Over the past few days I have been asking for someone to indicate to me the types of things that women must do in order to make a relationship work and keep their man happy. While the initial person never responded, Young Belizean Lady helped give me a little insight over at her blog. I decided I would take a crack at answering the question myself. So here are ten ideas for how to show your man you appreciate him…or love him. Word choice is up to you.
10. Make him his favorite meal
There is nothing like a home-cooked meal and it is really important to men. When your woman actually knows your favorite meal and takes the time to prepare it (from scratch for full points). It shows you know him, shows you care, and also gives him a home-cooked meal. If you cook on a regular than you need to take the extra mile to make it special.
9. Buy some new lingerie and wear it for him (preceding sex)
If your man loves your body (which he should if he is with you) … then he will love this. Key thing though … you must show your love and have sex with him afterward (in case you didn’t know). Also, wear something your confident in and makes you feel sexy, you being self-conscious is not sexy!
8. Don’t ask “How was your day?” … give him personal time
Yes, you want him to ask you this, and you want to spend hours talking about this while he is watching his favorite show, but resist the urge. Actively let him know that you want to give him some time for himself. Even set it up for him. Grab him a beer, record his favorite show, and just leave him alone.
7. Give him a BJ while he is driving
A BJ on its own would show your love, but it should happen enough that he wouldn’t think too much of it. Every guy wants to get head while driving a car (well I don’t know a guy who doesn’t), but its a rarity and often difficult to negotiate. Your willingness to do something he really wants, personally expose yourself, and just give him some surprise head will make his day.
6. Clean his house/room/apartment
Again, nothing special for a lot of people, but for some … its such a beautiful gesture. When I was in college, my girlfriend, at the time, cleaned up my horrendous bedroom while I was at work as a surprise for me … I almost cried. If your man is a clean person, this won’t work … he must be a slob.
Damn this post was spot on! Good $h^+ SBM!
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got your comment, maybe we should clone her huh, so can i roll u or what
I'm checking for this list but the head game is going to need to be in a parked vehicle, boo. I've been adventuresome like that in a past life and nearly killed us both!!!
Ladies, be careful with attempting #7!!!!!
I've done all these things and more. I didn't think you required a damn map!!!
And one more thing before I pack for FLL.
You LOVE lists. LOVE THEM. But aint nan one of them lists ever been comprised of WHAT YOU DO. Top reasons why SBM is XYZ, what SBM has to offer XYZ..why not do one of those beside what you want in a wife, what can be done to please you. WHAT HAVE YOU DO LATELY.
@Anti: Thanks … I try
@RawDawg: Oddly enough, cloning her might be easier than finding her.
@Tiffany: If he's not swerving, your not doing it right.
@Comeback: Why so mad? I talk about what I do all the time, but I've already written a post (unpublished at this point in time) to ease your mind. Also, if you do all of these things and more, funny how you couldn't think of a single one to answer my repeated requests. No need to be angry and use caps … chill.
@Comeback: Why so mad? I talk about what I do all the time, but I’ve already written a post (unpublished at this point in time) to ease your mind. Also, if you do all of these things and more, funny how you couldn’t think of a single one to answer my repeated requests. No need to be angry and use caps … chill.
its not anger. Its frustration and there is a difference. And proves my point. You have 11 million lists (and hoops) for a woman to jump through—but we ladies are selfish?
whatever. This is getting comical to me.
And no, I don't need to itemize what I do. Because its second nature and organic. Do you think if I was ONLY just sitting around for the phone to ring-as my great GIVE to a relationship–would the phone really ring? and EVERYDAY? no men aren't stupid. I have a lot to give-and I do for men who are deserving.
And so far its working for me. And when it stops, then I'll cross that bridge later.
SBM – Oh, I do it RIGHT, that's why we almost ended up the ditch.
Comeback Girl – Why you mad, sistergirl??
aint nobody mad Tiffany. I'm just utterly perplexed. I think I'm gonna give myself timeout.
@Tiffany: Lol … thats right. Funny thing … as long as you were both alive and walking … he probably wouldn't have cared about the ditch or car.
@Comeback: So much hostility. I can't simply put out a list of things I would like my woman to do for me and give all those out there a good starting point for their own realtionship bliss. I didn't ask for a list, just one thing. And its nice to say "I do stuff", but when you can't think of anything you do … makes me wonder. And also, there are plenty of stupid men, not knocking you and your situation, I just feel sorry for the guy who get publicly lambasted for missing a call.
Sorry if I got too personal. Just speaking my mind.
And don't worry, I'll talk about all the lovely things I like to do later this week, because I wouldn't want this "discussion" to be one-sided.
@Comeback: I find rubbing my ears and saying "woo saw" to be very calming
SMB, enjoyed this post. All that cloning you & Raw Dawg are talking about is not necessary… Lol. There are plenty of us who do #s 1-10 for our men on a regular. In my experience, showing the man appreciation and keeping him fed (in every since of the word) are a given in keeping him happy. When he's happy, he acts right. Then I'm happy.
@Dark & Stormy: Please send a blood sample to me so we can get the process started. I don't have the money yet to get this cloning thing off the ground, but after I tell people what we want to do … we'll have more support than Obama!
#8 sounds simple but would be hard for me to do.
@Brittany: Its only hard in theory. Just practice with a friend first. Ask them out, then just don't talk to them about stuff.
Interesting list. I was with you until #1. lol
8. Don’t ask “How was your day?” … give him personal time
Ooooh my girlfriend is a repeat offender..Can I can call the police! How about Al Sharpton! Should be some law against this!…
@Sheila: You don't want to fulfill his fantasy? Midgets aren't that bad.
@Mr Slish: Use some subconscious suggestions. Put a tape recorder with a loop of #8 under her pillow while she sleeps. She'll wake up serving you breakfast and then leaving … results guaranteed.
I love your blog…i'm just tuning in!
Good post, lots of good information here for both genders. Also, i'm not sure if it you actually meant to or not but there's a balance of (5) sexual and (5) non sexual 'ways' that you came up with. Very good (the balance) for those relationships that haven't gone to that next level.
sbm, you're right. seems the majority revolve around sex…are you implying that if there is no sex involved, a guy would ultimately lose interest?
@BPrice: Its all about that balance.
@Wynters: In most cases, sex can be swapped out for whatever "physical" thing you do. Whether it be oral, or just intense kissing … but … yes … I do believe if some intamacy is not involved … he will lose interest.
Can I flip #8? In my house it is the opposite. HE is the one who comes home and asks how was your day? I want the space to just chill when I get home. He gets offended if I don't ask him about his day. As you can see all men are not created equal (so this list won't work for everyone)because he wants to be asked and I don't want to ask!
great list, been there – done that…cept no. 6..only did that to ex husband..I would think men would get all freaky that I was cleaning/had cleaned their personal space…I can't think of one dude I've dated recently that I would do that for…I'm slipping..let me step my game up! 😉
@Drea: You could start doing #7 as soon as he walks in and minus the car. He won't ask you anything …
@GeeGee: I was thinking that when writing that one. Part of it is too "wife like", but part of it is the sweet gesture. You could just bang out some dishes … baby steps …
You know women don't like all that truth telling. LOL.
#8 could save a lot of women a lot of headache.
you will find if you dont ask him anything when he first walks in the door and you just give him time to unwind you will score sooooo many points. you can say hi when he first walks in but don't bombard him with questions… it works wonders. i promise.
First and foremost I just wanted to say I like your blog. For anyone wondering, yes IM new and IM a black female. The reason I wanted to reply to this post is because it really made me laugh and curse at the same time. Here's what i think of this list.
#10 – LOL, I cook once a year. #9 – how about I wear different color boyshorts. #8 – Honestly, when I ask how your day is, I don't really care. Sorry, it sounds mean, but IM just being honest. #7 – LOL, next. #6 – Cleaning is not my thing. I try not to mess anything up so I don't have to be cleaning for hours. After 15 minutes, it's time for some tv. #5 & #4 – LOL. #3 – Anything over $50, for get it, lol. #2 – IM bad at shopping for anyone that isn't myself, so I give out gift cards. #1 – sounds like #4 and #5 to me.
I know I sound crazy, but hey, I am. I can't help it.
this is my favorite
@LVL: I know right!!! Doesn't majority of them sound the same!? Lol! #IJS But I like your comment.
@QB & LVL: Welcome
@LVL: Lol … damn … not a single one on the list?!?!?
Thank you! For some reason I just find this list amusing. I should make a list for the women, well not the women, myself. I think every women's list would be different.
Wow, this is a dude oriented website, and I love it. I posted a comment earlier, for those who did not read it, I mentioned my love for black men. I am one of those women that believe that if you got a good man, you should show him that you think that he is. Even if you bring home most of the bacon, make him feel like the King he is, there is nothing wrong with being submissive, some women-especially black women-I hate to say, because I am an African-American woman myself; many of us feel that being submissive is a sign of weakness, it is not; moreover, you can still be a strong black sister and submit to your man. Have great intimate and intelligent conversations with him, and give him the best sex ever in the bedroom, a king deserves to be treated as such. Oh, Yeah cook him a great meal.
Also, it is important for us to not nag men either. One more thing that need to be on the list, women should keep bitter man hating women friends out of their relationship. I am 28 years old, and there is a stereotype that says that younger women don't take care of their men, I am dispelling that myth.
Sisters there are still lots of good black men out there; the media tries to make black women believe that all of our men are in jail, down low brothas, or with white women; I will never allow for the media to hinder my loyalty to the brothers. Most of the women who complain about black men, have set low standards for themselves, and then want to point fingers at the man; moreover, no one forced you to have unprotected sex with a man with no job, or on drugs, and not paying child support.
Just in case you wanted to e-mail me:
I posted my e-mail address on a previous comment-It was the one about Black from Flavor of Love 3.
Someone posted their phone number on here, so I said hey, I will post my e-mail-lol. I did really.
Densie, your comment only seemed to focus on pleasing the man. What about your happiness. I don't believe in being submissive to anyone, I tried that and was walked on. I believe in being equal in a relationship. I don't believe in gender roles. Why when a woman talks about pleasing a man the only focus is on the man. If a mans ego is so big that he can't handle being an equal partner then he's the one with the problem not the woman. It's a new day and age. Women can do what men do and so on and so far. Why can't he make a meal, why can't he clean up, why does the focus always has to be him? Submit to a man, why, because he has two balls and a shaft between his legs. Some men need to get over themselves and some women need to stop trying to desperately follow men around like dogs.
ALL of these are good tips but giving a blowjob while a man is driving can be dangerous.. especially if she's good at what she does..
The woman you're describing above is a slave + prostitute + suga mama –> 3 in 1. Are you really going to *respect* a woman like that? Don't need to answer me. Answer yourself.
I have cleaned my person's house for him, as a thank you for making me feel girly-special like no one else ever has. I have also driven 50 miles one way to see him complete a goal he set for himself; I also sent him home with 2 sandwiches and an appointment for a massage.
I have yet to say "no" to whatever he wants to do behind closed doors… or at the "club"… or the top of a mountain… or suggest a risque location…
I'm already saving for his birthday gift. He'd mentioned several months ago that he'd like to go hang gliding, that he's not done that yet. Guess what I want to get him?
To say that I am respected is an understatement, and it goes both ways. I would absolutely not say anything bad about him to someone else, I would take my issues straight to him. I know that he respects me enough to do the same.
When you seek to make your person's life more pleasant, and they seek to make your life more pleasant, it moves from give/take to give/give.
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Where to start, hmmmmm….
I guess a brief introduction and explanation would be appropriate. I took a moment to google "black and african american dating advice" and I stumbled upon this post. I'm sure this makes me seem rather desperate, so let me clarify. I am desperate, for information and alternate perceptions.
I think this post, in its simplicity, is pretty insightful and deep. I appreciate the honesty and look forward to providing the above 'services' to a WORTHY man. SBH, I've perused this blog and I think I'll enjoy it. This particular post is nearly a year old, so I doubt you'll read this comment. Nonetheless, you have my support, interest and attention.
Here's to invigorating comversation *cheers*
I feel that this piece does nothing to "empower" Black women, but rather, encourages them to keep "in their GOD given place"= SERVING men.
Yes, some of these things are nice and can make your partner feel special, but why is it all about gender roles?
I, a Black woman, can only do so much to speak to men. It is not our (women's) job to educate men about their privilege, just as it is not up to people of color to help white people understand their's.
On that note, I was glad to come across this link last week.
The Black Male Privileges Checklist
"While it is understandable that black men are hesitant or reluctant to examine the concept of male privilege, the African American community will never be able to overcome the serious issues that we face if we as black men do not confront our role in promoting and sustaining male supremacist attitudes and actions.
Inviting black men and boys into a conversation about male privilege does not deny centuries of discrimination or the burden of racism that we continue to suffer from today."
personally, i dont find it useful at all. U cud do all they things fair enuff but tht doesnt show him tht u truely love him. Above is all sex related. wat happend 2 old fashioned romance.
sorry if i offend anybody but i just feel like the 10 tips above doesnt show ur man u love him. basicly, all ur doing is cleaning, cooking and havin sex. which most relationship consist of.
Yeah, i almost did everything on this list onto him and yet i don't get respect. When we talk it over he told me that everything is good about me except i don't have some RESPECT for him. I guess, it's the first thing you have to do is RESPECT your man and everything goes.
I Agree with sheriz. Theres more to women than that. Should b a poll for 10 ways to appreciate women 4 what the do 4 men. Doubt it tho.
I am a black 22 year old woman and, think that if you wonna keep aneone you love, we should be real, true and onest, but most importantly if we'r trying to keep a man, we should make sure his the one and we should make sure that his not just using as or having fun becouse we woman old allot faster becouse of all the shit that they put as true.
I belive that you should please your man becouse his minde will wonder off, true not foulth of his own, trust me he wont even know his doing it! even if you'v hade kids try to resist temptation and get your self back in to sexy mode. if you and him are wento be then it'll happen if not be strong coz life is a bech and evrything happens for a reason.
Very thorough list…!
Ladies,how 'bout you lay a surprise b.j. on your boy ALMOST ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE????
i do all of them things!! well i did them to get him and ive gotten him but how do get to the next step in the relation i think he thinks that i dont reallycare for him so what do i do to show him that i care
Try something you both have never done before. like some hobbies i guess. I have a rollercoaster in my relationship too and i figured out that he loves it when i don't bug him playing computer games with his friends. Maybe try asking him why is he feeling that way and figure and sort it out, of course both of you,
Now, I'm a Christian who's saving her virginity for her husband… Any advice on how to show him I love without all the sex?
Well, it's kind of difficult for your situation though because I know a lot of people nowadays get divirginised so early. I am a Christian too but did not saved my virginity for my man. As long as I love God then everything goes. Maybe you should try watching lots of romantic movies to show him how you appreciate him or try googling it up. You guys should talk it over if he really loves you then he will accept your commitment of your virginity and besides guys don't stop until they get what they wanted so don't give it to him yet.
THIS WAS JUST WAT i needed I already did most this things
Was doing all of this at him and yet feeling left alone. Was i the problem? I need more tips until i get tired of showing him everything
Why do so many of these things involve sex? Most of these things are good, but I'd be thrilled to get a massage without sex or see her in her sexy lingerie without sex. And I have a feeling that getting a blow job while driving would be a bit…distracting. I'd like to be able to focus on the road and not get in a wreck.
Oh God give me a break! This is a damn joke! Whoever wrote this don’t know what love is. Clean my house, give me head, where sexy stuff, be freaky? Rofl! Only a dumb bitch would think that’s how u show a man u love them. Trying to get in these young girls heads hu? Stfu! Ladies don’t listen to this Playa. If u do all those things to try to prove ur love he will use u. Those are things u do after u guys are in love and together. Wth I look like cleaning some dudes house? If we stay together that’s different. If u hook up w a Guy and be freaky and suck him off while he driving and all that he wont value u as much and think ur easy. Sex and love are 2 different things. Grow up.
How about he marries you first and all these are done in a marriage? Rember the judge who was getting some sex from a machine while hearing a case in open court-all these freaky things-thats where they lead-where is the line? Immorality of such proportions, no wonder Black men do not want to get married, they are freaks who have lost touch with reality.
There are women out there who would do things like that just to please the men in their lives? You
MUST be on drugs. I cannot even stop laughing. Women see it as beneath them to do those things.
Thanks for the tipss!!!
This is nyc
None of these things make a man more attracted to you or love you more. They just make him feel better. Do these things for him IF he loves you, cares for you and does his part. Don't do these things for him and expect that his love for you will grow into a committed relationship if it isn't one already.
I do all those thing and it still ant good for him. He says the things I do for him is like a favor.
"knock out a light bill …"
al dis tips works in some case,bt I tel u if a man luvs u he wil even do d cukin witout borderin u
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This shoulda been called, "10 Easy Steps to Get Him To Put A Ring On It!" For real, the only thing missing is #11…buy his favorite beer and turn on ESPN, be quiet (except for BJ noise I.e. slurping and kinda gagging 😉
This was by far one of the most poorly written amateur "articles" on dating, sex, and love, and further more terrible advice to women of color interested in serious, mature relationships with men. The authors perspective and tone is selfish, crude, childish, and condescending toward women. Only a fool would think that any of these unnecessarily demeaning efforts will make a modern male of any race swoon and let his heart be filled with love for you. The title should be changed to, "Article by a Guy Who Will Screw and Use Anyone Who Reads this Shit and Goes for the OkeyDokie."
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I thought this article was interesting and informative. For all of the ladies giving blowback, i hear ya, and i understand that love, sex, relationships, etc. are subjective for the people involved. However can we be somewhat objective here and not play the war of the sexes. This is one of the few places where SBM can express and digest our different viewpoints. There are a myriad of media outlets that give it to us from the women's perspective, and we get to hear about how we are the problem, and what we need to do to make things better, so now that someone offers a mature male perspective, we get all defensive, ladies this is counterproductive. Do what works for you, but please dont begrudge a different viewpoint just because.
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and I’m looking for something completely unique. P.S Sorry for being off-topic but I had to ask!
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Currently it appears like BlogEngine is the best blogging platform out there right now.
(from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?
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I was curious if you ever thought of changing the layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?
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Howdy! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog.
Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking
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Howdy! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
My site looks weird when browsing from my apple iphone.
I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to resolve this problem. If you have any recommendations, please share. Cheers!
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I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself or did you hire someone
to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to construct my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from. many thanks
Incredible! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a completely different topic
but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Excellent choice of colors!
Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same outcome.
Hey there are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world
but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do you require any html coding knowledge to make your own blog? Any help would be really appreciated!
Heya this is kinda of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding expertise
so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience.
Any help would be enormously appreciated!
Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers?
My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing several weeks of hard work due to no backup.
Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?
Hey! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok. I’m definitely enjoying your blog
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Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard
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Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with SEO?
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I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is required to get setup? I’m
assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
I’m not very internet savvy so I’m not 100% certain. Any suggestions or
advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the images
on this blog loading? I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the
blog. Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.
I’m not sure why but this site is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my end? I’ll check back later and see if
the problem still exists.
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