Home About Me The Truth about SBM … A Hopeless Romantic

The Truth about SBM … A Hopeless Romantic


Sometimes I feel like I don’t write enough about me.  While my aim is to share theories, concepts, arguments, and ideas on relationships and dating in a biased (yes … biased) but universally applicable form … I think I need to let everyone know about me every once in awhile.

For those who read my posts and comments, I probably come off in a “certain light”.  People probably think I’m overly picky about women, going through their backgrounds with a fine tooth comb, looking for potential problems, and double checking their credit score and the accreditation of their last school or complaining about how their are so few good women out here.  I bet people also think I’m this cold & ruthless “b*tches aint sh*t” type of guy.  I’ve spoke out about my hatred of simps, the fact that chivalry is kind of dead, and my love of independent women … and this might make me out to be a “bad” guy, but I’m going to take some time to set the record straight.

First … about me being picky.  F*ck yes I’m picky!  Looks have never been important enough for me to lament over, but if you don’t have things right in your life, I’m not the person to “build you up”. I like my women independent, working, smart, and strong-minded (while being open to criticism).  But thats not what this post is about … cause that’s true!  But you may be surprised to know that

This Single Black Male is a True Romantic

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I know someone is reading this and is saying “HA!  Between him and Anitdater … where can you find more Misogyny”. But I tell you … its true.  And the single biggest reason for me being so picky is that I’m want to make sure I’m not putting all my love and energy (cause my gf’s always get a lot from me) into someone who just isn’t worth it in the end.

I like to give her random gifts.
I like to get her something they like as opposed to whats on sale.
I hate flowers … but if she does … I like to surprise her with her favorite kind and color.
I like giving her a massage … not because I’m gonna get some … because she looks so peaceful when I’m done.
I like cooking a meal for her … just because.
I like meeting her for lunch … becuase it gives me something to smile about for the rest of the day.
I like to look in her eyes when we talk … it makes me feel closer to her.
I like it when she says “I’ve never done this before … but I loved it”.
I like it when she says “Thank you … that was so sweet”.
I like to here her friends say “He’s so nice”.
I like to rub her shoulder when I sit next to her … so I know she is still there.
I like the look of haters not taking care of their women … saying I’m making them look bad.
I like to go down on her … because I like the way she looks into my eyes afterward and the smile on her face.
I like to complement you … because I mean it and you should know you look good.

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Basically … I like to do all that stuff … for the right person.

When I think of some of the selfish, arrogant, stuck up, stupid, ghetto, uninformed and stubborn females that have received this type of attention … it feels me with an anger that has fueled some of my posts.

I don’t know why I suddenly felt the need to share that … but hopefully it will put some of my other stuff into perspective.

BTW … I lost no bet and this isn’t fabricated … for those hating!


  1. This is a very sweet and thoughtful list. I think any sane and reasonable lady would appreciate you for all of this.

    Too bad you live in DC/MD/VA….:)

  2. YBL – I certainly understand about wanting what you want in a companion but being TOO picky can cause you to miss on something wonderful. I know I've made that mistake before. Having standards is one thing, being unreasonable is another.

  3. @YBL: Yeah, I do feel like certain people just haven't even earned the right to be treated well. Just like when I see a caring loving woman with an a$$hole of a boyfriend. Its just unfair.

    @Tiffany: Your Right. Gotta make sure my list isn't too restrictive. Maybe I'll write it up in a post one day … although I've said a lot of it already.

  4. That list of yours ain't nothin' but the truth! I also must agree that every person is not worth you giving your all for…

    I think I have definitely become more romantic as I get older. One of my favorite music artists, Raheem Devaughn, once said "the ultimate pleasure is giving pleasure." Something a younger D&S didn't understand. Today I recite it like a motto 😉

  5. I always knew you had a sweet side Good job now im gonna go find anti and get his pen to paper for his own list then the world will be good again.

  6. My list is quite similar. SBM and I believe in a rigorous selection process becuase not every woman deserves the 5 star treatment.

    But please believe that a woman that has been vetted will be treated like a queen. I am down the this list and I might add a few other things like doing stuff I HATE to do just for her.

  7. You should never give JUST ANYONE all of that. They truly have to be deserving of it–hell, if you give it to everyone, it isnt worth anything!!! I wish someone would tell that to alot of these whipper-snappers in the D.C. area.

    Good for you SBM!

  8. @D&S: Yeah … Especially with women, its like Age is directly correlated to kindness and unselfishness. With us … its completely random.

    @Brittany: Thanks … figure I would put a little bit of me out there.

    @Mikki: I'm pretty sure Anti has his own little "when I'm not jaded" list.

    @YBL: Let the world be the judge of its pickiness! I wanna see!

    @Go Bytch: I'm gonna assume your referring to something freaky … but before I set myself up … I'll say: No … I don't really eat crawfish.

    P*ssy is another story … love that.

    @Hunnie.Wright: Currently residing in the DC area … I wish I could disagree … but we are pretty bad here. But on the other hands, too many women around her sadly are "undeserving".

  9. Wow, never been here before, but I was really feeling your post. Having lunch together is always a welcomed treat that leaves you saturated in a warm feeling that just lingers…

    You seem to be a gem of a man. "I like the way she looks into my eyes afterward and the smile on her face." That did it for me.

  10. @Tiffany: Actually I do eat crawfish. Just didn't want to set myself up.

    @Queen Of MC: I was afraid of coming of insincere. Like peopel would think I was just saying stuff. Glad that didn't happen and thanks.

  11. SBM: Oooh, OK. That's better. We can still proceed with our courtship then..:) LOL!!!!!!

    I think you need to write about why you like older women (hint, hint). It's funny because I like dating older men. I've never really dated younger but it's started to become more interesting to me.

  12. SBM, knowing that a man is making an effort to make me happy means a lot.

    Also, you should be picky. Every woman doesn't deserve the royal treatment; because Lord knows not every man deserves to be treated like a king. As singles we have to be selective and should screen folks before making a committment and investing our time & energy.

  13. awwww….how sweet..and its a shame that most of these things are NOT standard with most men…women {myself included} do all these things as well and often get the short end of the stick….. we get the men that aren't as thoughtful or romantic or picky so they don't understand the sentiment. I swear if you lived closer we'd be the PERFECT match!

    but back to this post.. how do you handle doing all this for a woman and 1) she just doesn't get that its thoughtful and that you put time into it and 2) she doesn't appreciate it or reciprocate..do you drop her and find someone that does? or do you wait to see if she's the one before you ever START to do all of these ROMANTIC gestures risking her thinking you are a putz and moving on??

  14. @Tiffany: Your right, I should sit down and really think about why I adore women who have experienced more and seen more than me.

    @MP: Never even thought about that … did give reasons for a lot.

    @Sheila: Trying to formulate the perfect level of pickiness. Its easy to go overboard with it, but also easy to relax restrictions too much.

    @GeeGee: Honestly, I shouldn't … but I tend to do all this stuff early on. Problem is when I figure out I have been wasting my efforts … its an ugly site. *sigh* … one of the times the "words" get used.

  15. SBM why would I refer to any part on a woman's body as Crawfish. I'm just a southern girl and wondering if there is anything making you less than the perfect SBM. And I meant crawfish boiled with corn and potatoes boo! LOL

  16. LOL..That list right there is the reason why you dont have a girlfriend…YOU TO DAMN NICE!..lol You know if you do shit like that to a majority of these women.They gone call you a stalker and say they need some space..lol…

    In my youth I was like that…Then I saw the light…Made it a point to mix in a little bad boy with my good guy image..So I stopped with all the nice getures to get those awwwwe moments and started doing things that made women saying" Did you see what that sexy muthafucka just did! I could give you example's but its early can't think of any right now, but you get what I'm saying…

    My lady calls me an anus everyday. Shit most women call the men they love assholes, but they still love them..Feel me…

  17. Mrslish, you know I love you like a step-brother, but I have to disagree with you on this. SBM, the "right" woman will appreciate the things that you do. Men not doing some of the things is what's wrong with relationships now. No, don't let a woman walk all over you, but if you find your queen you better spoil her, because what you don't do, the next man will.

  18. At first I was going to disagree with slish and say man you tripping, but then I thought about it and he is right, there is something oddly distrubing tho when us females find a day perfect when she can elbow her man in the stomatch for saying something stupid or just being a total ass. I think we enjoy a certain level of rudeness if my man was too too nice and never did anything to annoy me from time to time I'd think he was a nice guy waiting to explode on somebody.

  19. @Go Bytch: Never had it boiled with potatoes, but I'm an adventerous soul. Cook em up … and I'll try em. I do love the south …

    @MrSlish: Don't think I'm walking around doing this every minute of every day … my friends would kill me … as in joke me until I literally died (as any guy should do for their friend). I do like doing all of the above … just within limits man …

    @Sheila: Whoa … I'm not in favor of spoiling. The second any of the above is directly asked or expected I then have to go into "managing expectations" mode … sadly.

    @Mikki: Yeah … she has got to be able to hate something. To be perfect (for a guy) is to have perfect imperfections.

    @YBL: Heading over to check it out.

  20. SBM, this is my first time to your blog and I love it! Your list was really good and I think you should be picky. Women are picky all the time.

    Sounds like you are a good catch for right woman.

    Great post!!

  21. AWWWw don't become disenchanted! Doing those kind things for the woman you care about shows that you have a generous nature and are sensitive to the needs of others. What you have to be careful of is wasting your time and energy on women who are not worthy.

    BTW there is nothing wrong with being picky or having standards. The problem in society is that people are so quick to settle instead of striving to get the best and be the best. That is why there are so many unhappy relationships because people are selfish and don't take the time to discovery who they are nor do they have the patience to find a quality person.

  22. "When I think of some of the selfish, arrogant, stuck up, stupid, ghetto, uninformed and stubborn females that have received this type of attention … it feels me with an anger that has fueled some of my posts."

    Get out of my head! lol. I'm going through this right now. Just recently I've felt like I wanted to rip my generous "loves to do things for men just because" heart out of my chest and stomp it into oblivion, because when my gestures are not returned, it hurts…bad. I'm a scientist by profession, so I never thought I could be a stereotypically over emotional "hopeless romantic." However, in retrospect, that's the right name for my "condition." I wish I could be more emotionally distant, but alas. I think your approach is a good one. Be picky and stay distant. I'm trying that now. Gotta weed out the random yahoos and players, stay aloof and objective. Thanks for posting this, and good luck.


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