Here is another reader submission.
What if your boyfriend has a high sex drive (he wants to do it everyday)? You thought you had a healthy sex drive ( I prefer about 3 times a week), but you can’t keep up and it’s causing problems between you and your man. What should a woman do?
Signed
Three Times (a) Lady
As a guy who really likes sex … I want to say “give in … just eat more clams” … but my advice would suck then
![[PIC]Turtle_Sex[PIC]](http://www.singleblackmale.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/sea-turtle-sex-cartoon.jpg)
As with almost anything else involving relationships … I think compromise is going to be the key. If he wants 7 times a week, then its going to be hard for 3 times to suffice. Personally, I would start by getting that number down from 7. Even I as a virile young man don’t want to f*ck 7 times a week (I thought I did in college … but I grew up and started working). If you try talking about it and come up with a good number in between … it might be win win.
Also … luckily with sex … there is a lot of room for compromise. There is “sex of the mouth” and “manual stimulation” that may be able to hold him over on come of the other nights.
Lastly … there are plenty of ways to increase your sex drive. Try some aphrodisacs (spanish fly, clams, tiger penis … I hear, and they say viagra works for women too!) and try some new things. Sex in public … new orifices (and don’t say “ewww”) … some role play … and more stuff that I don’t want to put out there publicaly.
I think if you really like this guy … your gonna have to talk about it … but your going to have to work with him. Sex is extremely important for men. I learned from a college level sexual education class that men are hornier because of biological reasons (hormone levels) … so one of the worst things you can do is ignore it or just assume “he’ll be ok … its not that important”. If you don’t address … he is libel to leave you or cheat.
If I can throw in my 2 cents. I honestly think it depends on if you live together or not.
If you live together I always thought of sex as a household chore. no you dont want to do it but its part of your job your bound by… well… honor … to get him off to make your household function properly. its also about respect, I have never seen a woman say I respect my husband so much oh but we never have sex. its a form of power when you have something that the other person wants and your decision impacts their pleasure. but absolute power corrupts absolutly IMO and eventually you will treat more and more things in your relationship as a powergame if you mean to or not and this will cause resentment (wether its spoken about or not)
its also as simple as just getting him off if not sex everyday. a handjob requires no effort, takes 3 minutes if done correctly and dosent "feel" like you had to give him sex! best of all it still lessens his "crave" so he can stfu and cook/take out the trash like its his job to.
if you live seperate its not your problem
harsh but true.
he can get the kim kardashian video or watch pam anderson playmate video or I may also reccomend blonds with brothas part 7…………… 😉
with a bottle of KY and he will be fine.
to me its not realistic for you to have to have sex everyday. gas is expensive.
but then again wtf do I know?
lol @ "Sex of the Mouth"
i aint mad, 5 times a day here
Wow SBM so the advice letters are pouring in huh? Are you editing these for length and whatnot because they seem a little short and lacking important information her age, his age, length of relationship, are there any other problems (these are all very important and can affect a sex life). And I will make this as ON TOPIC AS I CAN.
It seems to me that perhaps she is not yet in her sexual prime. So therefore perhaps she needs to go a little older maybe around 35 assuming she is in her mid to late 20s. And Clams are an aphrodisac ???? Oysters I believe trump clams. Its also a sexy food. Way sexier than a clam bake. Can you eat clams raw?
The other thing is maybe she isn't THAT in to him. Sex is just as mental as it is physical. And there are ways to be intimate that are as equally satisfying as the straight up and down "you know what" on an everyday basis. And are her romps in the hay hour long sessions? What if he only wanted 5 or 10 minutes of something quick during the week and longer rendez vous on the weekend. Length of the relationship should have also been disclosed. I would say if its new perhaps she is needing something outside of sex that she isn't getting. The older the relationship the better she should be able to negotiate.
I agree with you SBM, she needs to talk to her man. They should be able to discuss this issue openly. Did she not know his sex drive was this high before they got together. Hopefully they can come to some type of compromise.
If they live together she definitely might want to take your advice as far as…“sex of the mouth” and “manual stimulation” (by the way that was funny as hell). If they don't live together she should be able to find an easy out, but there is the risk that he will cheat.
I am shocked to read this, I guess I don't see the problem if your man wants to do it everyday. Sounds like a great relationship to me…:-)
I agree Ms. Devereaux at this point in my life everyday does sound good. But in my early 20s I don't think I was that into it. Its a sexual prime thing.
I agree with Comeback Girl. Let's be more specific. You said it yourself SBM, you have too many other things to do than have tick marks on your dry erase board, keeping track of your sex quota for the week. Not only is sex mental but if he is in the business of "getting his" he should also make sure the lady "get hers." Otherwise, he will be on the down stroke while I'm looking at reruns on Nick at Night & timing him with a stop watch.
Now, for SBM's comment on having sex in unordinary places…I feel that can be a thrill for a relationship at any maturity level. I don't like raw oysters, but I love the art of four play. Although relationships are about compromise, that's why the man benefits from the relationship – based on the results from the poll. With respect to sex, women may fear that the man may seek sex from another partner, therefore give in to his "need." In the meantime, he might not be doing it right and women settle for bad sex. Which brings up back to the communication issue and length of the relationship.
@Hasani: Whether or not they live together does matter, but why the hell is sex ever a "chore". Damn man … I feel bad for ya if it was a chore!
@Antidater: Gotta be rspectful of the kids.
@Rawdawg: Who has that much free time?
@Comeback: Oysters … Clams … same difference. I don't edit the questions, but I don't include the entire email usually for anonymity, but no one seems to give me that type of information. Quickies are a good solution I didn't think of.
@Ms. Devereaux: Everyday though … who wants that much sex … wait a second … What the f*ck am I saying!!!!
@Neonnea: I definitely need to start asking for more background, but I assumed they were co habitating. I don't think its actually a matter that anyone is keeping count … but he just asks for it every day.
I whole heartedly agree on the "mutual sexual eruption" belief … but it does turn things into more of a marathon. Thats why I don't think I could do it daily … my tongue would cramp i don't have several free hours every single day (yes … I try and create an experience everytime … lol)
@ SBM: You should take pride in your work 😉
7 days a week
damn
people got shit to do
maybe dude's a sex addict.lol
im with u
compromise is key
5 days sounds bout right
This guy I met last week told me that as long as any woman he commits to sexed him and fed him, he wouldn't stray. I say all that to say, I guess if he wants it more than she does, then he might be sexing her and someone else on the side. Maybe they could come to a compromise, but how long would "he" be willing to compromise. SBM, you mention alternatives such as “sex of the mouth” and “manual stimulation"…hmm but that would make him want it even more. Having a man who wants sex 7 days a week doesn't seem like a problem to me, but then again I'm in my prime…lol
lol @ Comeback. Referencing clams and oysters: It sounds like you "like it raw" 😉
7 days seems a lil excessive 5 seems like a good number to me…but I agree with the age thing its all about timing..i'm now in my sexual prime and I could have some form of sexual intimacy everynight doesn't have to be intercourse and it doesn't have to be to completion..but my man turns me on at some point every single day …we are very horny for each other..but every night seems a lil much..ms. kitty would need a break at some point…we'd have to do other things as you mentioned SBM…3x a lady should feel good to know her man desires her that much!
@Neonna: I have plenty of pride … just an absent mind.
@dejanae11: I mean … 7 days a week is a little excessive … but pretty sure that doesn't count as a sex addict.
@Sheila: "I'm in my prime" … and that is why I love older women!
@Anti: Wow … no comment.
@GeeGee: So exactly what age is this "prime"? I'll turn that into my introductory question and then I can start quickly disqualifying people.
I'm in a quandry as to how she wouldn't know this ahead of time? **SMH** What the hell kind of conversations were they having before the "relationship" stage?! Sexual compatibility is right up there with the "what's your credit like" type of questions. Or that could just be my schtick…
Talking about it is her first step BUT it definitely sounds as though she's going to have to really step up her number up and her sex drive. Quickies, "sex of the mouth" and "manual stimulation" is only going to go but so far after a while!! After a while he's going to loose his mind and patience, cause I definitely would!! She's going to have to pull out and on some F*mE Pumps, take a pole dancing class ( fun, informative yet fitness oriented!) put on some "Falsetto" by Dream and DROP it like she know what's good for her. Spice it up, play inspector gadge or naughty stranger!
SBM said "Everyday though … who wants that much sex … wait a second … What the f*ck am I saying!!!!"
ME: LMAO! Yes SBM, wtf are you saying? lol Some women CAN handle and enjoy such living. *batting my eyes!*
I also agree with Neonnea – There's always that possibility that this guy has no clue in what he is doing, hence, her lack of wanting.
I agree Fallen.
I'm not tryna put nobody out there. But did a certain person whose name is taken from a disney star opposite Minnie write this letter?
I want to write a letter too.
antidater says:
April 29th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
lol @ Comeback. Referencing clams and oysters: It sounds like you “like it raw”
————
My oysters on the half shell YES. Clams sounds a little too dangerous. Can you eat them raw. I'm still tryna find this out
@ Comeback Girl: According to Wikipedia, clams can be eaten raw. I still don't trust eating clams raw but if you try it, let me know how that worked out for you.
@ Neonnea I'm not tryna end up with double hepititis I think oysters and sushi is enough "rawness" for my foodie palette.
let me clarify before SBM and ANTI come rollin in. Hepititis….of which I do NOT HAVE or NEVER HAD.
@Comeback: If you have never had it and don't have it … how could you get double Hepitias? Hey … I don't judge … no need to "cover your tracks here".
@FallenStar: I think quickies could easily be good enough for a guy. And hell … good "sex of the mouth" is just as good … and even better if I had a long day.
@Neonnea: Whatever the aphrodisiac is … clams … oysters … tiger penis … whatever does it for ya.
Yeah, I like my clams and oyster fried hard.
No comeback I didn't write the question but that did make me laugh, thank you for letting my lurkiness come to light. I am currently sexless and in a boo drought.
HI MIKKI
where you been. When it gets quiet you know …well..I just wonder..hell for all we know SBM could be making these "letters to the editor" up.
"how could you get double Hepitias?"
They are carried in raw seafood and fish including oysters, clams, mussells, etc. I am already putting myself at risk when eating raw oysters and sushi (hence the POTENTIAL for double hepititis). Now why in God's green earth do I want to sample all of the Chesapeake bay RAW. No thanks.
lol @ comeback yea I know!! I am laying low just for a little while, been doing my woosah routines regularly yah know gotta keep my blood pressure down.
I was going to fly this coop yesterday after an unfortunate incident. take a break. Now I'm back. Its kind of like crack over here.
Lol. So, Neonnea likes it hard and Comeback likes it raw – hold the hepatitis. Got it!
Personally, I limit raw food to sushi.
We've been together for six months. We're both in our 20's and he's fine in the bedroom. I have no complaints there. He seems to love it when we do it and he gives me the big O almost every time. I'm starting to think we're not sexually compatible when it comes to the amount of times though and I would rather end it than have him cheat on me. He works and I work so maybe if I wasn't working 60 hour weeks I would have more energy. I might go with the other two things you suggested and see if that works
I'm really out of lurking now.
Hasani we do not live together but are over at each other places so much we might as well be living together. If we did live together I would still NOT BE obligated to have sex with him because he is a boyfriend not a husband. I could buy him some videos for his upcoming birthday.
The Comeback Girl I would be just as satisfied with cuddling on those days my body needs a rest. If this doesn't work out, I want me an older man.
Ms. Devereaux I think we have a decent relationship. I am going to talk to him this weekend though. I just be so tired from work. I bought me some vitamins and see if that'll help.
FallenStarNBabylon we talked about sex prior to getting into a relationship however when he said he had a high sex drive I didnt know he would want it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I thought I had a healthy sexual appetite. I like to do it whenever the mood hits too but not every day.
Hey SBM….did you read the Kilpatrick text messages. Typical Alpha.
Here's an excerpt "I wanted to give you some good head this morning and didn't know how to ask you to let me do it."
Link
http://media.freep.com/documents/stefani042908/04…
huge seperation between "living together" and the famous not living together and "oh we spend lots of time with sleepovers"
when you get into a fight and you say "GTFO" and he cant go anywhere… THATS when you live together and thats a huge step in a relationship. its about building together and not just hanging together… in my eyes thats what seperates living together and just hanging out. (my main point)
if you feel that you are "not obligated" to have sex with a man that you LIVE WITH, and are trying to build a household with… because you dont have a ring, then you really arent into that man very much no matter what you say and you sure dont respect him enough. Once you live together its about giving up the ME for WE. only thing marriage changes is the bond is permanant. (but thats another topic)
Lets not get into would be situations because I dont want to debate things that are not relevant. If in your situation you dont live together… you dont have to fuck yo man 7 days a week. period. only when you both want it.
SBM: I gues I will get flamed for this but Im seeing the age gap between us again. Single 25 yo and 30 year old that lived with someone for 5 years. Yes sex, IS a chore. its part of maintaining your household. I know you prob view it as fun but trust me when you work all day and then play ball afterwards and your dead tired and just want to play some xbox before bed and your chick comes home and wants the puss eaten (not fucked) what do you do? well if you live together … in my opinion you have to do whats best for the "team" and thats get yo azz up, and do your duty.
you almost have to think about sex as a chore because when you live together you are busy doing things and not everyone has the same sexual calendar.
once again this is just my opinion. I always feel when you are working as a team (which is what we should be doing with our mates) you should be totally "down for whatevah" and not just out for yourself.
OK…I feel you EE.
Now we have the entire picture and are able to properly asses and give our wacky advice just a wee more better.
60hrs plus my suggestions just might put you in cardiac arrest, ok – I feel your plight.
Nothing else you can do except communicate and comprimise. Who know's, we could all be talking pure shite and the man might just surprise us all and give his boo a break.
Good Luck EE!!! Don't forget to give us an update, cuz I'm nosy – I wana know.lolol
If you feelin your mate, I can't imagine how xbox trumps puss.
If you feelin your mate, I can’t imagine how xbox trumps puss. lol
off topic…but does anyone know any good negro spirituals.
@Hasani.. I’m going to show you a little bit of love because I fundamentally agree with you. At time sex can be a CHORE, I am approaching my 3year wedding anniversary in May. I work full time pursing my masters part time and I hold down a PRN job on the side, and yes hubby is just as busy. So it’s like the house work we have to put it on the schedule some days because sex is important NO critical to the sustainability of a marriage. You are also correct that this is a team sport! There will be days that you don’t want to, Oh I’m just so tired but marriage is not a game people you either have to step up, or realize some one else is going to be waiting at bat.
I see why The Comeback Girl said what she said about Hasani. Actually I shouldn't even be sleeping with him because we're not married, but hey, I'm human, I love sex. Regardless of the nonsense you're spitting out, the fact is I'm not obligated to sleep with him because he is NOT my husband.
Fallen I'll be back and let y'all know how it all goes.
EE I had to break out my Clark Sister favorites on youtube after that incident last nigh ***humming "You Bought The Sunshine":
Anyway…I totallly disagree with Hasani. Sex is not a chore. People put all kind of negative labels on things that just shouldn't be. To me i would rather that if a man not felt me sexually that he just bounce and not "service me" because it was his household duties like paying the gas and electric. Thats one intimate act that can't really be scripted. Sure pretend to like my crazy aunt, or the style channel, pretend like you happy going to starbucks with me sampling new drips, but please don't pretend when we are being intimate.
which leads me to my next point are you having sex or are you making love? after six months….maybe. Maybe not. But perhaps you're body is telling you something your mind already knows. There are other acts of being intimate that don't really include copulation. You work 60 hour work weeks maybe you also need to balance a little me time. Or include him into some of your decompression routines..baths, massage etc. Also does he work 60 hour weeks he could be a little bored with himself. It does sound like he might have a little more free time than you.
EE:
if you dont want to sleep with him… then dont.
why would you ever sleep with someone you didnt want to? I really dont understand people sometimes. its your body, no man controls what you do.
but truth be told, if you have to ask us about sex then you are perhaps a waste of time trying to date a man you dont take seriously enough. think about it out of the box… if you know it would make him happy but you dont want to do it, what does that say about you and how much you respect him? its not a bad thing… it just is what it is.
comeback
Xbox is great thats why. You will never understand it, just like we will never understand reading romance novels.
I can say the same thing about women to men. if your feeling your man why not have sex with him whenever he wants?
Jazzy. Yes gurlfriend. Amazing the seperate way the people living together view things and how those who dont view things. My ex worked 2 jobs, was finishing her MBA and went to the gym while I worked and tried to do my thing in the household. your busy sometimes but you want to keep your mate at their peak condition if you can.
(a side note, I cook but my ex didnt cook and couldnt cook at all. when when came home at 11pm I had already ate but she hadnt. do you think I was going to just roll over and tell her starve? no. I get up and cooked her something to eat eventhough I wasnt hungry. you have to have a sense ot DUTY about these things when your working as a single unit.
you may not want to do it, but its something that as a "partner" you do for the better of the team. much like taking out the garbage, cooking when your not hungry, cleaning out the gutters or killing a icky hairy scary spider!!
comeback. stop misquoting me. holy hana montana you did it again!! stop hearing what you want please.
Im not saying "sex is a chore it has to be done or u wil be whiped" what I am saying is … when you lvie together or are married… in my opinion…. if you are working together as a unit you have to do things that you dont always want to for the betterment of the team. look at it like a household chore.
and sex is not always about being intimate. sometimes…. not all the time (dont mis quote me yet again) it is just about a release. have you lived with anyone yet? ever get hot and "need" a dick but not want to have ice cubes and candles and the whole 9 yards because you were busy or had something to do? life is not a romance book or the shower scene from how stella got her groove back.
sensationalism is a dangerous thing @_@ we need to get you working for a magazine
"much like taking out the garbage, cooking when your not hungry, cleaning out the gutters or killing a icky hairy scary spider!!"
what kind of love are you (NOT) making? I would think this is a major exception and not the rule. Peoples rythms and patterns arent always connected, but I;m sorry making love is not in the chore catagory for me and never will be.
Your simpness is coming through here. A partnership isn't making a complete foolish servant out of yourself. if I come in at 11 pm and you ate at and are sleep. As a PARTNER I wouldn;t EXPECT you to get out of bed to make me a meal. I might expect that if you cooked something you would leave it out for me. Partner's don't just DO chores. Thats what merry maid is for HELLO.
"if you are working together as a unit you have to do things that you dont always want to for the betterment of the team. look at it like a household chore."
i wish you would make up your mind. Am I looking at it like a chore or NOT.
"if you are working together as a unit you have to do things that you dont always want to for the betterment of the team"
I'm tryna figure out what those are. You sound like you;ve been through alot of stress and strife. thats not really my reality. Sure I may not like to cook homemade spinach quiche when he wants it, but maybe we go to Tara Thai instead. THE TEAM IS HAPPY. WTF is the problem???
And no I have never "lived with anybody yet" nor do I plan to be without a ring.
@EE I feel like you are really burden with this. I really think you all should be able to talk about this issue.
Vitamins aren't going to work if you don't get some rest…lol but they are worth a try.
your spoken like a single person.. I didnt have to guess I already knew hun but was goin thru the motions. it comes thru in your statements 🙂
and yes, Im a simp… i care more about the happiness of others than of myself. its amazing how I see it as a great thing and you view it as an evil thing. (then people wonder why you cant find any good single black men) 😐
but we are off topic … again.
she dosent dig her man that much to lgive him what makes him happy, she wants what makes her cumfy.
so theres really no point or debate about this topic.
next blog post please!
my ex and I tried the vitamins thing.
Vitamins only work if you take them.
you take them because you want to have sex
but you DONT feel the need to want sex (which is why you are taking them)
because you dont want sex you wont take the vitamins
and she shouldnt take anything because she dosent need to nor have to have sex with the guy if she dosent want to. SHE is whats most important not him…. right?
@Hasani: I really really really hate to say this … but sex really isn't a chore and I agree with the late night cooking. Why am I getting out of bed to cook? Ideally I would leave something behind, or make sure there is something she can heat up … but damned if I'm getting out of bed to cook … and I wouldn't demand my significant other do it. And while I do think sex is key, and if the person doesn't want to sleep with you … it does show a lack of "interest" (I wouldn't say respect) … but just because you don't always wanna f*ck isn't such a negative thing. EE is breaking dude off 3 times a week … he has no reason to feel disrespected.
I will say … I do think if you really love the person you will try harder to keep them happy … but as I have repeatedly said by referring to your simping … Hasani … you are doing too much, asking for too little, and letting people take advantage of you. Why the f*ck are you putting down your xbox controller to eat puss! I love eating puss … but it can go down after I'm done with GTA (the reason I haven't been on the computer all night).
@Comeback: There is a sense of trying things and doing things more often to please the other person … but … *sigh* … your right … sex is not a chore.
@Neonnea: I know this sounds so nerdy … but there are times when xbox trumps p*ssy. I mean .. p*ssy is great … really really great … but if we been pulling 2 a days or something, I might just wanna play some games. Just equate our video games to watching girlfriends … and it makes more sense.
@Jazzy: I'm nowhere near marriage, so I definitely will take your word on that one.
@Everyone I think you guys are being a little hard on Hasani (as I’m guessing one of the few married people on this blog) wait until you all get married. I could be wrong but single life and dating is only preparing you for the one you are going to settle down with so you should become accustomed to doing things for that significant other that you probably normally say : You want me to do what? Anyway sex can be a chore trust me me and my hubby love it but with our busy lives YOU do at times have to make an extra effort. And just to clarify you have making love, sex, and straight up banging, most often than not when you get married you are having sex, the making love comes on specially occasions and the banging well you’ll get no complaints about that. So everyone try to lighten up on Hasani I relatively new to this blog and I’m enjoying all of the interactions. P.S. when you are in that serious committed relationship with some one you love beyond all reason YOU will wake your ass up out of bed and see to that persons needs (not everyday) but you will! Its CALLED being a helpmate!
Hmmm…
Okay, this is putting my -ish "out there", but my sex drive is higher than the average womans sex drive so I've been told. I don't think 7 days a week is too much to ask. Heck, I'm trying to get it a couple times or more a day EVERY day from my man!!!
I think she should have a conversation with him and try to reach a level of agreement. If he cares about her, he will try respect the fact that maybe she can't go 7 days a week…or just doesn't have the urge to want to sleep with him that frequently. Communication is key in all relationships.
"Hasani … you are doing too much, asking for too little, and letting people take advantage of you."
And this is VERY unattractive to me. I mean this in the nicest way, but maybe there is a reasaon that your 40 dates haven't been all that successful. And perhaps your last 10 year situation didn't work either. I don't want a hebrew slave, I want a MAN. Somebody who is man enough to NOT only look out for me but also (I can't believe I am saying this) but also himself. You are really are taking sucka to a new level and its not cute.
Maybe you need to write a letter to SBM. I mean did your father jump through all these hoops for your mother ? Who did this at the detriment to themselves. I mean I am down for the team and I've talked about it before. I am also a believer that our financial resources are SHARED (and I realize that at some level I may bring in more). But a partner is a HELP mate not a personal servant. I also believe that no person should be strapped with all of the household/family/financial responsibilities to their own personal detriment. I am also a big believer in OUTSIDE help if you can afford it. Aint no way in the hell Imma be cooking, cleaning, raising kids, making money, writing books, building empires WITHOUT OUTSIDE HELP. Nor would I expect my husband too.
All that you doin' should be going into YOUR OWN personal development. while baby girl was out working 5 jobs and working on a PHd. What were you doing for your own career development. I realize that some men do have a feminine care taking side. And I appreciate that maybe you aren't the male ego GO Getter. But you also aren't guess staring in Roots as Kunte Kinte either.
ROTFLMAO @ Comeback Girl's last comment.
Yall are getting heated up in here this morning. LOL.
My $0.03….every couple is different. What may work for one couple may not work for the next. If Hasani views sex while living with your mate as a chore, so be it. No one has to agree with that. I personally don't view sex as a chore; but then again I'm just in a long term hella sexy relationship and not married YET. I love sex entirely too much to label it a chore…but never say never right?
Bottomline is…how someone labels sex is entirely their opinion. There is no right or wrong.
Hi Ms. Frekles welcome to our hangsuite.
I think this is past sex. To me its representative of so much more. He's already detailed how he puts HER needs before his own. Gets out of bed at 11pm to make her meals but she is getting off from school. Shyt hold my hand while I eat some coco puffs. Ask me how my day was and pour me some kool-aid. But if you start iron cheffin everytime I come in late–I'm out the door. Even if you are a househusband DAMN, chill out take a break, join a house husband union. Its too much.
You have me dying in laughter over here! LMAO.
Okay okay….let me stop laughing long enough to type, lol.
It's too much for you, but that may make Hasani happy doing that type of stuff for his partner. I can't say I'd get out of my bed at no 11pm when my arse has to be up for work in the morning at 5am to make my dude something to eat, but there are times I put my own needs/wants aside and look after my man the same way he looks after me.
Everyone is different and has different expectations when it comes to relationships. It's human nature to be judgemental sometimes…but in reality, Hasani may have multiple orgasms off of serving his mate in the capacity he chooses too. Who are we to say it's wrong or too much? lol.
Thank you so much for making my Wednesday morning a little lighter this morning. I'm surely in a giggly mood now. lol
"Hasani may have multiple orgasms off of serving his mate in the capacity he chooses too. Who are we to say it’s wrong or too much? lol."
and the proof is in the pudding. Maybe I missed something but if you check the archives this has NOT been successful for him. But hey what the hell do I know. People are different. And if it WORKS then do you. S&M in the kitchen, dominatrix by the couch with the dust buster. Work it out. But if you keep doing the same thing and expecting something different well….
Same here. If my outlook and behavior attracted no man, no relationship NOTHING. I'd start to think a little differently. Perhaps there is somebody who likes this all the time. Maybe he strikes gold on his 41st date. So it could be the next lady at the bus stop. But I'm not a betting woman.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't take it…stop it! LMAO….LOL…
I want to thank everyone for their advice. Thanks Single Black Male for posting my question. I will be communicating with my man how I feel this weekend over a nice dinner at my place. I'm sure we can come to a compromise. You all gave me a lot to think about. For the record (this is for Hasani and Hasani you can comment but I won't be posting any more comments on this post), my man and I spoil each other outside of the bedroom and it has nothing to do with sex. If he were to come on here he would let you know that I'm not a selfish person. I do understand sex is important in a relationship so I want to make sure we're both happy in all areas.
Glad I, along with the best commentors on the internet could be of help.
If you want to talk about the end result, we can work something out and get it up as a post because I think everyone is nosey to see what happens.
She should throw him back for the girls like me who can't find men who are single AND want sex every day. I would have sex three times a day every day (that's morning before work, nooner, and when we get home from work/etc) seven days a week. YET. I have an amazing man who gives it to me ONCE a week, TWICE maybe (he's good at what he does when he does it, though) and was married to a man who gave it to me like once a MONTH, once every two or three weeks if I was lucky. I found a man with a libido as high as mine recently; but 1) he is married, 2) he has a huge guilt complex. Sigh.
If she doesn't want to give her man up entirely, then I suggest she opens her relationship up so he can be supplemented elsewhere. Then she gets what she needs, three days a week; but doesn't feel obligated to have sex and he gets his. It works okay for my boyfriend and me (though I need to find me a friend with benefits or a second partner still – hard to find, you know, in the Midwest!)… 😉
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