I have talked about my theory of Fundamental Character Flaws and believe everyone should have a list of things that they simply cannot stand for in terms of a mate (dealbreakers). It makes sense that there are some things you deserve to receive from your mate, and its good to know what you want. But … what happens when you really don’t know what you know … or when you “know” too much. That’s when:
Knowing what you want goes wrong!
Lets examine two examples of then “knowing what you want … goes wrong”.
The 100 Page List Writer
This woman has envisioned the perfect man since the day she stopped thinking boys were “icky”. She knows what he looks like, where he went to school, what cologne he wears, his shoe size, what fraternity he is in, and what flavor of syrup he likes on his pancakes. She will know him when she meets him (because of an elaborate scoring system she designed in grad school to quickly identify him) and all she has to do is wait in the right place (because she already knows the types of places he goes and the type of women he likes).
The Know Nothing Know-it-all
This man knows exactly what turns him on and isn’t going to settle for less. His list isn’t as exact, but it has all the major things in terms of her likes and career goals and motivations. He knows what he wants.
Oddly enough, he knows very little about himself. He doesn’t know what he wants to do with his degree, he can’t tell you want movies he regular sees, and even when he goes to buy lotion … they just all look so good!
And more interesting, he is the same way with women. While his first girlfriend had everything he asked for, every girl he has dated afterward has been different and opened his eyes in some way.
But damned if you can tell him he doesn’t know what he wants!
I encounter these types all the time (and have spent some time in both categories) and they both are dooming themselves to a life of misery because they are fixated on “knowing what they want”.
The list maker will always be disappointed. She is inflexible and feels like bending on a single rule is “settling” and will lead to her unhappiness. She has self eliminated 92% of the male population since he has to have size 12 shoes (loves them big sexy feet) and can’t see anybody under 6’3″ (while being 5’4″ herself). She will most likely spend all her life in search of this “holy grail” and will end up old, lonely, and bitter to men (because they’re not sh*t).
The know it all doesn’t know anything. He was so busy convincing himself that he needed some direction in choosing a women (because there are sooooo many out there to choose from), the poor fool took no time to find direction for himself. How can you know what type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with and help raise your kids when the decision between Suave and Jergen’s takes 15 minutes every time! This person will never actually know what he wants, but may end up happy enough settling.My point here is there are two very important things to be careful of when figuring out things you can’t stand or must have. Keep this in mind and follow them and I guarantee you will be happy happier.
- Know yourself before you say what you need from someone else.
- Don’t go crazy with the requirements. Not everything is a must have.
Since its nice and easy to put out general concepts with not actual tips on implementing them, there are only two thing you should follow before defining your perfect mate.
Write out a list of things about yourself first
We love to avoid looking or analyzing ourselves. This should always be your first step. Before you start writing out what you need from someone else, just start thinking about whats important to you, what you really hate, and your own weaknesses. With the weaknesses, think if its something you want to fix, or something you need someone else to be strong in and excel in.
Keep your list of Things you “Must Have” and “Can’t Stand” to 3
You heard me … only 3. You have got to learn to be flexible on somethings in life. Sure, you want a girl with DD breasts, but damn if your willing to let the perfect girl go cause they don’t bounce when she jumps. Keeping this list to 3 will force you to really decide what is important and cut the bullsh*t. You can keep writing after 3, but all of those are highly negotiable.
So I want everyone to sit down, and think hard about giving your search for someone else some focus, and if you already did this (which 80% of you have at some point in life) … go back and try again. Cut some of the bullsh*t off!
This post inspire by Mikki