My fellow blogger (who I have a secret crush on), The Comeback Girl, wrote a post dedicated to lil ol’ me, called “One Ringy Dingy, Two Ringy Dingy (Mama’s Little Husband)” which is a very … “interesting” read.
My Interpretation of the post:
Comeback girl feels that us men have been coddled by our mothers and have developed an arrogant flair about us. We no longer feel the need to do participate in the traditional courtship “rituals” that were laid out by our fathers and grandfathers.
Women liberation, while not a bad thing, was not crafted for black women, and they have suffered as a result. The “niceties” they were used to being given by men are no longer practiced and it is hard for them to feel “soft and pink”.
The Comeback Girl is fed up (it seems a lot because we don’t call like we used to).
OK … well … ummmm … before I say anything else … I love you Comeback Girl … really. I read your blog on the regular and love what you have to say (well mostly). I think the post may be in retaliation because I called her out for saying “I’m sorry, if you have time to go to the bathroom you have time to call.” Honestly, I was kind of mad when I read this, but I guess thats another post. Sorry Comeback Girl … but that Ringy Dingy post was all wrong.
Chivalry is dying … and its a good thing!
Chivalry (A SBM Defintion):
Concept of a man doing extraneous, overly nice, and helpful things for a woman … only because she is a woman.
Archaic principle used to “even” the playing field in a time where it was an accepted fact that women were inferior to men … a concept generally disregarded in 2008.
In 2008, women (especially black women) are independent, intelligent, smart, educated, good money earning entities capable and successfully running their own businesses, households, and empires. The “Women’s Liberation” movement did a lot to ensure that women were given fair and equal treatment and access as their male counter parts. A lot of guys didn’t and don’t like this idea … I personally welcome it.
But wait … did you say “equal” SBM? Doesn’t equal mean that on the same footing? Doesn’t equal mean treated the same?
Why … yes it does.
Here is my problem (finally … I know)!
You can’t be equal and independent … yet still want all the perks of when you were “weak” and “helpless”.
Its Selfish …
Lets look at a woman of the 1930’s. Sad to say, she is helpless. She can’t earn nearly as much as her male counterparts. She has just been granted the right to vote. She is told to get married young and to someone who can provide for her. She is regarded as dumber and weaker than her male counterparts, and is sexually harassed blatantly and without complaint on her part. She knows how to cook and clean and hopes to make a good housewife by cooking, cleaning, and having kids for her husband. Work … oh no … not for her. Her man makes the money and all of the decisions.
Poor 1930’s woman. Are you even allowed to think?
Fast forward to 2008. The 2000 woman has a nice job as a consultant/executive/journalist/doctor/lawyer and supports herself. She drives a nice Range Rover (lol @ Comeback … but had to do it) and takes care of her own. She has her own house, car, job, money, and opinions. She votes, is active in politics, is quick to voice her opinion in an eloquent manner, and does not let anyone disrespect her (especially any man) … because she has worked hard for hers!
You go girl! (snaps finger in sassy metrosexual way).
Maybe its just me, and maybe I’m just too progressive and don’t have enough chauvinist in me … but gimme that new millennium female!
Oh wait … this millenium female, while so “independent” still wants to be catered? She still wants me to chase after her in the streets. Blow up her phone. Come out my pocket every single time we go out, sit at a bar, or hit the mall (as in pay for her to shop). She can’t open her own car door, put on her own coat, or tie her own shoes (yes … I’ve seen this one with my own eyes!).
As intelligent and smart as she is, this new age female doesn’t realize that these “chivalrous” acts were done at a time when male dominance was undisputed and unquestioned. Men did these things because women, at that time, had to be cared for like children. They weren’t allowed to think or provide for themselves. These acts were done to show that we could take care of everything … because the woman couldn’t. Why would you still want to be treated like a child?
Before I end, I will say this. I do still participate in several acts that are considered “chivalrous”. I open doors, I pay for dates (the first couple), I am romantic, the pursuer, and will always make you feel “soft and pink” … just don’t expect me to open your car door. Don’t know why … but not doing that sh*t.
But Comeback Girl … I still think we can make it work … get at me … lol