Home Women “Girl … He’s Gay”: Female Homophobia

“Girl … He’s Gay”: Female Homophobia

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“He’s got on a pink shirt … He’s Gay”
“He wouldn’t buy me a drink at the bar … He’s Gay”
“He said he rather see ‘the guys’ than me … He’s Gay”
“He said the word ‘toiletries’ … He’s Gay”
“He didn’t want none of this p*ssy … He’s Gay”

I know the whole brother’s on the Down Low got women scared … but damn … this is getting out of control. I hear a little too often girls claiming that a guy is gay off some bullsh*t. Maybe he just doesn’t want you … maybe he is a little metrosexual (something I can’t support … no matter how much my friend likes his pink polo) … or maybe he’s a Kappa … but why must he be gay.

This was inspired by one of my few female acquaintances … here our convo.

*She starts*: My friend was dating this guy for like 2 years. He gave her a promise ring and told her he was going to marry her after she graduated college. We all thought they were a great couple.

*She continues*: Then she graduated … they continued dating for a few months … but no wedding. She tried to move in with him … but he wasn’t having it … then all of a sudden … he dumped her with no reason.

*I ask*: Really … he didn’t give any reason.

*She replies*: Some BS about how she was “needy” and unmotivated and he wanted to advance his career and needed a “go-getter”.

*I respond*: Uhh … sounds like a valid reason. Hell … I feel him. He had a change of heart. He was a lil mean about it … but sounds like a real reason.

*She says while snapping neck*: Uh uh … now he is talks about chilling with his “buddies” all the time. That n*gga is gay!!!

*I exclaim*: WTF … how is he gay! Ya’ll just some salty ass females.

*She concludes*: Naw … he likes to go out with his boys … he’s gay.

I’ve read a post about a guy being labeled “gay” because he used the word “toiletries” and I have heard this often unwarranted accusation time and time again … especially from salty women when hey don’t get the particular d*ck they are so desperately searching for.

What would I look like if I said ever girl that rejected me was gay?!?! While the “Billy-Dee-like” game is highly effective … its not 100%. Your boy SBM does catch a no every couple of weeks. So … are all these chicks gay? If she likes sports … is she gay? If she has a motorcycle … is she gay? Hell … just cause she experimented in college after having too much tequila … is she gay (for a guy the answer is yes though … I know … those pesky double standards).

I’ve never faced this accusation (apparently my best [female] friend thinks I’m too hard because I hate on pink polo’s), but I have friends who have had this salem witch hunt like persecution thrown upon them, while knowing that they just didn’t like the girl or just got finished smashing her best friend the night before. Its like calling rape on a guy … its just wrong.

So I beg of you rejected, dejected, salty, homophobic, catty, and just-got-nothing-better-to -do-with-my-time-because -no-man-wants-to-sleep-with-me women … STOP IT!

Comment(156)

  1. That coward. he leaves his woman just because she isnt tryin to be a baller? he sounds like a 2008 female :p

    but seriously, thats crazy but I guess thats just this ME ME generation, better now then when they have a family.

    On the gay thing. OMG is it totally overused or what. I didnt sleep with nor even get past first base with "Miss May" for the 6 months we dated. The gal at work kept asking me if I was "turning" because I was not interested in getting in da pants.

    I seem to get asked am a flamer alot by women but never any dudes and never any gay men. unless I fall all over a girl when I go out, I seem to get that. Like if I am just being chatty and kickin it with women in the club insted of trying to like put it in their butt on the dancefloor, I am questioned about my sexuality?

    cuz obviously if a man is turned off by a woman and dont want that ass, something MUST be wrong with him…. right?

    I also notice, if a guy is good looking and spends lots of time talking with other females… hes a slut or player

    if a guy is not attractive and spends lots of time talking with other females…. hes queer? great logic!

  2. My best friend said her dude was "gay" He didn't like "eating miss kitty" and before somebody comes in here saying oh maybe it was just hers, he actually told her that BEFORE he ever tasted hers. Then I heard he only liked to hit from the back with legs tightly pressed together EVERY SINGLE TIME I dunno but wtf do u need my pussy to feel like an ass hole??? thats suspect and to top it off he knew way to much about gay people. like on one of our local news stations the male anchor is publicly gay. But why he know everything about him including who he is currently dating??? thats way to many red flags, im just sayin……

  3. pretty relevant topic. since you use alot of the language that women on this blog use.. your a sneaky guy SBM.

    I think I can go back a post or two and find someone calling me "feminine" even though im sexually active and actively dating. seems to be a common female response to frustration… or just paranoia about the whole down low thing and higher divorce rates + 71% of black women being unwed

  4. yeah… cuz what guy DOSENT llike loose pussy…. how date he want her to push her trap together to provide more sensation.

    I dont care what you do in bed… as long as you do it with a WOMAN, I dont knock you. Marv albert likes to wear panties and leggings during sex….. but he likes to wear them WITH his girlfriend in bed with him. I cant knock that. My govenor however… has a wife.. has a kid… but still gets down with dudes? yeah Im not cool with that. so i dont even care if the nigga wants to dress her in a football jersey with eyeblack and put it in her 2hole every night… as long as its done with a WOMAN, its all good.

  5. "Then I heard he only liked to hit from the back with legs tightly pressed together EVERY SINGLE TIME I dunno but wtf do u need my pussy to feel like an ass hole???"

    Mik- this is hilarious.

  6. @Mikki in the words of FLavor Flav WOOOOOWWWWW! I hope your friend had him strapped up.

    @SBM good post this should be good today

    @everyone I'm pretty new to the blog so no offense intended but are HNIC and Hasnai the same person. I could have sworn the other day HNIC signed the end of a post with HASN.

  7. Yes Jazzy he is. I haven't yet found the correlation between Al Roker (victim) and Matt Lauer (aggressor and chief lover lover).

    In all seriousness my "tolitiry man" is a man of a certain age, and though he's probably NOT gay, I really don't want to hang around and find out. It is a misnomer that most women label men gay when they can't sleep with them. Because firstly i don't have random sex. My MIND and BODY has to be engaged and once you get the possible "downloader" (as my mama calls it) stamp—you've just poured cold water on me. And there is usually no recovery.

    What ever happened to our blogger "The Business Woman". I think it was she that coined the phrase "bitchassedness" as it relates to men. To me this is worse than the bi-sexual label. Because it really explores and man's ineffectiveness to be a MAN. Or maybe strength, integrity, and the abililty to stay in control of a situtation is not fair to label as male traits. It could just be the way a man is raised.

    I've seen situations personally where a "man" watches in his on home a situation between two people (or more) get totally out of hand-the worst of it is a situtaion he helps to instigate. This also is a mood killer. A man who displays jealousy or envy against a WOMAN or references what she has in a spiteful way…mood killer. And bitchassness. A gossipy man (mood killer). A man who can't stand up TACTFULLY to a family member who may be in the wrong…mood killer. To me its not about who doesn't want to sleep with me. Its about traits that I see that exhibit women like tendancies.

  8. LOL!! I remember I thought that about one guy I was dating…all he wanted to do was hang out with his friend Shannon— who was actually a guy. Shannon was his bestfriend.

    If he wasnt with me, he was with Shannon, Shannon was married to some pretty Asia girl but was NEVER at home. So…I did..I'm guilty of the gay labeling. But sh*t i didn't the butt finger test while he was sleep one night.

    I lie to you now..when I stuck my finger between his butt cheeks, in his sleep he tooted his butt up a lil bit as if to let my finger slide in…..I stopped talking to him thereafter….so to ME…he's gay. Not JUST because he just wanted to hang out with Shannon but also because he didn't clinch his booty to (as Martin says) lock his a$$.

    LOL…

  9. @SBM: lol @ Kappa comment. I always laugh when i see Alphas rockin their pink and green polos. What's that all about?

    In all seriousness, it is fascinating that women with their new-found pen*ses have effectively defined and "raised the bar" for manhood. Now, these pen*s-wielding women can also highjack someone's manhood by calling him gay.

    When I was growing up – "gay" was a negative term applied to any undesireable activity or thing in addition to referring to homosexuals. It seems like women can identify undesireable beahviors in a man and then call a brotha "gay" at a whim. Yet, women who do what they must to make it in a male-dominated society or if they happened to have a "girl on girl experience" in college they are just fine. This sounds like muchh more than a double standard…

  10. "it is fascinating that women with their new-found pen*ses have effectively defined and “raised the bar” for manhood. Now, these pen*s-wielding women can also highjack someone’s manhood by calling him gay."

    I think its even more fascianting that a man repeatedly is fascinated with a woman coining a phrase that allows her to make a decent living. I don't know of any "soft and pink" woman who is able to make a serious living without having to put a certain amount of her sensitivity and sexuality on pause-when wheeling and dealing in a man's world. And most of the working world is male dominated-even the art and fashion world-that capatlizes on feminity and sexuality.

    If your fascination with an analogy causes you to oversimplify the rule of thumb that most successful women live by. Then let's omit the word pen$s. Kind of like how they did in the first grade. Make up a word that you are more comfortable with.

    The truth remains that I'm an observer in much of dating and relationship arenas. I think you know all you need to know about a man really in the way he interacts with people and his ability to control a situation while also acting with a certain amount of integrity and strength.

  11. I am not knocking the "tightness" concept I am knocking the fact that he so adimately says "he cant" do it any other way, limpity quickity?? *stolen from someone* makes me thinking your only accustom to round the clock tightness which can only come from ONE place in my eyes. I mean a woman has a baby she is not going to be 100% tight busting out a 9 pound baby, but just cuz i had a kid means im stuck with only getting it from the back with my legs tightly closed togther?? thats punishment, or maybe your just "Gay"

    haha

  12. @Mikki: While child birth is glorious and whatnot … loose cooch is still loose cooch and needs to be dealt with in some way. Honestly, she probably just doesn't do it for him (her looks are fading), but he's not gonna leave her.

    @Comeback: Your really going to call someone out for being "fascinated" with one phrase you made up. This coming from the "take my quote" queen. In addition to your obsession with "I'm a nice guy". Additionally, toiletries has very little to do with a man's ability to control a situation or act like a man. Too often the gay label is just your version of "bitch" or something that women must do to feel better about the situation.

    If you guys are so strong nowadays, why can't you own up to the fact his ass just doesn't want you. Men are extremely sexual, but it doesn't stop all of us from actually having standards and turning down cooch.

  13. "why can’t you own up to the fact his ass just doesn’t want you. Men are extremely sexual, but it doesn’t stop all of us from actually having standards and turning down cooch"

    and why can't you see that the "gay"/bitchassness label is not rarely a correlation between a woman feeling sexually rejected. The woman usually DECIDES in the first 2 minutes in meeting a man if SEX will ever happen today or in 3 months. You're getting the chicken and the egg mixed up. Once a man exhibits the beforementioned qualites the sexual componant is usually off. I would pay MONEY for toiletry man to JUST see me as a dinner mate/ lounge hang out buddy/ road dog.

  14. yes I am the HNIC. rather dangerous to use my firstname as my pen name… was harmles at first but you guys scare me sometimes with how personal you take things, so just like prince, I am officially changing my pen name to HNIC!!

    -Hasani-

  15. Antidater, your on another level today my brother. I cant keep up, nor can I articulate what I feel or should be feeling anymore than the text your dropin on the masses today. only thing I disagree with… women didnt raise the bar for men, they just raised their income while destroying the marriage/relationship Honor/respect and houusehold/child rearing aspect of our society in the process. we are still the same as we were 20 years ago only generation X black males are twice more compassionate than our fathers could ever dream to be. we need to find that ballance again, but it sure didnt start with the gen x back male's changes thats for sure.

    oh and I still cant belive mik is trying to defend her friend and call the guy gay. from the outside looking in it borders on lunacy I cant even begin to fathom where the correlation between not liking loose pussy and wanting to "fall in love with another man" then if thats not enough you make fun of him going limp? why must EVERYTHIN be an insult with you guys… dont you like US (men) anymore?

  16. @Mikki: If you ever were to go inside ya girl keep in mind that you would and could still be considered straight. I mean, most guys might actually get a kick out of that story. "You know this one time, at band camp…"

  17. HASANI dang loosen up!!!!!

    Seriously I said I can drop the “tightness” issue cuz your right I can’t be that judge completely from a mans perspective BUT still

    Please read these other 2 factors

    1. not liking to eat miss kitty I don’t care what planet your on that’s absurd and Don’t even for once go and tell me oh some men don’t like getting there D sucked because that’s a boldface lie unless somebody traumatized u in the past .

    2. Knowing to my info about the Gay news anchorman??? I am going to link him here in a few.

    2 outta 3 best case he is bi sexual come on now??

  18. Mikki I re-read..yes he might be a downloader knowing how others are romantically linked in the gay community. His preference to ALWAYS doing it from the back with legs closed LOL. And th emiss kitty thing…he has my downloaders stamp of approval.

  19. I'll leave my original comment before reading the others.

    Women do have to be careful because there are a lot of D-L brothers out there, but hollering that the man is gay is said out of anger most of the time…just like saying the man is a jacka**. No, a man not sleeping with a woman doesn't make him gay; nor does it make him gay if he wants to hang out with "his boys" all of the time. In the situation you described, the guy went about it the wrong way when it came to breaking up with the girl, but that doesn't mean he is gay.

    I guess to eliminate being labeled that the guy needs to be upfront with the woman and don't sugarcoat stuff. If you don't want the woman, just tell her that. And if she asks why? Ask her do you want the truth or a lie and give it to her raw.

  20. @ Mikki: 1) How many women refuse to swallow or even give head? Are they gay? 2) Dude was making an observation. On the other hand, if said gay anchorman is on the Tube and the dude in question leers at him and begins to salivate – you have grounds to accuse him of the offense.

  21. I heard he only liked to hit from the back with legs tightly pressed together EVERY SINGLE TIME

    Mikki, that and some of the other rasons you listed would actually make this dude suspect as a DL brother. I know men like to hit it from the back but they like to hit it from all other angles as well…well the straight ones anyway….lol

  22. Part of me wants to agree with the ladies. But, it sounds like he has a favorite position. I guess there would be no complaint if his favorite position were missionary (outside of boredom). Has the dude been confronted about this?

  23. No reason to really confront. In my opinion it was a wrap the minute she felt like her sex%%ual desires and preferences were ignored. Sex%%ual compatibility is equally as important as emotional. Sometimes God gives us signs that its time to move on or redefine the relationship and check the friend catagory. I would though give it one last inspection, gut check, and therapy session perhaps for the home team. I think sometimes people get togehter for all the wrong reasons and when you won't listen to your mind sometimes you must listen to your body–since the mind is also an intergral se$x organ.

    ****COMEBACK GIRL minimizes screen and opens American U and goes to the MA/PHD psych program

  24. the women have lost their god damn mind on this message board.

    how does hitting it from the back with a woman corelate to me wanting to fall in love with and have romantic interaction with another man?

    my Uncle used to drink tea and sit with his legs crossed and wear silk shirts…. was he gay too? cuz if he was we have to call the women he fathered his 26 children with liars.

    if I like to put it in yo ass pipe is that gay too?

    how about this… i had this woman a few months back prostate massage me (for you virgins out there wiki it) am I now gay? I even came… does that make me FLAMING gay? Same woman wouldnt have sex with me, she only let me at her pussy.. so because I ate so much pussy does that make me EXTRA straight?

    I know a woman who wouldnt suck and swallow, was she a hardcore dyke?

    the world you women live in is insane, i seriously hope for the sake of our community you are just trying to get a rise out of us guys and you all dont actually belilve the shit your saying today. I mean.. to be gay.. you have to like… actually be ATTRACTED to other men and have and want romantic relations with them. imagine that

  25. SBM nobody is pregnant/has kids I was using that as an example. Imma ask my girl how "tight" she is I think she would give me a straight answer. I mean If your fugging a lot of men or been with a man with a big d and new guy is much smaller, that would be grounds to be not as "tight" according to her this isn't the case.

    anti he is way over the top about knowing about the gay anchor and he would make comments about dudes being "Gay" on the tv.

    females who don't suck are "Special" I wouldnt say you can call them gay because this is one double standard you cant switch so easy my man. But for a man to not eat ms kitty "coupled with" his exact words was "ewww das nasty" and comments on gay new man would make me think he is a DL.

    On top of all that he has 2 kids 2 baby mommas, two sons who he actively takes care of so "claps for him"

    but she had to dump him because he wasn't even handling the "Boys" when it came to discipline he was basically clueless. my girl said she cant be with a man who lets his kids run a muck, and yes one of his sons is wild!!! all he would say is stop son. wtf be a man whoop his asss!!!!

    the end

  26. So how can I get my hands on these two best sellers:

    'Black Thighs, Black Guys & Bedroom Lies' and 'Pimpin' From The Pulpit To The Pews: Exposing & Expelling The Spirit of Lust In The Church'.

  27. I told you people out there are stalkers…….

    and FTR

    Gay = Likes men

    Straight = Likes women

    like SBM said, just because I would rather have xbox than spend money, time and effort and jump thru "hoops" to have a marginal experience and perhaps get some sex out of it….. dosent make s gay. it makes us smart.

    Ill take my m4carbine+3frags and a Olivia Olovely Video over new sex any night of the week

  28. Hasani I agree I think the girl that SBM describes is not facing her reality that he dont like her

    but the issue i described i am sure its of a DL brotha

  29. @Hasani: I don't know how I feel about you claiming to be the HNIC around here … but I'll allow it.

    Your last comment was on point. Usually I love all the women that come here to bash us all, but you have got to be out of your mind to consider some of the stuff their saying as gay. Since when was demolishing the cooch from the back considered gay!!! Hell … most guys consider eating cooch soft (as I've been joked on many of times for loving the act).

    @Mikki: This is crazy. There is nothing gay about not wanting to eat pussy, and there are a million women who are very opposed to sucking dick … so are they all gay? Also, I will bet you $100 that your salty female friend is over exaggerating her man's love for doggystyle. I doubt he only does it from the back. It probably his favorite position … and considering its in my top 3 … aint nothing wrong with that.

    The fact he knows so much about an anchorman is weird … but to call a guy gay over that … thats that BS.

    @Comeback: Its completely and utterly assinine that you would question a man's sexuality over the use of the word toiletries. Truly and absolutely ridiculous! If you didn't like the guy thats fine … if you want him to leave you alone … the make him leave you alone … but to go as far as to say he wants to be romantically involved with men because he referred to toilet paper as toiletries has to be one of the dumbest and most childish things I've ever heard.

    I mean … I remember calling my friend gay because he hugged another guy … but I was 9 and in elementary school. I hate to say this … but you really have to grow up.

  30. Mik I aint worried about Hasani (does using google make me a stalker) I think using other posters as your "perverted" case study without their expressed consent makes you less of a journalist than you think.

    SBM simmer down partner..do you get the gay thing thrown at you alot or jut a little. The toiletry man fun to hang around with -and he knows this. But he is so particular not just about purchasing toilet paper, but wet wipes etc for his bathroom stash, that I just find it a turn off. I'm sure there would be something else if it wasn't the wet wipes, special formulated soft scrub for his bath tub, and hand lotions. But this is the easiest target.

  31. Yea I mean when is it ever cool for a man to act lady like literally??? I mean clean is one thing but your wet wips, and a toiletry bag?? yes i have seen a man come in my house with a lil cute tote bag for his face wash. i mean what happen to good old fashion bar soap?? SUSPECT

  32. And SBM why are you moderating the links that Hasani basically begged your readers me included to discover. He changed his name to HNIC because????? He got TOO comfortable with Hasani???? He posed as an "Al Roker" I mean do you and him have a book/radio/tv deal together. Why moderate the link.

    Give him a chance to answer the question, since we are his case studies ? He came on here as a journalilst posing as a SINGLE, 30 something failure at dating, when he is according to his myspace a married, with kids, best selling author.

  33. @Comeback: I will admit … wet wipes for guys is definitely homo … I mean I would clown a guy about it (I know two who do it) … but there seemed to be a heavy emphasis on the toiletries comment.

    Luckily no one has question my sexuality … my overall demeanor is the other extreme (although I'm surprised some other salty femal hasn't accused me of overcompensating) … but I just can't help but think its getting out of control.

    I called a girl sweetheart once (like a girl I was talking to) … and this chick said "thats kinda gay". Damn near cursed her out. I swear … its just too much sometime. Its a very serious accusation for the salty females of this world to be playing with.

  34. @Comeback: I didn't get to look at the page, I just figured there was no need to put another person on blast. If there is some mischeif afoot and your exposing it, then I'm in full support and will put it back up.

    I just know how you can be and thought you were getting on the guy.

  35. SBM in both cases including the original post this girl is throwing out "Gay" based on being played

    we are talking about actual "Gay like" tendencies even saying sweetheart is gay is a bit far fetched but if u added a hand on the hip and a finger snap we need to go to a special corner and talk. Over all i dont thing the girl *in here* are being THAT unreasonable.

  36. "Getting on the GUY"??? are you serious….if it is him ( after he stated that he changed his name because he didn't want stalkers, that increased my curiousity??) I normally don't do that but he was begging for it. The similarities are there, location, age, relationship author…

    I just think that him coming on here as reasearch for his book without anyone knowing is pretty dishonest and really causes me to lose interest more in anything Hasani has to say.

  37. It's not about him liking it doggie style that makes him a suspect for being on the DL because most of you guys do like it that way…but knowing so much about the gay anchorman and talking about other gay men on a consistent basis that's a little much. I don't know too many straight men going to that extent.

  38. In my experience, men do this more than women. That's not to say that I haven't heard women do it, but men are FAR more likely to throw gay on the smallest of things.

    recently, when I was doing a walk for MS with friends, the weather called for rain. So we all carried jackets, right. Well one dude didn't really want to carry it and I said "why don't you just tie it around your waist?" He and the 3 other dudes there concluded that tying a jacket around your waist is inherently gay and he shouldn't do it.

    Me: *slaps self on the forehead*

  39. Hold up SBM. I just looked at the title again. is it homophobic to want to date straight men? I love gay guys to the day is long they make great friends. But NOT good boyfriends. Thats a straight woman's option.

  40. @Comeback: I have done a little investigative work, and I was able to find the real myspace page of Hasani, and I'm happy to say its not the same as the guy you accused him of being.

    Again with these asinine comments. You know there is nothing homophobic about a woman wanting to date straight men. The problem is women who want to accuse every many for being gay over these stupid things. Today, we have found that liking doggy style is gay, not liking to eat cooch is gay, and wiping with baby wipes is gay (I will admit its definitely metrosexual).

    Lets stop the madness.

    @Ndenise: That doesn't count … they don't literally mean he is a homosexual and likes dick. A friend of mine poked me in the side with his finger, and I called him gay … but I wasn't insinuating he is actually interested in romantic relations with men.

  41. Okay @ SBM, you're right. They don't mean he actually likes to be the bottom. HOWEVER, I still think that kind of joking is indicative of a homophobic culture and the type of culture in which those kinds of things are alright to say.

    But are you saying that women who make those kinds of statements REALLY think the dude is gay? If so, yeah you're right, they're batshit insane and likely just trying to find any reason besides "he's just not that into you" to explain why this relationship won't work.

    Still, I think that's just something people are doing nowadays… calling everything and everyone gay. Let them tell it, a "real man" is a nasty, stinky, unrefined, ogre of a being and anything differing from that is homo.

  42. @Ndenise: The girl that inspired this post was truly trying to convince me this guy was gay. She went into detail about why he was gay because he liked to hang with his "buddies". it was the dumbest thing I ever heard. Just like the post I read about someone calling a guy gay because he said the word toiletries!

  43. The point is to demonstrate the qualities that make a woman feel "soft n pink" as comeback would say, after working a 9-5 in a mans world and defending womans lib, no matter how "tough" we act, wtf makes u think we want to come home to a man acting like "us" your taking away to much of the qualities that we HONESTLY would like to keep. If a fight breaks out in the middle of a club and your my man, and i see you run for cover and leave my ass. I am going to call you a hoe ass "Gay" dude baby wipes, tolitries, going to the nail shop, those are female stamps so if you wanna go trying to flip the script go ahead but your going to be tagged a gay.

  44. Well SBM I stand corrected since YOUR investigation uncovered all is good in the state of Denmark there is no more to say.

    And I don't think a man who loves doggy style is gay. I do think a man who knows the inner workings of the gay community and who is paired with whom within the gay community, who ONLY loves doggy style, and doesn't like the "cooch" would be suspect. I don't think "suspectness" happens in isolation. JUST because a man uses toiltry in a sentence doesn't make him gay but a fondness of a vast array of lotions, bath tub cleaners, baby wipes-leaves me guessing. But yes things that happen in isolation and a gay label as a result is stupid…trends with a succession of suspect behavior is not. All three of those things that Mikki named are alarms for a woman.

  45. @Mikki: Him leaving to cover your ass means he just don't care about your ass … nothing to do with being gay.

    @Comeback: I'll go into the details of my investigation later, but it has more to do than a search on one word and google. I'm gonna need you to step your investigative game up.

    And what about not wanting to eat pussy is gay!!! For years I told myself I would never do it, and I have plenty of friends who still don't want to do it or didn't start until their 20's. Asinine! Also … doggy style is great. If he is tearing up that cooch … what is gay about that?

  46. I think I owe Hasani an apology I was wrong. 🙁 I am sorry Hasani. But on your myspace you do seem cool and unbitter. And you use punctuation and good spelling, and here you just translate into a nutty butter.

  47. "COUGH COUGH BIPOLAR"

    im not apologizing til find out why he is a nutty butter!!!! I mean its honestly like 2 different people here????? I don't buy it

  48. HA!!!! I hear that 'he's gay' mess all the time from women. The dude that you don't think is gay is that one that ends up being gay.

    Women always kill me. Stop being paranoid and let it flow!

  49. "Stop being paranoid and let it flow!"

    if I let it flow today with baby wipes , hand lotions, and soft scrub (bath tub stuff), I'll have to let the part slide where he's using my flat iorn and hair product.s I have introudced men to facial products, but when a man is hipin me to stuff that me and my girls dont even do-we have a problem.

  50. There are 4 main female posters on this blog… all of them seem to have the typical reactions to most situations that are typical of black women that I run into… which is a good thing it makes me feel I am talking with REAL sistas here which is what we want. The crazy thing is the 5th,Ms.Devereaux, is 9 times more rational than the others and usually has a cleaer angle on things than anyone else….. whats the seperation? is she married and older and everyone else single and younger? seperate schools? seperate parts of the country? IM just gonna ask… cuz im not gonna STALK ANYBODY AND SPEND MY WHOLE WEEKEND SAYING PEOPLE LOOK UGLY IN THEIR PICTURES LIKE SOME PEOPLE………

    but I wonder whats the deviation between sista D and the others.

    SBM… please allow me to be the HNIC. Its my clan tag on Xbox.

    ut I agree with ms Dev, your blowing the gay thing all out of whack. A man is only gay if he likes men, not if he likes to have sex with women in strange ways. theres no such thing as questionable. you either are or you are not. The fact that he loves and is in love with your friend should speak for itself of his sexual orientation….. shouldn't it?

    here really is no reason why w continue to have this divide between gen x black couples, and its always for various reasons. anyone wanna start working to resolve these or are you ladies just going to continue to snipe and kick all black men in general?

  51. "STALK ANYBODY AND SPEND MY WHOLE WEEKEND SAYING PEOPLE LOOK UGLY IN THEIR PICTURES LIKE SOME PEOPLE………"

    What in the world….who said you looked ugly in your pic Hasani, I believe it was said that you are cute. Now where did you get ugly in that.

  52. Actually Hasani if truth told "if in fact that myspace page" belongs to you, us girls find you "cute"

    we are here to resolve issues trust me, but we must first debunk all of the myths that men and women portray on eachother, once we get past that we can move on. I don't feel its unreasonable to "know" the inner workings of the opposite sex which is pretty much how this blog flows, so what we disagree 99.999% of the time like a paternity test but one thing that you failed to address is that this forum is full of successful African American people who can come to a common gathering place to talk about issues we face everyday in a reasonable manner. I have grown to enjoy every one on this spot. which is a lot better than I can say about 100 other sites.

    would you rather be hanging out chatting with a bunch of close minded bucketheads with no ambition in life??? cuz i can arrange that for ya buddy.

  53. Hasani, you tend to "sometimes" accuse folks of skimming over what you type…but from reading your comments, it appears you're doing the same thing you accuse others of doing…otherwise, your comments wouldn't say what they do. Don't get mad when people don't agree with you. Calm down. You're going to blow a gasket and it's not even that serious.

  54. when a man is hipin me to stuff that me and my girls dont even do-we have a problem.

    The Comeback Girl…a serious problem at that.

    "this forum is full of successful African American people who can come to a common gathering place to talk about issues we face everyday in a reasonable manner. I have grown to enjoy every one on this spot. which is a lot better than I can say about 100 other sites."

    Mikki I agree.

  55. We dont actuallY TALK about anything. SBM puts up a topic… and ou guys wait for anti to say something then jump all over him and SBM. then comeback goes into personal wars with SBM… which she fighs to the grave even after being defeated. it turns into a flame fest, but for what reason? did you know you spent more time ltrying to find Hasani than actually trying to know what Hasani is saying everyday? cuz like, theres a common theme, but we never actually TALK about it. anti takls about it, SBM talks about it… but everything else is just a snipe fest.

    I seriously want to love you guys and I want you to love us back. I dont wanna sound corny, but thats seriously why god made us for eachother. this shit borders on lunacy somedays.

    and whats this shit about successful african americans? if your single your not a success.. period. you can compile all the money in the world , it dosent impress me.

    you look like this
    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-23384272

    Get all the gucci and all the prada you want. talk about your career Ad infinitum but what are you actually adding to my community? what are you doing for your own heart and your own sanity as opposed to your own ego? It just amazes me the first thing yall wanna talk about has to trace back to $$ in some way. hell we couldnt even have a debate about "Hasani" without bringing in salary… good lord.

    so let me close my rant. NO this is not a site of all successful black americans. I can openly say I am nt a total success as of yet, but Im working on it in all phases of my life not just the bank account. We actually all need to work to become successful, happy, fulfilled and live our the American dream.

  56. Thanks Hasani. You, SBM, and Anti remind me of my friends. I will give a few 'honest' details about myself…

    I am 26 yr.old, single, college student, from the south, living in chicago and building a business.

    I was put up on game by my father at an early age. Most of my life I was the 'lil sis to my homeboys who were usually 3-4yrs older than me. Also, I hang out with my guy cousin and their friends so, I am fortunate enough to see, hear , and feel the convo most women will never hear from men. This allows me to see and the game on a different level.

    Don't get me wrong I feel like these women on this blog sometimes and understand were they are coming from. Just like my girlfriends feel the same way. There is not much of a difference between me and these other sistas I just see, play and understand the game, and the 'rules of the game' differently because of my experiences.

    Now I have exposed myself a little I think everyone else should tell me a little about themselves…:-)

  57. Ok… sometimes I am a little slow…lol — so can someone please post the link to Hasani page cause I can't find it on Mikki page there are 2 different links.

    @Comeback: "but when a man is hipin me to stuff that me and my girls dont even do-we have a problem." I agree I have never met these type of men but I am sure they exist. I would have a problem with a that too but only after I have found out what the good products were…lol

    I love this blog you guys are all so cool and funny…Mikki said it best!

  58. Hasani, your comments are hilarious dude. I can't speak for the other women who regularly post on the board, but I do know for a fact that you don't know me. You may know my bio because of my occupation and its up for the world to see, but other than that, you don't have a clue on who I am.

  59. Ms. D for 26 you have a very worldly and realistic view of the world. its rather refreshing yet not totally my own but nor close enough to mine to discredit you as "thinking like a dude" but its more like a ….well… woman. Its rather beautiful.

    I wish you lived in jersey

  60. @Ms. D: I agree with Hasani. Generally speaking (yeah … there are some exceptions) I love the women on here. You have the full spectrum, to the over demanding and unrealistic (you know who u are) … the calm and mellow … and the oddly wiser than than should be for their age. Oh yeah … and I've discovered age has no correlation to maturity. Maybe it cause you have guy friends.

    Also, the myspace page that comeback posted up isn't Hasani's real page (at least that is what my research is showing).

    @Sheila: Maybe Hasani can get to know you. I think I'm gonna start hooking people up on this blog.

    @Hasani: Stop hitting on my commentors. Thats my job out here! Besides … you can't see the billy dee like game … LOL. Oh yeah … will you please confirm or deny these myspace aligations

    @Comeback: Did you get scared away? Come back Comeback! Its OK … I'll make sure no one jumps on you. I am such a nice guy u know.

    @Mikki: Is the link to the page on your site? I didn't see it either.

  61. Personally, I like a man who can rock a pink polo. I've dated men whom my girlfriends accused of being gay because they were well groomed. I also can appreciate a man who has a close knit group of male friends. I guess some women feel as though they're competing for attention. But if you can't beat them, join them.

  62. @Funky Black Chick: Thank you for having a grown up opinion on the topic. After being told that doggy style sex with a woman was considered gay … I was about to give up hope on all of ya'll. (I wonder if that would have made me gay too …)

    1. I'm usually a lurker but decided to comment..doggy style is one of my favourites( i have long hair so when my guy is hitting it from the back sometimes he just grabs on to it..lol)..AND NO I DON"T CONSIDER IT GAY!!!

  63. Ya'll are funny as hell as hell. But since Ms. Dev shared a bit, I will too. I'll be 35 next month, single, no kids, and you know where I live. I work as a financial analyst.

  64. Thanks you Tiff in Houston… anyone else. I am waiting

    @HNIC…lol you are a trip. I am told that all the time that I 'think like a dude'. Not sure but its just my observation of life.

    @ SBM: I agree I like everyone on here. If everyone was the same what fun would that be. Don't try to play cupid…lol

    My cousin and I laughed so hard at some of the things that are considered gay on here.

  65. @Ms. D: You know my secret identity is jealously guarded (honestly … work is all … got nothing to hide). But I'll show up in black mask … LOL.

    @Tiffany: You been in and out for a minute. New man keeping you busy! I think I'm jealous.

  66. Since we're all sharing: I am 27, no kids, and I live in the DC Metro Area. Meeting up could be interesting but it would destroy the mystique.

  67. I think I will go ahead and make it 100 yay me, I should get a prize.

    what are we sharing?? a/s/l's??? ok ehhem 25, no kids, single Detroit (Metro). My 3 jobs are Customer service rep (government) Secretary (travel agency) and Realtor (Keller Williams) The last job hasn't paid out any money, but I guess that can only happen If I actually work, haha!

    Google me baby!!!

  68. is that why we are friends comeback?? I knew it was something just couldnt put my finga on it! and what chu mean children yet???? what chu and "o" ova der doin?

  69. I have an idea. brace yourself everyone…..why don't we do a book club. Like the movie: Jane Austin Book Club. Let's pick one of Shelia's books. in 3 or 4 months (well maybe 5 cause Hasani reads slower SIKE SIKE ) we can meet in person.

  70. Wow! Your site has really blown up from when you 1st started not too long ago!!

    Yah! There are some salty women out there who do tend to default to the gay card a little too quick!

    But some of y'all do be on some bull! :o)

  71. @SBM: I have been doing a little light pimpery..but I've been out of town a lot on the weekends and busy at work…Baby you know I still LOVE you…:)

  72. After a classless stunt like trying to put my info out there and stalk me down like a god damn wanna be shelby woo….

    I really wouldnt wanna have a meet with anyody until they did some serious upgrades to their moral compass. not a put down, just calling bush league stuff "bush league"

    but how about we all stop talking about our pedigrees. that stuff is not only non important, its stuff that yur not taking with you, and its not adding to the whole " dating,romance, love and all that ish" theme of the blog. insted of saying "like omg im svetlana and Im from Poland and I have a MBA and…" why dont we all say what we have learned or unlearned in the past 2-3 years about the game of love and dating in our respective areas and respective ages.

    Hell ill go first… I aint learned shit in the past 10 months of being singe. but before that I learned it takes a lot more than money to run a household. Love and respect are not the same thing, and a woman not respecting a man is more dangerous than a man not respecting a woman. (thouggh in an ideal world both woud love honor and respect eachother…. but who llives in an ideal world?)

    I have earned that dating as a single black male in his 30's in the NYC area is easy to get nibbles, but imposable to get a real bite and reeling it in.

    And finally IM slowly learning to stand up more for myself because thats one of the thing my queen will need of me when we finally get together and run this next household together, and "make this paper", and keep eachother happy and laughing… and get this house and do all the things that are in my little American dream

    "

  73. i think you may have skimmed my previous passage yet again

    I see we are making progress………………………

  74. Do I have to share anymore … I feel like I share my soul a couple times a week … right.

    @Hasani: I share my learned lessons everyday, so doing it in the comments might be overkill.

    @Comeback: I said already … only if I can wear Obama mask and use a voice changer. Gotta remain the man of mystery.

  75. ROFLMAO. We were talking about this guy who is suspect and then I get a comment from Comeback Girl…is it a sign he really is gay and not just metrosexual…LOL

  76. Well since the other discussion is closed for comments I'll comment here….

    We did Pole Dancing for my sister's bday. We learned a routine with a couple of slides and everything. I loved it to the point where if I was where they had classes. I would already be signed up with a pole of my own at home to practice with…. It was soooo much fun…. And surprisingly it came natural to me.. So I know now I have a hidden talent.

    I also took a belly dancing class at a community class and I enjoyed that as well…. The funniest was the homework assignments. I liked the pole dancing aerobics class the best though

    @ why so… When I was in Atlanta over Labor Day Weekend I heard that song and that became me and my friends theme song for the weekend….I now have both versions on the ipod.LOL The radio version is for the car… and the real version is when I'm at home in front of the mirror letting my inner stripper come out….

  77. This is TOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!

    How the hell did yall even know to come over here?!?

    Midterms are overrated! I'm back home I said eff my second class, the midterm is next week and it's three 2 page papers so no need for me to sit in class today.

  78. seriously…im coming back because im just utterly flabbergasted and amazed on top of which some of us have been here since the very beginning so there's a little personal attachment to this blog.

    And honestly, SBM I am VERY disappointed in you (shoot me, i know i sound like the mama, but even my mama tells people im her grandma sometimes LOL).

    but for real. This is boarderline immmature. And you don't even know what you have. My first perspective is coming from a straight entrepreneur. Why would you alienate people who obviously like coming here. People who help you keep the lights on. Its up to you to figure out how to really monetize this. And by closing the comment section financially it doesn't make sense. is it an age thing? Would a 30 year old man be able to seperate a little bit of ego from what is just fiscally smart?

    Im not going to get into the ego side of it. But I third eye'd some things earlier in the day. And most of this boils down to pure-"I feel outdone".

    but like i said before be careful for what you ask for. Power is in the tongue. The comments are too much (but they are essentially an indication of how popular you are which in turn boils down to REACH. For isntance stuff white people like was able to parlay COMMENTS (audience) into a book deal. Do you think Random House would have been interested if no one left comments. Don't you think his check was in correlation to the amount of hits/interests and comments.

    again this is really a sad day on a lot of levels. I also would advise you to be careful who you listen too as well. Whoever co-signed to this comment cout de ta …is not the brightest candle burning.

    my two cents

  79. Comeback I completely agree, but I've been yelling for the last couple of months that this blog is not about us and our input as much as it is an ego-stroke and I said that even when things were good. The only time a comment was removed or blocked w/o a long debate was when it insulted him in some way…otherwise he let it stand they way it was written.

    But I don't think anyone gave him the idea to close the comments, naw that was all him. I'm honestly over it, other than being able to chat it up with you guys all day this blog holds no literal value anymore in my eyes. I've lost a whole lot of respect in the last few days and I can't see myself continute to contribute in a place where I feel like we're disregarded. This blog is like a bad ex, we don't want to leave b/c we're comfortable even though he's constantly showing us that we're irrelevant.

    I don't know yall…I think I'm over it…soooo over it.

  80. …and considering the source, the "advice" doesn't seem to hold much credence either. Show me someone who has had a successful relationship that lasted longer than 6 months and I'll listen…otherwise, ummm yeah.

  81. Mikki she's referring to his comment that you pointed out earlier, he feels left out…his blog survives without him and that's a little bruising to a man's ego.

  82. Teacia will you take this keyboard and be my lawfully third eye interpreter LOL. Mik Tea gets a cookie.

    yeah..but i guess its all about perspective. I WISH. that there was something I could do that could run on auto-pilot. SOMETHING. hell I'd settle for a vag$ina that could run off and scr$ew without my personal involvement.

  83. LOL, gurl you are a mess. Thankfully that's the only problem, it use to be that people texted and emailed me about problems and issues on the site b/c I had such a good relationship with everyone and that they confided in me. Shit I didn't ask for nor did I WANT that job…he even posted an "admin note" a few weeks back about it, lol.

    I don't know, I hope he feels better real soon, b/c this is NOT what's hot.

    Yeah Akua is on my myspace and facebook so I try to send the love out to her regularly…but she is definitely in my prayers. I just left her page a few minutes ago. I hope the get the peace they need real soon.

    Good night lady, I'm out.

  84. "I’d settle for a vag$ina that could run off and scr$ew without my personal involvement"

    that was pretty darn funny right there

    thank you 80's baby for your contribution I am going to check it now!

    i forgot about the thing lol. i hope we get a comment section tomorrow or else throwback thursday is shot to hell

    Thanks guys for the 3rd eye interpretation, with that said SBM lighten up!!

    My take on it is that I have never laughed so much in a day since these last couple months of the comment section. I feel like we had enough drama to be able to enjoy some laughter and we have been getting our laugh on hard core thanks to you.

    So you feel left out?? why?? your blog runs itself? i dont see how thats a problem lol.

    just my 2 cents

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