shame #7 is off limits. We coulda had something. Your from Houston … I like screw … woulda been golden … lol.

    But really, your number is you. You did it, so you shouldn't be ashamed of it. We all have stuff we wish we could hide or forget, but damnit … man up

    @Slish: My d*ck is a trooper. Finding time might be difficult, but that often I can drop a few pounds too. And if it does fall off, I'll get a new one and get back at it!

    @Antidater: Yeah, I guess they done flipped the game and gave us our own double standard. Damn shame considering men are supposed to be the "promiscous ones".

    @Mikki: If you lie about the number, and it ever comes out (which I believe all big lies do), then its a wrap. I got enough trust issues already and don't need to worry about the "love of my life" not being honest with me.

  23. @ SBM Right I understand big lies n such but not saying a number at all is technically not a lie lol assuming you never ask or I cleverly dance my way around the question (hypothetically speaking. You honestly don't wanna know If I been with 33 men plus, you not gone be like aww baby its cool the past is the past thats a lie lie lie right there, your gonna look at me different. Men like to (think) the woman they gonna marry is as close to the virgin mary as they can get her without actually being a virgin NOTE i said close. Plus how gone gone find out how many men I slept with? they got a website for that now?? lol unless imma straight up hoe that aint gone happen.

  24. A wise person recently told me, whatever questions you ask a man; be prepared to answer those same questions. So if we ask you all 100 plus 1 questions, we have to be prepared to answer the same ones. Off limit question – how many men have you slept with so I won't be asking how many women have you slept with…because honestly, I don't want to know. Finding out might end what we have. I would rather know (as one poster said) your test results for STDs.

    A woman could have slept with only 1 man but if that 1 man gave that woman HIV, then the number is irrevelant at that point 🙂

  25. Let's not confuse whore-dom with honesty. If I found out that my woman gave some fierce competition to Wilt Chamberlain but she could be honest about it – that's much better than her lying or not telling me. If she lied or withheld the info – when I heard the word on the streets she'd swiftly get a Donald Trump style firing.

    I do want a woman who is skilled in the art of the sensual eruption with a little room for growth. A woman who has slept with a lot of men is not a "ho" unless she feels guilty about it. However, if a woman is guiltless, got to 33 BEFORE college, and was still vigorously adding to that number – she definitely is.

  26. @Mikki: I really feel like the truth has a way of finding its way to the light. But like I said, you did it so you should own up to it. Honeslty, 33 isn't that bad. If that 33 was all in one year, your right … I don't want to be with you and I should have the right to make a decision on information about you. The past has a nasty way of coming back up, and thats my belief. If your going to be my whole world, then I should know yours … past, present & future. If its ok to hide that, what else is it

    @Sheila: I agree, if you have HIV, who cares how many people it took you to get it. But if you don't, then that little number does hold come weight.

  27. hey newbie here…just found u via Slish…no. 10 is a good one…no. 7 is my fav..you can ask..but you will never get a honest answer…sorry charlie…no. 4 is a must!!!

  28. @geegee: Why no honest answer? Is everyone's number that bad that no female is cool with disclosing this information?

    @antidater: As always … Its so nice to have at least one like-minded person. Are we so bad for not wanting a former prostitute? Damn …

  29. @SBM I think its so that if I tell you a number say oh like 2 or 3 and I am 35 (assuming I was being truthful) wouldn't that make you wonder like damn 2 people? I aint trying to teach an old dog new tricks or if i said 14 and I am 35 (telling the truth) you might say she been around the block to many times for me. Either way a woman is sol lol.

  30. @Mikki: 14 isn't a lot. If you have been active since lets say … 18, thats basically 1 person a year, with 2 good years. I was someone's 19th, but she had been active for like 15 years. She was real self concious about it, but when she told me I was cool and made her feel better about the whole thing.

    Point is at what point does it become cool to hide and lie things just to keep a person? If I can lie about my number because its the past … what about the person I killed, the 5 years I spent as a pimp, and that "video" I made when I was strapped for cash?

  31. @geegee: Honestly, the "I just don't know" answer is possibly the worst one of all. While I have been slipping on keeping it updated, I used to actually right down names in this book I had … just in case something "came up" … I could go track down the person.

    I'm sorry, but the number matters. Just like the question about your credit score. I do believe as people we can grow, move on, and better ourselves … but I still want to know … and yes it does matter if you "used" to be a ho.

  32. lmao @ the video I would by that video on the black market lol.

    Seriously I don't thing the number fits in the lying category if you really care about someone then why you gonna stress about a number anyways. AND I wasn't calculating any real figures when I gave you age 35 and 14 I was just making a point I'm glad you made her feel warm inside though lol.

  33. lmao @ you can't make a hoe a house wife but hell according to the last post as long as she working and bringing money in it dont matta!! lol (im being funny really)

  34. SBM/Anti: I'm not really embarrassed about my number, and quite frankly some were so FORGETTABLE that I can't remember even if I wanted to (and I don't).

    I don't see the relevance. I mean, I'm damn near 35 years old. If dude comes up asking me something like that, I'ma look at him cross-eyed. Because my dating age range tends to run from 5 years younger to 10 years older, common sense says that my potential bed partners are going to have some experience. On his part, it would be safe to assume that I have some experience too. Besides, if you are a smart cookie you can make some educated guesses as to whether your potential is a potential 'garden tool'. A man or woman who has been in several longer term relationships, probably wasn't screwing everything that moved. Probably.

  35. @Mikki

    Of course Captain Save-A-'Gardening Tool' will love you anyway. He is also a FAB-ulous SIMP. The Captain would probably also be cool with being lied to about other things and possibly cheated on.

    @Tiffany

    If a dude bumped a few women off the list for being lack-luster he is considered a boasting. If a dude has a high number he will very likely be considered a man-whore. If a dude withholds his number HE IS DEFINITELY thought to be a man-whore/slut. Yet, its cool for a woman to withhold info and even acceptable for her to lie???

    Help me understand why?

  36. @Mikki: Yeah, the number is a lie if you lie about it! If its 30 and you say 3, that sh*t is a blatant, don't talk to me anymore, get ur sh*t and go, u don't need to see me anymore hoe … type of lie.

    @Tiffany: Just cause it was forgettable doesn't mean it aint happen. As in my last example, If I had 50 one night stands, and they were all so "forgettable" … does that mean I didn't f*ck them 50 chicks?

    @antidater: We just can't win. Apparently its just not in style anymore to know your partner's sexual history. Guess we some 20+ dinosaurs on here.

  37. i totally agree with the credit score..especially if you are building a future with someone, read: marriage, finances are a big part of that

    I was very upfront before I got married regarding my sleep number LOL..we were together for 15 years I thought the number was very important then but now I think…not so much if we are just dating..but you did say things that are important for YOU to ask before proposing..so its your list and I can respect that 😉

  38. SBM: Now you're just being dramatical. LOL!!! Nobody is saying not to know details about your partner's sexual history. To not know that information is suicidal. I guess what I am curious about is why are you so pressed about knowing the 'number'??? If it's too high in your viewpoint or for your 'delicate sensibilties', are you going to bounce??

    And on the real, it's a double standard. Men are expected to get their proper freak on, all up on that 'boys will be boys' bullshit, but if a woman has a healthy sexual history in your mind you are gonna be looking at her with the side-eye and your face all twisted up.

    Cause really what it all boils down to is this: All men really want a woman to be a 'virgin to them' but still know how to have a mean head game. It's the whole Madonna/Whore syndrome all over again. And I'm not really down for all that. If you with me, you are with ME and you need to be clean (with test results) and faithful. That's what really matters. Not some broad you banged back in '94.

  39. @Tiffany

    Yes, a woman needs to have a healthy sexual history and mean head game+…so why can't she boast about her conquests. Why not share the number? That's that new new double standard again. You want to have the fun but it sounds like some of yall might be afraid to let you potential mate know how much fun you had.

    Be the change you want to see in the world (thanks G). Liberate yourself. Share the number and shatter the "Must be a Virgin" myth.

  40. I'm liberated enough, thank you very much.:) If she chooses to share or you coerce her to share her 'magic number' then bully for ya'll.

    If we really were boasting, some of you men would start feeling inadequate. Ya'll know ya'll's egos are so fragile.

    No thanks, Anti my dearest. This little miss will pass.

  41. @Tiffany: Antidater is right. If you want to have your fun … have it, but why are you not willing to admit to it at the end of the day. I can't speak for every guy, but I would prefer to someone to have a high number and just tell me, then have a number of 2 and just refuse to tell me out of "principle". Your number is a choice you made, you shouldn't be afraid, ashamed, or disappointed because of your choices. If that person is meant for you, they wouldn't let something like that end things.

    The truth shall set you free …

  42. We are going to have to agree to disagree because at this point we are belaboring the issue. My principle is is just that: MY principle. You ask me a question like that and I am not telling. I'm not going to ask a question like that either. Because I don't share, doesn't make me a 'garden tool' either (I know you are wondering…LMAO!!!). I'm shaped by my experiences just like you are shaped by yours.

    I'm not understanding why you have to put it in quotes. Every individual is guided (I hope) by individual principles and ethics. Because you don't understand or you may disagree doesn't make my stance wrong at all, just different. I don't need to be set free because I'm not in bondage. I just don't agree with ya'll and that's cool with me. It don't seem like it's cool with you and Anti..LOL!!

  43. SBM: And you still didn't answer my question from above: If her magic number was too high (in your viewpoint) would you bounce?

  44. @Tiffany: Yes, there is a number that is too high for even me to accept. I met a girl who was currently sleeping with men for money in order to support her boyfriend (she was tricking). Before that she was doing like 70 a year, just for fun.

    Her number's were too high for me to marry.

    But honestly, it has to be a strictly hoeish number. I have a problem with someone just feeling I don't deserve to know. If you love me, trust me to be able to handle the answer to the question I asked!

  45. @ Tiff I am here to support you lol, I really am amazed how they are not understanding here but damn you win some and lose a lot maybe its the age lol.

  46. I think this is a topic that clearly men and women differ on. Like I said in an earlier post, I don't want to know how many my man has slept with because I would probably lose respect for him but I do want to know whether or not he's had an STD and is currently disease free.

  47. lol. This is the first time that I'm seeing men who are adamant about knowing that magic number. I've always been of the opinion that full disclosure is important if either partner requires it. To be honest, I think it's fair for the question to be asked even before a serious relationship is established. If x believes that sex is not something that should be engaged in ever so flippantly, then the fact that y has been with 15 people in 2 years is an indication that they do not share the same principles (on that level, at least). If it's something that x considers crucial, then x deserves to know. However, considering the double standards that are consistently at play, I can't blame women for giving men the side-eye when they make a fuss about numbers. Truth be told, a lot of the more judgmental ones are male garden tools.

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